B!TC# IT OUT!

I'm gonna post here once more. I'm having a hard time with my boyfriend. For a few months now he has been depressed and upset over how he and I don't get to see each other. (We have opposite work schedules.) And no matter how hard I try to make it better he is so stubborn that he won't budge. I'm pretty over this whole situation, but I love him and all, but he doesn't want me to use my days off to see friends, only him. And that's not fair. It seems pretty lame compared to the real issues people post on here but I'm tearing my fucking hair out over this.

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Had an ooops nap (what I call a sleep attack). Hubby didn't wake me up becuase, "I needed to sleep" even though we've had this discussion a thousand times that no, I don't. For so many freaking reasons that I've explained a million times since we started dating nearly 11 years ago, so you think he'd get it by now. So now becuase of my various sleeping disorder bullshit, I'm probably not going to be able to get to sleep till literally 8am. :headwall:

next time he falls asleep after his alarm and needs to be somewhere, don't wake him up - let him oversleep and when he complains you can say 'now do you understand why it pisses me off when you leave me to sleep when I need to be up?' 'tis what I'd do lol

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Originally Posted by jayy

I'm gonna post here once more. I'm having a hard time with my boyfriend. For a few months now he has been depressed and upset over how he and I don't get to see each other. (We have opposite work schedules.) And no matter how hard I try to make it better he is so stubborn that he won't budge. I'm pretty over this whole situation, but I love him and all, but he doesn't want me to use my days off to see friends, only him. And that's not fair. It seems pretty lame compared to the real issues people post on here but I'm tearing my fucking hair out over this.

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I don't want to sound flip or mean, but you know what? It's YOUR life. If you want to see your friends, do it. If he succeeds in exerting this control over you for this, next time it'll be something else, and before you know it, he's controlling EVERYTHING you do. Put your foot down and say TOUGH. Be as stubborn as he is and if he doesn't like it, well, don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out, buddy. You can love someone, and you can try and compromise, but when it comes down to brass tacks, are YOU going to let someone have power over YOUR life?

Don't. Been there, done that.

Good luck!

Thanks pearlie. I totally know what you're saying. I pretty much laid things out on the table for him and told him what was what.
I've been in abusive controlling relationships before so I know what it feels like to have no power over yourself.

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I meant 9am. *looks at clock, bangs head against wall*

Ugh Iona that sucks!! My husband used to do the same thing to me. He still does, sometimes, because I konk out from having no sleep thanks to a wiggly baby mer, getting up four to six times a night to pee, or a sudden (and quite loud) snore from him. I agree that I might not be getting as much sleep as I like, but I set alarms for naps for a reason.

You have my feels. :<

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So, I've been wrestling with whether to say something here or not. But I'm super frustrated today so I think I'm gonna.

ON the way home from Merfest, literally on the plane, I leaned back and my back hurt. I reached around thinking something was behind me- and instead I found a painful lump. It freaked me out at first but I figured I twisted something with all that swimming, or maybe I scraped it and didn't remember or whatever. When I got home and had a chrio adjustment she thought the same thing and said it was likely an inflamed joint capsule around my hip. She said with rest and adjustments it would likely go away, ice, that sort of thing.

She's been checking it every week for 6 weeks now. It's gotten progressively worse and about 4-5 times it's size. It's so painful that even the weight of my clothes against it hurts. I cant sleep properly because I wake up in agonizing pain if I touch it. I can't move properly. I took two weeks off from gigs and passed em on to Mimi instead. I cant even explain the pain it's like a very deep burning and I feel like I have a rock under my skin.

My chiro checked it today and told me it was much bigger and it was time to head in to the doctor so I did. At first she thought it was some sort of infected cyst. I'd read up about this- infected cysts and infected joints can happen to people with my illnesses. So she got me up on the table, froze me (which actually hurt soooo freaking bad) and cut me open. Expecting to see an infection and have to drain all kinds of bad stuff and nothing came out :s she even warned us, like it might look/smell gross etc and she kinda pushed on my back and whatever to try to encourage anything to move and nothing did. So then she did the scary doctor "hum... we may have to reconsider this diagnosis." and she tried a few more times and nothing. Then she told me it could be a TUMOUR. She had the courtesy to say benign. But seriously. AHHHH. So I have to wait 3 days til Valentines day and if it still hurts go back in and she's going to try it one more time. And either way, whether the pain goes or stays I have to go for follow up tests because of how it looked I guess.

Ugh. I just. I can't catch a break with my health I really cant. I was so freaking ill through december in and out of the hospital. I try not to be a baby and complain about my health but it reallllly holds me back sometimes. :( I have some big awesome gigs coming up and I hate that I might have to miss them because of this. BUt also, I feel like I only just got back on my feet after being so sick and starting to get back to normal life. I don't wanna go right back to bed :(

I send you healing light and love

All the healthy thoughts to you, Raina. You're not being a baby. Sometimes a particular thing will build up and drive us crazy, but when it's health? Oh yeah, seriously I'd want to scream, even if just into a pillow. I'd be hitting inanimate objects to get out the frustration. I've been through so much health aggravation myself, and when it piles up and gives you no break... well I hope this turns out to be uber-easy to take care of, and that you are back to a better state of health and no pain, fast.

Raina, i had an uncle that had the same thing! The first 4 times they tried to drain it, it wasnt "ready" (he says it wasnt ripe yet lol) but on the 5th try it finally oozed all its grossness out but it took a while to heal up. So i would say dont kill yourself with worry until the results are in because worry can damage your health too! Sorry it hurts, my uncle was very sensitive in the area too until it was successfully drained. (we used to poke at it when he made a lame pun as punishment! )

I have kinda a small ran I've been wanting to get off my chest, if no one minds :/

I recently found out that my mother was diagnosed with cervical cancer, right after she spent years battling endometriosis with constant pain and surgery. She kept this knowledge to herself for about a week before she told me (I was the first person she told). On top of that, her own mother told both of us that she really didn't care what happened to either of us, whether we lived or died. My grandfather has been a royal horse's ass to her as well, up to the point of wishing to disown her for having different political opinions than theirs. It sickens me to see how people can treat their own children this way. Any time they are drunk (they live with us), we all become verbal and emotional punching bags, including my kid brother that is 12. They asked all of us to live here, I could live elsewhere if I wished. Heck, we all could. I only stay to spare their feelings. But if you claim to love someone and want to be around them, you don't abuse them with emotional and mental head games, ESPECIALLY your daughter that is struggling through an illness that has claimed at least half of our female family members.

I apologize. Rant over. Skwiddy out.

Well, it looks like mermaiding may have lost me my job. If you've noticed I haven't been around, it's because the freshmen football players who have been bullying me found out about my kids party stuff, found my FinFolk tail unboxing video and spread it all over the school district, and got me in serious crap with the admin. I'm not so sure they will be renewing my teaching contract next year. Beware of who finds out about your hobbies. :(

I feel ridiculous posting this considering some of the people here's real problems but...I has a rant/moan that I need to get off my chest I guess.

So in November I found out that my boyfriend, whom I have been with for three years of my life now...and being only 17 (going on 18 soon!) that's a big chunk of growing up I've gone through with him, had cheated on me. Several times in fact....with four different men. Nothing serious, just casual sex. It disgusted me, and I left him instantly.

But this is so hard :( everyone tells me I'm better off without him, but am I really? When I cut him off completely I get lonely, depressed and even at times suicidal. I feel like I'm trapped in my bedroom day in, day out...with no one there who truly cares. Even when I seek help, it's as though no one listens...and then I reach a stage where I just can't cope and...I do it, I call him. And somehow I feel better. We've *almost* gotten back together twice but what he did hurts me so much. He was there for me through my tremendously horrible school life where I was physically and mentally bullied every day. He was there when I first went into hairdressing and was bullied yet again but this time by a teacher, He helped me when I was in a car accident which led to me losing sleep and having a fear of being in any type of vehicle at night. He was there when my parents split up, leaving me emotionally drained, he was there when my mother tried to commit suicide and ended up in hospital for days. And he was there to see me get my first mermaid tail...to see me audition for a ballet preparation college, to see me follow my true dreams and get back on my feet.

I feel like what he did bypasses everything I've been through, and is the WORST I've had to deal with. My only good thing in life, my only true friend...was a fake. And now I feel like I don't know who he is.

But worst of all...I don't really know who I am. It's been so long since we've grown use to each other that I have no idea who I am without him...I'd grown so dependent on having him there.

So now I'm finding myself. But my Gods is it a lonely path trying to see who you are. I'm trying to not push him out altogether but I'm making certain I only speak to him once a week at the most. I'm just so stressed right now with this, university getting ever closer, exams, finding friends, homework, course work, and finding time to relax and be me. Ugh.

I'm a moaning little freak but I just wanted to vent I guess.

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Originally Posted by Seavanna

Well, it looks like mermaiding may have lost me my job. If you've noticed I haven't been around, it's because the freshmen football players who have been bullying me found out about my kids party stuff, found my FinFolk tail unboxing video and spread it all over the school district, and got me in serious crap with the admin. I'm not so sure they will be renewing my teaching contract next year. Beware of who finds out about your hobbies. :(

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I'm just curious but...is that bad? Why would they not renew your contract over you being a Mermaid? Surely that's discrimination of some sort...?

So long as your work life and personal life don't mix, I don't see why it's such a big deal. You didn't ask for the video to go round the district, you didn't ask the football jerks to bully you. Wow this is horrible :( I'm so sorry for you. If you need anyone to rant at drop me a mail I'd be happy to listen.

OMG Seavanna What?!? :O_o: That's so freaking not cool! Have you alerted your employers to the fact that these kids were harassing you? They have to take some responsibility for that, as there's only so much you can do about kids like that!

And you need to ask your employers what their basis for their problem with your hobby is... They should have absolutely no reason to not renew your contract for such a benign hobby - It's not like you're nude modelling or anything! Actually, a goodly portion of the Renfaire folks I know who work there every year are either currently teachers (off-season in summer!) or retired teachers. Are they trying to say that people shouldn't, you know, be individuals or something?!? If they do end up not renewing your contract, I would personally contact some local media and perhaps reach out to some of the supportive parents... But that's just me :P




As for all the folks either diagnosed with cancer or possibly will be... I've known so many people to get diagnosed recently, and one passed away last year. This stuff is seriously worrying me, especially now that I'll be frequenting the indoor pool - all that chlorine! So I've really been making an effort to not only try to "detoxify" on a regular basis through kelp, turmeric, and all the other foods I have that help your body fight cancer (I do research. All day. I am seriously, literally addicted to researching things.), but I'm also trying to minimize the amount of toxins in my environment - I've cut way down on the use of plastic, I try to buy things in glass jars vs. canned, not eating anything with those freaky artificial dyes in them, and seriously reading the labels of everything and researching what all is in things.

(And Raina, I'm praying for you that yours is just a cyst - I know from experience a really stubborn cyst can look really disturbing and take weeks, sometimes months, to be "ripe" - LOL - to extract.)

Merman Vaughan, I know just how you feel... I made the mistake of getting married to a cheater and wasting several years of my early "adulthood" (LOL) on him, and still every day I think of how much of my life was formed around him because he was there for that period... He's tried getting back together with me since I left, and gets all upset that I keep saying no, but I'm not the one who cheated, and he really messed me up in the head with that and all his lies.

So, years later, I've gone through a few more boyfriends, and they all tried to make me into what they wanted... I'm just lucky I finally found someone who let me (and helped me) find myself, FOR myself. I've had to learn not to base my self-worth and -definition on someone else, and that took me a while (which is probably because of my childhood, long backstory, blah blah), but now that I have, I feel more "free to be me".

Also, this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk

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Originally Posted by Seavanna

Well, it looks like mermaiding may have lost me my job. If you've noticed I haven't been around, it's because the freshmen football players who have been bullying me found out about my kids party stuff, found my FinFolk tail unboxing video and spread it all over the school district, and got me in serious crap with the admin. I'm not so sure they will be renewing my teaching contract next year. Beware of who finds out about your hobbies. :(

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That's horrible. Not just that there are kids who decided they needed to do that, but that it got YOU in trouble with admin. I can't personally imagine how kids parties and mermaiding could reflect poorly on you at all. If anything, I'd think they'd see it as positive! Wow. I think all of us here are going to wonder what on earth they found wrong with any of it. You have a personal life outside of teaching, and what's public is not in any way inappropriate.... that's just baffling.

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Originally Posted by Merman Vaughan

I feel ridiculous posting this considering some of the people here's real problems but...I has a rant/moan that I need to get off my chest I guess.

So in November I found out that my boyfriend, whom I have been with for three years of my life now...and being only 17 (going on 18 soon!) that's a big chunk of growing up I've gone through with him, had cheated on me. Several times in fact....with four different men. Nothing serious, just casual sex. It disgusted me, and I left him instantly.
~snip~

I'm a moaning little freak but I just wanted to vent I guess.

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Oh, Vaughn. I am so sorry, and I think your vent is just as worthy as any others here. You were right to leave him. I don't know why, but to me, people who cheat repeatedly for just sex... it's just the worst. He exposed you to the risk of disease, betrayed you, over and over, and all for.. nothing? Just sex? And though it seemed like he was your one true friend, or your best friend, they do this and suddenly, you have to accept that they are not your friend at all and never were. You'll end up doubting your own judgment and questioning everything you do in regard to relationships for awhile, probably.

I think you've taken great first steps in getting to know yourself, being here is part of that. But you know... there is a way of looking at this kind of breakup. It's like getting over an addiction- even though it did not start as one- and every time you see him, the withdrawal will be more difficult. If you don't let yourself grieve the relationship and what you thought you had, every time you see him is like starting over. You need to give yourself the time that takes. You've probably never been through this before, so forgive my unsolicited advice, but I have been through it a couple times- they weren't cheaters but the pain they caused by the betrayal was bad enough. And only time heals this kind of wound. Every time you see him again, you have to start over. Eventually, when you're totally over him or at least have faith in yourself again, then perhaps seeing him won't rip the wound open again.

Good luck, merman Vaughn. <3 All the healing heart mojo to you.

That sucks! How people don't understand what hobbies are... Not all of us are into knitting and stamp collecting!

Wishing lots of strength for all those with health issues.

Sadly, crap has a tendency of piling up.
And being diagnosed with more and more stuff on top of the crap you already have is a terrible burden.

I hope you will be alright again!