Some of you know, I work in a locked crisis facility for persons with mental illness. We get people from all over the county who are in crisis due to lack of medication, support, or a strong desire to end their lives. We have a high rotation rate: We have 16 beds at the facility and rotate in and out over 70 people a month.
I have a hard time paying attention to things at times (like in jobs, classrooms, meetings, etc) because I have ADD (non hyper version). I also have anxiety issues and am an introvert, and being forced to interact with strangers on a daily basis at my job is hard for me. I would take crochet to work and work on it to help me settle down. At first my uppers didn't like it, but after they saw how my attention improved and how I would speak easier to people while working on it, they applauded it as long as I worked on it in the milieu and engaged with people in the process. I was even complimented by the head nurse when he saw how I was more engaged when I worked on something with my hands
Recently, I had a meeting with my supervisor. She listed everything wrong with me (as those meetings tend to go). She stated I needed to engage more with our residents without the crochet.
"Sit yourself down in a conversation they are having and join in," she told me.
"Isn't that a little rude?" I asked her. "I don't think most people would be accepting to a worker at the mental facility they are in just sitting down while they are talking with a peer and to have me weasel my way into the conversation. If there are more than 2 people, sure I may sit down, but just two of them as there has been as of late? It feels rude and disrespectful."
"I think that says more about how -you- feel about it than they do. This is like a pre-warning. I don't want to have to be that person, you know? When I see you knitting ... crocheting, I get anxious and I think to myself what more can I have you work on and go do? There is always stuff to do around here. If this persists, then there will be another warning, then after that something will have to be done. I was even talking to [the administrator] and we were wondering if you would fit better in another part of the company. Like how [coworker] went from doing your job at night to the record keeping during the day. Also, I have seen how you and [two coworkers] are very social with you come in here and that is a problem. You need to focus on the residents and not on one another."
My coworker's time with me at work overlaps by an hour and a half. In that time of the shift, most residents are in groups, are napping, or are in the television room. Yes, there can be major events at this time and they get handled.
After the meeting I have been in a funk. I no longer bring my yarn to work and try to do all I can to look busy; sadly she did not see this change since she works only 3 days a week with me. My evening coworkers for the other days noticed something was off with me, but I didn't tell them anything. "You are not your usual bubbly self," one nurse told me. I just shrugged at kept working.
Mental health is not my dream career. I have always wanted to be in a more art field and was pushed to Art Therapy as it was viewed positively by my family. Partway through gradschool I told my mother I didn't think I wanted to so it anymore and she told me to finish the degree so I had it, then look for something else. Now, though, I feel trapped to keep working here (in general, it is nice) while attempting to break out into something more artsy. I have a goal in mind and am slowly working on it, but my gods, I am reaching burnout and I cannot do anything about it. (Vacation time has to be submitted a month in advance and people are dragging their asses about visits next month.)
