B!TC# IT OUT!

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Originally Posted by alliegator

Ok so I was wondering if anyone else has this problem and can sympathize with me about it. ....

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This is the right place! I removed your post in the other thread. Also we do allow cursing as long as you don't over do it ;)

Anyhow, it sounds like they're being ridiculous. There are plenty of pods and professional mermaids (some of them big name mers) who work together and none of them have the same type of tail or look, and it works fine. In fact individuality and creativity is encouraged and honored with merfolk, as our tails are an extension of ourselves and thus individual and unique. And so what if you have a blue tail too? The vast majority of tails are blue. Blue, green, and turquoise are the most common tail colors. Blue has always been the most popular, but no one cares if others have the same colored tail as another mer. That's just petty.

They need to realize that even though you may be mermaiding buddies, you are your own mermaid. It's your life, your passion, your dream, and you do not need to answer to them. They should respect that. If you want to swim on your own, swim on you own. If you want a blue tail, get/make a blue tail. If you want a realistic tail, get a realistic tail! You're your own mermaid, do what makes you happy! They should not hold you back, but celebrate your growth. You know, be HAPPY for you instead of putting you down. If they can't then I seriously suggest you re-evaluate your friendship. If you lay down your boundaries about this, and tell them that they need to respect you and they don't change, then they are not real friends. I hope you can work it out. Just remember it's better to move on than to stick with "friends" who hold you back and put you down.

Thank you!! Great advice! Just wanted to make sure i wasn't going insane and i wanted to get that off my tail!!!

Thank you Winged mermaid for your encouragement!! I really needed that :)

I talked to my boyfriend and my mother. Boyfriend is very happy to have me move in and said "let's go to the property management together tomorrow." So my ease is rested there. As for my mother? She is now DEMANDING that I come home and "drop the mermaid shit" her words exactly, there. She's trying to make my choice for me. I had told her I was going to move out and get a job and a car, and that was her response to me.

I'm 25. I'm moving out anyway. Somewhere. First I just need to get the roof over my head and move out as peacefully as possible, taking what I can of mine from their house. Then I can wander out and find a job. I'm first going to try a couple places just by my school so I can walk to them. And some nearby places across the bridge that are a little further but still walkable. I can try career services here too... I have some options, I just need to get out of my situation, it's unhealthy. I'm at my BF's house right now, and I am dreading going back because I fear she may never let me leave... I don't PLAN on dropping out of school like she keeps claiming I am. I'm an A student. I know what I want. I know what makes me happy. And I can multitask my life successfully. She thinks I can't.

She's also going to try and force me into counselling now. I predict she will sit in and control the entire sessions, and plans on using it as a brainwashing tool, and put me on a million medications...

Alliegator it sounds like your controlling friends are merely hellbent on reenacting a popular mermaid show. They should seek inspiration, not be yet another H20 immitator crew. Be your own little group of friends who share something enjoyable. And I second what Winged Mermaid says.

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Originally Posted by Koral

As for my mother? She is now DEMANDING that I come home and "drop the mermaid shit" her words exactly, there. She's also going to try and force me into counselling now. I predict she will sit in and control the entire sessions, and plans on using it as a brainwashing tool, and put me on a million medications...

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She would prefer that you do what, then? Hang out with unsavory types of people and engage in illegal activities? As a D&D player, I went through the same sorts of things when I was in high school. My hobby was different, true, but at least it kept me out of trouble and off the streets! Now I am 46, married, a father to 7, and employed... and, oh yeah, I still play D&D and I'm a merman. :)

As for the therapy, yeah, my mother tried that too, when I needed help financing a car as a teen. I went to the first session and told him I didn't see the need for therapy as I discussed my problems with my friends, would never take a medication that altered my moods or perceptions, and that I enjoyed being odd. Since the shrink was hellbent on prescribing Prozac* to each and every patient and I blatantly told him I would never take it, I never had to attend a second session.


* - Disclaimer: I realize that such medications have helped countless individuals and I am not discounting their use. I am simply one of those stubborn males that won't even take aspirin for a headache.

She would prefer I stay home all the time and do nothing but school, and she would allow me to go see my boyfriend. As a college student I DO need to network, but as a human I need something to do in my life that "keeps me going."
Yeah, in high school my vice was the computer, always online roleplaying. I never participated with those hardcore party groups. But now I'm in COLLEGE and I should have the freedom to pick whatever I'd like as my side-hobby and hell, maybe even a side-job. That doesn't mean I'm dropping out of college or avoiding getting a "real job." I know my responsibilities, I can PERFORM my responsibilities, as I have in the past, but she is hellbent on assuming that I CAN'T.

Yes, I have moved out a handful of times in the past, and something always happened that I had to come home. It hasn't been because I "couldn't do it." It was bad living conditions. For example, I had moved in with a man as a roommate that turned out to be a pervert, and he did things like keep the house at 90 degrees so I would wear less clothing, and spank my butt whenever he could - I started smoking there because of the stress. The last time I moved out, I was with a pretty bad boyfriend, that's all I'll say there. I stayed there for months, and after my job told me "oh yeah, you're seasonal," I was going to go right into another job, but then decided I needed to get out of my bad living situation.

But now? I'm with a wonderful man, I'm in college, I have the capabilities to get out and stay out. I lived without a car once, I can manage it again. Though it turns out all that's wrong with my car is the transmission has a leak, so maybe if I keep refilling, I can at least jobhunt and get to and from until I can get a car from one of those "all you need is a job" dealerships.

Also, if my boyfriend's apartment can't add me to the lease for sake of being lazy, rude assholes... then I can get into school housing. I just looked at a paper and its apparently just under 1900 per quarter to live there, and financial aid can cover it to those that are accepted, and I'm damn sure I would be. I'm starting to see a LITTLE light at the end of the tunnel.

OH. One thing she said to me is really really bothering me. She really doesn't understand, and yet I know I can't argue it to her. I did try to argue it a little and she was still firm on her choice. Anyway, she at one point said "fantasizing about mermaids all day is what 16 year olds do. Not 25 year olds. Grow up." Nevermind that MANY of us here are older than teenagers, especially the ones serious about it (from what I have seen).

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Originally Posted by Koral

"...Grow up."

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Them there's fightin' words!!

Haha yeah. She knows I don't fight back. I'm too scared to. She yells, puts words in my mouth, makes me out to be a terrible monster, and pretty much puts me down. I just shut up, sit there and stare forward, say "okay" or "yeah" or even "sure" when needed. I always agree, and don't talk back just to avoid further verbal slashing aforementioned.

But in my mind I am plotting other things. In this case, when I am moving, where I am moving, etc etc.

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Originally Posted by Ayla of Duluth

I have sort of a rant that's been building up inside me.
So I'm sure you guys all know about the marriage amendment, vote "no" to allow gays the right to marry and "yes" to keep it between a man and a woman.
I used to be an avid believer in gay rights and equality and all that. But recently, something clicked in my brain, and now I'm more of a traditional kind of person. I have made the decision to vote yes on the ballot in favor of keeping marriage between a man and a woman. Every day on facebook, I see my "transgender" friend telling people to vote yes, posting links to equality websites, and actually bitching people out when he finds out they're voting yes. I've done my best to stay quiet about it, because he is a good person and a good friend, but I think he's taking this whole thing too far.
I don't think its fair for him to be able to spew this LGBT equality stuff at everyone and then get mad at them when they don't believe in the same things he does. I had this issue with another friend of mine, who is also a close family friend. He found out I'm voting yes on the ballot, and he called me ignorant and blocked me. All of this hatred has made me push myself away from the LGBT community I once supported with everything I had. I now feel that many people in the LGBT community are selfish and hateful and even discriminatory, in the sense that they abandon anyone who doesn't believe in the same things they do.
I decided enough was enough. I liked a page on my facebook called "Minnesota For Marriage." they are against gay marriage. Not two minutes after I liked the page, "you know who" popped up and called me out for it, saying I have made the wrong choice and I am hateful [funny how often that word is used] and he actually went so far as to say if I don't change my vote to "no" he will block me and spread the word to everyone around me about how I'm homophobic.
Honestly, all this drama just makes me wonder what the world would be like if gay marriage actually was legalized. I have a feeling that the LGBT community would rub it in our faces, as they are doing now. And something is just not right when you're bullied into keeping quiet about your opinions because you're afraid to be hated. ugh. I'm voting yes because of my personal beliefs, and for many other reasons, but I have also respected your opinion on the subject and not once have I ever called you out on your choice to vote no. You have the right to freedom of speech, but you DO NOT have the right to bully other people into silence. From this day, I will not be afraid to voice my beliefs and anyone who disrespects me for that can go to hell.
all better :3

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Hey Ayla, I certainly appreciate your frustrations with the actions of your friends (as an aside, are they just facebook friends/acquaintances or would you consider them actual real capital-F Friends? If the former, they're probably not worth your time, but if the latter, then I think you need to call for a complete debate and actually discuss both sides, and figure out what each of you are REALLY saying to each other and what you're hearing from each other), particularly when they are so very critical and rude about their comments and attitudes.

However, I have to point out, at least from the description you've given of your views, it seems that you're largely taking the stance against gay marriage because you're irritated with the actions of your "friends"... which seems odd, if you truly were "an avid believer in gay rights and equality and all that" (as another aside, just using the term "... and all that" suggests that, in fact, you were no such thing, just a live and let live person, which is just fine, wonderful, in fact). So that means that because you find your gay and transgendered friends offensive, you've decided that everyone else has to suffer for the actions of a few? That people who have long lasting relationships should be unable to marry because your friends are facebook loudmouths?

Also, there is nothing "traditional" about opposing gay marriage. The whole concept was unimaginable a relatively short time ago, so how could there be a tradition against it? Modern concepts of being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered or so forth have only existed free of other definitions (replete with additional qualifications and a worldview that simply doesn't hold true anymore, such as the idea that women are to be married off by their families in order to gain greater wealth or social standing for the family). Marriage is being redefined, like it or not, but not in court rooms or churches or voting booths, but in the minds and hearts of each person who wishes to get married. And instead you're saying that gender roles and the mere fact that someone was born in such a way restrict them from being able to marry the person of their choosing, because your friends are brats? Yeah, that's not hateful... but it's a sign of being hurt by people you trusted and cared for a friends, and lashing out at others in an attempt to re-establish your equilibrium (an attempt that doesn't work). Might I suggest 1. Getting to know some more GLBT people from different ages, backgrounds, and settings, 2. praying and meditating on the differences between the actions of the few and the cost to many, and 3. talking to your friends about how their comments have hurt or offended you and how you might find common ground, or unsubscribing from them so that you don't have to see their comments on your feeds, or deleting them first if they are such jerks as to attack you? Otherwise, I think you're directing your attention at the symptoms and not the actual illness.

By the way, Koral, today is National Coming Out Day. It's time to come out to your mom. No giving up. No saying "yes ok" in order to make it easier. Fights and arguments are uncomfortable... very much so, but you need to make sure she knows this isn't a fight she can win. In this case, you're not fighting her... you're fighting yourself, and your own reticence to stand up to her. She's definitely going to win in that case... it's two against one, after all (or at least 1.5 against 1/2). If you're moving in with your boyfriend, you're not under her roof. As long as you're continuing to do well at school and you find a job that can support you (after being out of paying work for a little over a year, largely due to my own lack of drive in filling out applications and sending out resumes and actually going in person to places to apply, pick up applications, and so forth, I can attest that it's easy to say "I'll get a job" but it's even easier to put it off or not focus on it or be driven away by minutiae). It's time to come out to her as a young lady with a life of her own, whose mother needs to treat her and her interests (and your accomplishments, which, as a straight A student, are pretty impressive) with respect or suffer the consequences... being ignored and separated from her daughter. Don't give in... don't be afraid she'll force you into anything... come out. We have cookies :)

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Originally Posted by Joy&RaptorsUnrestrained!

come out. We have cookies :)

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Well, not exactly cookies...
http://www.liveaquaria.com/images/ca...-Chip-Sea-.jpg
Chocolate Chip Sea Star

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Originally Posted by Merman Æolius

Well, not exactly cookies...
http://www.liveaquaria.com/images/ca...-Chip-Sea-.jpg
Chocolate Chip Sea Star

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Actually, as a matter of fact, I HAD chocolate chip stars (and brittle stars and sea horses and several other creatures) as pets. For awhile I had both a saltwater tank and a freshwater tank.

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Originally Posted by Koral

Haha yeah. She knows I don't fight back. I'm too scared to. She yells, puts words in my mouth, makes me out to be a terrible monster, and pretty much puts me down. I just shut up, sit there and stare forward, say "okay" or "yeah" or even "sure" when needed. I always agree, and don't talk back just to avoid further verbal slashing aforementioned.

But in my mind I am plotting other things. In this case, when I am moving, where I am moving, etc etc.

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I used to have a mom just like yours. I was afraid of her. I moved away and haven't spoken to her since. I'm the happiest I have ever been in my life. There is a thread here somewhere that I speak of this and AnaiR had the same issue with her mom too. We both just stopped speaking to our moms. It's hard but only in the sense of having to figure out the best way to execute it so she can't track you down and your in control of contact if you wish to have contact. I'm not saying you SHOULD do it but I know I'm a happier person because I did it. I think the thing that finally made me do it was my brother (not related or speaking to her) "If she was a friend and she treated you this way, would you allow it or tell her to fuck off?". He was right, just because she was my mother didn't give her the right to treat me so badly, nor did it give me the obligation to have to put up with it! I know what your going through, I'm sorry. *hugs*

Though I missed the "national coming out day" I think, I DID take action against her. I haven't really verbally argued my point against her, because she still insists I am living purely in immature fantasy and last told me today "when you grow up and realize I was right, you will call me apologizing." Other things were said, such as "you hate me, and you are me, so every time you look in the mirror...." in other words telling me I should hate myself I guess. I tell her repeatedly that I love her, no matter what, and she still puts those words in my mouth, "you hate me with a passion." Sure, she's been a very supportive mom and I'm really blessed for that, but now she is not supportive of me anymore. She's supportive in the sense of... she'll have dad help with my car, etc, but highly unsupportive of the things that make me happy in my spare time.

Anyway, I am moving out now into student housing, as my boyfriend's apartment really doesn't want me on the lease (I don't know what their problem is, maybe just too lazy to do the paperwork. They're also overly strict). I should get a call from the school today to pick up the key, and I can start moving. For this, I am happy. I'll keep in touch with my mother if she doesn't give me that rude attitude.

I'm happy for you Koral. It sounds like you were living in extremely unhealthy living conditions. I'm glad you decided to take the necessary steps to get out of that situation

Yes, it will put me into more debt with college, but right now I'd say it's worth it.

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Originally Posted by Koral

"you hate me, and you are me, so every time you look in the mirror...." .

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You're not your mother, because if everyone was like their mother, I would be a spiteful, bitter, bitch. lol I know you probably know your not her but sometimes we like to hear it from other people to confirm it. :)

Thanks Silver. I realize I'm not, surely, but I agree it's nice to hear.
If I were like my mother, I would be relentless, argumentative, and have half a dozen mental health problems.

But, I'm not saying I hate my mother at all, nor am I trying to play her out to be a monster. She has done things to take care of me. She's made sure I have transportation, a roof over my head, food in my belly, gas in my car. She's been someone I could talk to when I really needed it (though I often don't like what she says), but at least I was able to get some things off my chest. She and my father have rescued me from bad living conditions in the past and say "you always have a place with us."
Yet I need to get out of the house. I think I'm just at the age where if I stay here, there will be nothing but fighting. Anytime I've moved out, we've gotten along swimmingly.

koral, im happy that youre getting out of there. your mother has no right to be like that towards you.
im so glad my mom and i have always gotten along. it must really be awful to have a mom who says such mean things :(
good lucky with the move! and i wish you the best!