Dylan you need to step away from the internet for a bit. The reaction you're having is far too extreme for it to be healthy or normal and like Raina said you may be having a manic episode.
Call or text a local suicide and mental health hotline. Talking about self harm shouldn't be taken lightly and blaming someone else for said self harm shouldn't be either. Please seek professional help. If you go to a university they tend to offer emergency mental health crisis lines.
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