B!TC# IT OUT!

**Yeka** · 01-21-2018, 10:43 AM

Hey mermaid Kane, maybe we could talk more in discord. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I was raised in a Christian home, too, although my parents were not super strict. I ended up going to a Catholic college, ended up majoring in religious studies. Ironically, this college was extremely accepting of LGBT people (shock, we even had an LGBT club!), And I learned a lot about how it is way more important to love each other than try and condemn others.

I'm so sorry that you are feeling like you can't be yourself in your own home. I would be happy to talk with you anytime if you need a place to vent.

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**Mermaid Kane** · 01-21-2018, 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by Yeka

Hey mermaid Kane, maybe we could talk more in discord. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I was raised in a Christian home, too, although my parents were not super strict. I ended up going to a Catholic college, ended up majoring in religious studies. Ironically, this college was extremely accepting of LGBT people (shock, we even had an LGBT club!), And I learned a lot about how it is way more important to love each other than try and condemn others.

I'm so sorry that you are feeling like you can't be yourself in your own home. I would be happy to talk with you anytime if you need a place to vent.

Thank you for the offer, but I'll probably pass.

I try to keep my ''gay footprint'' as small as possible. No need to have all my electronics disappear one day and see Mom & Dad waiting for me to ''talk''.

**The Water Phoenix** · 01-22-2018, 01:56 AM

Another petty complaint from me... We're hosting an exchange student and she's been awesome but whenever we sit down to watch a movie, my sister and mother ALWAYS choose an effing horror movie. I've never liked horror movies because they always make me uncomfortable but I really want to sit with my family and watch a movie, but it's always been horror movie this...horror movie that.. I just want to sit down with my family and watch something that we all enjoy but of course not. I can tolerate action movies like Game of Thrones, Barbarians Rising, those movies with lots of violence in them, but just not horror movies. I'm not scared, I just really don't like them..

**Arking** · 03-01-2018, 12:59 AM

Here goes...

So for the past few months I've been trying to take a big life step and apply to reside in Canada Permanently. It's been a lingering issue since late September early October about whether I'm even eligible to apply and the process which is traditionally straightforward has been anything but. Long story short my eligibility hinges on the cooperation of a former employer that I left on amicable terms with. I'd worked there for 5 years and the desire to continue had waned and I wanted to pursue work in my field of study and passion. I admit I was happy to leave and the job itself had caused me a great deal of anxiety, stress, and depression over the course of my employment I made sure to leave on good terms.

Now two years later I needed something from them, a record of my employment with the company. This record of employment would help me find an NOC classification that fit my job description and allow me to hold an eligible position with the federal government. It's taken two months now of trying back and forth to get this information with no budging from this employer. They insist they mailed out my information but nothing came, and then they said it was emailed yet I received none. Finally after insisting I hadn't received word as of yet they let me know that I needed to apply for Employment Insurance (Unemployment) but I needed a code to access it. No such code was provided and I was facing a wall, to add salt to the wound the information they claimed I could access was my tax information and not the record of employment I had been requesting.

Today I finally finished my taxes, and was cleaning out old paperwork and found a benefit statement from 2013 which had a little code on it for EI records. Out of curiosity I used this code and managed to grant myself access to the information they claimed to have filed. Sure enough there was my Record of Employment filed two years late and woefully inaccurate, stating that I only worked for the company for 4 months when my employment spans years. Required to be eligible is not just a sufficient position and title, but 12 months of full-time employment or the equivalent in part-time hours and in one fell swoop my chances at applying have vanished and set me back.

I'm going to pursue it just the same as the information is inaccurate and I have tax forms proving my employment dates back years. Hopefully that will be enough, but it's just really frustrating to get so far and find yourself unable to go further with what you've been given.

**MissLunaBelle** · 03-05-2018, 10:12 AM

I just need to vent. I hate feeling like I have to be a certain type of mer in order to perform at renaissance festivals. It feels like to me that renfest mers have to fit the traditional body type, and have one particular brand of tail (no hate to the tail makers). For one, I've been battling eating disorders for years and it is simply impossible to have the same body shape as these ladies. And two, those special tails cost upwards of 4 grand. I mean, I've got a secondhand seethroughsea tail and a genesis tail (combined both tails cost around 2500, but that's besides the point). All I want to do is perform at festivals but it's so so disheartening to be turned away every time. Could it be my tattoos that are the issue? I hope not, I acquired them during my military service and am very proud of them.. I don't know. I'm just frustrated I suppose.

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**Arking** · 03-05-2018, 10:24 AM

Originally Posted by MissLunaBelle

I just need to vent. I hate feeling like I have to be a certain type of mer in order to perform at renaissance festivals. It feels like to me that renfest mers have to fit the traditional body type, and have one particular brand of tail (no hate to the tail makers). For one, I've been battling eating disorders for years and it is simply impossible to have the same body shape as these ladies. And two, those special tails cost upwards of 4 grand. I mean, I've got a secondhand seethroughsea tail and a genesis tail (combined both tails cost around 2500, but that's besides the point). All I want to do is perform at festivals but it's so so disheartening to be turned away every time. Could it be my tattoos that are the issue? I hope not, I acquired them during my military service and am very proud of them.. I don't know. I'm just frustrated I suppose.

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I didn't realize ren faires were so exclusive. :O I've been wanting to attend one as a guest for years but the nearby ones have all gone away. I'm disheartened to hear that you've encountered a bit of elitism amongst that community and it's certainly making me reconsider my own ideas.

As for your tattoos, maybe? I could see anachronism being an issue. There's makeup for that though and they should be clearer in their guidelines with you if that's the case. My recommendation is to set out and ask a faire in advance what their expectations are for those applying to perform. Get a feel for how strict their mandates are and if it doesn't fit with you then at least you know you're the one making the choice to not get involved rather than the other way around. I normally do this as an artist so I get a feel for whether I want to apply to exhibit my work, that way I know I'm not wasting my time or theirs.

The bummer is that if you find nothing really meets the standard you're willing to involve yourself with than you're still excluded from participating but it's a twist on the situation that you are the one with knowledge and the power of choice to have put yourself there.

**Mermaid Momo** · 03-05-2018, 02:40 PM

Sometimes it's just that one mermaid or ome company has a monopoly in your area and companies have a contract with that one mermaid, or they just simply undercharge for theor services and the faire will always go with the cheaper option. For example i the AZ merpod had a talk about how a certain out of state company has a monopoly on the big gigs here like the ren fair and aquarium gigs because they are very very cheap.

But there is alsk the image issue which i also have troubles getting over when trying to land gigs.

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**Mermaid Momo** · 03-05-2018, 03:25 PM

Oh and my bitch: i finally got an underwater camera, time to go swimming, free access to an olympic pool and i can't go swimming... Why? Because i decided to get my nipples pierced back in January and it takes 6-9 months to fully heal And i can't submerge them in any water at all without bandages over them (and even then i don't trust the bandages to keep them nice and dry and clean in water) also on that note i caught one of the barbells on my watch last week and tore the piercing a bit (thankfully the tear was small)

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**Arking** · 03-05-2018, 03:54 PM

Originally Posted by Mermaid Momo

Oh and my bitch: i finally got an underwater camera, time to go swimming, free access to an olympic pool and i can't go swimming... Why? Because i decided to get my nipples pierced back in January and it takes 6-9 months to fully heal And i can't submerge them in any water at all without bandages over them (and even then i don't trust the bandages to keep them nice and dry and clean in water) also on that note i caught one of the barbells on my watch last week and tore the piercing a bit (thankfully the tear was small)

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My skin crawled reading that last bit. At least you'll be all set for summer maybe, that really bites that it takes that long

I wonder if you can use a silicone adhesive or something instead but I'm with you on not wanting to take the risk.

**Mermaid Momo** · 03-06-2018, 12:02 PM

Originally Posted by Arking

My skin crawled reading that last bit. At least you'll be all set for summer maybe, that really bites that it takes that long

I wonder if you can use a silicone adhesive or something instead but I'm with you on not wanting to take the risk.

Yeah it hurt a lot lol. I stare sadly at the aquatic center every time i pass haha. And there's a dive in movie event next week i wanted to go to

me and my dang love of body mods..

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**Arking** · 03-16-2018, 10:47 PM

Long day at work. Short and sweet of it is I've had another bad run of customers and encounters.

1. Dude saw me walking my dog across the bridge, she's small and scared of loud noises so flinches when loud cars go by her on the sidewalk near the bridge. I walk her 10km every day with me into work and normally would carry her in my backpack across but I'm trying to help her build confidence so once every two weeks she takes it on and is getting better. Guy see's her flinch and takes it upon himself to berate me about how I'm a cruel person not carrying my small dog in my arms as clearly she's terrified etc. In 15 seconds of seeing me he knows more about the mentality of my dog than me with three years of experience and I'm on the receiving end of a reprimand which follows me as I try to reassure him it's alright and she's fine. This continues for about 200ft or more until he starts flipping me off and decides to finally not follow me.

2. Customer insults me because a sale item he saw several days ago is no longer available (we sold out due to limited supply) demands compensation for the loss of the sale and when I'm not sufficient in providing for him he asks where the attractive staff are and why it is I'm here instead of them. Doesn't buy anything and continues to make snide comments about me under his breath.

3. Customer mocks all the products in the store, probably a little buzzed as it's about that hour but approaches my dog and sets her off. She growls and steps out of her box and he flips out in dramatic fashion threatening me and demanding that I remove her. She's harmless and is more afraid of him and has never bitten anyone and easily responds when I ask her to back down which she does. not enough I'm suddenly on the end of another reprimand and the suggestion she shouldn't be here because he'd not hesitate to kick her.

Normally I'm calm and collected but I'm feeling a little exhausted and tired today and it got to me. I don't like it when people come for my dog of all things and for me it's just a little too much in one day. It could be the eve of a very important test for me that's making these out to be more than they are, or just the sum of it all together. In either case I could use a cold beverage and a soak in some warm water.

**Mermaid Danielle** · 03-17-2018, 12:42 AM

Originally Posted by Arking

Long day at work. Short and sweet of it is I've had another bad run of customers and encounters.

1. Dude saw me walking my dog across the bridge, she's small and scared of loud noises so flinches when loud cars go by her on the sidewalk near the bridge. I walk her 10km every day with me into work and normally would carry her in my backpack across but I'm trying to help her build confidence so once every two weeks she takes it on and is getting better. Guy see's her flinch and takes it upon himself to berate me about how I'm a cruel person not carrying my small dog in my arms as clearly she's terrified etc. In 15 seconds of seeing me he knows more about the mentality of my dog than me with three years of experience and I'm on the receiving end of a reprimand which follows me as I try to reassure him it's alright and she's fine. This continues for about 200ft or more until he starts flipping me off and decides to finally not follow me.

2. Customer insults me because a sale item he saw several days ago is no longer available (we sold out due to limited supply) demands compensation for the loss of the sale and when I'm not sufficient in providing for him he asks where the attractive staff are and why it is I'm here instead of them. Doesn't buy anything and continues to make snide comments about me under his breath.

3. Customer mocks all the products in the store, probably a little buzzed as it's about that hour but approaches my dog and sets her off. She growls and steps out of her box and he flips out in dramatic fashion threatening me and demanding that I remove her. She's harmless and is more afraid of him and has never bitten anyone and easily responds when I ask her to back down which she does. not enough I'm suddenly on the end of another reprimand and the suggestion she shouldn't be here because he'd not hesitate to kick her.

Normally I'm calm and collected but I'm feeling a little exhausted and tired today and it got to me. I don't like it when people come for my dog of all things and for me it's just a little too much in one day. It could be the eve of a very important test for me that's making these out to be more than they are, or just the sum of it all together. In either case I could use a cold beverage and a soak in some warm water.

I'm sorry to hear your having such a difficult time. I went through a phase like that at work, and it really sucked. In regards to the things that happened:

1. First of all good on you for challenging her to do better. I know it's not an easy thing to do, and the fact that you are trying is a big Kudos to you (my 113 pound, 9 month old, Irish Wolfhound is terrified of stairs, boisterous people, and anything he doesn't understand, I totally understand the struggle).

So the guy on the bridge: I'm not sure what was said, but if you try acknowledging his concern for your dog, and your appreciation of it (even if your only saying it for the sake of comforting his ego) and then follow-up with something like "she's currently in training", it might help negate the "reprimand" phase of the conversation. People tend to respond best if their efforts are acknowledge first, prior to contradicting them, or offering a view they might not have thought of.

If you did these things, and he still was berating you, try to take it with a grain of salt. Some people really can't help themselves, and you were a justified target (to them) because "OH THE CRUELTY! DOG IS SCARED!".

In regards to the training, you might want to consider that dog's memory is very short in comparison to humans. If you are trying to train her specifically to cross the bridge and minimize fear, forcing her to walk it daily will help cement the idea better. She's might be forgetting the other times she's walked across it if you are going 2 weeks in between. If it is safe to do, I would even recommend stopping on the bridge for a while, and giving her treats and toys to try to normalize the environment. Keep up the great work with your dog, I know it is a challenge, especially when fear is involved.

2. I'm sorry. People are annoying, and rude, and ridiculous. The older I get, the less I like "people" in general- for this reason. I don't know what the laws are in Canada, but in the US, if a customer is in anyway harassing an employee, that employee has the right to ask the customer to leave, and call the police to enforce it if necessary. I had to do this several times with customers while working at the Dairy Queen as a teenager. I'd warn them once that if they did not leave the premises immediately, I would call the police and, usually the moment I picked up the phone to do so, they would leave without delay.

3. I'll preface this again by saying I do not know the laws for Canada on the matter but, in the US typically the following applies, or has a strong social expectation:

A dog owner is always responsible for the reactions of their dog, regardless of stimulus or location of the incident. If the individuals involved did not have reasonable warning, prior to engaging the animal (e.g. a "beware of dog" sign), the owner is responsible for the outcome.

Basically, your dog growling at the customer could have been interpreted in two ways:
1. Back off human, your making me uncomfortable
2. I will attack you human, your making me uncomfortable

Unless someone is highly familiar with the dog itself, most people will take growling as a warning for "I will attack you", and will back-off because they are threatened, not because of the communication of "your making me uncomfortable".

I can't fault the customer for interpreting it as a threat and demanding her to be removed (especially if she wasn't in anyway restrained), regardless of what he did to upset her. He does not know the dog well enough to determine what her next actions would be.

I imagine since she's there with you daily, she's not bothered by people just walking by, so I can and do fault him for upsetting/harassing her in the first place, and being an a** about "kicking her" after (that's just unacceptable). It takes a special kind of rudeness for a person to behave in that manner, and I'm sorry you had to deal with it.

Something things to consider:

- If she is willing to defend herself by growling at an agitator, instead of coming straight to you, for you to fix it, she may someday feel threatened enough to bite someone- even though she has never done so previously. In many areas of the US, that would result in her being put-down, unless you had irrefutable proof (like a security video) that showed the customer was actively harming the dog before she bit them, and she acted in self defense.

- Dog owners (myself included) are very comfortable saying "my dog would never do that" however, to the public that phrase is irrelevant. Statistically, there is always a chance of an "off day" and the public does not want to be the injured/frightened/discomforted party when that happens. Negating the perception that she is a danger when she growls, by not allowing it to happen at all, may be the best bet for both you, your dog's, and your customers' comfort.

My family trains our dogs to come to us or back away, instead of growl, when they are uncomfortable. They are only allowed to growl at other dogs when they are trapped. It's really difficult to train, and the dogs get upset when they are reprimanded for trying to communicate "I'm uncomfortable" by growling, but eventually they figure it out. With two Irish wolfhounds in the family, and a 55 pound golden doodle (that looks like a small bear), that technique has been critical to prevent the "OH MY GOD THAT GIANT DOG IS AGGRESSIVE! LEAVE NOW!" perception.

4. Maybe the solar storm is agitating you (in addition to everything else)? Personally, I've had a ton of weird "I'm wide awake! Let's go do life!" at like 1:00 am the last couple of days, lol. I haven't changed anything (outside of the one hour adjustment for daylight savings), so I've attributed my energy to that.

I totally understand the "don't come after my dog" mentality. I got so mad at puppy class the other day: we were training out in the store, and the teacher took my dog so I could practice directing him to his pillow from a different angle, and this 14-15 year old kid comes up to him, while the trainer has her back turned, and runs his hand over my dogs head as he walks by. I wanted to tell him off so, so badly. How DARE HE touch a strange dog without first asking the owner's permission, or greeting the dog appropriately!

Anyway, I hoped some of this helps you, or at least offers a different perspective on the matter.

Good luck with your test! And take some time for yourself to help yourself unwind!

Best wishes!

**Arking** · 03-17-2018, 01:20 AM

Oh definitely and you make many valid and good points.

On the first, you are correct that I attempted to talk to the guy and told him she was ok and tried to reassure him and it sadly did nothing to stop the lecture.

The second it's just store policy to put up with that kind of language and I get it a lot being around the bars. I also work in a business and industry that prizes model looks and youth, and I'm lacking in both so it's something I should be used to by now.

The third is sadly another statement you're correct on. She's restrained, behind a counter and does do the run and hide behind me when she can, sadly behind the counter her box is in a corner and she often doesn't move fast enough to get out of it when people approach her. When people first notice her I make sure to let them know she's a rescue and not to make fast movements towards her as she gets uncomfortable, and to let her come to them. We've been doing a "feed me a treat" trick to get her more used to strangers. This time was different only in that the customer approached faster than I could warn when noticing her and she didn't have the time to escape. He called her out but stood up too fast and she did her little "you're too big" growl and he started yelling at her which I think is the first time anyone's done that. She immediately backed off when I told her, went into her box behind me and that's when the confrontation with me began, telling me I should pick her up and remove her etc.

I admit that everything that happened is all about my own perception and how I handled it and have failed to communicate. The sense of defeat is pretty high this week.

**lotusauriel** · 03-23-2018, 05:26 PM

Unrelated irritation comment. I'm not here to argue. I have become an occasional lurker, because I got tired of being attacked for any and everything I say, feel, or do. Everyone wants to pretend this is a safe and positive space, but it isn't. A lot of you are obsessed with your own point of view, and most of the people who actually say anything are only here to force themselves on everyone else. Nobody stops to consider that what they are interpreting may NOT be what the OP intended. Everyone's life experience is different. And NOBODY knows everything about anything. NOBODY has the right to assume that any person's experience is better, more, or worse than anyone else's. We are all still humans, and we should all still be trying to respect everyone else, but I don't see that here. People listen to who they choose, and gang up on anyone they don't like or feel threatened by, and that just isn't right. At the same time, you all seem to think that everyone has to be the same and get along on the same level. We aren't, and we don't. Just wearing a fake tail does NOT make us all compatible. There should be a lot more to everyone than whether or not you have a tail, and what kind it is. Or who you "support". We are people, in costumes, that like to swim. Yes, it can be more than that, but that is NOT the only thing. It is not ok that certain people in this group are allowed to harass and beat down anyone they feel like, while those people being harassed are not even given a chance to be heard. This is not a community. It 's a battleground for people with no empathy, and a playpen for children that don't have a clue. I did not come to this group so people that don't know me can make judgements and tell me how to be. I also do not need to hang out with kids that I only have a tail in common with. It's just not enough, and I have MUCH better things to do with my life, and so do all of you, actually. Not that being young is bad, I just have a small problem with the concept that everyone can just be the same, and swim together, when the behavior on this forum very clearly shows that it just is not happening. This group should be a meeting ground where we can talk and see what works, but not be forced into awkward or unpleasant conversations or situations. This is generally a fantasy escape from regular life, and it shouldn't be so negative or uncompromising. I put this in the bitch thread because it is meant as a basic statement of my feelings. As such, no response is needed. Think about it. Fix it if you understand and want to. Or don't. I don't care. What I won't be doing is responding to any more attacks. On anyone. Thanks.

**Sabrina the Selkie** · 03-23-2018, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by lotusauriel

Unrelated irritation comment. I'm not here to argue. I have become an occasional lurker, because I got tired of being attacked for any and everything I say, feel, or do. Everyone wants to pretend this is a safe and positive space, but it isn't. A lot of you are obsessed with your own point of view, and most of the people who actually say anything are only here to force themselves on everyone else. Nobody stops to consider that what they are interpreting may NOT be what the OP intended. Everyone's life experience is different. And NOBODY knows everything about anything. NOBODY has the right to assume that any person's experience is better, more, or worse than anyone else's. We are all still humans, and we should all still be trying to respect everyone else, but I don't see that here. People listen to who they choose, and gang up on anyone they don't like or feel threatened by, and that just isn't right. At the same time, you all seem to think that everyone has to be the same and get along on the same level. We aren't, and we don't. Just wearing a fake tail does NOT make us all compatible. There should be a lot more to everyone than whether or not you have a tail, and what kind it is. Or who you "support". We are people, in costumes, that like to swim. Yes, it can be more than that, but that is NOT the only thing. It is not ok that certain people in this group are allowed to harass and beat down anyone they feel like, while those people being harassed are not even given a chance to be heard. This is not a community. It 's a battleground for people with no empathy, and a playpen for children that don't have a clue. I did not come to this group so people that don't know me can make judgements and tell me how to be. I also do not need to hang out with kids that I only have a tail in common with. It's just not enough, and I have MUCH better things to do with my life, and so do all of you, actually. Not that being young is bad, I just have a small problem with the concept that everyone can just be the same, and swim together, when the behavior on this forum very clearly shows that it just is not happening. This group should be a meeting ground where we can talk and see what works, but not be forced into awkward or unpleasant conversations or situations. This is generally a fantasy escape from regular life, and it shouldn't be so negative or uncompromising. I put this in the bitch thread because it is meant as a basic statement of my feelings. As such, no response is needed. Think about it. Fix it if you understand and want to. Or don't. I don't care. What I won't be doing is responding to any more attacks. On anyone. Thanks.

Yup! This thread is absolutely for complaining about your regular day to say life. Which is why your post in it is better suited to the Drama Thread, as it pertains specifically to the community!

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**lotusauriel** · 03-23-2018, 05:46 PM

No. Because I am just bitching about what I am seeing and experiencing. I did not post this to become just another argument. The fact that you think it has to be "drama" so that people see it says a lot.