B!TC# IT OUT!

**Mer_Adella** · 11-21-2013, 11:02 AM

Ok WARNING: this rant may contain strong language.

Ok so first off let me say that after reading this rant, please remember that I love my BF and won't leave him or anything like that so please just be kind in remembering that.
My BF works in Alabama, while I...stay at our house in Michigan. That's a 13hr drive difference. He pays for the bills of the house because I am a self employeed contractor and therefore work can come in hardcore or barely at all. Last time that he was home everything was all good. Having fun and stuff. He came in from outside, showered, and was being funny as I lay in bed reading a book (it was getting to be midnight). He walked into the living room and went to put his laptop in the office. The office was packed full of boxes and bags. (I had started going through all my boxes from moving in so it was even messier than it had been before) He came back into the bedroom and started just yelling.
"This house is a disaster" i replied with "I know" in a calm voice (learned it from my mom cus when dad would yell and yell she would be calm and then he looked like an ass and calmed down himself) "Even this bedroom, my side is immaculate and your side is a cluster fuck!" (Part of me wanted to tell him that he only "visits" while i acutally live there, but I restrained) "If this shit doesn't get picked up, I am calling and having a dumpster dropped off and anything on the floor, whether yours or mine, is getting pitched."
At this point, I threw my book onto the floor, it bounced, and I walked out of the bedroom slamming the door behind me. I went into the office and started throwing my shit away. I knew what to keep and what not to, but I was so mad at him (he almost paraphrased my father word for word) that I needed to get away. I don't like being threatened. Whether it was actually a threat or he was saying it to get me mad, its NOT cool. He has never done this before, so I knew that he was mad. I turned music on and made it loud so that I could drown out my thoughts. Eventually the door opened and he stood in the office doorway. I turned around and said "WHAT?!" in a very, very angry voice. He just closed the door and walked out. At 1:30am I stopped (cus I was done) and went to bed.
The next morning I finished unpacking/sorting/throwing out all the boxes that were mine in the house. I refused to touch his boxes cus they were his responsibility. He did do his stuff, taking longer than I had. When he left to go back to Alabama, he left all his coats on the spare bed, and empty boxes and shit he was keeping on the office bed. I then decided (since I have no work this week) to start prepping the walls in our kitchen for paint. We have stupid panel walls with that strip between the panels that sticks out an inch past the walls. I have to tear that off, fill it, sand it, then prep it. I told him that I was going to get the stuff to fill the holes in the wall and such. He told me "finish the end tables first" well no shit Sherlock! Those are almost done and they will get done. then he goes on "you need to do the coffee table too" Listen asshole we don't have room in our living room for the damned coffee table now that you have a recliner! Then he goes on to tell me that I can clean off the two beds in the spare rooms (which is all his shit) clean up my side of the bedroom, clean the bathroom, dust blah blah blah.

Now I dont know about some of you ladies but there is a time when you want to clean and then there's a time when you want to make something your own. I wanted to take time and make the house feel more homey and that way i could look at a piece of furniture or the walls and know that I DID IT. Cleaning is a bitch and the house is clean. But his mother is the type of person where there wouldn't be a speck of dust on anything. IM NOT HIS MOTHER, IM NOT HIS MAID. I refuse to clean off the beds just cus it is his stuff. If there is something of mine on there I will pick it up but I will leave all his shit. My way of rebelling I guess. Tahnks for the rant

**Azurin Luna** · 11-22-2013, 01:59 AM

That's just stupid

He could just have asked you to clean your side of the bedroom, if it was needed, and not yell at you like that. But yeah, people who work at the office vs people working like freelancers can get clashes like this. As the office people think that the freelancers when they wait for a new gig to do, can do house keeping, especially in low times. It still doesn't make it fair though.
I hope he has calmed down the next time he gets home, maybe he had a stresful week?
But indeed as you said, I would leave his stuff alone and clean up your own stuff so that he can't be angry about your stuff anymore.

**Mer_Adella** · 11-22-2013, 09:51 AM

@ Azurin Luna :
thanks for seeing what I saw lol. I think if I do clean it will be things I want ya know? Like my clothes in the bedroom (he has more clothes than me but for 5 years before he met me he lived on the road in hotels so when he needed clothes he just bought more) so i have one dresser and the closet and they are both full. so it makes it hard. i think i might clear out my closet and give some to charity.

for this next rant....i have a reoccurring dream that my bf cheats...well ok...in the dream i never see him cheat its just an underlying feeling...with his friends daughter. Last night I had it cus I am still sore at him. In my dream last night, i was playing cards at the table with our friends and was winning. I made a bet with someone about their garage roof (dont ask me why). I won and turned around to look at my BF and he had his arm around this girl. He looked at me almost daring me to say something. I got up and grabbed a beer and walked outside very pissed off. He came outside but I avoided him and he ignored me in return, all the while he was chatting happily with his friends and this girl was hanging on him.

This dream bugs me cus I KNOW the daughter he was hanging on bugs me in real life. She hates me in real life because she has a crush on my BF. She is nice to me when he is around but can be a real bitch when he is not. So that was why she was in it, just to piss me off (lol). I looked it up in dreamology and it says that a cheating BF in a dream basically means that you worry about him leaving, fearing that he will leave, or that it happened to you in the past and hence the guy your dating now will do the same thing. I have told him about the dream, not telling him who the girl was just because ...well...i dont know really why. I don't exactly want to tell him cus its kind of stupid. But I have had BF's cheat on me in the past and it never feels good.

Now...some might say "well how do you KNOW he isn't cheating on you? He works on the road..." well we have been together for 4 years and he bought a house so that when he came home...he was coming home to me. I mean come on...lol...4 years of where he was on the road for work and nothing has happened. Plus he is the kind of guy that if he did cheat, he would call his mom to see what he should do (he can't hold guilt in) and she would call me. Sounds wrong, but you understand that he can't keep guilt inside him. I've been pissy with him through text messages for the last few days and it was because i kept having that dream. so finally this morning I told him why. He said that he KNEW something was up and knew that eventually I would break down and tell him. But he also said that it was a weird dream indeed because I knew he wouldn't cheat, he knew I wouldn't cheat, so he kinda hates my subconscious right now LOL. Anyways thanks for letting me rant about that...it just pisses me off cus I dont like that dream and I have had it since Wednesday.

**sunrise** · 11-22-2013, 05:30 PM

I do the same thing with nail polish. :/ Also, I can't really stand to have stuff like that on me, which just makes it all the more tempting to scrape it off. I have some nail polish, one I got to try and stop myself from biting four years ago, and the rest I've just accumulated from friends and birthday parties, but because I'll just get annoyed with it in a few hours tops, I don't bother putting any on.

I actually haven't bitten my nails all week! I did end up catching myself starting to, but I made myself stop. I've been playing with that ball of modeling clay all week at home to keep my hands busy. I've noticed that since starting to doodle in class more, it's been easier to keep myself from biting, especially in English, so I think my nail biting is somewhat to do with boredom and lack of stimulation. I can see that my nails are growing now, which makes me really happy. I'm going to keep my nails short (to my sister's perspective, not mine.), so around the fingertip, once they've grown more, because any more than that might make it too hard to keep from biting them.

**Gem Stone** · 11-25-2013, 10:17 PM

OK, I make my own tails, and they turn out great. so yeah, when someone said they'd pay for to make them a spandex tail, I said sure. problem was, when she showed me the tail she wanted me to make, it was a silicone raven tail! she wants me to recreate a Raven tail on spandex?! but I already said yes, so now I've got to remake a raven tail. thank goodness she chose one that's not all that difficult to paint, I hope. but what tail maker beginner tail maker gets asked to do a Raven tail design?! it's just so frustrating! OK, rant over. thanks for listening

**PearlieMae** · 11-26-2013, 12:46 AM

Originally Posted by Gem Stone

OK, I make my own tails, and they turn out great. so yeah, when someone said they'd pay for to make them a spandex tail, I said sure. problem was, when she showed me the tail she wanted me to make, it was a silicone raven tail! she wants me to recreate a Raven tail on spandex?! but I already said yes, so now I've got to remake a raven tail. thank goodness she chose one that's not all that difficult to paint, I hope. but what tail maker beginner tail maker gets asked to do a Raven tail design?! it's just so frustrating! OK, rant over. thanks for listening

Then you be sure to point out that you will be doing a fabric version of said tail and that there will be madore differences in the two. If she wants a Raven tail, then she can shell out a couple of grand up front and wait a year.

**Gem Stone** · 11-26-2013, 12:53 AM

^ she knows. but I just freaked out when she told me which tail she wanted me to base her tail off. I mean, who wants to compare their tail to a Raven tail? this is the first tail I'm making for someone else, and it has to be a remix of Ravens?

**Seatan** · 12-07-2013, 03:14 PM

I am so depressed. My engagement to the man I loved was broken off almost a year ago, and I have been dreaming of him. In my dream I call him and tell him that I needed to know how he is doing so I can have some closure and stop dreaming about him (yes, I dream a way to stop dreaming about him., lol!). Tell me, do you guys think I should do as my dream suggests? At night I always get up the courage, but when I sm awake I am too afraid. We broke up just three months before the wedding after a lot of stress from his mother (who did not want him to have a wife) and him basically being unsure. I told him he needed to decide what he really wanted and he said that "I want to marry you, just not right now". I decided that was not good enough, not with the dress bought and the save the date cards sent... So we broke up. But I still miss him and it is showing in my dreams!! Any advice?

**SeaGlass Siren** · 12-07-2013, 05:05 PM

Some guy I used to know an who was close to has been in my dreams for 7years. Recurring dreams suck. It's your way of telling you that you need closure. Try calling him up and get closure that way.

**Amphitrite** · 12-07-2013, 09:35 PM

HATERS SUCK! And they make EVERYTHING unfun and sucky. >.<

**Mermaid Kelda** · 12-09-2013, 02:34 AM

Originally Posted by Seavanna

I am so depressed. My engagement to the man I loved was broken off almost a year ago, and I have been dreaming of him. In my dream I call him and tell him that I needed to know how he is doing so I can have some closure and stop dreaming about him (yes, I dream a way to stop dreaming about him., lol!). Tell me, do you guys think I should do as my dream suggests? At night I always get up the courage, but when I sm awake I am too afraid. We broke up just three months before the wedding after a lot of stress from his mother (who did not want him to have a wife) and him basically being unsure. I told him he needed to decide what he really wanted and he said that "I want to marry you, just not right now". I decided that was not good enough, not with the dress bought and the save the date cards sent... So we broke up. But I still miss him and it is showing in my dreams!! Any advice?

For sure, I'd say get back in contact with him. I keep in contact with all of my exes! Even if you don't get back together, clearly you two suited each other and could be great friends

**PearlieMae** · 12-09-2013, 11:29 AM

I've been thinking about this and without tons of backstory, it's hard to comment.

That being said, here's an observation...You might be able to remain friends, but someone who chooses his mother over you will ALWAYS choose his mother over you, until she dies. Then, he will want you to be his mother.

Been there, done that.

Contact him? Personally, I would not.

**Mer_Adella** · 12-09-2013, 12:58 PM

My mother-in-law (techincally bf's mother but we plan on getting married so she will be that one day) is very materialistic. I mean I like gifts that really touch peoples hearts. I don't like to see people cry over a present...but to me its much more statisfying to make something that is significant to someone else. Last christmas, My MIL (mother-in-law) bought my bf an ipad and bought me a Coach purse. Let me explain something. I shop at walmart. I get hand me down purses from my mom (they might be leather, but she bought them, got a new one and gave me the old one that still is in good shape) HELL sometimes I see a cute purse at the dollar store and buy it! I go for more of the look and my budget than something that is "in style"

We have Christmas with his parents at his sisters in Ohio this upcoming weekend. My bf and I as well as his sister and husband went in together and bought the parents a new grill. I decided to make a family tree for each of his parents. Its touching, it has everyone on there and as a plus there is enough room that when someone gets married or has a child, I can add another tag onto it. I am so worried that she will look down her nose on it because it isn't to her materialistic standards. This is the first year we are having Christmas some where else besides her house. (She has a huge 3,000sqft house that is decorated from top to bottom for Christmas) She even went as far to tell my bf that they will have Christmas at our house once we are married and legal. That's the type of person she is. She's even gone as far as had a conversation with me about her niece that got pregnant at 15, dumped the boyfriend (because he wanted her to give the baby up for adoption) and decided to be a single parent. She was appalled and then told me that if her son and I got pregnant it wouldn't be technically her grandchild because we weren't married. [ this is just to give you an idea of whom she really is] Don't get me wrong, she can be very nice and very sweet. But she scares me because of how she acts. I am the person that I have NEVER had a problem of keeping my mouth shut. If i see you acting up (no matter the age) I will tell you exactly what I think. But I don't want to make her hate me like she did when her son and I started dating. [she also tried telling her son that while at his sister's house this weekend we shouldn't sleep together because it would show our nephew that its ok to sleep together though you aren't married to someone, BTW he's three. He told her that we have been dating for 4 years, sleeping in the same bed the whole time, and living together for a year and a half...if she wanted to tell us how to sleep, we wouldn't be coming and a little info...i'm 24 and he's 28]

Anyone have any advice on how to make this Christmas go smoothly?

**Echidna** · 12-09-2013, 01:55 PM

well, that's a tough one.
Family and in-laws are the one thing you cannot choose.

I find your present very apt and sweet.
Materialistic thoughts have NO place in a celebration, whether it be Christmas, Yule, or whatever.
Over the years, I've had a tough time to persuade my parents to not buy any presents.
Only what's in the heart counts.
Nowadays, we make practical things ourselves, but old traditions are hard to break, and people who expect bought presents ("please not the most inexpensive one!!" was what one in-law said when telling us what her kid wanted for their birthday) will likely not change.

To make your stay go smoothly, I can only advise you to not pick a fight by telling them what you really think (also about the sleeping/marriage thing).
You have your values and opinions, and they have theirs.
It probably won't kill you to sleep in a different room for a few days, if that is what she expects.
It's their house after all.
You might not agree with them, but you could make a show of good-will and respect their rules.

It's probably the best thing you can do if you want to have a friendly relationship in the future.

**Echinacea** · 12-09-2013, 02:26 PM

My husband and I joke about that being the main reason we got married - to simplify the sleeping arrangements! How big is his sister's house? Will there be enough room for you to sleep in a separate bed/bedroom? Possibly call his sister, and talk to her about the sleeping arrangements, explaining that you don't want to cause any drama/discomfort, that you know that their mother does not want you and your bf sharing a bed 'in public' and what are the options. Would it be possible to share a room, but maybe put a cot in there or an air bed or something, so you can at least make it *look* like you are not sleeping in the same bed?

**Mer_Adella** · 12-09-2013, 02:53 PM

His sister doesn't care. its at her house anyways and not at his mom's. She told me just to bring our queen sized air mattress and we can sleep in the theater room in the basement. Honestly, I would rather not give into her wishes of sleeping seperatly anyways. I am not someone that she can push around. Maybe that's just me because I am stubborn. But she has this way about her where she pushes people to do what she wants. Whether it's against their beliefs or not. Instead of asking, she tells you. I hate it. My bf even says not to listen to her and that he will tell her what is going to happen.

**PearlieMae** · 12-09-2013, 04:10 PM

The hell with her. You aren't marrying her.

Give her a card that says a donation to Greenpeace has been made in her name in for Xmas. Stay at the sister's, smile at your in-laws and be polite, drink enough to take off the edge (if you drink) but not enough to get mouthy, bang your boyfriend loudly in the bathroom right before you leave. Leave as soon as possible.

Next year, have a Wiccan Yule celebration at your place, invite the in-laws and be sure to tell them the Yule ceremony is held in the nude.

But don't listen to me. I'm cuckoo.

**Jessica** · 12-09-2013, 05:11 PM

Originally Posted by PearlieMae

The hell with her. You aren't marrying her.

Give her a card that says a donation to Greenpeace has been made in her name in for Xmas. Stay at the sister's, smile at your in-laws and be polite, drink enough to take off the edge (if you drink) but not enough to get mouthy, bang your boyfriend loudly in the bathroom right before you leave. Leave as soon as possible.

Next year, have a Wiccan Yule celebration at your place, invite the in-laws and be sure to tell them the Yule ceremony is held in the nude.

But don't listen to me. I'm cuckoo.

^^^

You are so funny pearlie!

Adella, good luck! Inlaws are tough to deal with! It's Christmas so do your best to get along, but if she starts to be rude or tell you how to live your life (or where to sleep) politely thank her for her input/concern, but firmly say that you are both adults and can make your own decisions. If she starts lecturing you about setting a bad example for little kids, tell her that since it bothers her so much you are happy to have a talk with the children about sex and only having sex in a committed, loving relationship. If that doesn't stop her in her tracks, nothing will!

Why don't you just get a hotel room? You would have the space you need and could avoid the whole sleeping arrangement issue.