B!TC# IT OUT!

[Mer_Adella]

The hell with her. You aren't marrying her.

Give her a card that says a donation to Greenpeace has been made in her name in for Xmas. Stay at the sister's, smile at your in-laws and be polite, drink enough to take off the edge (if you drink) but not enough to get mouthy, bang your boyfriend loudly in the bathroom right before you leave. Leave as soon as possible.

Next year, have a Wiccan Yule celebration at your place, invite the in-laws and be sure to tell them the Yule ceremony is held in the nude.

But don't listen to me. I'm cuckoo.

OMG....LAUGHING....SO ....HARD!!!! thank you for that PearlieMae.....and I don't drink hard liquor much but i thought about buy some of those small bottles of rum just to mix at night. but thank you for making me laugh.

Jessica, thanks for the suggestion. I will take that advice for sure! We don't want to rent a hotel room because we don't get to see our nephew or his sister very much anyways.

[Seatan]

I've been thinking about this and without tons of backstory, it's hard to comment.

That being said, here's an observation...You might be able to remain friends, but someone who chooses his mother over you will ALWAYS choose his mother over you, until she dies. Then, he will want you to be his mother.

Been there, done that.

Contact him? Personally, I would not.

ive been thinking and I have decided you are right, Pearlie. Everyone says that ending it was the right thing to do and that it was better to know about his inmaturity with his mother before we actually got married instead of suffering through years since we were both strongly Christian and believe that divorce should be saved for an absolute worst case after you have done everything to try and mend it (unless, of course, there is abuse, in that case I firmly believe Christ's response is "get out of there NOW!"). So there probably would have been major problems and grief. I just loved him so much, and I wish it had worked out. Consciously I have moved on, but deep down inside I know if he appeared and begged forgiveness, I would take him back. It's given me a glimmer of understanding as to why women who ARE abused take those men back, though he only hurt me in a "I lost my love" sort of way. You want to believe that someone can fix themselves if you love them. I think I will refrain from contacting him, but it still hurts.

[PearlieMae]

Oh, I know it still hurts, and it will for a while...but eventually, you will realize it was the right choice. You will be suprised at your own inner strength.

Then, when you least expect it, someone incredibly fascinating will appear, and you will be glad you are not tethered to a relationship that could have been less than optimal.

[Thalassa]

Okay...the in laws thing, I'm sorry Adella but it seems like you're not interested in making things go smoothly. You're interested in soothing your pride and tips on how to try to force your in laws to accept your view of morality. It's a few days, maybe a couple of weeks to put up with the situation, but you don't want to "give in." This will not help things go smoothly. Now, as others have said you're not marrying the in-laws and you have the right to your own choices. But they also have the right to believe those choices are wrong, and trying to force them to accept your morality is the quickest way to alienate them.

So decide which is more important: keeping to your moral pride or making things go smoothly with the in-laws. Just don't say that you have done your best to make things go smoothly if you choose the former.

Unrelated rant: I am sick of people who make stupid choices and then whine on and on about how hard it makes their life. I can't tell them not to make those choices or I'm branded as a moral snob, but I'm expected to sympathize as they complain about how hard their life is. I've got a solution: straighten up! Stop clinging to your "freedom" and filling my feeds with how hung over you are, what you stupidly did while you were drunk and now regret, sappy you're-so-hot posts followed an hour later by I-hate-you sex regret posts, and I-hope-I'm-not-pregnant posts. Stop messaging me telling me I have life so easy. I haven't told you this: my life ain't a bed of roses, but it's easier than yours because I haven't made the stupid choices! And yeah, it's made harder by idiots that try to "free" me into sharing their misery. No, thank you!

[Merman Dan]

I hope I'm not pregnant.

[Thalassa]

Lol! I hope not, too, Dan! Cuz that could get awkward...XD

[Mermaid Oshun]

do you know who the father might be Dan?

[Spindrift]

She was appalled and then told me that if her son and I got pregnant it wouldn't be technically her grandchild because we weren't married. [ this is just to give you an idea of whom she really is]

Wait, how would she not be a grandmother? If you guys had a kid and she was the mother of your boyfriend, kid is still going to go underneath you two on a lineage tree with her above your boyfriend. That makes the kid her grandkid, marriage or not. Genetics doesn't care if you have a marriage license.

Also I think it's weird to look down at a gift just because it wasn't your style. There's nothing wrong with having nice things, and she thought of you before buying something expensive. And your gift is fine. You said you also bought them a grill too, right? That + the lineage thing is a great gift. And you could always just spend more time with her. Take her out on an outing, watch a movie or take her out to get food somewhere. It's not that hard to make a gift personable. She knows you're young and stuff and probably doesn't have as much money as her. It's not like she's going to have huge expectations. What's the worst that she will do about it? Bitch to your boyfriend's father? It sounds like you're really intimidated by her. I do think you're over thinking it. You're not contemplating changing the gift, right? If you've already decided that is what you are going to give her, then there's nothing you're going to do about it anyway.

[Merman Dan]

Lol! I hope not, too, Dan! Cuz that could get awkward...XD

do you know who the father might be Dan?

As I have seven kids, I do often refer to myself as a papa seahorse.

[Elle]

have your sister in law make it so you can't possibly sleep anywhere else. Then there is no choice but for you to sleep in the same bed!
alternatively you can try to divert the question i.e
"I understand you concerns/thinking/crazy talk about your son and I having shared sleeping arrangements. But I don't see this as an appropriate time to talk about such issues."

you could also add something along the lines of "Besides we were at it like rabbits before we came here, so I'm all worn out now anyway" if you're brave enough to add that in

[Mer_Adella]

Okay...I am back from Ohio and his family christmas....a day early. It was good for the first two days, but Sunday shit hit the fan.

Our dog is a black and tan coonhound she is going to be 2 years old next may. She is well trained. I got her and trained her myself. She knows how to sit, shake (with both paws) lay down, roll over, and we are working on "stay" and "come". I mean...come on...she is a coonhound! When they catch a scent of something, they aren't going to follow commands very easily. Lol

Well she [Daisy] was lying on the floor in the living room chewing on her rawhide bone. She had been doing so for an hour and all throughout breakfast. She was very quiet and content. I took the opportunity to go upstairs and take a shower. As I got out I heard growling, snapping, and the carrying on of dogs fighting. Then my boyfriends mother was yelling and I heard her say "Bad dog, Daisy, get your ass in the kitchen!" And my dog yelped as it was hit on the ass [my bf told me this later]. I got dressed and stayed upstairs, because I KNEW that if I went down to see what went on, I probably would have said things that wouldn't have been good. My bf's cellphone started ringing while I was getting dressed, but I missed answering it. So I took it and went downstairs to find him. He was just coming in from smoking and I handed the phone to him.

I went outside to smoke and called my mom and was talking to her about what was going on. After I was done, I went in and his sister, her husband, his nephew, and his mom were walking outside to play in the snow. I went upstairs and saw that my bf was sitting on the hide-a-bed couch (which had been pulled out as our bed only 10 min before) and our blankets, bags and pillows were packed and stacked up.

He got off the phone, told me that he would explain in the car, and we packed up. We were supposed to go on the "polar express train ride" that night with everyone for his nephew. So when he told everyone we were leaving because the roads by our house were dangerous now and wouldn't get better (we had a 4.5 hr drive) his mom exploded and said she had paid $40/person for the train tickets and it was wasted now. My bf took $80 out of his wallet and handed it to his mom, who wasn't happy. He said goodbye to his nephew and explained that we had to get home because the roads weren't safe. His 3 year old nephew said he understood told us to drive safe and he loved us.

As soon as we got into the car he turned to me and said "We are leaving because my mom is a c**t" (i know this is very harsh language to my ears and most of yours, but understand that he doesn't use that word EVER...that tells you how mad he was)

WHAT HAD HAPPENED:
(i was told this by my bf as he was there)

Our dog daisy was chewing on her bone, and his sister's dog Abby [a golden retriver that is 7] decided that she was going to get my dogs bone. So she attacked our dog, snarling, jumping on her, and barking, baring her teeth. She never actually bit our dog and ours never bit theirs. But if any of you have seen two dogs fight over a toy or food, you know that it sounds dangerous, but no blood or fur was lost. My dog backed away because she didn't know what was going on. His mother was yelling at them but then she yelled at my dog and slapped her hard on the ass.
She then turned to my bf and said "You need to train your dog better and [Adella] needs to teach her not to be so food agressive!" (remember my dog was the one that was chewing on the bone, his sisters dog was the one who wanted the bone)
He replied, "My dog didn't do shit, it was Abby that started it."
She replied, "You are a guest in this house, you and your dog need to remember and respect that. If she can't behave then she shouldn't come."
His sister said "I told [Adella] that bone would be a problem."
He replied "You did tell her that, but nothing had happened until now. They fought once for it and everyone acts as if it has been going on all fucking weekend. No dog was hurt what is the fucking deal?"
his mom: "You are a guest, start fucking acting like it! This isn't your house! You would be upset too if this happened at your house!"
my bf: "Well i am done being a fucking guest. And besides if this happened at our house, I would be upset, but I would yell at the dog that started it and then tell the owner to get the fuck out. Besides mom, you need to act like a guest. It didn't bother you when your dog pissed on the couch last night and yet my dog is food agressive when I can take her bone and food away from her. fuck off"

i didn't know any of this went on because I was upstairs but I was so upset in the car when he was telling me I was crying. It was as if she was telling me and my bf we were bad parents. Part of me wished that I did go downstairs just so I could have told her off. No one wants to be told that they raised a pet or child wrong. And I take high offense at it. My dog is not food aggressive. I trained her to back up and sit down when I stick my hand in her bowl! I'm trying not to dwell on it or anything, but I can't help but be upset. She has always found fault with me, and has since moved on from that, and onto my dog!

[Aziara]

I get where you are right now... My mother tends to act a bit like that sometimes. Some people are just IMPOSSIBLE to please. I just had to come to the realization that I don't have a problem, she does. It sounds like you did your part in attempting to keep things civil between you and her. At times, I actually pity my mother. It must be difficult going through life constantly being angry or sad.

[Mer_Adella]

No one complained about the sleeping arrangements either. BTW. The sister, mother and I all sat and watched "love actually" while we knitted or crocheted. Nothing rude was said. We talked, had fun, got caught up on our lives (as the sister lives in ohio, the mother in mi and my bf and i three hours from the mother). it was a nice time. i didn't act up like some thought i would or in not so many terms. I am a little intimidated by the mother just because I dont want to say anything that would upset our relationship. No one wants the mother-in-law that hates you. It was an all around good time, before the dog thing.

I dont make it my obligation to make sure that she likes me 100%. I could care less, i am just not going to fight with her about stupid things. But you tell me that I am training/raising my dog wrong, I take offense at that. Yet I chose not to say anything. Had I witnessed it with my bf and saw how upset he was, I might have put my two-cents in but since that is neither here nor there, it doesn't matter.

I just wanted people to understand that I am not going to overly object to what the mother/sister says and argue with them and think that I am right in all regards. I understand that they have their own opinions. I guess its just a little hard to describe it over the internet. I am just a person that thinks that when you are over the age of 18, are practically sound in your ways of thinking and maturity (which doesn't hit until a few years AFTER 18 for some people lol) that an adult could "advise" you on what you should/could do....not tell you that is what you have to do. I am an independent person. If you would like me to do something, please ask. Weren't we taught that as children? when we wanted something, we had to ask and say please?

( I watched that happen this past weekend too. The mother's grandson would want something and she would tell him that he needed to ask and say please. He would ask with a please at the end and would get it. Then the mother would turn around to my bf and say "you need to clean this table off so we can have dinner now." in a stern, don't argue with me tone. And my bf started laughing and told his mom to ask and say please at the end [his nephew was watching ] and his mother got pissed cus he told her to ask as say please. she yelled at him and turned around and knocked her grandson to the floor because she didn't know he was right behind her.)

Anyways I guess I will shut up now.

[PearlieMae]

She sounds like a real peach.

Control freaks like that will never be happy, no matter how hard you try.

Good luck!

[SeaGlass Siren]

A peach? More like a beach. 0-0 a big fat beach.

[AniaR]

ahahah beach.

My bitch: pain and illness. booo

[Echidna]

Oh yes, those suck so much.
You can't even kill them :/

My life divides nicely in two halves;
BTB (before tickbite), and ATB (after tb).

During some times, I debate whether ATB can even be called "life"
And man, was stuff easy before.
18 hour shifts, no food, no sleep, freezing cold, lots of stress, used to be no problem at all.
Meh.

[Mermaid Kelda]

Caltuna, my mum's the same way - after she got some Rickettsia from a tick, she hasn't felt quite the same. Not as bad as you I don't think, but she can "feel" every breath, as if hair was tickling her throat, which sounds awfully irritating if not actually debilitating.

[Echidna]

yep, ticks can carry a buttload of stuff- from a mixture of vile bacteria to deadly viruses.

It's why I'm quite unhappy we have a garden that needs frequent work, it's hellishly dangerous,
and some ticks are so small you can only identify them with a magnifying glass to boot

[spottedcatfish]

I've been trying to keep this from bothering me for the past two weeks and dealing with the pain the best I can but I have a broken ankle and It happened right around finals!!! Now I've gotten to wits end...I want this to end and be able to stand up and walk like I normal!! Getting around and doing anything is HARD!!! ARRGH!!! I also had to postpone a vacation I had planned for Christmas!! Life Is Not FUN right now... I want this to be over. Finals have been driving me CRAZY TOO!!! (Having fun with the emoticons... my life has become a disaster. I can"t wait till this is over!!!)