B!TC# IT OUT!

[Adalira]

I have been thinking about posting in here for a while now and each time backed out of it.
Anyone know that feeling where you realize you are 31 (or any other age) and you are not where you were hoping to be at that time?
That moment you realize that you are not doing what you would want and life is just not going the way you had planned and hoped?
In a way i am lucky, i met the man of my dreams a few years ago, he lived in America but left everything behind to be with me and we are living together.
That is the one thing in my life that i am happy about.
I am still working at shows with my family that are so stressful that i have been sick about 10 times now this year, one of the times i was sick for over a month!
The verbal fights back stage, the drama.....i know i need to leave the shows for my own health but so many things are tied up with this that it pisses me off that i am so helpless!
Last week we had 3 shows to do and the drama and the verbal fighting came to a boiling point and it exploded where my brother and dad started to get into a huge verbal fight together.
The few friends that really know the situation are all supporting me and telling me i need to quit the shows and start doing what i want to do.
My family is not supportive of me mermaiding thing and have never been unfortunatly. Nor are they supportive of anything else i do except work with them.
The financial situation of me and my boyfriend has made it tough for us.
We live in a house that my family owns and they have put it for sale. Where will we go now? We have no idea. We can not find a house that is suitable for us.
Since we have our business we will need a house that is around 150m2 and preferrably free of charge LOL.
Most of our money and the money we make is being put back into the business and our business has grown a lot since then but i also know that the changes of us getting a morgage or a loan from the bank are slim to none since we do not have a steady income due to the fact that we are business owners.
I finally got the courage to order sequins from America to work on my mermaid tails and maybe even try get work as a mermaid again, follow my heart and my dream......then the sequins arrived and they were all tiny compared to the ones i had. I had no idea they were going to be that small! I have no idea what to do with them right now.
At the moment i am working on practicing my harp and vocals to maybe get some performances that way but honestly i have no idea if i am even good enough for that.....
And it scares the sh*t out of me having to tell my family i no longer want to be in the shows with them.
It seriously upsets me that even though i am 31 i still feel like a little kid who is not allowed to speak up for herself!
And what also pisses me off is that life is so freakin' hard and not going at all how i hoped it would.
It seems that no matter how hard i work, i get nowhere.
GRRRRR!
Oh to top it off i saw a job opening somewhere that i would like to get, for the reasons that the job looks so great to do and to make the extra money we need for the move to another house that will come our way soon. But it is 45 minutes from where we live, the chances of me getting the job are very very slim (maybe 10% chance) and if i would be so lucky to actually get it there are so many things to consider!
My boyfriend has his permit to stay in the Netherlands with me and work here as a business owner if the business makes a certain amount a year. In september 2015 they will review his stay in the Netherlands, meaning the business will have to be running well. If i go and take a job somewhere else it means i can't work in the business as much anymore, meaning business will go down meaning i jeapordize his stay :-(
If you think this is a lot to b*tch about....all of this is just the tip of the iceberg!
I apologize if it all sounds like a lot of rambling and makes no sense to any of you.....i really needed to get it of my chest!

[SeaGlass Siren]

It sounds like midlife crisis. All I can offer you right now is emotional support :hugs: do you wanna talk some more about it?

[PearlieMae]

That is a lot of pressure on you, especially the family/family business part! But if it's causing that much stress that it's making you physically ill, you have to extract yourself from the toxic situation.

Is renting a house an option?

I know it feels like you are up against the wall, but I'm sure that once you assert your independence, things will start getting better. It might be hard at first, but you'll only get stronger!

31 is young! You're only a year older than my daughter. You're going to be great! Just keep pushing forward and try not to let worry win!

[Adalira]

Thank you for the hug and your kind words SeaGlass Siren and PearlieMae.....you brought tears to my eyes....
Midlife crisis? Ugh..... I hope not....but you may be right.
I have been feeling like this for years though. A feeling of me putting my life on hold for others all time and it feels like life is slipping through my fingers without me having done any of the things i want to do.
We did look into renting a place but this is the Netherlands....meaning prices are INSANE for both buying and renting.
My parents said we can build a house on their land if we want so we are looking into that but we are not sure we can afford that either.
Plus do i really want to live next to my parents? With all the stress that has been going on qith them at the shows and privatly and the drama it seems like a bad idea but it may be our only option if it is the cheapest option.
We are also looking into houses in Germany since houses are cheaper there (or at least they were) and there is the option of leaving everything behind and moving to America.
We have talked about that option as well.
So much is unsure right now.
I have not had a holiday in over 3 years and have only been working working working.
If all that hard work still does not mean we can have some sort of independece i am seriously going to be pissed off.
I did try to pick myself up today and i contacted a store about their industrial zippers for my sequins mermaid tail and hope they have something that will work.
I refuse to simply give up but there are days where i just want to lay in bed, eat chocolate and cookies, watch movies and pretend that the rest of the world does not exist.....oh the good days lol
By the way, the job opening i found is at a zoo
I have also been looking into getting some extra education but then again...i would invest a lot of money and time into a study and chances of getting a job these days in the Netherlands are slim to none. Even if you have all the right educations and experience it is so hard to get a job or side job anywhere.
Talking like this makes me think the following:" Let me get my violin out" lol

[SeaGlass Siren]

i was told that people can have multiple career changes in life and that's completely normal. one man from my old job used to have 9 different career paths and now he's 60ish. if it's an option, why not move to canada or america?

[PearlieMae]

No holiday in over three years? That's not midlife crisis, that's burnout!

Can you resell your sequins and get bigger ones?

[MarkF]

Adalira, this is the Dad in me speaking- being a member of a troop can be a tedious life at times and most people when the days done get to go home, you really can’t. Your situation sounds limited, difficult and tedious. The solution may take you out of your comfort zone. It’s time.
You have trained your whole life to overcome being intimidated in front of an audience, something most people can’t do. Being able to present yourself as someone else and remember scripts, Geez!
You and your husband are at the most desirable age for employers.
I’ve got some experience in this field, Sarah I want you to do a job search for “sales marketing”, ok? With so many towns and Belgium and Germany just a stone’s throw away, this may be perfect for you. Maybe look for things related to theater or related at first. The more specialized can be higher pay. You are exactly what they want. It will take a few tries, don’t be afraid the audience’s expressions are the same it’s just they pay a whole lot more. The longer you are working the same audience the more you’ll get!
If your speaking English is close to your writing the big companies will want you. Getting a house, vacation in France all awaits you. If you think you aren't qualified, your wrong. Like acting it’s a matter of getting a chance to prove to yourself and your audience.
You’ve got the skills now you need opportunity and persistence.
Good luck.

P.S. in the US the term is Sales Representative.

[PearlieMae]

^ THIS

[deepblue]

Mark has the right idea!
And 31 isn't really mid-life, esp not in our modern era. I think you just realized that what you're doing, or the way you're doing it, is not what you want to do and it is time for a change. It will take a lot of courage, but when you look back you're not going to regret trying. You probably will, however, regret not trying.

[SeaMansa]

So today in the lunchroom, the custodian woman is cleaning the floor around me as I am getting up to leave. As I get up, some random paper of whatever falls out of my jacket pocket as I was walking away. Keep in mind, I didn't even notice it to pick it up. This woman flips out! She starts callin me all kinds of disrespectful this and that, and im just like.... I didn't mean to drop anything on the floor and if I were to even notice it, I would have picked it up and put it in the trash... All she had to do was say Hey, you! You dropped this trash pick it up and I would have done it. Instead, she calls the campus security and starts all this unnecessary whining, talking about she will tell the dean and im just like -.- Like come on, I get why she would be upset but all that is really uncalled for especially after I pick up what I dropped, throw it away, and APOLOGIZED before the whole ordeal even started! Like I swear, I was two seconds away from going "And so what if I dropped it? You're sweeping anyway, its ur friggin job and your getting mad!" but the gentlemen in me knows that is wrong. I swear, some people....

[deepblue]

I just need to briefly headdesk this out.

Was told my daughter's first surgery was Nov 5.
The surgeon's assistant left me a voicemail referring to it as Dec 5.
I really really NEED this to be a mistake, so I've of course called her and, of course, had to leave a voicemail.

My daughter is already so scared and nervous, I cannot make her wait. Besides that, we usually walk everywhere, but in a short time, she's gotten to this point that she can't even walk a block without serious leg fatigue. This has to happen NOW. Or ... on Nov 5.

Fingers crossed that they are not actually making us wait another month. No no no no.

GAH!!

Thank-you Deepblue! Annnd I used to feel that way all the time. I just wandered in a crowded area and always carried pepper spray (but always with it in my purse. I also at times carried my keys with my fist around one of them to tell weirdos to stay a respectful distance away.) I'm sorry you had to deal with that and I also hope that you do not have those problems in the future. *hugs*

Thanks! I admit some of it is my PTSD rearing its ugly head- even though I have never been attacked in public or the like, thank goodness. I had a better handle on things when I was still uber dissociative! lol Well.. heh, not really, but it felt like it. haha

You know... I was thinking about the idea that someone commented as you'd mentioned, and it reminds me of people who I find really annoying... if they don't like or maybe even respect a belief or feeling, they COULD still respect the person. Doing so makes the world a better place, so unless you're hurting someone, why can't these egotistical jerks just be cool about it? Geesh. One of my best friends is a self-described Jesus freak. We have NO beliefs/spiritual stuff in common, but we're close because we respect each other. It's really not hard, people!

[Adalira]

Adalira, this is the Dad in me speaking- being a member of a troop can be a tedious life at times and most people when the days done get to go home, you really can’t. Your situation sounds limited, difficult and tedious. The solution may take you out of your comfort zone. It’s time.
You have trained your whole life to overcome being intimidated in front of an audience, something most people can’t do. Being able to present yourself as someone else and remember scripts, Geez!
You and your husband are at the most desirable age for employers.
I’ve got some experience in this field, Sarah I want you to do a job search for “sales marketing”, ok? With so many towns and Belgium and Germany just a stone’s throw away, this may be perfect for you. Maybe look for things related to theater or related at first. The more specialized can be higher pay. You are exactly what they want. It will take a few tries, don’t be afraid the audience’s expressions are the same it’s just they pay a whole lot more. The longer you are working the same audience the more you’ll get!
If your speaking English is close to your writing the big companies will want you. Getting a house, vacation in France all awaits you. If you think you aren't qualified, your wrong. Like acting it’s a matter of getting a chance to prove to yourself and your audience.
You’ve got the skills now you need opportunity and persistence.
Good luck.

P.S. in the US the term is Sales Representative.

Thank you so much for your explanation and words of support. It is so much appreciated!
I am sorry to say though that the job market in Holland is more than awful.
You need a degree for everything.
Even something as simple as wanting to be a waiter.....you need a degree from a Hotel/Restarant/Cafe education and at least several years experience.
This is a real problem over here right now. I have been looking for part time and full time jobs on all the websites for job openings and all the jobs are either for welders, computer technicians or anything from working in a store to anything else and it all requires a high degree from school.
I quit school after i graduated from highschool cause i was bullied so much in highschool. The thought of having to study more and go back to school was something i could not bare to think of.
After highschool i immediatly started at the shows of my family and after some years i started my own small shop.
So the degrees that are needed these days are something i do not have.
I got 1 job interview 2 years ago for a job that would entail promoting a events place for which you needed no education and the job was simply to hand out flyers.
After 1 minute i was outside again.....the woman took 1 look at my list of upcoming shows for the season and she dismissed me.
That has been the only job interview.
I just checked the Sales & Marketing jobs in Holland and all of them require a very high college education.
The few that don't are the ones that offer an intern ship, meaning unpaid position and it is only temporary.
Holland is very very difficult in terms of being able to find a job.
If you don;t have the degrees they wont even talk to you.

[Adalira]

I just need to briefly headdesk this out.

Was told my daughter's first surgery was Nov 5.
The surgeon's assistant left me a voicemail referring to it as Dec 5.
I really really NEED this to be a mistake, so I've of course called her and, of course, had to leave a voicemail.

My daughter is already so scared and nervous, I cannot make her wait. Besides that, we usually walk everywhere, but in a short time, she's gotten to this point that she can't even walk a block without serious leg fatigue. This has to happen NOW. Or ... on Nov 5.

Fingers crossed that they are not actually making us wait another month. No no no no.

GAH!!



Thanks! I admit some of it is my PTSD rearing its ugly head- even though I have never been attacked in public or the like, thank goodness. I had a better handle on things when I was still uber dissociative! lol Well.. heh, not really, but it felt like it. haha

You know... I was thinking about the idea that someone commented as you'd mentioned, and it reminds me of people who I find really annoying... if they don't like or maybe even respect a belief or feeling, they COULD still respect the person. Doing so makes the world a better place, so unless you're hurting someone, why can't these egotistical jerks just be cool about it? Geesh. One of my best friends is a self-described Jesus freak. We have NO beliefs/spiritual stuff in common, but we're close because we respect each other. It's really not hard, people!

Keeping my fingers crossed for you Deepblue! Nothing is more horrible then having to wait even longer for something so stressfull! I really hope they made a misstake!

[Adalira]

No holiday in over three years? That's not midlife crisis, that's burnout!

Can you resell your sequins and get bigger ones?

I will try and use the small ones, i don't even know if the bigger ones are for sale anywhere anymore. I bought mine years ago and te store that had them stopped selling them all of a sudden.
Thank you for the link of the E6000 glue by the way! It is much appreciated!

I had a feeling of having a burn out already years ago and nothing has changed since then. I fear that is exactly why my body is in such bad shape.
A few years ago the stress got so bad that i got Menieres disease.
Most people don;t know it so here is a link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%A9...'s_disease
When it started a few years ago i was still mermaiding for fun but when i had my first Meniere attack and was at the doctors office he told me not to swim for the time being because if i would be under water and got an attack that could be potentially dangerous.
Since than the attacks got worse and more frequent and spent hours in bed waiting for an attack to be over.
The last time i swam as a mermaid must have been when my boyfriend came to Holland and i took him swimming. So that is almost 3 years ago i believe.
This year i have had less attacks so it is getting slightly better for the time being.

[deepblue]

Oh wow- I've heard Kristin Chenoweth talk about Menieres, and how it impacts her life, otherwise I doubt I'd know what it is. That is one heck of a card to be handed. I can understand why swimming needs to be approached differently for you.

And thanks- the doc got back to me and it WAS a mistake! And yeah I could have waited before venting here, but I rather feel like I needed to or I'd have a small breakdown. A lot of stress lately... but getting better by the day, phew.

[Adalira]

Oh wow- I've heard Kristin Chenoweth talk about Menieres, and how it impacts her life, otherwise I doubt I'd know what it is. That is one heck of a card to be handed. I can understand why swimming needs to be approached differently for you.

And thanks- the doc got back to me and it WAS a mistake! And yeah I could have waited before venting here, but I rather feel like I needed to or I'd have a small breakdown. A lot of stress lately... but getting better by the day, phew.

That is great news! I'm so happy to hear it was a misstake!

Why apologize for venting? Isn't that why the thread was created? You owe it to the creation of this thread to vent

[deepblue]

lol you are correct!

[Mermaid Jaffa]

I was told you don't have career changes. You stick with whatever you started with until you either die or retire. And that nobody in my age group ever goes to get new training or education in another industry and that nobody wants to hire an old maid.

[Azurin Luna]

Thank you so much for your explanation and words of support. It is so much appreciated!
I am sorry to say though that the job market in Holland is more than awful.
You need a degree for everything.
Even something as simple as wanting to be a waiter.....you need a degree from a Hotel/Restarant/Cafe education and at least several years experience.
This is a real problem over here right now. I have been looking for part time and full time jobs on all the websites for job openings and all the jobs are either for welders, computer technicians or anything from working in a store to anything else and it all requires a high degree from school.
I quit school after i graduated from highschool cause i was bullied so much in highschool. The thought of having to study more and go back to school was something i could not bare to think of.
After highschool i immediatly started at the shows of my family and after some years i started my own small shop.
So the degrees that are needed these days are something i do not have.
I got 1 job interview 2 years ago for a job that would entail promoting a events place for which you needed no education and the job was simply to hand out flyers.
After 1 minute i was outside again.....the woman took 1 look at my list of upcoming shows for the season and she dismissed me.
That has been the only job interview.
I just checked the Sales & Marketing jobs in Holland and all of them require a very high college education.
The few that don't are the ones that offer an intern ship, meaning unpaid position and it is only temporary.
Holland is very very difficult in terms of being able to find a job.
If you don;t have the degrees they wont even talk to you.

I agree to that totally, you need a degree and at least several years of experience. I've been in the boat were I was jobless for a few months because Dosign Engineering failed to find me a new job on time as they knew my other one was coming to an end. I was lucky when I placed my CV on UWV that someone else who was mediating for different companies to find new personnel picked me out of the pool and I had a new job within a week. This was a few years back though.
Now my husband wants to change from one school to another school to work as a Biology teacher, but for him it's even harder. Schools have to do more with less, but they aren't seeing that they are destroying the lives of the teachers by overloading them with to much work and to many kinds in the classes. It's not only the schools fault though, also our government has a hand or two in this.

I hope you find something soon to your liking so that you can live your own life again. You could try to put your profile on Linkedin.nl. I got serveral job offers there as well even when I have a job already, and a lot of people who need new employees look on the site.

*fingers crossed* Good luck

[Adalira]

I agree to that totally, you need a degree and at least several years of experience. I've been in the boat were I was jobless for a few months because Dosign Engineering failed to find me a new job on time as they knew my other one was coming to an end. I was lucky when I placed my CV on UWV that someone else who was mediating for different companies to find new personnel picked me out of the pool and I had a new job within a week. This was a few years back though.
Now my husband wants to change from one school to another school to work as a Biology teacher, but for him it's even harder. Schools have to do more with less, but they aren't seeing that they are destroying the lives of the teachers by overloading them with to much work and to many kinds in the classes. It's not only the schools fault though, also our government has a hand or two in this.

I hope you find something soon to your liking so that you can live your own life again. You could try to put your profile on Linkedin.nl. I got serveral job offers there as well even when I have a job already, and a lot of people who need new employees look on the site.

*fingers crossed* Good luck

I could not agree with you more.
The Dutch system is really bad for people seeking jobs and the government is making things so hard!
Good luck to your husband! I will keep my fingers crossed for him for an easy transition to a new place.
LinkedIn is something i have not tried yet so that could be a very good idea. Thank you :-)