It varies by state here in the US- age of consent and legal adulthood aren't the same thing, but a 16 yr old girl who is 'surprised' by your interest probably thought it was friendly. As almost anyone would, since the age disparity is quite a large one and she's a minor.
Yeah, they vary. But most states have them at 18 too. I did some googling and here's what wikipedia has to say about Iowa's laws: (I have no idea how up to date this is just fyi. so it could have changed but I'm lazy and I'm not digging any deeper.)Originally Posted by Tieri
But remember, even if it is legal, she isn't (imo) mature enough for a relationship with someone older. And I doubt her family will approve of it much.
Exactly. She's not mature enough, and even if she was her family likely wouldn't approve, which would put a lot more pressure on her and cause a lot of stress or tension between her and Flyer. Relationships like this never last and often end on a terrible note. Flyer's setting himself up for a lot of drama and hurt, IMO.
Your summery is correct Adalira.I am a little bit confused here.....so she asked you if you liked her, even enough to visit her and to be working together and you replied yes and she said she felt the same way and is now basically backing out?
If that is the case....it may be due to the fact that she had no one liking her before (like you said) and she got scared.
If there is an age difference than if she talked about it with family like you said they may have shared their opinions on it that made her scared.
Her being scared may have nothing to do with you in this case.
You can always contact her (what i would suggest) and simply talk to her.
If she is getting cold feet and simply to scared then take a step back and be friends for now.
If it turns out not to be mutual at all between you well then just know that fate has someone better for you in store
I actually have experience on the subject and i think it is save to say that many in here most likely have at some point in their lives so you are not alone in this <3
Close draggersprez. She is 16 and I am 26 so 10 years apart (my grandparents were 17). Yes Adalira, laws are that struck and even worse. We have children who are 11 get placed on the sex offender registry for touching someone wrong or playing doctor (basically I show you mine you show me yours).
One of the things I like about this relationship is I am NOT getting pressured for sex. My first relationship was like that and I didn't like it. I am currently not capable of sex due to my anti-depressents and she's not interested sex which makes things much easier.
Yea that has been a problem, some of her family members (mainly aunt) don't approve of our friendship, but that is common around town here, the pool manager was nuts about us being friends for the sake of coworkers shouldn't be friends, even though most the coworkers were were friend, including her best friend.
Mostly anywhere you go in the US won't approve of a grown man being friends with a minor. That's just how things are here. he probably wasn't so much nuts about coworkers being friends but more so about a grown man and a minor who happen to be coworkers being friends. (and he might have noticed how you seemed to be interested in her and thought it was very very inappropriate and wanted to let you know it's inappropriate without out right saying it.)
It was a different time when your grandparents started dating. In those times it was common for girls to marry at 17 or 16 (and older men weren't really discouraged since it was still common for younger girls to marry older men) and start a family immediately. Not so much now.
I wasn't necessarily talking about sexual abuse or manipulation, that's not the only kind of manipulation that happens in relationships that young girls are especially susceptible to.One of the things I like about this relationship is I am NOT getting pressured for sex. My first relationship was like that and I didn't like it. I am currently not capable of sex due to my anti-depressents and she's not interested sex which makes things much easier.
Flyer there is a HUGE difference in maturity between 16 and 26. Seriously. She was potty training when you hit puberty.
In a past post you had discussed NOT being in a relationship with her just yet because you weren't ready, go with that.
If you're associating a relationship as either pressure or disinterest in sex then you may be looking in the wrong places. A good solid relationship should not have to have one or the other. My relationship with my DH was long distance for a good long time, we connected as people first and fell in love with eachother for who we are. Is the sex amazing? you bet your sweet tailfins it is, that man can make me melt with a look. But intimacy does not have to mean sex, some of our most intimate moments have been simple nonsexual togetherness.
Take the wave now and know that you're freeTurn your back on the land face the seaFace the wind now so wild and so strongWhen you think of meWave to me and send me a song
Oh no she was very verbal about how I should be friends with her or anyone. She didn't like me already because I was hired on and made manager over her after she was there for 3 years because I had 8 more years of experience.
Yea I know but multiple people were bringing up sex so I thought I should address it.
Thats why my first one was and I hated it. With my friend its not and so our relationship was because we like each other, not because sex.
yeah i'd say get out of that. or at least wait until she's legal.
The SeaGlass Siren
Flyer, I don't know you from Adam, but you are cruising for trouble. If you're that interested, then you can wait two years. As it stands now, you're just putting yourself and her in danger.
Wait a minute, Flyer... This 16-year-old is your coworker, right? And... You're a manager at this place? Am I putting all this together right? It's super late for me and my reading comprehension is kind of off.
If that IS the case, then... That puts you in a position of authority over her, which... Makes things a whole lot sketchier from an outsider's perspective. And much more legally dangerous.
No your confusion is understandable. In 2013 when I started there I was made manager by a company running the pool purely because of my lifeguarding experience of 8 years, which yes I was head lifeguard for many of those years but not manager, I am not manager material. In 2014 I was training guards and swim instructors, was not manager at all. That was her first year there.
We are only friends, nothing that could be consider legal. One night she kept going on how no guys have ever been interested in her and so has no hope of getting married. I told her thats not true, I am interested in her and willing to wait and not see anyone else until she turns 18 and heads to college because she was thinking of one near here.
Here is the conversation where it happened: (I don't know how to collapse the text, sorry).
Friend:It's hard for me to believe that someone would be satisfied with just me.
Me:
why are you so hard on yourself? your still very young.
Friend:
I'm not being hard on myself, I'm just surprised with everything you told me.
Me:
that I like you?
Friend:
yeah
Me:
Why do you think I wouldn’t?
Friend:
I told you. I didn't think I'd be enough or anyone, nor do I feel that I'm thin or pretty. Oh and I think the exact date that I'm leaving is August 1st
Me:
have to do smores before then.
I am someone who does’t care if your pretty or thin or not (though I do think your thin, but then I am a bit fat, and you do not have the belly bump I do). Its who you are that is important.
Friend:
I've never once heard a guy say that they care about something beyond looks. I appreciate your refreshing change in viewpoint.
Me:
you have to remember I grew up in Iowa.
No, I think its becuase I grew up without friends and so I didnt get that peer learning of go for the attractive cheerleader
Friend:
I need to know if everything you've said is serious or is just you thinking out loud. I'm taking you seriously with the stuff your saying about being excited for next summer, visiting colorado, etc.
Me:
I am serious. I even told a friend how there is a girl at work I really like, unforchently she is way too young for me right now.
Friend:
I just can't see a way around the age difference. But I want to, I really do.
Me:
Just waiting until we are both older..at minimum marriage is best for after college. It gives us time to work our way slowly.
you do? I was telling you what I thought, wasn't sure what you thought.
And so you know, dont choose Luther college just because I like you.
Friend: Yeah, I do. By now you should know what that means coming from me.
By the time I graduate from college, assuming I go, you would be 32.
How does your mom feel about all this? Did you say anything to her?
Me:
Took 22 years for my first girlfriend, been over a year since my last. I can wait a few more if its someone I truly like. The way I feel about you is the same I felt about the one girl from college I told you about. The difference though is I have never felt hurt by you.
(parallel conversations happening) I never thought you and I would even be having this conversation. Like I said, your still too young to date and didnt know how you felt about me and if you didnt like me I didnt want to make it awkward at the pool
Friend:
I'm sure all couples hurt each other at some points, it's being able to move on past the hurt and forgive that makes a couple even stronger.
Like the other European mers on here, I don't see anything wrong in a relationship with an an almost adult, especially if it isn't sexual.
I've also made the experience age difference doesn't mean much if you like the same things.
Because of the special attitude over in the US, though, I'd listen to the mers advising for caution.
((Haha..the conversations happening above reminds me of how one of my American friends basically blanked me and stopped talking to me when we had a disagreement over this. My first boyfriend was 18...I was 14, she found it weird and I didn't? Yeah funny how attitudes differ between continents))
Anywaaaay I need a rant.
So my mother and sister decide to go out tonight, which is fair enough...down to the local pub they say until closing which is 11:30pm, and I'm pressured into looking after my nephew. My mum was a bit tipsy as they'd been drinking wine (this was around 8pm it's 6am here now) and decided to use the fact she's taking me to my big Ballet audition down in London in a couple of weeks, and has splashed out a lot of money for us to be able to go...it hurt a bit and seemed like she was trying to make me feel bad, so I agreed thinking what's looking after a kid for like, 3 hours? Maybe I could get him to fall asleep...though I doubt it.
I don't do children, I actually despise those I'm not related to...Like, don't get me wrong I love their creativity and imaginations and some kids are great, but most children around here are tracksuit wearing mini chavs with loud mouthed parents who swear and cough and burp, then get mad when their kids do these things? hmm kayyy. So I can deal with my nephew...to an extent, but as most of his school friends are these loud, obnoxious basically mimi annoying chav adults...sometimes you see that coming out of him and it annoys me, and I have no tact nor skill in knowing how to deal with children when they get 'too much' so I'll either ignore him, or tell him straight as I would to an adult that he's acting like a brat and a stupid one at that, which leads to tears, which leads to me stressing and just...ARGH why could I not have been born with some kind of skill to deal with kids?! I just can't do this.
Anyway, tonight went okay...up until it turned 11:30. He wouldn't sleep, he refused to...I'd been trying since my mum and sister left to get him down...but he just wanted to play on his games console. I let him thinking it was the easiest option and he'd get tired and sleep maybe. I was wrong. Half eleven came and he kicked up a fuss saying he was staying up until his mum came home, after some screaming and crying on his part and my cold, angry I-HATE-THE-WROLD-BECAUSE-I'M-A-SAD-TEENAGER face staring him down, I eventually compromised with him that if he went into the spare room and watched a film in bed he could stay up.
He came down every. Freaking. Ten. Minutes asking 'are they back yet?'.
I got s text about midnight saying they'd gone over to the next village and my sis was staying at a friends and mum was going over to her boyfriends for the night. I got pissed at this point. I had to watch him all night and he was refusing to go to sleep. He came down and me in my mood told him his mother wasn't coming home so he should just go to sleep...which led to tears and stress. So I put on another film and hey presto, he went to sleep quite well.
But I'm still just ARGHGFGHSDJ. Why am I always left with babysitting? And always pressured into it.
I just don't care anymore. Never doing this again. 3 hours my ass. Haven't slept, stressing over this audition, and just cba right now. Ugh.
The Mermaid Of Anglesey
Find me on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/Angleseymer...homepage_panel
Formerly known as Merman Vaughan...now I'm a mermaid heh.
Put some brandy in his drink. He'll sleep all night...
Formerly known as ireneho
ahaha, babysitting is a nightmare if you're not into children.
I let myself be pressurized into doing it only once.
My family had been nagging me about babies for years ("normal girls love babies, they want to spend all their time with them, a good girl would give her right arm to babysit and earn some money for her family" and so on and so forth),
so I agreed to babysit our lazy disorganized neighbour's toddler while she went out with her two older children.
She said she'd be an hour, but stayed away three, and I never could take my eyes off that brat for one second because it was trying to grab dangerous things nonstop.
Once the mother returned, she said "well thanks for helping out, that was soooo sweet of you hun! Want a cookie?"
I don't eat sugar, so I said no.
Then I went home, and my family was waiting and asking "Where is the moneyz?!!"
I told them I didn't get any, and that the neighbour wanted to pay me with a cookie.
The dumb faces of my family were almost worth the hassle
Since then, they haven't bothered me again about babies either LOL.
What also makes it harder is I've known her since June, and right now she is two states away, but she is my best friend, not just because she is such a good friend but because I don't have any others really.
You seem like a nice guy. if you're willing to wait it out, definitely do. don't over complicate it.
The SeaGlass Siren
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Last edited by Adalira; 03-28-2018 at 12:38 PM.
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