Group Therapy: Let's Talk About Drama

[malinghi]

There's been some drama lately, and I think it would be good for use to talk about these conflicts a bit. I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts on this- namely where does drama come from, how can we reduce it, and how does it make you feel?

You may have noticed that I don't enjoy policing the board, and generally allow people totally unrestricted free speech, and only ban someone in the case of threats or when someone knowingly posts false information. As for policing people simply being rude, disrespectful, aggressive, or confrontational to others, this requires a lot of subjectivity and vigilant monitoring of all posts.

One possible way to deal with such drama is that I could add a warning that says *CONTAINS DRAMA* to the titles of any thread in which these conflicts emerge so that people are better able to avoid this stuff.

What do you think? How do you react to drama? What can Iona and I do to reduce it? What can the community do to reduce it?

[AniaR]

I didnt see this post when I made my post about avoiding review drama, but here it is: http://mernetwork.com/index/showthre...g-review-drama Id love people to read it and give some feedback. I think it's a good idea.

[Mermaid Sirena]

What if we had a report button that would draw a Mods attention to a certain post and or thread, this could help us indicate to you what we don't like seeing in the community and help you avoid having to go over every post with a fine tooth comb. If someone else (or several other someones) hit the button it also would help keep it from just being your personal opinion of whats going to far and what's not being able to express your idea's properly.

Perhaps it would be helpful to create a general Admin account so then all drama related to banning or warning someone isn't directly reflected on you the person but instead comes from an account that could of been any of the mods. This way no one person would have to deal with results of policing directly.

I'm sorta for and sorta against the *CONTAINS DRAMA* posting. It would help avoid drama, but if the first few pages or posts are drama free and contain good information or idea's then several people could miss some great stuff. Also it leads back to the personal definition of drama and if one person labels it as so but others think it's perfectly legit.

Personally I'm really liking the idea of report button. Maybe even include a little section so people could leave a note saying why they felt it should be reported.

[koiboi]

i like the report idea, there were some comments made that i was personally offended by in a recent thread that i felt had no bearing whatsoever on the posted thread and were just cruel and unnecessary.

[malinghi]

What if we had a report button that would draw a Mods attention to a certain post and or thread, this could help us indicate to you what we don't like seeing in the community and help you avoid having to go over every post with a fine tooth comb. If someone else (or several other someones) hit the button it also would help keep it from just being your personal opinion of whats going to far and what's not being able to express your idea's properly.

I'm not sure, but I think what you're describing already exists. There's a button at the bottom of every post that says "Report Post". There's also an option at the top of every thread that lets you review the thread. These features don't appear to get noticed much. It might be possible to try to promote them and raise awareness, though I'm not sure how.

[Mermaid Sirena]

:O I never even noticed those.... I feel really stupid....

[Mermaid Lorelei]

Don't feel stupid! Your idea was so good that it's already in use. :3

[-Annwyn-]

I find this thread incredibly ironic.

[malinghi]

So guys, keep giving feedback. One of the things I'm very curious about is people's reactions to drama. Personally if I don't want to see that stuff, I just avoid that thread. I understand that many people still read it, even if they hate the drama, rather than ignoring it. There's nothing wrong with that, but I'm curious why. share your feeling and motivations guys.


Also, I'd love to hear your thoughts on animated gif images as a method to diffuse tension and lampoon outrageous posts. Why have I never seen anyone on here use them?

[Mermaid Sirena]

I want to know everything, always. That's why I read it.

It's also a habit from real life where everyone always comes to me with their problems so if I was paying attention the whole time and listening and taking in from an unbiased stand point I can help them work through their issues with a clearer understanding of the other side.

As for GIF images and the like, if you find the right one it can be hilarious and resolve a situation easy. It's just finding that perfect one that can be a bit of an art. I'm terrible at it so I just use words ^_^

[Lotus]

Here's my knee-jerk reaction to this.
Drama is just another word for conflict, yeah? And there's going to a lot of conflict within a community where we all feel so strongly about what we do, and how and why we do it. I think that Eric draws a lot of the drama because of his personality- he just tends to rub people the wrong way. Add in the fact that he's running a business where people trust him with a lot of their money and here we go! Ever notice how the tail makers with less loud, in-your-face personas don't draw the same emotion?
The drama on here annoys the shit out of me a couple reasons.. first, most everyone gets drawn into it on one level or another and it takes away from all the great information and interaction that goes on without it and second, the more we all sit around and bitch about someone like Eric, who LOVES the attention even when it's negative, we just validate the ridiculous behavior. He's said right on his page that press is press good or bad.
I saw a commercial a while back where all these people are standing around staring at a piece of trash and complaining that someone should do something.... then some guy just walks by, picks up the trash, puts it in the trash can and walks away. Done. So my solution has been to say what I did in the "professional courtesy" thread and act on it. Since I tend to get drawn into Eric crap, I unliked his Facebook page and I'm not reading any reviews for a while. My mind is pretty much made up about the whole thing, its time for me to just get the hell on with my life.
I'll add more to this later

[Joy&RaptorsUnrestrained!]

Is it just that I'm new, or am oblivious, or only on the periphery of the mer community? I've noticed a lot of people talking about drama (which, by the way, is an overused and often misused term... if one of my friends complains about drama it usually means "the person in question does stuff that upsets and confuses me and I want you to agree with me that (s)he's crazy/a jerk/bad for me") but I haven't actually been involved with any of it on here myself (or at least, I don't recall being involved... if I was, I do apologize).

[Nate Walis]

Is it just that I'm new, or am oblivious, or only on the periphery of the mer community? I've noticed a lot of people talking about drama (which, by the way, is an overused and often misused term... if one of my friends complains about drama it usually means "the person in question does stuff that upsets and confuses me and I want you to agree with me that (s)he's crazy/a jerk/bad for me") but I haven't actually been involved with any of it on here myself (or at least, I don't recall being involved... if I was, I do apologize).

I think that one of the major reasons that people like you and me are sort of sitting on the sidelines often baffled by these "dramas" is based on the fact that we may (or may not if you disagree) have a more passive position around here in that we don't actively persue a career, either full or part time, that intersects with the community.

It seems to me that the main sources of friction are when people are discussing something that they paid a considerable amount of cash for and were disappointed with the result or are on the other side of the equation and feel their reputation is being attacked by the criticism.

Maybe we should be glad that we don't have to be involved in the dramas around here.

[Lotus]

I think that one of the major reasons that people like you and me are sort of sitting on the sidelines often baffled by these "dramas" is based on the fact that we may (or may not if you disagree) have a more passive position around here in that we don't actively persue a career, either full or part time, that intersects with the community.

It seems to me that the main sources of friction are when people are discussing something that they paid a considerable amount of cash for and were disappointed with the result or are on the other side of the equation and feel their reputation is being attacked by the criticism.

Maybe we should be glad that we don't have to be involved in the dramas around here.

yup. you hit the nail on the head, Nate. I was a fool to let my limited experience with "people" annoy me to the point where I got drawn into shit that, at the end of the day, didn't affect me.
I'm not pro, and it's time for me to be happy with things as they are like before I got sucked into a bunch of bullshit. I'm happy swimming in my little fabric tail; I'll have a nicer neoprene one soon painted my way, and that's all I care about. Screw the rest. I happily retire to the position of Mer-here-looking-for-advice-and-ideas. Now my chi is aligned. YAY!
I do feel though, that for the people directly impacted by bad experiences with tail makers, they should be able to say how they feel. If it offends you, don't reply, or do when you have cooled off enough to state your side like a GROWN UP. This is a FORUM- which means people are here to talk about things that affect them, among other things. The heart and soul of this community is good, so try to focus on it.

[AniaR]

I do feel though, that for the people directly impacted by bad experiences with tail makers, they should be able to say how they feel. If it offends you,

No one's sayng we cant, we're trying to find appropriate ways to say it. Piggybacking on a positive review or a completely unrelated post isnt good

[Mer Vee]

I find this thread incredibly ironic.

It's like raaayyy-EEEaaaa-AAAINNneeee, on your wedding day!

[Gem Stone]

I hate it when a thread I start reading turns into an 'hate Eric' thread. I've never gotten a tail for the guy so I'm not personally familiar with his work, but apparently a lot of people don't like him too much. I still read it, however, just so if anything pops up, I understand what they're talking about. Yesterdays drama normally gets brought up in tomorrows issue as well. I do like the "WARNING DRAMA AHEAD" thing. It's a nice heads up

[taom]

Like someone already said, threads start out as fine and non-conflict-y but then will devolve. Because of that, it is inappropriate to label the whole thing as having drama. Therefore, I propose that the headings of posts that contain drama be marked with the warning. People can self-regulate (as Raina did when she put the warning on her thread) or an admin could add the title. To make it easier on the admin - so they don't have to go through and read every single post - people can report posts they feel deserve the drama warning with the afore mentioned button in the bottom left corner of each post. Then the admins can decide whether or not they agree with the suggestion. We would all, as a community, make a social pact to accept the judgment of the admins and not get mad or anything if we reported a post and it didn't get a title.

What do you all think?

(ps. to answer your query, malighi, for me the drama is a little entertaining on occasion, because people can be crazy, and I also feel it is important that people feel heard, but on the whole I feel like it infects the community with bad feelings. For example, I think there a tons more Eric haters, justified or not, because of the drama threads, people who might have otherwise had a pleasant experience with him. I feel that it is unhealthy for people to take their arguments into a "public space" for everyone to view and experience. They should either hold their discourse in private, i.e. over PM or something of the kind, or the portion of the thread that contains the drama should be moved to its own thread and limited so only the people involved can have access. This is quite complicated and difficult to get people to acquiesce to, but it's an ideal and might be worth a shot.)

[malinghi]

Piggybacking on a positive review or a completely unrelated post isnt good

This is a good opportunity to let everyone know that we've implemented a new review system. One of the advantages is that people can't comment on other people's reviews. Check it out here: Tailmaker Reviews
And if you have a tail that you bought, we'd love it if you'd post a review on the new system!

I hate it when a thread I start reading turns into an 'hate Eric' thread.

I've been meaning to try to police people more about attacking Eric randomly, but I'm not that diligent about finding drama. For one thing, like I said, I typically don't click on threads that appear to be a big fight. Everyone feel free to bring this stuff to my attention more.

[Theta]

Is there a way to make a section for things that are inflammatory? Not a thread that's mixed in whatever appropriate area of the board, I mean; like a separate subsection where people could go to rant/blow off steam/get it out of their systems/etc. You could post warnings all over it and people could avoid it if they chose. Threads that get overly dramatic could be moved there (Lorelei's 'sick' thread, mertailor rage thread, aela's flounce thread, etc.) I think if that hypothetical section was tempered with a couple of humor threads, it would leach away some of the tension.

You could call it the Soapbubble Opera, lol.

Also, I think it would be good to enable OP's to freeze replies to their own post. Lorelei asked for her thread to be frozen and I don't think it was. If she had been able to freeze it early on, some of that stuff might not have happened.