B!TC# IT OUT!

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Out grew all of my bras, or they are uncomfortable as hell anymore, so I go without one most times unless I'm going to town.

Went last night to go celebrate my father's 73rd birthday and eat cake and as I was sitting at the table-THIS HAPPENED



My step mother, and a couple of aunt's and uncles started talking about how I'm worse than a cow, and that I should just carry a pail with me everywhere.

I laughed it off because I didn't want to make a big deal about it. But it kind of stung.
I understand the joke.
But I felt a little hurt being compared to a cow.

[Hydra1337]

I'm sorry, Shimmer... I know how humiliating that can feel.

Also, belated group hug, Thalassa. *hug*

[PearlieMae]

Oh hunny! Don't feel bad! Cows are quite sweet animals. I know that doesn't make you feel better, but this might...on my first outing without my newborn daughter (the one quoted in my signature) I got to go to see the morning show broadcast of Regis and Kathy Lee, and be part of the audience. During one part of the show, they were going to take questions, and I was picked to ask one. They handed me the mic, and when they came out of commercial, I was supposed to stand up and ask my question. As they were counting down, and I was standing there in a peach colored shirt, my nerves made my milk let down BIG TIME. I tried handing the microphone back to Regis and he kept saying "ask your question!"

So...on live, national tv, everyone in America got to see two wet, saucer shaped dark spots, spreading across my boobs, and me yelling at Regis Philbin to "take this f***ing microphone, you idiot!"

Still makes me cringe when I think about it.

[TheSaltySiren]

It is a natural process to dispel milk and I hate how people (Men especially) make sure a big deal and sexualize it all. Like for Christ sake, you are nourishing your newborn child...

Oh another note, that language is crazy and I suspect a spammer as well.....

[PearlieMae]

I'm tired. I'm stressed. I hate myself all the time and I can't talk to anyone about these feelings. I can't conceivably see this getting any better, because it's all in my own head. I agonize over every mistake and possible mistake since I was 10, but can't remember where I put my kindle. I hate my face, my skin (color and otherwise), my body, my habits, my lack of style, my lack of skill in everything...I hate that I can't go along with a group opinion yet most times can't bring myself to say that I don't agree so I seem two-faced...the list just goes on and on. I guess I'm just complaining about myself? When I'm not just sad, I'm angry at myself. I've been trying to like myself, trying to be okay with who I am, but it's just not working. I feel like I am just lying to myself and others.

And today I have to go to a wedding, and smile and talk and pretend to be happy and answer questions about whether there's a boy on the horizon (nope, no one would love this but I keep my standards high) when all I feel is loathing that I am stuck spinning my wheels like this.

I'm tired of being me. Can I be someone else for a while?


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I wish there were a way I could just wave my magic fluke and make all those feelings disappear! If I could be the future you for a second, I'd tell you not to waste your precious time and energy worrying about any of that stuff! Life is too short...WAY to short.

If something is worrying you and there's nothing you can do, there's no point worrying...if there's something you can do, there's nothing to worry about!

Besides, most people are so wrapped up in their own drama to worry about yours. Be bold! Be silly! Say exactly what you think! Damn the torpedoes! The best revenge is to live wonderfully. You can do it, the joy you need is hiding beneath the worry. You can release it, we all know you can!

[MermaidBonnie]

Awe Shimmer I do hope things get better. I'm still breastfeeding! The struggle is real! People have been nice to me when I've had to come out of the water, move my shell, and nurse my daughter between mermaid dives. But people can be so judgey. I even got an online threat by some mermaid that Id get beat up for feeding my 3 month old at MerFest. I didn't go, was in the Bahamas instead, but anyways us mommas need to stick together ��

[Shimmer Mermaid]

That would be the cutest thing to see! A mermomma coming out of the water to feed her little one.
Thank you for the kind words Bonnie!

Unfortunately I can't stay out of this thread, as it seems like things are constantly going wrong.

Friday was my dads 73rd birthday! Which we are so happy he got to see it, seeing as how three years ago, we didn't think he would make it to his 71st.
But things immediately took a turn for the worst.
We ate that night, I gave him the moose peewee pillow pet I got him (he friggin loves deer and elk and moose and needed a small pillow for his chair), we ate some cake my sister made him, and everyone said their "goodnights" "I love yous" and "we're gonna head home for the night, happy birthdays" and me and my husband went home, went to bed, and the next morning my husband went to work like always.

My sister texted me Saturday night saying he completely forgot to play Rummy. A card game he has played with her almost every other night for as long as I can remember.

I figured that he was just tired or something, so I didn't think much of it.

Sunday morning at 6:50 a.m., my step mom calls, crying, "he wont get up, he wouldn't eat at all yesterday and he refuses to get up or move"

He usually gets up at like 4 every morning, gets his coffee. Does old man stuff, etc. Watches the hummingbirds.

Me and my husband get there at 7. He's in his lazyboy awake, but not there.

I get his attention and tell him to get up.
"Dad get up. Now."
"I don't feel like it."
"I don't feel like doing a lot of stuff- but I do anyway. Get up."

He got up, went to the kitchen table in pain. Hospice came in and gave him morphine.
He was out of it all day.

He was awake, but he, again, wasn't there. He kept staring out the window and I think he was day dreaming.
When he talked it seemed like he knew who he was talking about and who he was talking to, but it was almost all in third person.

I got him to eat and drink milk, coffee and water.

Today I went down and he told me that he wanted to give in. Just quit.
In short-let himself die.

I'm an ass to be completely honest, and we have a very funny relationship, if we aren't being sarcastic asses to eachother, we're mad at each other.

I told him "dad if you die before you meet your grandson, I'm gonna pull you up out of the grave to meet him. I don't care."

"No. Once I'm in the ground, I'm staying there!"

"Good, then stop whining and being a b#tch and fight. Meet your grandson. Grandma met her grandchild. You gonna let an old woman beat you?"

"You're an ass. At least I know your my kid though. I ain't going anywhere yet, I have to make sure my grandson gets my good looks."

"Deal."

He's still hurting. But they have him on some kind of patch to help the pain so he doesnt need morphine.

Its hard to see him like this.

[Hydra1337]

I'm very sorry you (and your father) are going through so much, Shimmer. How is your husband doing after his work injury, by the way?

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Thank you, and he is good, occasional headaches, and dizziness, but he got his stitches out and the wound looks pretty good. He said he kind of understands how Raina feels with her concussion now.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Oh Shimmer!

Orange candles will be burning tonight.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Thank you so much Sabrina. ❤ He is still in la la land, but he made a comment to himself/to me that made me about lose it.
"Pearlie is my favorite, she's so pretty. Her tails are nice. Maybe she'll make me a tail someday."

[Sabrina the Selkie]

That's a fantastic comment

[Mermaid Whisper]

Group hug for everyone. We're gonna need it.

*sigh*

My birthday was yesterday. It was supposed to be a fintastic day with all kinds of family love and fun. But, of course, none of that happened.

My oldest sister got kicked out yesterday morning for doing heroin (again). My dad had too many things to do to even worry about the fact that it was my birthday until 8:00 at night. My youngest sister was quite mean to me because I wouldn't play what she wanted, and she's 10.

*deep breath* everyone had someplace to be all day, and no one wanted to hang out with me. My family members, anyway.

On the plus side, I got some cute mermaid stuff and Skyrim! That should keep me company. *single tear*

[TheSaltySiren]

Oh how terrible! I am sorry to hear your birthday was not as eventful as it should have been! Wish we could have a meet up and throw you a mermaid worthy belated party! *Hugs*

[Mermaid Whisper]

Ah, I'll be okay eventually. *hugs back* there's a meetup for our Pod that I get to go to on the 7th, so that's something, right?

Also, I upgraded my phone (for free!) and got Pokemon Go!

[PearlieMae]

Thank you so much Sabrina. ❤ He is still in la la land, but he made a comment to himself/to me that made me about lose it.
"Pearlie is my favorite, she's so pretty. Her tails are nice. Maybe she'll make me a tail someday."

Oh my!

[MermaidBonnie]

Anytime Shimmer!!! Hugs to you!

[MermaidBonnie]

Whisper, My heart breaks for you. And for your sister. I lost one of my dear friends to heroin when he died, during my pregnancy, and one of my best friends bc she's on it and we can't have her around us and our baby for safety reasons. If you ever want to chat please do so! Prayers for you!

[Echidna]

And good luck to you, Echidna. I hope the tests come out well!

thank you, Sabrina. You're a really sweet person!

Sadly, I got bad news on all accounts, which was one of the reasons why I didn't read MN for the past days.


I decided to leave, as there is so much negativity all over the place and mers hating on each other for petty reasons, always trying to divide the community for their own personal agendas, that I realized I don't need any of this in my life.

There are many awesome peeps here too of course, but sometimes one or two malcontented drama-makers are enough to poison the atmosphere of a place.

My parting advice for those who care; don't waste your time with infighting and hating on others.
Make the most not only of every day, but of every single minute you have, and live YOUR life, always.
Because no matter how old or healthy you are, life is short, and should not be wasted with negativity when you can avoid it.

[SINicallyTwisted]

This really upsets me. If this was suppose to be a joke, I didn't find it the least bit funny. It made me want to find that poor mermaid and hug her so tight and drown the sob that mocked her.

https://instagram.com/p/BISZ6dmghiA/


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