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Remind him that his tax dollars already go to such programs. Might as well be for someone he knows.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid Whisper
And might I suggest at 1:30am, Oreos are the snack of choice? ;)
That's a good point. Stop being right all the time, Dan [emoji6]Quote:
Originally Posted by Merman Dan
Oreos are perfection, but I don't have any. Mmm. Just thinking about the mint ones...[emoji39]
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Yeah, trying to eat veggie sticks and pretend they're Oreos isn't working for me either. ;)
Every time he is hypocritical, point it out. Maybe he'll learn what an ass he's being.
From personal experience, get out of there even if it's to go stay with a friend til you're set up. Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental abuse can be far far worse than physical, and easier for the abuser to hide.
You need to get away, cut him out of your life and never look back.
I've not seen my dad since 2002 and my life is far better for it.
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I don't have anything to do with my stepfather at all. He is a money grubbing, mean old man and after a few years of taking his shit, I up and left.
Don't be scared to admit something is wrong and that he is an abuser. Call him out for what he is, and do not worry about how he may feel. You need total care of yourself first and foremost and stop trying to please everyone else as it is obviously making you miserable.
You don;t need to have loyalty to someone who is a sheer bully. And yes, disability is a great idea. You are not mooching off anyone, you have Autism (like I do) and require help with having enough finances etc, so that you can have a normal life.
As a teen I wanted to make everyone happy and please people, and now at 32 I know that that is not possible. Only people can make themselves happy, it's not your job to do it. Work on yourself, Let people earn your trust and respect. I am happier than ever now and have a gorgeous, caring wife as well. Things do get better, but you must have courage and take the risk.
I could tell you a few tales...
Yes. I'm sorry, Whisper. Your step-dad is an abuser and you need to get out of there.
You don't have to tell him that, you don't have to call him on it, but you DO need to leave.
I like to see the best in people too. And that's how I missed for years that a dear friend of mine is a narcissistic butt - just like her emotionally abusive father, and that she was using his tactics against her against me.
It's why I patiently stood by another friend for years, finding her when she went missing, being a sounding board when things were awful.
I didn't realize I really needed to pull away until she went to rehab. And my mom still thinks about when we were six years old and my friend begged my mom to adopt her and get her out of her auntie's house.
But my mom believed the best in her auntie. And now my friend has faced a lifetime of abuse and has become a blood sucking drug addict that I just simply can't help anymore.
You need to get the hell away, Whisper. And who knows if he really sexually assaulted your sister. But we DO know know that he uses mental and emotional manipulation tactics against you and you need to get out.
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It's all part of how he was socialized. Being socialized as male is inherently harmful to women. Some men grow up and realize how they use little abuses and do their best to go against their socialization. Others never do and continue to perpetuate the patriarchy. The patriarchy has been instilled in everyone since birth and is inherently violent. Especially towards women. Especially towards women who for whatever reason are incapable of providing for themselves.
You need to get out.
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I wish you were near Kettering, Ohio. A friend of mine runs something of an abused women's clinic out of her apartment. Her boyfriend teaches them self defence and martial arts while my friend, A, goes about being amazing giving them a sounding board to talk to, good tea, and herbal remedies for their injuries. She doesn't let them live there, but she lets them come for evenings and occasional overnights (she herself doesn't usually go to bed until six am, so it doesn't interfere with her sleep) and afternoons when she isn't working.
There's also a place in Chicago, where I live, called Anne's Haven, where women can go and have tea and conversation, or quiet time. They can bring their kids, or leave their kids at home. Occasionally a husband or two will sit in. My step-mom is currently working there.
Aparently there are a lot of these along the East Coast. See if you can get yourself to one for a few hours just to talk to other women about life in person. They might make a good sounding board too.
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Yaaaaay!!!!!
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[emoji170][emoji170][emoji170] couldn't do it without my merfriends!
My dad said he thought about it, and since I'm not transporting any furniture, he's helping me move!
He's salty, but I think he'll get over it [emoji5]
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That's so wonderful! ♡♡♡♡♡
Lots of love!
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:blush: feeling all the love tonight! :hug:Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabrina the Selkie
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I'm glad he's helping you move and you're finally getting out of there. Way to go!
ayyyyyyy!! Good for you Whisper!
Well my best friend officially hates me forever. She texted me saying how depressed she was and I was texting her and then she texted me saying that she wanted to hurt herself and she didn't deserve to be beautiful. She wasn't texting me back and wasn't answering her phone and she turned her phone off. I called 911 and they transferred me to the local police department who sent someone out to her place. Turns out she was at her grandmother's house. To make things worse when I texted her earlier I was mean and told her to stop feeling sorry for herself, because she was hung up over this guy who messed with her head. I immediately regretted sending it. She texted me saying she was fine around 9:30ish, I called her but she didn't answer, then she called me back, she's really angry at me. I told her that I really care about her but even though she said she glad that someone cares about her that much I could still tell she was incredible pissed off at me. My parents keep telling me that it was the right thing to do and if I didn't call the police and she had hurt herself I would be feeling even worse. I probably made her roommates incredibly mad at her as well.
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It was the right thing to do. I'm sure she doesn't hate you. Even if she is mad.
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She has to realise she has absolutely no right to be mad at you... you did the right thing as she was threatening with cutting herself, who wouldn't have called 911? I can't get my head around how is SHE the one being mad at YOU. This is wrong.
Just an fyi here, If anyone is vocal about hurting themselves and then hangs up, is usually doing it for attention, Trust me, when you really wanna end your life, you don't tell anyone and do it in secret. Your friends needs to smarten up and has no right to be mad at you. Sounds like mind games to me.
Everyone is dofferent and that goes as far as self harm, some people self harm in secret while others need to confide in someone that they feel they can trust to tell that they do self harm and not to judge them and tell them that they are wrong or cowards for choosing their method of coping. Me personally i have attempted suicide 3 times and each time I have told someone either before hand or while i was waiting for the affects to take hold, it's a combination of a last cry for help and just plain reaching out to someone to talk to and you should NEVER diminish the reason why someone reaches out to you as them just seeking attention and playing mind games with you. NEVER.
And try not to call the police on people, especially mentally ill people or anyone in emotional distress, the police are not trained in dealing with mentally ill people and most of the time an interaction with mentally ill people, even ones who call the police themselfs because they fell they will hurt themselves end in the death of the mentally ill person at the hands of the police. If you're worried about someone, contact another friend who lives close by to drop in on them and check on them.
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How are they making you? I know its hard to not care what your parent's think but if its what you really want then do it! You are a grown adult and can make your own decisions. It took me a long time to realize this but once I did things were so much better. My parents (mostly my dad) gave me such a hard time about moving out but I did it and thought it was rocky immediately things are so much better now. No regrets.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid Whisper
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[emoji92]
You need to tell someone if not the police they're threatening you. If you stay the abuse will continue and you'll never be able to leave.
Those threats sound pretty empty. My dad would say stuff like that to me all the time but he never actually did anything but yell and swear. I guess for a while that was enough, but when the time came nothing happened despite those comments.
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I'm sorry, You don't think it's abuse? Seriously?
Everyone here is telling you the truth, and it seems like you just wanna ignore it and stay. You need to leave, and they can do nothing to stop you. if you choose to stay, then you are choosing to stay in the abuse and things will never get better.
This is one of those times that my Aspies gets flared up and I am beyond agitated. I cannot stand when people ask for help, and it is given and then they choose to just ignore everything. I know what you are going through is rough Whisper, but you need to have some courage and do what is right by you.
That's definitely abuse. Get help.
Ok now that seriously sounds like abuse you need to get out of there. Just cut yourself off from them. Move out, and don't have contact with them anymore so they can't treat you like that anymore. Its not right for you to be complacent with that. Do what TheAutisticMermaid says its great advice.
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[emoji92]
I think that getting that room is the best idea regardless of what your parents think. We care about you and don't want to see you hurt. If you ever want to talk/vent/get out of the house/have mer time/whatever just say the word and I'll give you my contact info. I'm not that far away and will be ready with a listening ear.
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Don't let her get under your skin Whisper!! I've struggled with being told to go to a shelter as well and there was no way I could do it. I don't have any sort of disability,so that part...I cannot comment on...but I semi understand hunni :) And I sorta agree with you on the "know it all" lol I've seen way too much latleyQuote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid Whisper
I wish nothing but the best for you,I'll try to help you in any way I can :)
Maternity photos this weekend while my husband is off work, he wants me to wear my hair down for the photos, with either nothing done to it, or straightened because he loves how long it is.
I honestly don't know how I want it, and I'm making a bigger deal out of it than it really is I guess, but these are pictures of a pregnancy I never thought I would get to have....I want it to be perfect.
Never said go to a shelter, I simply have said you need to get out of there. My Autism is not a quirky side effect at all, and cripples me at times, so I find it very offensive that you think that.
I am not trying to jump all over or know best, and like what has four years on the Mernetwork have to do with anything? I am simply trying to give you life advice from a woman who has been in your position. Just like everyone else is.
And as for a "perfect life"? let me fill you in on my current life. My wife and I have been living in our car and couch surfing for the past couple of months due to be in a very bad situation with a roommate. We have had to put our stuff in storage, and survive as best we can. We both have no family to help us, and had to rely on ourselves. And during all of this I am working on my new business. It is hard? Of course? Will it get better? Of course it will. But staying in a situation that is detrimental to your health and well being isn't going to change anything, and until you realize that..No one can help you.
The autistic mermaid, you might want ti research why victims stay in abusive relationships/situations. It's not as simple as "leave". Do some research and let her work through it.
Mermaid whisper, is there any close friends you have that live nearby? A lot of people i know who were in an abusive situation eith either family or significant others planned to move out without telling their abuser. They planned in secret for months or somethimes years to get out with usually the help of a very close friend or 2 to sweep in and help them gather all of their things before the person they are trying to escape returns home. I would tell them i texted him, save up the money for the room and move in secretly, prepare a suitcase of things you can't leave behind and leave with a friend's help when gour family is out for the day. Afterwards you can let them know you're gone, or not and just leave without a word.
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Also no one ever chooses to stay in an abusive relationship unless they have a reason too. Google the hastag #whyistayed. Please educate yourself on emotional abuse situations before you get angry at a victim for what they can't help; a feeling of helplessness and attachment to their abusers (especially parents)
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Just an FYI, I have been in a very abusive relationship, and I do understand how hard it is to leave and why you stay..That's exactly why I am telling Whisper it's abuse and she needs to leave and get help. I just have a hard time when people reach out for help, and everyone gives it but they choose to ignore it,etc. Yes, she needs to leave in her own time, but that should be sooner than later, especially with what she has told us about her stepfather.
And family abuse is different than relationship abuse, so I know it is tough..But her stepdad isn't even blood, and sounds like her mom isn't a huge help. So she needs to help herself and get out. Even if that means taking her things in the night and fleeing to that apartment she had lined up.
Whisper, I apologize if I made you upset or hurt, All I was trying to do was give you some advice from someone who has been there and lived this. I am 32, and have a ton of experience with this and I hate to see someone as young as you struggle.
My main support at work quit and is moving out of state. I'm swirling in self doubt and thoughts I'm not going to openly talk about here. I've been working hard to pull myself out of this mess, and I get a rude spamming of messages on Instagram because it failed to notify me of a private message. Back into the depths I go.
100% sure my best friend has replaced me with a new friend who's more into the same things as her. I've never felt so alone, my life long family friend has gone away to college, my best friend hates me and replaced me and now I'm all alone. To make things worse she's been posting nonstop on Facebook and Instagram of her and this other friend. I'm probably acting greener than the wicked witch right now, but I'm still beating myself up over what happened. I'm sooooo afraid and embarrassed and upset at myself to call or text her which is probably why she's moved on to this other friend. Just ignore me, I'm feeling sorry for myself.
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