I'm sorry :sad eyes: Maybe you could use the pieces for an art project like a mosaic or something that way you still have them with you just in a new form, like they were reborn.
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I'm sorry :sad eyes: Maybe you could use the pieces for an art project like a mosaic or something that way you still have them with you just in a new form, like they were reborn.
Thanks Khaleesi, but you have far more patience than I. I'm just happy not to have cut myself picking up all the shards and glass dust. I enjoyed them while I had them. sigh....
:( how disappointing. I know the feeling all too well. Moving a few years back meant a losing a lot of sentimental things (they got lost in the move). I hope you're still close with your friend and can make more memories.Quote:
Originally Posted by Keiris
The rain here has been relentless!!! Days and days of it! My street is completely flooded, so much that it looks like a canal! My convertible is too low to the ground so I'm trapped here and it's STILL RAINING! I think I am going to offer gondola rides up and down the street. Maybe charge extra for the obligatory serenade. If this keeps up I'll make better time traveling to work in the tail!
I've been having a bunch emotions bothering me lately.
Among the many emotions I feel. I feel like I'm falling into a black abyss. I just want to hear someone tell me something my heart wants to hear. Sometimes I want someone to tell me that I'm not a bad person. I want to be told I'm caring and kind and helpful. However, all I've been is an egotistical, condescending barnacle brain. I feel among other things a nagging thought. I don't try hard enough. I'm not helpful enough. People tell me I'm helpful, and I just can't believe it. I can't believe the compliments. A part of me just won't let me. I feel like time has scattered the pieces of who I am across the sea floor as the currents carried them to the four corners of the world.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mh3A...JyTr3jao92BxNS
The following song is another one that gets me. The lyrics "Are we having fun yet?" really hit me hard. Bipolar is like living with a monster that's hell bent on wrecking havoc and chaos in my life. That monster is like another me consumed by emotions. When the dust settles, I almost want to say to myself sitting next to me in a bipolar episode "Are we having fun yet?" "Is this really me?" "Is this what I really am?". I don't have split personality, but at the same time, I feel so lost in a bipolar episode.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps-mZ5BQQDY&index=188&list=PLiX-4TIJ0PtmyijcfZuJyTr3jao92BxNS
So, I feel like I'm just having one of those bad days...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKWtYOswmyk&list=PLiX-4TIJ0PtmyijcfZuJyTr3jao92BxNS&index=173
I've had this feeling of guilt for what I've said in this thread. I really feel like I've been facing that guilt alone. I keep having this thought haunt me. So many first impressions went so bad because I had one of 2 manic episodes triggered by the accumulation of stress from within this community, at home, and at work. I still feel bad for what I said even if I wasn't in control of my words. I know that the world isn't always forgiving, and I know that I have to own it even if it wasn't me because the world won't look at it differently.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sgycukafqQ&index=216&list=PLiX-4TIJ0PtmyijcfZuJyTr3jao92BxNS
Sometimes I feel like I'm slipping into a coma. Not like a real coma, but I feel like I'm slipping into a shadow of darkness weighing on me. Sometimes I really feel like fighting my inner demons is too much. However, in that moment I feel like I'm slipping I feel something in my heart. I remember my friends, my family, my cat, and everyone I'm connected with. Honestly, I think that the memories of those I care about are the difference between overcoming Bipolar or not. I am not consumed by it. It does not control my life because I have the strength I can only get from friends and family.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZNCrLV8W_M&index=218&list=PLiX-4TIJ0PtmyijcfZuJyTr3jao92BxNS
I feel like there is so much pain around me. I almost got triggered into a mood swing by the drama on Facebook. The following video has a couple lines that really gets me. "I know your lost when you run away, into the same black holes and black mistakes." I feel in my heart that we are in running away from friendship, family, unity, and etc., into something dark. I feel like we need someone to bring back, away from those black holes and black mistakes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUTzZGR64mI&list=PLiX-4TIJ0PtmyijcfZuJyTr3jao92BxNS&index=223
And deep inside, I want all of us to stop fighting. I feel like I feel so broken because of all the fighting. I just wish there was a reset button.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0zdqeivGaU&index=190&list=PLiX-4TIJ0PtmyijcfZuJyTr3jao92BxNS
I'm sorry about the long post. The music is the best way I know how to express my emotions when they start to get so chaotic.
Also, I seem to be having a lot of trouble posting anything with my Merman Dylan account.
No one has to hold all that pain. People can change and there is always hope. I am sorry that you feel that way. If you ever need someone to talk to, message me. (I might not be able to answer right away, but I'll get it)Quote:
Originally Posted by Merman Dylan Zalrian
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Even when I feel as bad as I do, I find music is capable of showing light in the dark. Music reminds of those who are still with me in my heart. I feel like I owe it to them to not less this funk consume me. I almost cry because I feel like they are with me fighting the darkness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IF8rLj7Mmdc&index=254&list=PLiX-4TIJ0PtmyijcfZuJyTr3jao92BxNS
I know I'm ranting, but I kinda feel a need to somehow share what I feel more than speak.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3fOGrhlZ_g&index=253&list=PLiX-4TIJ0PtmyijcfZuJyTr3jao92BxNS
I'm sorry about going off. I just had to express my emotions somewhere somehow.
Thanks. It's probably a part of being bipolar. Something about how my brain works drives me to over extend myself emotionally and physically. I'm feeling kinda useless as I see fighting, and I want to step in to stop it. However, I don't know if there is anything I can do to change things and stop the fighting.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid_Izzy
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Hi Dylan. First of all, your avatar picture is great! You look so happy!
I am sorry that you have been feeling drained emotionally and physically because of your Bipolar. I have a friend that was diagnosed as bipolar. He is a very distinguished oncologist (cancer doctor) with a long term practice and reputation of excellence in this city. Although he feels his diagnosis, which was untreated for most of his life, led to his divorce, he was able to reclaim his life with therapy and medication. The therapy to talk through his problems with someone who was patient and understanding and the correct medication to heal his body. He has since then married the love of his life, continues to see MANY patients in his thriving practice and has gone on to be a very happy, healthy, successful man. He's quite a bit older than you are.
The reason I bring this up is there is ALWAYS hope for someone in your situation. You have your whole life ahead of you. You're young, attractive, passionate, with a big heart waiting to share it with others. When I see pictures of you in your tail it makes me smile because of the obvious joy you experience swimming in it. Remember, there are many people on The Mernetwork that have all kinds of physical/emotional problems but are determined to overcome them and live life on their own terms. I know you can be one of them. Good luck to you and know there are people here that care. :)
Thank you. I just needed to get my emotions off my chest. I guess I just need to let out and just say it once in a while. I'm trying to express things better. I feel like just saying what I said has helped. Sometimes it feels like the pressure of a volcano is building inside. It doesn't help that all the recent fighting on social media has, not quite triggered, but it has made me feel very similar emotions to everyone fighting. That's the best way I can explain it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Keiris
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I hate to be back, but can everyone send me positive vibes. My mom recently had a major surgery, and things have been kinda stressful helping out more around the house. My siblings are helping, but I feel like my stress is getting to me. My cat also isn't feeling well. His medicine to help with the Urinary Crystals is also making him much more upset about getting touched. It might be a sensitivity thing. Please, what would help the most is good vibes sent to my mom and cat. I know that once they feel better I will feel better. I'm losing my mind with worry.
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So I skip my class today, to come see my friend early because she won't be home when I'm off of school. She texted me when I'm leaving school and tells me not to come until 10:30 because she's needs to get as much sleep as possible before we take her cat to the vet. She stays up all night and sleeps all day. I'm tired of not being able to hang out with her except for a couple hours in the evening when she's off of work. I'm tired of being tired when she's wide awake.
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I rarely post in this thread unless it's to support someone else but I have to admit I am feeling VERY anxious right now as Hurricane Irma comes barreling down my throat. I am in Naples, S. Florida on the gulf coast. Although I have been through 5 or 6 hurricanes while living here, nothing as huge and powerful as this one! Category 5 is CATASTROPHIC. I feel terrible for my friends in Miami, Lauderdale, Puerto Rico and Cuba. Please say a prayer for all of us here. Our power will be gone for who knows how long so you may not hear from us Florida Mers for awhile. :cry:
If you don't feel safe there, come to Lakeland. I'm confident my family will open the house for an extra personQuote:
Originally Posted by Keiris
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I feel the same way. Although the worst possible thing has already happened to me. My cat, Rocky, had a stroke a few days ago and passed away on Tuesday. I stayed with him until the end. I'm just happy he didn't get stuck in pain and suffering while the Hurricane went through. Him passing away when he did was almost a blessing. I don't know how messed up I would have been to have him pass during the Hurricane. I live in an area that might get it's power up sooner because of the emergency services within walking distance. I will try to give any updates when I can.
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Prayers sent y'alls way, I love storms, but I don't like the damage and devastation they leave.Quote:
Originally Posted by Keiris
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Thanks Izzy. This is no regular storm though. It's circumference covers our whole state!
I created a thread called Natural Disaster Check in and Status Update.
There are fires in the west, flooding and damage in Texas, and 3 hurricanes in the Atlantic with Irma headed straight through Florida. I thought having a thread for us to let each other know we are alright might be helpful.
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Stuck at home in Lake Worth, FL with my husband, two year old (well, she's two on the 8th), and our two cats. I'm trying not to be anxious about it by venting my emotions through making memes like this. Even so, I find myself unable to sleep easily. :(
Hydra, the governor required that ALL hotel allows pets in the state of Florida during the hurricane. If the hotel are safer, go to one with your pets and family. You can find hotel that are still open by a link they told on the news. https://www.expedia.com/florida Only the hotel that has space available shows up within that extension.
That is appreciated Slim but I can't afford to stay at a hotel. I even had to call out of work tomorrow so I could save on gas (I work almost a half hour away) because lines are ridiculous IF you can even find gas. My husband is getting up at 6:30AM so he and our next door neighbors can go find nails and other supplies. They managed to find shutters for the windows but they don't fit right and the outer walls are too weak to just nail/screw them in. We're good on food and such but it's the damage we're mainly worried about.
They are pretty rare on that side, but hazards do occur. I recall a few damaged roofs in my time :/ You better stay safe handsome, don't make me come down thereQuote:
Originally Posted by Keiris
I know, that's exactly what gets me so excited about it!Quote:
Originally Posted by Keiris
I don't understand why, but I just naturally love hurricanes and tornadoes. The bigger they are the more excited I get. I wish I didn't because I don't like to see everyone in a panic or injured or devastated. There's just something about them that gets my adrenaline pumping.
I haven't been able to sit still for weeks because I have been so fidgety about Harvey and now Irma and Jose. The worst part for me is that I am still in high school, so I can't do much to help with the aftermath.
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Shipping times. I hate shipping times. So I'm making costumes for the holidays and doing full armour as well as some Game of Thrones embroidered brocade capped doublets ...but it was so very hard to find the pattern. Now it seems it'll be three weeks until I've got my pattern on hand to get going. In the meantime I'm designing all the complex machine embroidery and hand dyeing the brocade to suit the house colours. But three weeks time will put me right into Halloween season and I just got a second job that's taking up every free day I've have until November. I need the money but I feel a little caged in by the whole experience. After this I am starting a gig in the film industry and lending my talents to some shows in the area so it's just up up and away for me.
I'm stressed. :rollover:
Keiris you better be getting out of there right now. I'm checking the news and it says it's heading right for you I better not hear that you opted to wait it out...😡
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Yes, Arking, I stayed. Had to help my sister and others pack up there homes. Gas hard to come by. It would be worse to be stranded on 75. My place will not likely survive the storm because the roof can't withstand more than 100 mile winds. I closed the door on it last night and pretty much kissed it goodbye after 17 years. Took the bare essentials. So many art/costume supplies, furniture, clothes, paintings and treasures left behind but what can you do? They are just material.Quote:
Originally Posted by Arking
Thank you for thinking of me. This will most likely be my last post for awhile as once we lose power they estimate weeks before it could be returned.
I saw your post too late. Guess I will have to make it up to you somehow for threatening to have to come down here. lol (Although I wouldn't wish that on anyone, there are worse things I could think of than having you here in my clutches, pretty boy.):eyebrows:
For my fellow Mers in Florida, and the other areas affected by this Bitch, Irma, you are all in my prayers and thoughts. Stay safe and we'll reconnect soon.:mermaid kiss:
Oh Keiris, I'm sorry. I was concerned as I was reading about the storm surge heading directly towards Naples. A friends family owns a house not a kilometer away from the gulf and the city is so low to the water, google claims it's elevation is only 90cm. With a 15ft surge wave expected they too have to grip the reality that this disaster is going to unleash. I hope that there's a miracle and the winds and surge are clipped off the shallows near the Keys and Everglades and things make it out alright. Take care :(
As a final note I do hope I'm understanding you correctly and you didn't just say you're staying in Naples during this...
Stay safe, folks.
This is the downside of living in a tropical paradise: you also get taiphoons/hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis...
it's always been like this.
I hope you all will be well.
Dear God,
Please just fucking end my life right now. I don't know if I can't take this much anymore. If there are any more suffering I have to go through with because of her please just end me now so I don't have to go through so much pain anymore because of her. I now know I'm meant to be alone. Please I don't want to be in anymore pain because of her.
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I don't know what's going on, but know that I'm here for you. Also, remember that no one can make you feel pain. Stay positive and keep looking for the light in the darkness.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid Clara
Sent from my LG-TP450 using MerNetwork mobile app
So, apparently I'm racist for doing my job.
I commented on a post on Facebook about an owner of a business being racist towards someone. While I did not defend her, I did share my experience as a cashier in which someone who was black jumped into acting like a victim of racism. My job expects the cashiers to make sure nothing is at the bottom of a shopping cart a customer might "forget" to pay for. The fact that I am white she was black had nothing to do with me pointing out the obscured shoes in the shopping cart she did not indicate she would buy.
Ironically, I've caught a white lady trying to sneak out Yoga pants in a large dog bed. I've also caught an Asian lady stashing merchandise in a suitcase. I spotted an associate doing markdowns he wasn't supposed to, and I cleaned up sewage a guy caused to back flow in the men's bathroom as a distraction to steal.
In every situation, race was never an element in identifying the theft. The customer either refused customer service or I did my job checking everything at the register.
So, apparently my friend's friends decided I was racist for doing a job I will continue to have to do. They even had the ghaul of saying I was being the predictable racist stereotype without even knowing me.
I'm sorry. I had to vent.
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This sounds like a misunderstanding.Quote:
Originally Posted by Merman Dylan Zalrian
I think your friends were likely more upset at your need to defend a person you may not know (you never clarify) with stories of your own experiences than whether you were doing your job or not. You may not have intended to justify or defend the owner, but by commenting in such a manner you could be perceived as doing just that. Context is everything and your defense of a store owner while admirable isn't fully explained here so it's hard to know what it is about this situation that prompted you to interject. On one hand it could just be as you say, your friends feel you doing your job is tantamount to racism. On the other it could simply be that they don't like that you've equated your personal experiences as universal truths applicable to this or any other situation that may be perceived as racial prejudice.
I am of the belief that both sides in this situation are correct.
My job has a word called BOB or Bottom of the Basket and LISA Look Inside Anything. We are expected to check merchandise and the Shopping cart for merchandise for EVERY customer.
I honestly believe the customer I had was screaming Racism because I pointed out the shoes partially hidden in the shopping cart. As a cashier, I was forced to endure her going on a rant about racism which is not an acceptable or dependable behavior. Especially since I was doing my job.
The owner is a different story. I actually said the owner went too far.
The point I was hoping to make is that not everyone accuses people of theft because of their race.
That all being said, I do believe some people abuse complaining about racism that never happened as much as racism that exists. I feel like the people complaining are taking away from what's real. I do believe there is a little bit of both in the world. I don't even think I experienced reverse racism. I do feel like she was being incredibly rude for getting offended over something that never happened.
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In light of being (in my opinion) wrongly called out for racism. I have begun to have second thoughts about creating a character with a dark skin tone to represent people of color in the mercommunity. I thought it was a nice idea, but now I have some serious doubts. This recent situation was overwhelming and more harmful towards building bridges than I can begin to express. I want to create a character of color that could represent other merfolk, but I do not want to go through this drama again.
The idea for this possible character of color was to have her and her brother in a world that did not discriminate because of skin color. In my world, the events in our world that created racism don't exist. Merfolk are united as merfolk. The only thing was that the character's skin color would be the same as the skin color of those with darker skin tones. I wasn't going to make changes to her character because of her skin color.
She was going to be smart, educated, and, the love interest of another character with a lighter skin tone. (Edit: the extent of the relationship is undetermined at this point in the stories development. They are the equivalent of kids even if their age is around 50 years old)
I can't believe I'm getting second thoughts, but what if someone tries to call me out for nothing again. I mean, with Rocky gone and my emotions becoming more unstable... I honestly don't know if I can handle someone trying to tell me how I am racist again.
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I guess I misunderstood, it was hard to tell from your post whether or not the situation the owner was involved in was at your work place. If you were present for the situation than it's reasonable for you to have provided some commentary on it so people understood both sides.
With regards to the abuse of terminology and the leveraging of ones victimhood, it does happen sure. But again context helps to shape each and every situation. My perception of how an event takes place, will not be the same place as those around me. A great example is in the retail environment itself, where I've gone shopping and felt scrutinized based on what I happen to be wearing, identified by employees as a potential shoplifter. Being self-aware of my appearance and that I'm being watched and judged I internalize all the insecurities going through my mind and act accordingly looking even more suspicious. That's just for wearing clothing, now imagine feeling like that for simply being a minority?
It's a vicious circle and to me it's easy to see how anyone in that situation can automatically feel like they are being treated unfairly or with racial prejudice. You can argue that it's all internal and that store employees are just doing their job, but it doesn't erase or invalidate the subjects perception and experience of it. I think that's the disconnect really, whether or not one or both parties get to designate whether something is or is not as extreme as racism.
"But words are subject to infinite nuances of meaning and interpretation which make any verbal utterance both ephemeral and subjective." (King of the Celts: Arthurian Legends)
"The real is what exists. The truth is our judgement about what exists." (King of the Celts: Arthurian Legend)
The reality is that in my situation race was never a factor, and racism did not exist as far as why I asked about the shoes in her shopping cart.
In the other situation, it might be best to drop it per the wishes of the original poster.
I believe that in some way an assumption was made about me over a misunderstanding with the nuance of words and circumstance.
I stand firm in my belief that the people calling me out were wrong because they did not know who I am and jumped to conclusions about my own understanding anyways.
The question is still up in the air. If someone has the nerve to try and call me out for racism that is merely a truth they acquired from a lack of understanding of who I am and what I lived through in the past, then should I try to represent people with darker skin tones in my story? Should I risk more drama in the future? I could create representation in the mercommunity, or someone who forms baseless assumptions could call me out for misrepresentation.
The person claiming to call people in actually did a pretty good job making me feel so sick that I wanted move as far and as fast as possible away from building any bridges.
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Might be a good time to step away and take a breather for a bit. I say this because your sentence structure is no longer really making sense to me and that tells me you're typing emotionally rather than considering your words carefully. Do something you enjoy for awhile and get your mind off of this facebook argument and then go back into doing what you want to do.
You're never going to find people agreeing with you 100% of the time, and when you're dealing with issues such as race you're bound to find yourself on the receiving end of sharp criticism and critique especially when you don't identify with those groups. When it comes to your own writing, your authorship is your own and consider the successes of other fiction authors and how they've handled race in their works if you want to avoid drawing comparisons to contemporary race issues.
After 10 years, I decide it's not worth being friends with a long time friend. This goes on many levels but I'm going to leave out most of the details because it's not really worth the time complaining. I'm not mad at her introducing me to my ex gf however I will remain disappointed on what the person allows. People get block and life moves on however it's not that easy. I keep a simple rule that the pictures and videos I take are for whatever the person want to use them as long as they are not mean about it however if there is a block, I must be credited or take the picture down. That person will not take them down and even put it on her bf page which is fine if he would just give credit. I ask nicely and basically got the f u from him. I was told I would need to reply back with him of certificate of ownership to the picture. I told that friend of 10 years of how she can show her roommate how to view that information but she remain quiet. If a person will not help keep a person work protected, there no sense being a friend to that person. There is another reason why after 10 years I'm ending that friendship but that one issue I got to handle within myself and find the light. Yes I'm bitter about this but I'll get over it. I mean how does a person not be bitter when the ex friend tells off other mers in the community because a merman message her and tells me fu in a group chat with another mer. It's not professional and it way I feel I need to protect my reputation as I get better with photographing within the community. However it's lesson time for everyone on how to find a digital ownership on a photo you taken when people claim you got no proof of ownership:
The EXIF info is information your camera and cell phone automatically put within the media file unless you tell your device not too. It's recommended to name the device after your full name or your business to prove ownership easier. The camera I used to take my ex mermaid pictures with had my name and camera information saved within the settings and can be extracted if you right click the file and click on properties. It's important to keep a copy of the pictures and videos you take and leave them on the computer. I say this becauses sites like Facebook actually remove the exif/metadata when you upload the file (which is a good reason why people should be watermarking their pictures on social media). You can use the form method of reporting on Facebook to request the pictures/videos to be taken down however you will need the information within the exif data (which is reason I say to keep a copy of the original file) as that information is your proof of ownership to the file when no contract or written agreement exist. The exif data would need to be saved as an image to upload to Facebook.
I'm going to attempt to be more active and helpful in the community. I shall be stronger than ever after all of this.