B!TC# IT OUT!

He'll learn to see it, though. It's just that we're generally pushed to have same-sex friendships, so until a sisterless man has a girlfriend or a wife or a daughter it's completely out of their line of sight, like for white people who are unaware of white privilege simply because they've never seen the alternative.

I break the norm, myself, being a Hispanic girl who sits at a lunch table with six boys from white Protestant, Jewish, Hispanic, Asian, and African descent, but I also live in a fairly progressive community where I'm allowed to do so.

Never is easy to overcome limitations set upon you by society. For white men, that limitation is their forced inability to understand through experience the marginalization of various minorities.

But yeah, definitely sad.

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Originally Posted by Celaeno

I'm sad that for so many men it takes having a daughter to recognize this crap. I wish we had more male allies who cared because we're people, not because we're their daughter/sister/wife/mother/friend.

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^^^^

This, this, and more this.

I love those days where you feel like the whole universe is out to get you. This weekend was supposed to be semi relaxing, not starting out with stress on top of stress. I had a lady down the road from me try to blame me for her cow breaking a leg and wanted me to fork over $3500, all because she thought my dogs were the ones out chasing her cow.

I finally got everything ironed out with work, school, and the practicum site, and then work schedules me on a day I took off my avails weeks ago. *sigh* Time to harass HR . . . Again.

Ugh I got accepted into a college course, yay! But guess what, it started last week, they just sent me an email saying I was accepted but I had to email them to ask for the dates, apparently they 'forgot' how the hell do forget to tell your students when the class starts!? So iv missed an entire week now and because it's only a year long it's an intensive training course. So pissed off, it also means that my funding is messed up for this month and I'll have to sort that as well.


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So... My long term boyfriend broke up with me a month ago, three days before we started our senior year. I'm just now coming to terms with it because I have been noticing all of his terrible and manipulative traits that I couldn't see while in the relationship. Now I know that it was a toxic relationship, but Im still struggling to get past wanting to be with him. It doesn't help that I have 4 out of my 7 classes with him every day and all of my friends are his friends too. My one friend who supports me just announced that she is moving to Michigan to go to a boarding school and she leaves in 3 days. I keep oscillating between angry at my ex and wanting to be with him. A week ago he asked if we could be friends with benefits, despite knowing that I'm not that kind of person and knowing I've been tricked into that in the past, and now he won't talk to me at all despite him always stressing how we need to be friends. I just deleted his number off my phone, along with every picture I had with him in it (which is a shame cuz I looked great in pretty much all of them haha).

i just needed to get that out of my system since I can't talk to my friends about it without then talking to him too...

It's a normal thing cecelia. *Huge hugs* you had feelings for him and that doesn't completely go away and you don't get over things like this overnight.

For example mum has been in two seriously mentally abusive relationships and even though she would never go back to them and loathes them, there's still a big part of her that still loves them and misses them years later

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Originally Posted by Mermaid Lilium

It's a normal thing cecelia. *Huge hugs* you had feelings for him and that doesn't completely go away and you don't get over things like this overnight.

For example mum has been in two seriously mentally abusive relationships and even though she would never go back to them and loathes them, there's still a big part of her that still loves them and misses them years later

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Thanks Lilium :)

Look at it as a learning experience. When you start getting nostalgic, or sad, or frustrated, ask yourself "what was I supposed to learn from this guy/relationship/experience/break up?

Soon, you'll realize what you are supposed to look for so you don't repeat behavior, or get involved with people, that are not healthy for you. I won't lie, it's not easy, and it won't happen fast, but you'll be a happier and smarter person, and before too terribly long, you'll realize how much better off you truly are.

Hugs!

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Originally Posted by PearlieMae

Look at it as a learning experience. When you start getting nostalgic, or sad, or frustrated, ask yourself "what was I supposed to learn from this guy/relationship/experience/break up?

Soon, you'll realize what you are supposed to look for so you don't repeat behavior, or get involved with people, that are not healthy for you. I won't lie, it's not easy, and it won't happen fast, but you'll be a happier and smarter person, and before too terribly long, you'll realize how much better off you truly are.

Hugs!

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thats great advice :) thanks pearlie!

Thanks, hun, but I can't take credit. Despite the popular definition, this is really the nature of karma. Learning from experience, not "you'll get yours".

You can ask yourself the same questions when you're happy, too! Why did this make me happy? How can I repeat this to be happy more often? Can this make other people happy, too?

Karma is 'live and learn', not 'your rotten attitude will come back to get you'.

Then again, I could be full of shit. :meditation:

I'm a firm believer in the latter. "If you serve shit, you'll get shit."
ive seen it a few times enough to determine karma is a bitch when it needs to be.

Damnit. Just typed up a nice long response on the definition of Karma and lost it all.

It means both and neither. Karma acts through reincarnation.

Therefore it served as both a moral deterrent AND a way to justify the caste system. If you treat people like shit, well, you'll be reborn as a cockroach. Conversely, if you're of a lower caste, it's because you were a dick in a past life.

Also, one had to experience all forms of life to achieve Nibana (what we would call Nirvana) which is the only way to break the cycle of reincarnation. Upon full enlightenment, your soul would join a massive life force that is both omnipresent and omniscient. This is the end goal of all Buddhists, to be achieved in this life or the next.

Of course, religious doctrines change over time, but this is the traditional Buddhist definition. And my personal favorite, awful classist warts and all, simply because world theology is my pet hobby.

So yesterday was my mom's birthday and i was dreading it because of the whole things where they want me to sing at my dads book presentation party.
My family was there and 4 friends of our family.
My dad told all about his party and how songs that he wrote were going to be sung :saynothing:
My brother made sure that he was talking about himself and his wife and the upcoming baby and all their plans for a big part of the evening....sigh...
He made some remarks my way that pissed me off but i kept my cool.
Today however i was soooo tired and i realized that the tension yesterday and me trying to keep my cool drained me from all my energy.
I actually went to bed to watch a movie around noon and kept falling asleep, waking up, falling asleep etc.
All day i barely did anything.
I felt like boiled spaghetti, no strength in any of my body parts.
I wrote to a friend of mine and told her that i will tell my brother and family i will sing 1 song at the party and no more then that.
And also i will thell them that i want to make it clear that i never, and i do mean never, want to be asked again to sing at any event/party or "special" occassion.
But my friend told me not to dot that.
She said they will ask me again anyway if i give in now and i look like a push over if i do so.
Damn it! I thought i had such a good plan here to get them off my back once and for all! :headwall:
I have been stressed out all day and pissed off over everything that was said yesterday at the birthday party.
I am tired beyond belief but fear i will get no sleep...and to top it all off.....i have a show tomorrow so i will be out with my family for about 8 hours... fingers crossed that i will not be drained of energy any further since i barely have any left as it is! :biting nails:

And I didn't even read why this was brought up.
Cecelia. I am so sorry. That sucks. A friend of mine is almost always in mentally abusive relationships and she only ever recognizes it once they break up with her.

Congrats on severing ties and deleting his number, and Pearlie's right. Treat it as a learning experience.

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Originally Posted by Mermaid Cecelia

So... My long term boyfriend broke up with me a month ago, three days before we started our senior year. I'm just now coming to terms with it because I have been noticing all of his terrible and manipulative traits that I couldn't see while in the relationship. Now I know that it was a toxic relationship, but Im still struggling to get past wanting to be with him. It doesn't help that I have 4 out of my 7 classes with him every day and all of my friends are his friends too. My one friend who supports me just announced that she is moving to Michigan to go to a boarding school and she leaves in 3 days. I keep oscillating between angry at my ex and wanting to be with him. A week ago he asked if we could be friends with benefits, despite knowing that I'm not that kind of person and knowing I've been tricked into that in the past, and now he won't talk to me at all despite him always stressing how we need to be friends. I just deleted his number off my phone, along with every picture I had with him in it (which is a shame cuz I looked great in pretty much all of them haha).

i just needed to get that out of my system since I can't talk to my friends about it without then talking to him too...

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Hang in there!
It is completly normal to have mixed emotions right now.
You have been together for a long time and your feelings will not go away over night.
I am so happy that you dismissed the friends with benefits! Who the .... does he think he is?
He is the one who broke up with you and did not want to be with you anymore, so why want benefits?
He can either be with you or not, there is no middle way...at least not for me.
The good thing is also you recognizing that it was a toxic relationship. That is a big thing and that will help you to keep strong in not going back to him.
I have always been a firm believer in no second chances after a break up.
If a man breaks up with me there is no going back.
If he broke up with me, there must have been a reason for it and since i did not change and am not willing to change for a man, what is the point in going back?
You will only run into the same problems again.
I hope what i wrote makes sense, i am far from fit and energetic today lol but wanted to let you know i am here for you :hug:

Thanks everyone for the huge amount of support, I'm so glad that that I get to be a part of such an intelligent and thoughtful community :)

I'm getting really tired of America and all it's bullshit.
I swear, I am seriously considering moving to Canada. Idk how or when but I've already but doing some research into the extensive process of it. I hear it is NOT easy and VERY expensive and isn't just a "Okay, I'm going to live here now *poof*" kinda thing. Or maybe Australia. But I hear its also very expensive living up there. Maybe after this year of college I will see if I could transfer to either for a brief period or something. I really don't know. But I don't wish to leave my family, and I doubt they'd all be aboard a "I Think This Place Is Going To Shitz and We Should Leave Before We Find Ourselves At The Business End Of An Army Boot" train. They will just look at me with a you're crazy look as usual and just refuse to see any points I make. And I am a family guy, guys, I CANNOT leave my mother and sister behind let alone my grandmothers especially when I know myself that I am, essentially, running in fear.
I just really need/want to get away. I know everything and everyone is not bad here. I LOVE the city I live in and always said years ago I never wanted to even travel but now here I am plotting to hightail it out as quickly as I can. Idk. I just don't wish to be the next news headline. It's all just bullshit. Humans are bullshit. I'm a potato now.

QUESTION: Has anyone here actually moved to Canada or Australia from America, permanently? Would you recommend? Or should I just shut my gill holes and deal? Maybe I'm just being stupid. And paranoid.

Australian public swimming pools welcomes all mermaids. And most are open all year round.

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Originally Posted by Mermaid Jaffa

Australian public swimming pools welcomes all mermaids. And most are open all year round.

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yep.