Printable View
It varies by state here in the US- age of consent and legal adulthood aren't the same thing, but a 16 yr old girl who is 'surprised' by your interest probably thought it was friendly. As almost anyone would, since the age disparity is quite a large one and she's a minor.
Yeah, they vary. But most states have them at 18 too. I did some googling and here's what wikipedia has to say about Iowa's laws: (I have no idea how up to date this is just fyi. so it could have changed but I'm lazy and I'm not digging any deeper.)Quote:
Originally Posted by Tieri
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wikipedia
But remember, even if it is legal, she isn't (imo) mature enough for a relationship with someone older. And I doubt her family will approve of it much.
Exactly. She's not mature enough, and even if she was her family likely wouldn't approve, which would put a lot more pressure on her and cause a lot of stress or tension between her and Flyer. Relationships like this never last and often end on a terrible note. Flyer's setting himself up for a lot of drama and hurt, IMO.
Your summery is correct Adalira.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adalira
Quote:
Originally Posted by draggersprez
Close draggersprez. She is 16 and I am 26 so 10 years apart (my grandparents were 17). Yes Adalira, laws are that struck and even worse. We have children who are 11 get placed on the sex offender registry for touching someone wrong or playing doctor (basically I show you mine you show me yours).Quote:
Originally Posted by Adalira
One of the things I like about this relationship is I am NOT getting pressured for sex. My first relationship was like that and I didn't like it. I am currently not capable of sex due to my anti-depressents and she's not interested sex which makes things much easier.Quote:
Originally Posted by draggersprez
Yea that has been a problem, some of her family members (mainly aunt) don't approve of our friendship, but that is common around town here, the pool manager was nuts about us being friends for the sake of coworkers shouldn't be friends, even though most the coworkers were were friend, including her best friend.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tieri
Mostly anywhere you go in the US won't approve of a grown man being friends with a minor. That's just how things are here. he probably wasn't so much nuts about coworkers being friends but more so about a grown man and a minor who happen to be coworkers being friends. (and he might have noticed how you seemed to be interested in her and thought it was very very inappropriate and wanted to let you know it's inappropriate without out right saying it.)Quote:
Originally Posted by flyer2002
It was a different time when your grandparents started dating. In those times it was common for girls to marry at 17 or 16 (and older men weren't really discouraged since it was still common for younger girls to marry older men) and start a family immediately. Not so much now.Quote:
Originally Posted by flyer2002
I wasn't necessarily talking about sexual abuse or manipulation, that's not the only kind of manipulation that happens in relationships that young girls are especially susceptible to.Quote:
One of the things I like about this relationship is I am NOT getting pressured for sex. My first relationship was like that and I didn't like it. I am currently not capable of sex due to my anti-depressents and she's not interested sex which makes things much easier.
Flyer there is a HUGE difference in maturity between 16 and 26. Seriously. She was potty training when you hit puberty.
In a past post you had discussed NOT being in a relationship with her just yet because you weren't ready, go with that.
If you're associating a relationship as either pressure or disinterest in sex then you may be looking in the wrong places. A good solid relationship should not have to have one or the other. My relationship with my DH was long distance for a good long time, we connected as people first and fell in love with eachother for who we are. Is the sex amazing? you bet your sweet tailfins it is, that man can make me melt with a look. But intimacy does not have to mean sex, some of our most intimate moments have been simple nonsexual togetherness.
Oh no she was very verbal about how I should be friends with her or anyone. She didn't like me already because I was hired on and made manager over her after she was there for 3 years because I had 8 more years of experience.Quote:
Originally Posted by draggersprez
Yea I know but multiple people were bringing up sex so I thought I should address it.Quote:
Originally Posted by draggersprez
Thats why my first one was and I hated it. With my friend its not and so our relationship was because we like each other, not because sex.Quote:
Originally Posted by PhaylennMurúch
yeah i'd say get out of that. or at least wait until she's legal.
Flyer, I don't know you from Adam, but you are cruising for trouble. If you're that interested, then you can wait two years. As it stands now, you're just putting yourself and her in danger.
Wait a minute, Flyer... This 16-year-old is your coworker, right? And... You're a manager at this place? Am I putting all this together right? It's super late for me and my reading comprehension is kind of off.
If that IS the case, then... That puts you in a position of authority over her, which... Makes things a whole lot sketchier from an outsider's perspective. And much more legally dangerous.
No your confusion is understandable. In 2013 when I started there I was made manager by a company running the pool purely because of my lifeguarding experience of 8 years, which yes I was head lifeguard for many of those years but not manager, I am not manager material. In 2014 I was training guards and swim instructors, was not manager at all. That was her first year there.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tieri
We are only friends, nothing that could be consider legal. One night she kept going on how no guys have ever been interested in her and so has no hope of getting married. I told her thats not true, I am interested in her and willing to wait and not see anyone else until she turns 18 and heads to college because she was thinking of one near here.Quote:
Originally Posted by SeaGlass Siren
Here is the conversation where it happened: (I don't know how to collapse the text, sorry).
Quote:
Friend:It's hard for me to believe that someone would be satisfied with just me.
Me:
why are you so hard on yourself? your still very young.
Friend:
I'm not being hard on myself, I'm just surprised with everything you told me.
Me:
that I like you?
Friend:
yeah
Me:
Why do you think I wouldn’t?
Friend:
I told you. I didn't think I'd be enough or anyone, nor do I feel that I'm thin or pretty. Oh and I think the exact date that I'm leaving is August 1st
Me:
have to do smores before then.
I am someone who does’t care if your pretty or thin or not (though I do think your thin, but then I am a bit fat, and you do not have the belly bump I do). Its who you are that is important.
Friend:
I've never once heard a guy say that they care about something beyond looks. I appreciate your refreshing change in viewpoint.
Me:
you have to remember I grew up in Iowa.
No, I think its becuase I grew up without friends and so I didnt get that peer learning of go for the attractive cheerleader
Friend:
I need to know if everything you've said is serious or is just you thinking out loud. I'm taking you seriously with the stuff your saying about being excited for next summer, visiting colorado, etc.
Me:
I am serious. I even told a friend how there is a girl at work I really like, unforchently she is way too young for me right now.
Friend:
I just can't see a way around the age difference. But I want to, I really do.
Me:
Just waiting until we are both older..at minimum marriage is best for after college. It gives us time to work our way slowly.
you do? I was telling you what I thought, wasn't sure what you thought.
And so you know, dont choose Luther college just because I like you.
Friend: Yeah, I do. By now you should know what that means coming from me.
By the time I graduate from college, assuming I go, you would be 32.
How does your mom feel about all this? Did you say anything to her?
Me:
Took 22 years for my first girlfriend, been over a year since my last. I can wait a few more if its someone I truly like. The way I feel about you is the same I felt about the one girl from college I told you about. The difference though is I have never felt hurt by you.
(parallel conversations happening) I never thought you and I would even be having this conversation. Like I said, your still too young to date and didnt know how you felt about me and if you didnt like me I didnt want to make it awkward at the pool
Friend:
I'm sure all couples hurt each other at some points, it's being able to move on past the hurt and forgive that makes a couple even stronger.
Like the other European mers on here, I don't see anything wrong in a relationship with an an almost adult, especially if it isn't sexual.
I've also made the experience age difference doesn't mean much if you like the same things.
Because of the special attitude over in the US, though, I'd listen to the mers advising for caution.
((Haha..the conversations happening above reminds me of how one of my American friends basically blanked me and stopped talking to me when we had a disagreement over this. My first boyfriend was 18...I was 14, she found it weird and I didn't? Yeah funny how attitudes differ between continents))
Anywaaaay I need a rant.
So my mother and sister decide to go out tonight, which is fair enough...down to the local pub they say until closing which is 11:30pm, and I'm pressured into looking after my nephew. My mum was a bit tipsy as they'd been drinking wine (this was around 8pm it's 6am here now) and decided to use the fact she's taking me to my big Ballet audition down in London in a couple of weeks, and has splashed out a lot of money for us to be able to go...it hurt a bit and seemed like she was trying to make me feel bad, so I agreed thinking what's looking after a kid for like, 3 hours? Maybe I could get him to fall asleep...though I doubt it.
I don't do children, I actually despise those I'm not related to...Like, don't get me wrong I love their creativity and imaginations and some kids are great, but most children around here are tracksuit wearing mini chavs with loud mouthed parents who swear and cough and burp, then get mad when their kids do these things? hmm kayyy. So I can deal with my nephew...to an extent, but as most of his school friends are these loud, obnoxious basically mimi annoying chav adults...sometimes you see that coming out of him and it annoys me, and I have no tact nor skill in knowing how to deal with children when they get 'too much' so I'll either ignore him, or tell him straight as I would to an adult that he's acting like a brat and a stupid one at that, which leads to tears, which leads to me stressing and just...ARGH why could I not have been born with some kind of skill to deal with kids?! I just can't do this.
Anyway, tonight went okay...up until it turned 11:30. He wouldn't sleep, he refused to...I'd been trying since my mum and sister left to get him down...but he just wanted to play on his games console. I let him thinking it was the easiest option and he'd get tired and sleep maybe. I was wrong. Half eleven came and he kicked up a fuss saying he was staying up until his mum came home, after some screaming and crying on his part and my cold, angry I-HATE-THE-WROLD-BECAUSE-I'M-A-SAD-TEENAGER face staring him down, I eventually compromised with him that if he went into the spare room and watched a film in bed he could stay up.
He came down every. Freaking. Ten. Minutes asking 'are they back yet?'.
I got s text about midnight saying they'd gone over to the next village and my sis was staying at a friends and mum was going over to her boyfriends for the night. I got pissed at this point. I had to watch him all night and he was refusing to go to sleep. He came down and me in my mood told him his mother wasn't coming home so he should just go to sleep...which led to tears and stress. So I put on another film and hey presto, he went to sleep quite well.
But I'm still just ARGHGFGHSDJ. Why am I always left with babysitting? And always pressured into it.
I just don't care anymore. Never doing this again. 3 hours my ass. Haven't slept, stressing over this audition, and just cba right now. Ugh.
Put some brandy in his drink. He'll sleep all night...Quote:
Originally Posted by Merman Vaughan
ahaha, babysitting is a nightmare if you're not into children.
I let myself be pressurized into doing it only once.
My family had been nagging me about babies for years ("normal girls love babies, they want to spend all their time with them, a good girl would give her right arm to babysit and earn some money for her family" and so on and so forth),
so I agreed to babysit our lazy disorganized neighbour's toddler while she went out with her two older children.
She said she'd be an hour, but stayed away three, and I never could take my eyes off that brat for one second because it was trying to grab dangerous things nonstop.
Once the mother returned, she said "well thanks for helping out, that was soooo sweet of you hun! Want a cookie?"
I don't eat sugar, so I said no.
Then I went home, and my family was waiting and asking "Where is the moneyz?!!"
I told them I didn't get any, and that the neighbour wanted to pay me with a cookie.
The dumb faces of my family were almost worth the hassle :p
Since then, they haven't bothered me again about babies either LOL.
What also makes it harder is I've known her since June, and right now she is two states away, but she is my best friend, not just because she is such a good friend but because I don't have any others really.
You seem like a nice guy. if you're willing to wait it out, definitely do. don't over complicate it.
.
i think you need to get the house eradicated of mold and fungus. that's just unhealthy.
Are there reviews for her products anywhere online?
.
Aww I understand that problemo Adalira! My friend lives in a house just like yours, and no matter how much he does and tries the mold just will not budge...and moving house is stressful and money consuming at best.
I'd say deffo try the air purifying plants! Especially where you sleep, another thing my friend does is he uses a de-humidifier (his model you can even place oils in it to make the air smell lovely!)
As with the herbs, be careful! But if you truly think it'll help, go for it, so long as you have enough money to try it!
yikes... :( im sorry :hugs:
.
These pills are just fucking bullshit. Unless she had a medical/pharmaceutical degree with peer reviewed evidence to back up the claims that those pills work, then you got scammed, honey. How do you know those pills are not just powdered sugar and ground up parsley? Also, there is not such thing as a 'cleanse' - you can only just restore your body to good health again by eating fruits and veggies (and moving out of your mold-house). You body ALREADY has cleansing systems in place. Sugar pills won't do shit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adalira
Sorry to sound so aggressive about it, but this fucking woo-based shit really pisses me off. Scamming innocent people.
While I agree with you that most of these "alternate" healing products are scam, I'd like to say that many pharmaceutical drugs (complete with backing studies and evidence) are scam also.Quote:
Originally Posted by -Annwyn-
Just because it's produced by a pharmaceutical business, prescribed by a doctor, and sold in a pharmacy, doesn't mean
a) that it will help
b) that it won't harm you.
Loads of drugs I've been prescribed do more harm than good. Some can be lethal.
I suffered from severe heart problems after taking a drug that years later was discovered to cause heart failures.
This happens because pharmacy is a big business that doesn't strive to cure people, but to make money, no matter what.
And loads of said studies and "evidence" are faked to sell the drugs sooner and spend less money.
When people then die from the untested drugs, very little happens.
People who know this often turn to natural remedies, because they've seen the harm of "scientific" pharmaceutic medicine.
That said; there are many plants that do indeed have very good effect on all sorts of viruses and bacteria (and fungus and parasites too), but they are not top secret.
Onions, garlic, and many herbal teas are among them.
If someone does not want to tell you which plants are in their "magical pills", it's very likely they want to scam you.
And concerning mold problems, I fear none of them will go away as long as you're sitting in it, no matter what kind of remedy you try.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Echidna
"You know what they call alternate medicine that's been proven to work? 'Medicine' " - Tim Minchin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhGuXCuDb1U
Maybe I am in the minority, but I do not trust anyone selling "magical cleansing remedies" over the internet. Even though you are rigth, Echidna, and some medicines that are given for public consumption end up being not good, they still are regulated, and doctors keep records of how patients respond to treatments to be aware of anything that could go wrong and detect the problem. But these drugs are not a scam. They are medicine gone wrong and being proved so by scientific evidence.Quote:
Originally Posted by Echidna
Some woman saying her potions cure *insert illness here* is selling snake oil. People are advised not to medicate themselves and to not take homemade remedies for a reason, and that is not only for the pharmaceutical companies to make money. A lot of people don't know that simply taking 6 mg of ibuprofen in 24 hours will (not may, will) cause them liver failure. Just as many people don't know that drinking moonshine or home-made absinthe can cause blindness and kidney failure.
Scammers take advantage of people's ignorance. It does not matter something works for so and so person. And if the ingredients are not released, then I would be double suspicious.
.
Omg I just read the leaked plot spoilers for the fantastic four movie and.........I. Am. Pissed. Off. >> Idk who is in charge of theses changes...but they need to get their life. They need to go back...and ughhh.... Thing is, I am not even a huge comic book fan but what I DO know of Fantastic Four...and what this movie is.... I CANNOT EVEN >> {SPOILER ALERT} {SPOILER ALERT} {SPOILER ALERT}>>>>>>
DR. DOOM IS AN INTERNET BLOGGER -____- can we all just let that sink in. Doom is an internet blogger, and Ben and Reed are co-workers at a convenience store -____- I just cannot. I really cannot even. Marvel was doing so nice... But this.. this might just be the thing that ruins them. I can't. I really can't. I am unable.
we'll see what marvel decides to do. they might do something different entirely altogether because disney still doesn't own the rights to fantastic four. or XMEN.
OMFG just stop with the utter bullshit you are spewing out right now.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adalira
The fact that this woman has land does not credit your argument. It's irrelevant.
According to Cancer Research UK, the studies done for the link between Tumeric and Cancer were done on MICE. The stage 2 tests done on 25 (that's Twenty-five) humans were INCONCLUSIVE. Here is the article: http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/abou...ancer#research
"Dr." Oz is another scam artist who only shills what he's paid to. He's a heart and lung surgeon FFS who really shouldn't be discussing weight loss at all- because in the past he's admitted before US congress that the bullshit he's shilling doesn't work. Here is an article about it: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...n_5504209.html
Hemp Oil Cures Cancer? Yet, another hoax - http://skepdic.com/ricksimpson.html
Surely, Adalira, you aren't that dumb enough to believe this nonsense. If I can find all this information from google in 5 minutes, surely you can too. These hoax claims hurt people. If they were any good, they would already be used in hospitals (like Aspirin is).
Take it down a notch Annwyn, will you?
I'm sure you have the best of intentions.
As I said, I'm very wary towards anyone promising me anything, and I apply that scepticism not only towards alternate medicine, but also towards the "accepted" pharmaceutical and surgical business, er medicine.
Some people get that scepticism through experience, and others through research.
Cancer treatment is a delicate subject.
But I've seen too many people who weren't even that bad off (begining cancer and such) dying within days of getting treated in hospitals with all the official, good, right, evidence-based, studied etc etc methods.
There is no need to bash people who look for other ways.
I would too, because I have no desire to be killed off with chemotherapy just so some unscrupulous specimens can earn more cash.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Echidna
No.
.
this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Adalira
It's strange to realize there are still people who have blind faith in "official" stuff in medicine, politics, media, religion...if I had done what doctors have told me over the years, I'd be dead at least 3 times over.
If there were a plant able to cure all cancers, hospitals and doctors would do their utmost to deny that it helps, because a plant cannot be copyrighted and therefor not used to make the pharmaceutical business money.
Believe the stuff they say at your own risk :P
Adalira, I'd still ask what exactly is in the pills.
Chances are you'd have the same effect with herbs you prepare yourself.
That way, you can be sure there's nothing harmful in it (and it's probably cheaper).
I wouldn't take anything where I'm not sure what the ingredients are.
.
First of all, Adalira, you are free to do what you want. If you have faith in this woman, by all means, get her treatments. Just don't expect all people to agree with your decision, because some, including I, and I think Annwyn, think it is a bad idea.Quote:
Originally Posted by Echidna
But Echidna, people dying of cancer after getting treatment are dying because of the cancer, not because of the treatment. The treatment gets them worse, of course, because it is powerful stuff designed to kill cells, and it kills also the good cells that are not part of the cancer. Thus the saying "the cure is worse that the illness". Many times the chemotherapy is not going to cure, but gives them extra time. Some other times it is not so, sadly.
I am not going to talk about cancer research, because it's a broad subject, but if you are interested, this is a great book on the matter.
Also, as a scientist household, we take scientific research seriously, because it is a serious matter. My husband has been trying to publish a paper since last Summer, and he is still getting hold by the referees. Publishing studies is not done lightly, and takes a lot of work and a lot of external scrutiny.
And precisely because we know about it, we take everything that we see in the news with a grain of salt. If someone says he has found a cure for cancer, we will doubt that the assesment is correct. Cancer in general is not cured. Specific cancers may be, but still, not all people respond to a specific cancer in the same way, even if it is the same desease. So one person living for years on a stage 4 of cancer does not mean another is not going to die at stage 2.