Body Image in general and as a mer (share your story)

[AniaR]

So, body image is a topic that comes up quite a bit for many of us female mers (I'm not sure about you males!) as many of us struggle to feel confident in our own skin. A mermaid tail leaves little to the imagination when it comes to your body, and I think many of us have received at least a few hateful comments in our time. Many of us turn youtube comments off because of it too. So I wanted to share 2 things with you and open up a conversation.

First:



Second:

I started this conversation on my own FB page https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...type=1&theater over this image:



I'm a bit painfully aware of my body, and take a lot of steps to make sure it looks nice in photos at the least. My tail comes up very high as people point out. My stomach can range to a variety of shapes and sizes thanks to my illness. I am more comfortable covering it with my tail and not thinking about it. If I stand up and suck it in- then yeah it can look what society thinks is "flat" or "thin". But let's be honest, I'm not walking around all day sucking my stomach in, and all bets are off when you sit down- sucking in or not most women get a bump.

Now, my BMI is perfect. In fact, it ranges to underweight at times. Is obesity an issue for me? No. Not in a health way. But I have had people say to me twice now, that since I am a role model to young girls I should work on my body image to be one that is more "healthy". Just like the woman in the video above. Their stance on healthy focuses on weight. While my stance on healthy focuses on all my illnesses that originate in my core and are affected by my core.

In both instances I said to the people something along the lines of, "you're so right! That's why I do physio therapy and take my meds, and encourage people to feel good about their bodies despite illness! Unfortunately there is no cure for my illness, so I'll have to deal from time to time with a stomach that flares up and gets big" Needless to say that shut them up. Both these people weren't concerned in the slightest about my actual health or weight. They just wanted to insult me and try and wrap it up so they could get away with it.

That kinda crap happens on the internet all the time. If you read the comments on my link I shared you'll see everyone turns to "you're not fat" but honestly, I am fat by some people's standards.. and what if I am "Fat". Does that change anything I've done? Does that change what I do? Does that somehow devalue who I am as a mermaid and a person? I think that's the point the woman in the video is trying to make.

We DO have pluz size mers in the community. Women who are working hard to be healthy and lose weight, but ALSO be comfortable in their skin. They really inspire me because honestly, I know I could look better... I'd LIKE to look better, but I also know I NEED to be happy with myself. If I allow the stupid online hate of others to be my motivation for trying to be healthy... I have a feeling I'll never be healthy. My motivation has to come from within. It has to be self driven.

While I try to watch what I eat to make sure I'm not getting too much sugar/fat/salt etc what I really have been working on is my core. Everyone seems to want the 6 pack or the abs etc the flat stomach... I was never able to have those or do anything that requires your core to be in any shape or form STRONG. My core has always been weak- even when my tummy was flat. This is due to my combination of illnesses and it causes a lot of pain and frustration in my life. I can't do a lot of the same tasks other people can, my balance is terrible, I get a lot of hip, pelvic, and back pain, and I'm always at the very bottom of any fitness type class I take. My mertender and I took tango lessons and for 3 years we stayed in the very beginning course because despite my hard work and effort I didn't improve. I couldn't move past because my balance was off, and my left leg was too weak and messed up all my steps.

To really get you to understand it I'll get technical for a minute here. It may be TMI so just warning you. I have IC which causes progressive inflammation and scar tissue in my bladder. I deal fairly well with it and my actual bladder doesn't ruin much in my life anymore now that I take meds. It's incurable. What does cause an issue is that for years having my pain my body has started reacting to try and protect itself. My pelvic muscles and core muscles constantly spasms in an attempt to "protect" my bladder. The same way you may feel your stomach in knots whenever you're anxious. I have scoliosis which while it isn't very visible without an xray, causes my left hip to be displaced and also too high. Since it's not lined up right my left leg is extremely weak. Like, comically so. Also, the twist of my spine and hip pulls all the pelvic muscles in the front to the left. so basically, grab your tummy and pull it different directions as hard as you can and that's what I'm feeling every day. My leg hurts, my core hurts, my hip hurts, my back hurts. Always. Even with pain killers.

I had tried everything I could think of to try and improve this. I got a personal trainer at the gym. We focused a lot on core stabilization but no matter how hard I worked I couldn't improve it. In fact, workouts would inflame my bladder or my surrounding muscles and I'd be in pain for days and sometimes even end up in the hospital. I thought I was doomed to never be "fit". Without your core- it's hard to get a lot of benefits from being active, and my leg wasn't getting any stronger.

I saw many nutritionists, a natruopath, a dietitian... nothing I did with my diet really improved the bloating/weight side of things. The meds I take for IC all have the side effects of causing weight gain too. So here I have a core that basically doesn't work, and keeps putting on weight. Well, enough was enough. I got every book from the library on my illness and related symptoms and started reading. Soon I was presented with another option. Physiotherapy. Not your typical physio- we're talking very specialized to my illness. 1 physiotherapist did what I needed in my city. 1. And after months on a wait list I got in.

For the first time in my life I could feel my core muscles working. My physiotherapist got me to actually feel which muscles were hyperextended, and which ones weren't. She taught me how to relax the stressed muscles, and work the ones that weren't being used. The workouts and stretches were strange, very individual to me, and not something people normally tried. But I started feeling a difference, I started feeling stronger. Everytime I went in for assessments I was getting better and better. And guess what- monofin swimming helped too! It forced me to position my hips and core the correct way so anytime I swam in my tail or monofin I was helping those muscles too.

The reason I share this with you, is because we never know what someone is going through. Honestly, I don't care if people call me fat, I know I've got some flub going on with my stomach and I know I'm working on it. But like the woman in the video I worry a lot about other people. We never know someone's story until they share it, we also never know how hard they're working to achieve their goals. Look how specific things needed to be for me in order for me to see a change? Well there are people out there trying to balance medication, diet, activity in a busy life... conditions always seem to need to be just right.

Well, I wanted to share with you the results. After months of physio, very basic yoga, changing my diet, and working hard... I still weigh between 135-140 but here's what I look like...



For the first time ever... I am getting strength in my core. I'm getting definition, and if I suck it in I'm flat, lol. I can stand on one leg without falling. I can shift my weight from side to side without losing my balance. I can twist and turn without pain in my hips and back. I can swim better. I FEEL better.

I'm on a personal journey these days to be HEALTHY and to feel good in the skin I'm in. Since our community is still so small, we can shape the outcomes. We can set the standards. I want a community where people can feel good about their size regardless of what stage they're in. I want a community where people feel motivated and SUPPORTED to become healthy. I want a community where nobody feels like they shouldn't try a tail because of the way they look or see themselves.

Have you faced any personal struggles with your weight or health issues? Do those struggles impact your life as a mermaid/man? Please share your stories- even if your stories are in progress and not finished yet.