B!TC# IT OUT!

[deepblue]

Glad you could come here to start the vent process!

I'm going to do that now... I'm stressing out! Gah, I hate it when something stresses me out because I haven't figured out how to handle it yet.

Let me preface this with: I love dogs. I was raised with dogs. Heck, I was practically raised BY dogs. lol So I'm the first to say that bad dog behaviour isn't their fault, it's the people, and to see that ill-behaved or even dangerous dogs are not the ones at fault. Still, they're animals with teeth meant to tear flesh, and if dangerous, they have to be dealt with.

So. There is this tiny little dog. A doglet of a dog. A minipin mix, I think. She's a menace. She normally lives elsewhere in the complex, but you constantly hear her barking and you can see her chase people. The dog's name is Lady, and her owner constantly barks it at her. Lady! to stop her from chasing people, but dog lovers know that this is not training, this is encouragement to a dog like that.

Thing is, this dog has gotten to the point where she won't chase ME or bark at me, but she does chase and bark at my 4 year old, and I pick up my daughter, and the woman who owns the dog, apologizes, etc. Since the dog wasn't here in my building, it wasn't that big a deal to do this.

BUT. She just moved in DOWN THE HALL.

I'm imagining this. How this is going to go. I'm going to be so fecking angry if this dog is in the hall, if this dog goes after my child again. I'm already angry thinking about it. Tiny dogs aren't tiny to a 4 yr old. My daughter, of course, comes first, and I'm imagining... well just... I'm probably going to have to call animal control and report the animal. I hate to do that, but the woman does NOT take care of this situation. She knows her dog goes after people but claims, ""Oh she'll chase you but if you turn on her, she'll run away." My daughter is afraid, with good cause. The woman lets the dog out without a leash.

I'm going to have to tell her to keep her dog away from my kid, but I have no faith that she will. I have no faith that this dog will be kept inside, or on a leash when outside, and I have a bad feeling about this.

[drucilla]

Okay so I'm sick of holding everything in and I need to vent a bit of it out cause I cant say everything.
My husband and I got into a fight today, surprise there. He was telling me about this guy at work he got into an argument with, basically my husband asks this guy if he knew where something was and the guy started screaming at him cursing and such he yells back so on and so on. Anyway I pointed out to my husband that he does the same thing to me when I ask him the same question. He explodes. He backhands a can of coke which flys at me, almost hitting me in the head, it sprays all over my clean clothes the wall the couch everything. Then he picks up this glass jar of dip he likes so much and throws it to the floor, it shatters, he starts screaming at me blaming me for it, i clean up both messes and tell him that he has no right to sream and yell at me n curse and especially not to try to intimidate me like that. He says hes not trying to intimidate me, riiight, he tells me thathe does that to vent. Well i tell him that why should he be able to vent at me like that i NEVER even get to TALK to him when I'm angry, but he gets to throw temper tantrums like a 5yr old?! So we yell he calls me a whore I call him a bastard, which i wanted to say worse but i held back A LOT like I ALWAYS do, then he takes his wallet and both MY AND HIS sets of keys to everything and SPEEDS OFF in the car like a fucking bandit! I hope that he gets into a car accident and dies so i will never have to deal with his shit again and i would be able to get the insurance atleast. End of rant

[Mermaid Jaffa]

@SurlySeaNymph - I know how it is, had another person on facebook who had problems with her dog not listening to her. I realize its not your dog, but its the owner's fault for not training the dog properly.

You ever notice how dog owners just admonish the dog like they're talking to their children? Like they'll say it in their nice voice, "Oh don't do that. Be a good dog".

Like I told the fb lady, in a nice way of course, that as Pack Master, she must deal punishment by force such as using words but in a rough voice, or if worse comes to shove, smack them on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. In the wild, the Alpha dog don't use nice sounds to make each other listen. They bark and bite. So must find a way to do that, humanely of course, to the pet in question.

You know what the reply was from this lady? "I would never hit my dogs. How you would suggest such a thing to be cruel to animals. I use my soothing voice to calm them and talk to them."
In my mind, I was thinking "yea, and that's why they keep peeing on your bed and ripping up your carpets."

[Kaila Mermaid]

Oh, Drucilla...
I am so sorry to hear about what happened. Seeing as this was posted not too long ago, (from when I'm posting at least) are you ok? I hope you weren't hurt. I also hope that things like this don't happen often. Hopefully everything will work out between you two and it's just a spot of tension. After all, relationships are roller coasters with high and low points . But, if it gets to the point that you don't feel safe, please don't ignore that. Be careful with you, because you is precious :P , and I hope he comes back with your keys!

[PearlieMae]

Drucilla, get out now. I've been there. It doesn't get better.

[drucilla]

I have no where to go, no college no drivers license no job experience no family and now both of my bank account cards have gone missing i have to think about what would be best for my child and right now it is for me to stay where i am and start college this summer.

[Mermaid Jaffa]

Get out while you still can. Before he decides to vent his anger elsewhere. I'm sure where you live has opportunities for people to start over in life, like get an education, new home, financial support etc. Don't be afraid to stand up to him. Don't forget to cancel your bank cards, unless its a joint bank account, then he has no rights to your money.

[Mermaid Lilium]

I have no where to go, no college no drivers license no job experience no family and now both of my bank account cards have gone missing i have to think about what would be best for my child and right now it is for me to stay where i am and start college this summer.

go to the cops as soon as anything like this happens, even if it's trapping you in a room or verbally intimidating you, if you feel scared or threatened in any way, that is abuse and needs to be logged with the cops. If it continues they will remove him from the house.
You need to report your cards missing/stolen, get a lock-box and put anything like that, birth certs etc in it and hide the box and the key separately.
Yes you need to think about what's best for your kid - if he will throw stuff at your head, what's to stop him from doing the same or worse to your kid? It is not a safe or nurturing environment for your kid.

There is ALWAYS a place to go - the cops can always help you escape the house and help you get to the nearest women's shelter. Many of them will also then help you form a new life because a lot of women who escape abusive situations have 'nothing' either because it's a classic tool of the abuser to strip their victims of power and make them relient on them. The shelter will have space for your child and usually help provide longer-term support and councelling for you and your child.

Do not sufffer alone because you think you have no where else to go.
Do not forgive or accept statements like 'it will never happen again'
You do not have to listen to abusive words or be blamed for things you haven't done.
You also do not have to clean up his shit. Next time he does something like that, he can clean the mess he made while 'venting', maybe he'll realise the extent of his actions while doing so.

Do you have friends you can go to nearby? I know you said you have no family, but many friends will be there for you, much more than you realise, especially if you tell them what is going on.

Is the house/apartment in joint names or just his name? If it's joint names, the cops should be able to remove him from the house, and you should be able to get a restraining order - your best bet for the meantime would be to find a part-time job even if it's scrubbing floors etc, just so that you could take up the payments if he were to be removed. If he's the father he also has a legal duty to pay child-care/maintanance.

also, don't leave your keys anywhere he can easily snatch them up, even if it's keeping them in your pocket xx

[Aziara]

I was the child in this situation growing up. Not a good place to be. My mother also thought that sticking it out was best for me; that an angry father figure was better than none at all. I can't express how strongly I disagree. Having to live in a constant 'survival mode' and wondering if this is the time he completely looses control isn't a good or healthy way to be raised. The fact that you've said you have nowhere to go tells me that he has isolated you to prevent you from leaving him. Be strong and get counseling to help you figure out what to do. (NOT a pastor... they will just tell you divorce is a sin and you should never leave...One of many reason my mom is still with my dad).

[Imogen Finnly]

All of us just really are concerned with your situation, and well being.

Sent from my C5155 using Tapatalk

[drucilla]

I'm fine we have been going to counceling together and it has helped a lot, things have been getting better. Last night when he got home we talked about it and discussed different ways we can try to communicate without using escalting behavior and healthy ways we both can vent.

[deepblue]

I hope it works out for you, Drucilla. I haven't been in the situation, but my mom was (with my dad) and it only ended when he nearly killed her and us, so... it's hard for those of us who've been there to think it could get better, since it usually doesn't with people who have violent tendencies. And since your initial post was two days ago, and then this one where you feel it's getting better was yesterday, it's hard to understand how things could be better already.

We're just, like Jayy said, concerned for you. No one wants anyone to get hurt or have to live in fear, or that feeling that you're so stuck that them getting in a car accident is your only way out. It's a terrible way to live.

[PearlieMae]

I'm fine we have been going to counceling together and it has helped a lot, things have been getting better. Last night when he got home we talked about it and discussed different ways we can try to communicate without using escalting behavior and healthy ways we both can vent.

I really hope things can turn around for you! If not, please PLEASE go somewhere safe! Lilium said it all best (it was hard for me to elaborate from my phone) and we can't help but worry.

[SeaGlass Siren]

so after reading up about workplace bullying, how do i actually apply this knowledge to a few.. WORKPLACE BULLIES that my husband and i are dealing with?

Here are a few things that this bully likes to do:
spreading malicious rumours, or gossip that is not true
excluding or isolating someone socially
intimidating a person
withholding necessary information or purposefully giving the wrong information
belittling a person's opinions

this is what i have already done:
FIRMLY tell the person that his or her behaviour is not acceptable and ask them to stop. You can ask a supervisor or union member to be with you when you approach the person.
KEEP copies of any letters, memos, e-mails, faxes, etc., received from the person.
REPORT the harassment to the person identified in your workplace policy, your supervisor, or a delegated manager. If your concerns are minimized, proceed to the next level of management. (which is my boss)

Said workplace does not have a union. i seriously hate union, but this... this may be the only thing i need union for. i am an unhappy hypocrite

Suggestions and help would greatly be appreciated.

http://www.ccohs.ca/oshanswers/psych.../bullying.html

[AniaR]

File with your h.r. department

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[SeaGlass Siren]

Unfortunately We don't have an hr department. It's a growing family business with one office and "hr" is basically my boss.

I also document, email and date incidences to him but this bully employee is getting way out of hand.

[Merman Dan]

This isn't so much a bitc# as a moan. Folks keep posting the image on Facebook with "If you could sit on this bench for one hour and chat with anyone from the past or present who would it be?". I keep thinking of Marina. After the birth of our third child, my wife miscarried. She was meant to be Marina. After that experience we turned to adoption and have welcomed four wonderful children into our arms. Yet my response to the image was "If I could pick an age it would have to be Marina, as a baby, and I would do all the talking."

One summer I was swimming in the shallows with my two youngest girls. I would swim into the depths, grab a handful of sargassum seaweed, and bring it back to show them all of the creatures that lived in the seaweed; hermit crabs, filefish, shrimp, and more. On one leaf I saw what looked like a fish eyeball. I touched it and it detached from the seaweed. I held it in my hand and it attached. It was a tiny anemone. The anemone stayed on my hand for half an hour before it floated away.

Years later I would start my sargassum sleeve, a tattoo dedicated to my children. Closest to my wrist, in a position I would see whether I was in long sleeves or short, I had an anemone placed. That is there for Marina.

Yeah... I am crying... papa seahorse missing a child I never had the chance to hold, kiss, tickle, or teach. I hope there is an afterlife so that I might finally hold her.

[PearlieMae]

Big hugs to you, Dan!

[Mermaid Lilium]

This isn't so much a bitc# as a moan. Folks keep posting the image on Facebook with "If you could sit on this bench for one hour and chat with anyone from the past or present who would it be?". I keep thinking of Marina. After the birth of our third child, my wife miscarried. She was meant to be Marina. After that experience we turned to adoption and have welcomed four wonderful children into our arms. Yet my response to the image was "If I could pick an age it would have to be Marina, as a baby, and I would do all the talking."

One summer I was swimming in the shallows with my two youngest girls. I would swim into the depths, grab a handful of sargassum seaweed, and bring it back to show them all of the creatures that lived in the seaweed; hermit crabs, filefish, shrimp, and more. On one leaf I saw what looked like a fish eyeball. I touched it and it detached from the seaweed. I held it in my hand and it attached. It was a tiny anemone. The anemone stayed on my hand for half an hour before it floated away.

Years later I would start my sargassum sleeve, a tattoo dedicated to my children. Closest to my wrist, in a position I would see whether I was in long sleeves or short, I had an anemone placed. That is there for Marina.

Yeah... I am crying... papa seahorse missing a child I never had the chance to hold, kiss, tickle, or teach. I hope there is an afterlife so that I might finally hold her.

*hugs and much love*

[SeaGlass Siren]

This isn't so much a bitc# as a moan. Folks keep posting the image on Facebook with "If you could sit on this bench for one hour and chat with anyone from the past or present who would it be?". I keep thinking of Marina. After the birth of our third child, my wife miscarried. She was meant to be Marina. After that experience we turned to adoption and have welcomed four wonderful children into our arms. Yet my response to the image was "If I could pick an age it would have to be Marina, as a baby, and I would do all the talking."

One summer I was swimming in the shallows with my two youngest girls. I would swim into the depths, grab a handful of sargassum seaweed, and bring it back to show them all of the creatures that lived in the seaweed; hermit crabs, filefish, shrimp, and more. On one leaf I saw what looked like a fish eyeball. I touched it and it detached from the seaweed. I held it in my hand and it attached. It was a tiny anemone. The anemone stayed on my hand for half an hour before it floated away.

Years later I would start my sargassum sleeve, a tattoo dedicated to my children. Closest to my wrist, in a position I would see whether I was in long sleeves or short, I had an anemone placed. That is there for Marina.

Yeah... I am crying... papa seahorse missing a child I never had the chance to hold, kiss, tickle, or teach. I hope there is an afterlife so that I might finally hold her.

Aw Dan..