I just need to vent. So you guys may have noticed I've been pretty quiet lately. I don't talk about my health and personal issues much, but the past several months have really worn me down. I've been so exhausted and several of my illnesses are kicking up, and now I have another that I've developed (or maybe just bad enough to come to light), which I'm currently in diagnosis process for. I currently have 14 different conditions, and at least 4 different illnesses that could each stand alone for me being considered “disabled” on all their own. With those combined and more.. it makes it extremely complicated. I have a lot of things that I have to account for and juggle to keep going on a day-to-day basis. When something flares up badly, or something new comes along, it throws a big friggin wrench in everything and knocks me on my ass. Lately I've barely been able to handle the basics, hardly able to function. Even sleep has gone from the regular "stressful pain in the ass" to straight up exhausting. I've gained weight too cause pretty much all I can do most days is get up and move the couch, then move back to the bed at bedtime. Even getting out of the house for errands like grocery shopping is a triumph. Hubby at least has been super great with helping with everything around the house and errands. He spent his week off making sure I didn't have to stretch myself any thinner by taking care of those things. He even cooked, which he almost never does, because otherwise I just wouldn't bother to eat pretty much at all. So blessed to have him! And of course doctors are always so frustrating >_< That's a whole other rant..

It's just times like these where I'm just in an existential crisis. Like how am I supposed to get a hold on this, let alone raise kids like this one day? Or what happens when as I get older I can't handle my health as well? It's just really scary And I feel like I can't talk about it to my friends much. Especially on Facebook and whatever.. people just call me a debbie downer or tell me natural remedies that I've tried and don't work or are just totally useless, then get pissed when I try to explain to them why it doesn't/won't work (that's a whole other rant, urgh). I've learned that if I stay much about my health people will just stop talking to me becuase I'm a "negative person" if I do. Well, so freaking sorry for making you feel bummed out. Imagine how it is living with it! I'm finding some comfort in the Spoonie community.

But it's just really scary, ya know? I'm sure some of you can relate.