if this gif doesn't work I swear
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user formerly known as mermaidofthelabyrinth
Hell yes, Raina!
Also, those are some great articles you linked to. I have to admit that my biggest fear about mermaiding is the harassment.
I find it rarely happens in person. I've had a handful of experiences but as I've done more gigs I've learned to hit the issue head on and I have a harassment clause built into a booking agreement so it encourages the client to also be sure I am not being harassed
That is an excellent idea.Originally Posted by AniaR
I have a harassment clause built into a booking agreement so it encourages the client to also be sure I am not being harassed
“Do not raise your children the way [your] parents raised you, they were born for a different time.” — Abi bin Abi Taleb (599—661 A.D.)
Anahita, thanks for explaining the cultural perspective of some of these men and how to address it. I do think that if we want to see people's behavior change it is important to know why it exist in the first place. I also hope that as the world becomes more connected with modern technology it will be harder for outdated mindsets regarding women to persist. Of course, I'm saying this on a thread about online harassment, so I guess all this easier communication is a double edged sword?
"I must be a mermaid. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living." — Anaïs Nin
Well put, I think we as a community and as individuals should just be clear on our boundaries. I mean when you're at the beach wet and mostly unclothed (as a merman I am actually half naked) it's hard not to be attractive right? We're just too darn pretty.
I won't review all of the pages of this thread but in each person's case we should make sure that as soon as one of us feel harassed we directly address the situation to the individual we perceive to be harassing us. We should let them know what actions and comments we feel are inappropriate and then ask them to apologize and stop that behavior. If the unwanted behavior continues then by all means block the person or proceed however you like.
I feel even the title of this thread is not helpful and does not encompass the severity of the situation "Mervert" as in "mermaid-pervert" seems like a much easier word to throw around than "pervert". I think if you are truly being harassed by a pervert you should take action. However if you have an overzealous fan I think you should be very careful as to how you interact with them as labeling them a "mervert" ie a "pervert" is rather serious.
Sexual Harassment is rather serious too.
There are very few cases in this thread where I WOULDN'T call someone a "pervert." These are situations where people are repeatedly being contacted with lewd, explicit, and unasked for comments. Furthermore, the people who have been labeled as "merverts" are not just contacting one person, but several. These are repeated actions, not isolated events. Often, the mervert (yes, I'm going to keep using the word) doesn't start out with perverted stuff, but regularly posts ordinary things- lots of "hey," "hi," or just smileys. Then it turns into "you have pretty eyes," or "nice costume" then one day, BAM, they hit you with the creepy stuff that makes you want to wash your computer.
When someone is skeeved out by too much attention, they check here if the suspected mervert is known to other people. If no one has been bothered by him, the concerned person can block or not block as they so choose and continue with their life. But if others say "John Smith! He did the same thing to me!" then we have a pattern, and we can skip the days, weeks, or months of escalating behaviour and skip right to the blocking/reporting.
There have even been instances in this thread where someone was concerned that they were being targeted by a mervert, but were reassured that the commenter was just awkward, not perverted. The thread works.
I'm not saying that sexual harassment isn't a very real issue, it definitely is. I have worked in a Women's Center before and I am not discounting the severity of the matter. I am just saying we should as a group be cautious of our terminology and be very careful of how we treat others in any situation.
agreed. the line between flattery and harassment can be very thin and change from person to person depending on what they are comfortable with.
to the wrong mermaid someone commenting on their shell bra or scale bra could come off as being sexual or pervy when that wasn't the intent.
i think as Coradion said we should just being clear and direct with situations and not be to in a rush to label someone a mervert off the bat because one or two comments.
Little Sailor, Little fool, your better heed the golden rule
do unto other just as you, would like to to have them do to you
you think you can just walk away,but no, it doesn't work that way
see once your mine, your'll always be
I never give anything for free...
I am just saying we should as a group be cautious of our terminology and be very careful of how we treat others in any situation.
And we are? I know you pretend like you don't read my posts but you clearly do. This entire thread is people trying to determine the intent of someone. The very first post breaks it down into the categories. Nobody is going "OMG I GOT THIS ONE NON SEXUAL COMMENT THIS PERSON MUST BE A PERVERT." So don't act like it is. I don't even see why you feel the need to criticize it or defend others except for the fact it's my thread and you do that in pretty much all of my threads you post in. You reported my post a while back warning people about my physical stalker. It's actually been feeling pretty trolly and obsessive for a while...maybe that's why you have no problem defending people who are being trolly and obsessive to others? Claiming you "cant see" my posts is BS because you're constantly trolling them and anyone can check your post history to see that. And if you can't see them? Why constantly report them? You know whenever someone reports a post to an admin the admins go to the people in question to see their side of the story? I know every time you report my posts. You do it a lot for someone who cant see them.
No offence to yah Calypso I love yah but, But no one is doing that. Literally. Look through the thread. People are being pretty clear with what they feel is someone sexually harassing them, and what they feel is someone just being rude or annoying. And people are asking "what has your experience been with this person?" so they can make a clear judgment. Nobody is rushing to label anyone a mervert. Nobody is getting a comment like "hey your photo looks beautiful" and calling it harassment. We're getting "your boobs are huge I wanna blow bubbles on your tummy I want a mermaid girlfriend be my wifei think as Coradion said we should just being clear and direct with situations and not be to in a rush to label someone a mervert off the bat because one or two comments.
If you have a problem with the thread guys, (and it seems to be only guys complaining) how about re-reading it from the start first: http://mernetwork.com/index/showthre...OVEN-offenders if you aren't being harassed or don't have anything helpful to add for people who are... I don't think you need to be in it. Because no one here needs to be reminded of any of the stuff you're saying. It's being demonstrated in every single post people make already. And it's not really a thread to debate the ethics of talking to people online. We can certainly start a different thread about it. My concern with men coming in passing judgment is that it will create an environment where we've had this safe space for people to discuss and document these issues and get some help, and then people will no longer feel safe or OK in doing that because they know a few members of the community will voice their dissatisfaction with it and possibly judge them for speaking up or asking a question. You've taken a post that was intended as an answer to: "why do they think this is OK" and twisted it into "you are jumping to conclusions and not taking into consideration people's intent" it's honestly starting to sound like #notallmen
So let's make it crystal clear:
1. This thread is for people to document and discuss any unwanted communication they've been getting from a person online. They can choose to identify it as listed on the first page as a mervert (someone whose comments are sexual in nature) collector (someone who adds every mermaid and perhaps doesn't follow the norm socially for how to talk with the people they are obsessed with) trolls (people whose soul purpose in adding is to just bother you) and others (someone makes you uncomfortable and youre not sure if it's worth worrying about)
2. In order to achieve any kind of label participants have been asked to provide screen shots and proof of their experiences or for enough people who have had the experience
3. People are using this thread to help them figure out who is sending them genuine friend requests and who is possibly adding them for the sake of sending sexual or obsessive comments. WE HAVE A RIGHT TO DO THAT. We have a right to know who wants to add us, why, and make an informed decision if we want to add them or not, or block them from our pages.
4. Nobody is jumping to labelling anyone a mervert. It's been pretty clear the entire time. The community defines a mervert as someone who makes repeated sexual comments to mermaids that aren't consensual or wanted, or who projects their sexual fetish onto others in a non-consensual manner.
So, back to letting mermaids post their experiences and vent their frustrations and hopefully get some help from dealing with the constant harassment (and yes, constant unwanted communication is harassment regardless of the tone!) we deal with on a daily basis! It's depressing we even need to explain this further or defend it at this point. I hope ya'll can move on or at the very least start your own thread.
harassment
(either harris-meant or huh-rass-meant) n. the act of systematic and/or continued unwanted and annoying actions of one party or a group, including threats and demands. The purposes may vary, including racial prejudice, personal malice, an attempt to force someone to quit a job or grant sexual favors, apply illegal pressure to collect a bill, or merely gain sadistic pleasure from making someone fearful or anxious. Such activities may be the basis for a lawsuit if due to discrimination based on race or sex, a violation on the statutory limitations on collection agencies, involve revenge by an ex-spouse, or be shown to be a form of blackmail ("I'll stop bothering you, if you'll go to bed with me"). The victim may file a petition for a "stay away" (restraining) order, intended to prevent contact by the offensive party. A systematic pattern of harassment by an employee against another worker may subject the employer to a lawsuit for failure to protect the worker. (See: harass, sexual harassment)
Last edited by AniaR; 03-19-2015 at 04:42 PM.
Woah woah woah, please stop with the personal jabs. Raina, this is not to start drama and I hope you don't take offense; however, I think you are misunderstanding or misinterpreting some of the posts... No where did Coradion say that this was an excuse for these people to act the way they do. When he said "Discern before passing judgement!", he was corresponding to what Anahita had previously said. Yes, these guys are harassing, but because they were taught that it was okay and that Western woman were easy, (doesn't make it right); however, she also said they'd probably stop once they were told to. SO, maybe before we label them as a mervert we should take this cultural difference into account, and teach them that it's not okay. Again, it doesn't make what they are doing okay.
Also, he did not lecture any of these posters about being more understanding of these harassers. And no, he is not victim blaming. These are serious accusations, and you even accused him of "mansplaining". Just because he is a man and he made a comment you don't agree with, you should not accuse him of this either. I see no "mansplaining", trolling, or obsessing. All serious accusations. Mansplaining is when a person explains something to someone in a condescending manner because they are female, and are assumed to have a lesser knowledge of the subject.
I don't have a problem with this thread, I think it's great. I do have a problem with getting rude and personal towards someone just sharing an opinion. Not cool.
I hope no one takes offense to my post, I don't want to start drama, but I feel like something had to be said.
Formerly known as "kimmie".
Raina and Coradion, it sounds like things are getting a little heated. You guys don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, and that's okay. Once you've made your point, please don't engage with people you are unlikely to get along with.
Everyone, please to be civil and be respectful so Iona and I don't have to step in. If you think a post might violate the forum rules, play it safe and don't post it.
At the risk of seeming... Mean.... I think this thread is instrumental to keeping myself and other mers safe from internet predators and harassment. I think that we have never once stepped over the line as far as comparing experiences and I for the life of me don't understand what anyone's problem is with this thread. This is one of the most calm and careful attempts to protect ourselves from merverts that I have seen. This sort of thing is one of the only ways that women can keep themselves safe. Yes I'm saying women specifically. (Not that it doesn't happen to men, but I haven't seen one instance of that here so it's unrelated.) These people aren't just harmless annoyances. You run the real risk of running into a sexual predator in these circles. So no. I don't think were jumping to conclusions and I don't think this thread is too quick to pass judgement. It's not like we can run a police background check and hire a damn private eye to figure out how dangerous these people are. K. I'm done.
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Just to remind people I can't see Rainas posts, she's on my ignore list and has been for sometime. I am not getting heated, I was simply advocating for general caution.
I think that is totally valid and if it helps even one person stay safe then it is more than worthwhile. I'm not saying I think this thread should be closed I was just trying to make sure we don't judge people to quickly.
The tangent this thread went off on is unrelated to its main purpose, but its still pretty interesting. If someone wants to go make a separate thread for calmly discussing the relationship between sexual harassment and the culture a person is raised in, go ahead. That can be discussed separately to allow this thread to focus on its main purpose- to help people be better aware of guys they might want to avoid due to a past history of offensive or inappropriate behavior.
perhaps you can move it to a separate thread then.
exactly. Nobody here has judged anyone 'too quickly' and in fact have gone above and beyond to make sure that hasn't happened. So it doesnt really need to be said.I think this thread is instrumental to keeping myself and other mers safe from internet predators and harassment. I think that we have never once stepped over the line as far as comparing experiences and I for the life of me don't understand what anyone's problem is with this thread. This is one of the most calm and careful attempts to protect ourselves from merverts that I have seen. This sort of thing is one of the only ways that women can keep themselves safe. Yes I'm saying women specifically. (Not that it doesn't happen to men, but I haven't seen one instance of that here so it's unrelated.) These people aren't just harmless annoyances. You run the real risk of running into a sexual predator in these circles. So no. I don't think were jumping to conclusions and I don't think this thread is too quick to pass judgement. It's not like we can run a police background check and hire a damn private eye to figure out how dangerous these people are. K. I'm done.
Don't know this guy but he left this random dirty mermaid joke on my wall???? probably not a mervert but uh... what a weird thing to do to a stranger??? I guess it's just the mermaid connection... Maybe you'll laugh, lol it kinda creeped me out. I deleted it, I've got some younger people on my profile so I figure better safe than sorry.
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