Concerns, Questions, and Trying to feel Comfortable in the Community Again

[Merman Dylan]

This thread is where I'm going to share my activities and the things I do to be a better member of the community. I also want to see how I will grow and create the positive experiences I always wanted. Maybe one day I'll volunteer at an aquarium or marine science center, or I could explore some remote beach or spring. The possibilities are endless. I think this thread will be a great place to simply share the places merfolk explore. It could be just me sharing here, but if any mers have explored a fintastic place. Please....PLEase...PLEASE...PLEEAASE share. I want to explore different places and see the underwater world everywhere. I'd be ecstatic to hear about anywhere that I haven't been, so I can make plans to visit.

[Keiris]

Welcome back Dylan!

[Merman Dylan]

Lately, I feel like my outbursts of very strong emotions have caused people harm by stressing them out or giving them a hard time. I haven't been feeling that well mentally, and I'm having trouble managing it online. Recently, I asked a question that went negative quickly. On one hand, I'm very sorry for a lot of the way I acted, but on the other hand, I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry because one of the people I had a problem with persisted to press the negativity even after I tried to focus on working it out. In that situation, I don't know what I should do. I was having a hard time, and my mood swing was influencing my posts in a way I wouldn't normally respond. I've had a lot going on, and I feel like my mind is fragmented in millions of pieces, and I'm trying to put everything back together again. I didn't even want to go on the MerNetwork because I felt things didn't end in a way that made me feel any better from the last time I had an issue. I felt like a lot of the advice, while good intended, was lacking in what I needed. I'm hoping I can find moral and emotional support to help push me forward, and I'm looking for a place where I can express the issues I have been having and NOT get someone pressing me hard in a negative way. I'm looking for people that want to be a friend to me and work with me. I personally feel that the comments I received on Facebook were hurtful and damaging to me mentally, and I'm already in a poor state to begin with. I know some of what I may say here may seem a bit frustrating or upsetting, but I'm sharing it here in hopes that I get a chance to work things out. For me, this isn't like normal drama. This is me trying to work through my twisted up thoughts that may be wrong or sound mean or like an attack. I'm not looking for someone to set the record straight because I'm not trying to start a fight. I feel so messed up in my head, and I just need help working things out. What I may share here will without a doubt frustrate someone, but I want people to understand that I don't always mean what I say, and I may share here if my thoughts feel fragmented and I'm emotional. Please be patient with me. I don't want to do this often, but I feel like I need a place for this. A place for me to receive a little emotional and moral support. Friendship is a force that I've found can help me put myself back together again faster than most things. I'm hoping you guys can be a friend to me, and help me work through whatever is bothering me. What happens in here needs to stay in here.

[Merman Dylan]

I'm not sure if I'm happy to be back.

[Merman Dylan]

Well....I guess it was worth a try looking for support. I'm not happy to be sharing stuff here. I don't really have a lot of positive experiences on the MerNetwork, and I was hoping that people could respond in a positive way to help restore some of the positive feelings I lost when everything went so very bad. Maybe, I should just accept the fact that people don't care enough to take a moment to talk to me. Maybe people have latched onto the negative and gave up on trying to see anything good in me. I've already closed myself off to a lot of people because of the way people responded to me. There aren't very many ways I'm going to feel comfortable opening back up to people. If I do anything positive or good, chances are good a vast majority of people will not see it because I've shut people out after the way things have gone. This is the best I can come up with for trying to open back up to the community as a whole, but I need to see people expressing the potential for friendship that was washed away by the acts of a few. No one is going to hold them accountable for making me feel that way, and no one will show moral and emotional support to me. Everyone will back the people and their actions that forced me to clam up. This is what I've felt, and there is a part of me that still wants to change that for the better. I can't do that alone. I need to know that others want to help me and work with me. That's what I'm trying to do here. I'm trying to turn away from negativity and create a positive experience that will help me get past whatever negativity is preventing me from sharing positive stuff. I don't know any way I can get people to understand, but I do feel pretty darn hurt inside. The way people responded to me asking questions and looking for meetups was like pouring salt on an open wound. I know I didn't respond well, but with the amount of hurt I felt, I'm not sure if there was a good way for me to respond. I'm hoping with all the hope I can muster that people will find this thread and make an attempt to help me and engage in the potential for a positive experience. This isn't about drama, other mers, or other people. This is about someone who is in a rough spot trying to reach out to others and find that positive spark that was lost because of a few misplaced arguments and words. I'm trying to find a way to show everyone a small better part of myself that will make things easier. I've completely closed myself off to everyone, and this is one of the last threads that still connect to a deeper part of myself. I guess I just need to continue to do my best and accept that everyone has turned their back to me because of two incidents where, in my opinion, things were blown way out of proportion from what they needed to be. I believe everyone is at fault for things becoming that way because everyone had an opportunity to do something different, and they chose not to. That's just another bit about how I feel. I'm not sure I feel any different or better. No one has made an attempt to give me a reason to feel any different. I've only been pushed away and threatened.

[Mermaid Momo]

the reason why no one responded is because you didn't give them anything to respond to. In order to have a discussion, there needs to be something that's being discussed. Also, it's only been one day since you started this thread.

[Merman Dylan]

True...maybe I'm being too dramatic. Anyways, I'm just going to keep sharing and let that be that. Of course, this stuff will only be within what I feel comfortable sharing.

[MerShellly]

If it makes you feel any better, I was planning on responding but today I had driving school, college interview, Chemistry homework, and a math test (and a nap...). I've barely had time to breathe haha. I will try to respond soon if time will allow.
PS- We have the same tail! Twins!

[Merman Dylan]

Thanks...I don't know why I continue to feel so out of touch with the community, but I don't know anymore. Taking a break seems like a good enough idea. Sigh...even my apology just looks like me bring up the same problems. I give up.

[Rett]

Welcome back Dylan

[Merman Dylan]

Well, I've done my best to apologize to everyone I might've hurt because my emotions got the better of me. I can't say that you will see posts by me because I will be keeping to myself more. Just know that I'll be watching. If the day comes that I feel like I can open up to the community again. I hope it happens with out causing pain or hurt to others. I'm so tired of all the negativity that has weighed me down over the years. I'm letting it go. I'm forgiving others and apologizing for my mistakes. Over the years, I feel like I've gone dark on many many people who really do care about me. Lately, I've been struggling to ignite the light inside that burnt out. I've always gone on and on about how 6th grade did this and 6th grade did that. I've let the bad things in the past infect how I treat others for too long. I've got one year of college under my belt, and I'll be turning 21 November 2nd. It's time for the past to go where it belongs, so that I can have a brighter future. If I have to start off a little bit closed off, then that's what I'm going to do. It's time to start smiling more.

[Mermaid Alea]

You can do it bro. Just try to stay positive and don't let things get you down too easily. I think most of us have something bad in our past. Don't look back on your past and feel depressed. Look back on your past and think of how far you have come and how much further you will go. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it and let it make you a stronger person. Good luck!

[Lucinda]

Dylan, is it your birthday today? In that case, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[Merman Dylan]

Dylan, is it your birthday today? In that case, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Thank you. My birthday wasn't what I thought it would be, but everything turned out alright in the end. I'm swimming in a different direction. A better direction now. A big thanks for those who never went to negativity to respond to my past actions. You all are the true friends I hope to meet one day. I'm not perfect, but I hope I can repay their kindness and help by living the way I was always meant to. Hopefully, I'll update stuff here. You know, the things I do to try and be a part of things and enjoy the springs and beaches. I don't have a lot to share, but I'll try to share what I can. Maybe if I share enough stuff here I will be able to see how much I've grown. I never had much to share on this site. Now I have something I can update on in a positive way. I may need to change this threads name or something.

[Merman Dylan]

These are my photos from my test meet up for a bigger yearly meet up at Alexander Springs in Florida. I had tons of fun with the mermaids that I met up with. The event turned out great.

[Merman Dylan]

You know, I kinda look more like a merboy than a merman in these photos. Am I right?

[AniaR]

It was nice to meet you in person Dylan!

Sent from my MotoG3 using Tapatalk

[Merman Dylan]

It was nice to meet you in person Dylan!

It was really nice to get the chance to meet in person. I had a lot of fun with you guys. I wish I could have spent more time hanging out.

[Merman Dylan]

These are some of the photos from my last visit to Alexander Springs, my home spring. I had a great time with Raina and the other mermaids.

[Lucinda]

A big thanks for those who never went to negativity to respond to my past actions. You all are the true friends I hope to meet one day. I'm not perfect, but I hope I can repay their kindness and help by living the way I was always meant to... Now I have something I can update on in a positive way. I may need to change this threads name or something.

A name change for this thread sounds like a good idea. I think a moderator or admin would be required to do that, though.

We all make mistakes in life. When I first joined, I decided that I wouldn't get caught up in any of the drama I had seen in some threads. And before I knew it, I was caught up in a drama bubble partly of my own making. It happens. What's more important is having the courage to apologize and admit that you've done something wrong and to learn from the experience. We're all growing and evolving.