B!TC# IT OUT!

[Starfrit]

Another update on the sister's-drug-addiction thing.

So after everything exploded and Little Sister (L) got busted again last weekend, it turned out that not only was she was fucking wrecked on drugs, but she had done speed, that day, WHILE SHE WAS HELPING OUR OLDER SISTER OUT AT HER SELF-OWNED BUSINESS. You know, the business that Older Sister (O) has spent countless years of her life building towards. That she's only had for, like, a year. The one she could fucking lose if word gets out to her clients that she's hired on somebody who is DOING DRUGS AT THE STORE WHILE HANDLING CUSTOMERS' ANIMALS.

The only reason O found out was because a mutual friend of theirs, who L is disturbingly open to about her drug use, messaged O concerned after she heard about the shitstorm from Sunday to tell her that L had admitted to not sleeping since that Thursday, and taking speed regularly over several days to keep herself awake.

It's been a week and O still hasn't spoken a word to her. I don't blame her.

Kept my invitation open for her to come baking with me at my house this weekend, against the wishes of literally everyone, because I'd hoped I could talk to her, figure out what was going on, and help in some way (translation: "Because I'm a fucking idiot.") Overall, it went great, but Friday night things got... Weird.

I asked her, "Can I ask you what happened last weekend," to which she responded, "Nope!" Okay, fair enough. I'm not gonna push it.

I asked her, "Were you on any drugs when you were at [Business] with O?"

This didn't get a "No." This didn't get a "Yes," either. What it got was a weird, hour-long paranoid tirade that had literally nothing to do with the question, starting with "Mom and O are blowing everything out of proportion, it wasn't that bad," that went to "Dad's bringing me to this drug clinic twice a week for counseling, but it's mainly for convicts and criminals, so I don't know why I'm there, but I'm going to volunteer there and help out!" (Deflection. She doesn't want people to find out she's there because of a drug addiction, she wants to say she works there so she can put the focus on how much better she is than the other people who are there seeking help.)

And then it got weirder. She went into some weird rant about Mom, some made-up shit about the reason Mom and Dad got divorced (Honey, I've heard a thousand things from both sides about why they got divorced and it doesn't matter. Fuck off, yeah?), and then started going on about the Mount Cashel scandal from the 90's, and something about her getting somebody arrested when she was in primary school (this was totally unrelated to the Mount Cashel thing, I had to ask her three or four times to clarify), but how she went to the police station to get the report and the report doesn't exist, and she's just so mindfucked, man, like she doesn't know if everyone's lying to her or not!!

And then she confessed that Dad had dropped her off at her boyfriend's house earlier that day, before she came to my house. Where does her boyfriend live? In the same house as her "Dom," the sleazebag who got her into these drugs in the first place (and at whose house we found her in when she got busted the first time back in February, having gone AWOL from her political job in the middle of her lunchbreak to get fucked up on cocaine in the guy's makeshift sex dungeon.) So she's walking all over Dad, and Dad's enabling her, and now O is at Dad's house tonight yelling at him for dropping her off to hang out with the people who are encouraging the drug habit we're trying to get her to stop.

L found out that I told O, L is mad at me, we got into a fight over FB PMs and I told her she won't be coming back to my house anymore and there's nothing I can do for her anymore because all she does is lie and use people and I can't trust her anymore. I shut off notifications on our thread, but she's sent me five messages since flipping out (I haven't read them. Not sure I want to.)

And now I'm sitting here, crying my eyes out, because I feel like I turned my back on my little sister, which I told myself I would never, ever do. I feel like a monster and a failure of an older sister for not doing more to help her. But there's nothing else I can do, because everything relies on her admitting that she needs help. And if she's just going to turn and bite me because I'm not telling her everything she wants to hear... Why keep putting myself that close anymore?

Merry fucking Christmas to me.

[SeaGlass Siren]

I feel your pain.

[lulubelle]

Sending love, Tieri. You can't fix her and you need to protect yourself. I hope she sorts it out soon.

[IllynReaver]

@Sabrina the Selkie, What Blue said, it's never too late to properly train an animal. It just takes time and reaffirmation. Dogs that have been trained badly aren't happy, and they're confused. The stray dog I took in was badly trained and he's changed a lot in just a couple months. You can look up a lot of stuff online to help you do things on your own.

[Mermaid Clara]

I woke up with a cold and I got my period last night and it's the week of Christmas! Good timing Mother Nature, good timing.


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[Mermaid Mystery]

I made my mom refill my birth control prescription a week early just so I don't have to deal with that

[Sabrina the Selkie]

I would be totally willing to do that, and I always do try to reaffirm good behaviours while I'm there, but the never keep it up. I might be permanently in Japan when they pass, or else otherwise not in the right situation to take of the dog.

So I'm just worried.

[deepblue]

I would be totally willing to do that, and I always do try to reaffirm good behaviours while I'm there, but the never keep it up. I might be permanently in Japan when they pass, or else otherwise not in the right situation to take of the dog.

So I'm just worried.

I can understand that. Sounds like the situation has to be just so when it eventually happens or it's a no go, and you have no guarantees right now. I hope it works out as you hope, for you and the dog.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Yeah. Thank you.

[deepblue]

Incidentally, I think it's awesome you care enough about the dog to be worried in the first place. Big props. Wish everyone were more like that with all the animals who might need homes again one day. Shelters would be much less needed.

[Mermaid Clara]

I'm super sick. I don't know if i have a sinus infection or a really bad cold. I have to call in to work and tell them I'm sick. I really don't want to miss work but I have a come and go fever. I hope they understand and not yell at me. I can come in until they find someone to cover my shift,but hopefully there is enough people scheduled today so they won't have to call someone else in.

[Adalira]

Another update on the sister's-drug-addiction thing.

So after everything exploded and Little Sister (L) got busted again last weekend, it turned out that not only was she was fucking wrecked on drugs, but she had done speed, that day, WHILE SHE WAS HELPING OUR OLDER SISTER OUT AT HER SELF-OWNED BUSINESS. You know, the business that Older Sister (O) has spent countless years of her life building towards. That she's only had for, like, a year. The one she could fucking lose if word gets out to her clients that she's hired on somebody who is DOING DRUGS AT THE STORE WHILE HANDLING CUSTOMERS' ANIMALS.

The only reason O found out was because a mutual friend of theirs, who L is disturbingly open to about her drug use, messaged O concerned after she heard about the shitstorm from Sunday to tell her that L had admitted to not sleeping since that Thursday, and taking speed regularly over several days to keep herself awake.

It's been a week and O still hasn't spoken a word to her. I don't blame her.

Kept my invitation open for her to come baking with me at my house this weekend, against the wishes of literally everyone, because I'd hoped I could talk to her, figure out what was going on, and help in some way (translation: "Because I'm a fucking idiot.") Overall, it went great, but Friday night things got... Weird.

I asked her, "Can I ask you what happened last weekend," to which she responded, "Nope!" Okay, fair enough. I'm not gonna push it.

I asked her, "Were you on any drugs when you were at [Business] with O?"

This didn't get a "No." This didn't get a "Yes," either. What it got was a weird, hour-long paranoid tirade that had literally nothing to do with the question, starting with "Mom and O are blowing everything out of proportion, it wasn't that bad," that went to "Dad's bringing me to this drug clinic twice a week for counseling, but it's mainly for convicts and criminals, so I don't know why I'm there, but I'm going to volunteer there and help out!" (Deflection. She doesn't want people to find out she's there because of a drug addiction, she wants to say she works there so she can put the focus on how much better she is than the other people who are there seeking help.)

And then it got weirder. She went into some weird rant about Mom, some made-up shit about the reason Mom and Dad got divorced (Honey, I've heard a thousand things from both sides about why they got divorced and it doesn't matter. Fuck off, yeah?), and then started going on about the Mount Cashel scandal from the 90's, and something about her getting somebody arrested when she was in primary school (this was totally unrelated to the Mount Cashel thing, I had to ask her three or four times to clarify), but how she went to the police station to get the report and the report doesn't exist, and she's just so mindfucked, man, like she doesn't know if everyone's lying to her or not!!

And then she confessed that Dad had dropped her off at her boyfriend's house earlier that day, before she came to my house. Where does her boyfriend live? In the same house as her "Dom," the sleazebag who got her into these drugs in the first place (and at whose house we found her in when she got busted the first time back in February, having gone AWOL from her political job in the middle of her lunchbreak to get fucked up on cocaine in the guy's makeshift sex dungeon.) So she's walking all over Dad, and Dad's enabling her, and now O is at Dad's house tonight yelling at him for dropping her off to hang out with the people who are encouraging the drug habit we're trying to get her to stop.

L found out that I told O, L is mad at me, we got into a fight over FB PMs and I told her she won't be coming back to my house anymore and there's nothing I can do for her anymore because all she does is lie and use people and I can't trust her anymore. I shut off notifications on our thread, but she's sent me five messages since flipping out (I haven't read them. Not sure I want to.)

And now I'm sitting here, crying my eyes out, because I feel like I turned my back on my little sister, which I told myself I would never, ever do. I feel like a monster and a failure of an older sister for not doing more to help her. But there's nothing else I can do, because everything relies on her admitting that she needs help. And if she's just going to turn and bite me because I'm not telling her everything she wants to hear... Why keep putting myself that close anymore?

Merry fucking Christmas to me.

Tieri......i am so so so so sorry that you and your family are going through this!
Please don't feel like a failure, this is not your fault. Every person makes their own decisions wether we like it or not.
We can not beat ourselves up for others not wanting our help or advice.
Your sister needs to want to be helped herself. Se will be ready in her own time to accept she needs help.
I know that sounds weird, hard and un do-able, but if she is not ready to accept help or admit it, it's like banging your head against a wall over and over again.
We have had problems with certain members of our family for years and years untill my parents said :" No more." and pushed them out of our lives.
Sure at first you think...should we not be making up and forgiving them again? But in the end we followed through and our lives have been so stress free since then.
Not having to worry about family that does not want to be helped. I know it sounds harsh but sometimes in the end it is better to let go and close a chapter.
Off course it may be different when it is such close family like a sister ( the family i was talking about is my cousin, her husband and kids).
We can not controll others, the way they live their lives, we can not force them into what we think is a good path for them. All we can do is look after ourselves and make sure our own lives are happy and that we live the life we want to live.
Family is not something we choose, it is forced upon us by birth.
It is my belief that just because we happen to be born in the same family does not mean we have to always help each other out.
Like with my cousin and her family...i can truly say i do not love them at all, not one bit. I do not even care about them, we just happen to be blood related, nothing more.
True friends are the family you choose and sometimes that is the best family we have, the ones that we stick by you through thick and thin, you can always talk to and count on, the ones that won't judge you and be open minded and supportive.
I don't know what you need to do here. You need to follow your own heart, do what is best and right for you and stick to that. Even it is means making hard decisions.
I hope you and your family will find a way to enjoy Christmas and spend time with your loved ones.
Sending you a big hug!
You are always welcome to pm me if you want to talk!
Sorry if i said something wrong or something that makes no sense to you.
I am simply trying to show different point of views and i hope that came across.
As long as you choose what feels right in your heart, then that is the right decision.

[Inkling]

It's is a rant for my friend more than anything. The story is so ridiculous and I'm so angry for her! This is a long story about her and her dog. If that isn't your thing, skip this. Otherwise, bare with me.

She trains and shows her dog in confirmation and agility, or should I use past tense? Anyway, she owns a "bully" breed. A breed often on restricted lists for housing and such. She did her research before getting him as a puppy. She trained him right. He's the sweetest, goofiest dog. Dog and people friendly. Super smart and really good at his sport.

Well one day my friend is invited to train with this lady she considers a friend. This lady is older, supposedly been showing and training all sorts of breeds since she was little. This lady is well-respected in the community, so my friend, let's call her Rachel, trusts this woman. We'll call this older lady Sarah.

My friend, Rachel, takes her dog to Sarah's place to run agility. They take turns on the course with their dogs. Then Sarah asks if she can run Rachel's dog. Sarah is a friend, Rachel's dog listens well to others, so she says sure. The dog is distracted with Sarah since it hasn't pottied in hours. It runs to the fence to pee and Sarah smacks it on its bottom to correct it. She tries to run the dog again, dog tries to run off and pee again. So Rachel sees her dog needs to potty, leashes it up and takes it off the field for a walk. Dog does its business and comes back ready to go. After maybe another 15 minutes of Sarah running Rachel's dog, it becomes bored (you don't train a dog for super long because they do become bored and you don't want to lose that drive and attention).

Sarah suggests using a toy to regain the dog's attention. Rachel says no, the toy Sarah had was a small ball. Too small for breed and the dog would only want to play keep away. Rachel explained this. Sarah ignores her and throws the ball. The dog grabs it, runs back towards Sarah and then runs past her in his goofy play mode. Sarah smacks him on his bottom as he goes by. It drops the ball, Sarah picks it up. Rachel tells her not to throw it again. Sarah throws it. The dog gets the ball and runs into the tunnel. Rachel pops it again and climbs in the tunnel with it to grab the ball when it dropped it. Again Rachel tries to stop this, telling this "trainer" not to throw the ball again. Sarah does and this time the dog runs off into a corner and Sarah followed it, grabbing the dog by its waist and trying to restrain it with her knees from behind. The dog had since dropped the ball, and startled by this sudden position, growls softly at the woman before taking off and running back to Rachel who called it. The dog is facing away from Sarah, side next to its owner. It's ears are back, it's butt is to Sarah and it is shaking from the treatment. Rachel tells Sarah not to touch her dog again (as seen has been doing the whole time). Before Rachel could stop her, Sarah reaches down and grabs the dog again by its waist. Terrified and seeing nothing else has worked, the dog snaps at her and catches her lip. The woman finally backs off. At the time (keep in mind this whole thing went down in like 2 minutes) Sarah admits it was her fault and she shouldn't have done it. At the time she admits it was her fault; she provoked the dog and ignored its warning. She lost a tooth and had to get a few stitches. RachEl had no time to react and stop it. Rachel thought of the trainer as a friend. Sarah seemed to admit it was her fault and apologize for her behavior. Rachel thought everything was cool.

Then a month or two later Rachel gets a rejection letter for her entry to an agility trial. Trying to find out why, she learns Sarah had been telling everyone that her dog attacked her unprovoked. That the dog was vicious and started making up stories to back her claim. Sarah goes so far as to say that Rachel had to beat the dog off her with a pole. That the dog has lunged at a handicapped person and repeatedly jumped 5 ft fencing. No. The dog has maybe jumped a 2 ft trial fence in excitement, but a random bystander is able to take its collar to return it (a rather common occurrence at shows with dogs new to trial). The dog is not at all aggressive, but because of this woman's lies and the breed, Rachel can no longer show or compete with her dog.

Sarah has since sent her a bill for her medical expenses and misses trials while she was "in the hospital" (She did not miss anything because of the injury and only required a few stitches. Hardly a hospital stay or recovery period). This woman who provoked the dog into its last resort.

At this point my friend is just wanting it to end. She wants to pay the bills and be done with it. She is terrified this woman will come after her and try to have her dog euthanized. She had threatened to do that very thing, said my friend is lucky that she didn't have the dog killed. Also had the nerve to tell my friend to get a breed more suited for a "novice" like a small terrier. -_- Sarah even offered to let Rachel come over again and run Sarah's dogs (since Rachel is no longer allowed to run her own dog). Yeah right. If Rachel ran the dog and heaven forbid it pulled a nail or sprained something, Sarah would be all over her saying it's retaliation.

Ugh. I'm just so angry this bitch is doing this to her! She hasn't even posted a picture of her dog since it started for fear it cause drama. Hasn't even posted her holiday pictures online. So she and her dog can't have fun at competition and she has to worry that she'll get a call or a piece of mail one day saying her dog must be destroyed. All because of the breed the dog is and because the bitch attacked the dog and provoked it into snapping at her. Bitch, if that dog wanted to hurt you you would be dead.

If someone tried that shit with my dog...it wouldn't have been my dog that bloodied her pretty little face.

[Mermaid Jaffa]

Pretty sure your friend's dog isn't the only one she's trying to scam with.
A proper dog trainer doesn't use scare tactics and smacking to train animals. They use commands, whistle and dog treats. Smacking, grabbing and pulling the dog, just seems to frighten it even more, especially if the dog has not worked with that person before.

That lady deserve what she got for ignoring the dog's escape tactics and ultimately provoking it into biting her, just so it could get away from her.

[Inkling]

Pretty sure your friend's dog isn't the only one she's trying to scam with.
A proper dog trainer doesn't use scare tactics and smacking to train animals. They use commands, whistle and dog treats. Smacking, grabbing and pulling the dog, just seems to frighten it even more, especially if the dog has not worked with that person before.

That lady deserve what she got for ignoring the dog's escape tactics and ultimately provoking it into biting her, just so it could get away from her.

This wasn't her usual "trainer", just a "friend" that invited her over for practice. Since the incident my friend has tried to cut all ties with her. I cannot even believe this woman. She is scamming/blackmailing my friend with the fear her dog will be put down. It is disgusting. If only I could help and do something about it. The problem is this lady is known and relatively respected by the clubs. If only they really knew who she was. It's just a she said, he said situation.

I kinda wish the whole thing was caught on video, and that the woman got more pain and trouble than she did. The same trouble she is causing my friend.

[Mermaid Mystery]

I have been working in kitchen too much. every time I close my eyes all I see is kale.

[Mermaid Jaffa]

I have been working in kitchen too much. every time I close my eyes all I see is kale.

Kale Tail!

Inkling, if your friend is up to it, bring the dog to the "training" again. And you go too, but bring a hidden camera. Or recording. Then you'd have proof of what the scammer is doing. This hearsay business, try to see if the other people who are authorities at the club, will hear your friend's side of the story. Or find others who have been wronged by this lady.

[Mermaid Momo]

If I was your friend I would have posted my side of the story of what really happened to at least get it out there and get it known that she's a liar. She should also threaten Sarah with legal action if she keeps dirtying her name with lies and scamming her out of money.

I know you're probably tired of my wedding bitches but I met my fiancé's mom and family again on Xmas and his mom drops the bomb that she wants us to get married in the Catholic Church (he's atheist and I'm baptist. We're both witches) and I'm really not feeling a church wedding. Not only does it require I convert and attend bible studies but te churches here are all ugly, I haven't found one with beautiful stain glass inside, they're all so plain and I don't want plain I want beautiful.

My parents told me upon learning of what his mom wants that "it's you getting married not her, if you don't want to get married in the church then don't " and my dad jokingly said "tell her then that I require you get married in the baptist way with added witch stuff".

I know it's my wedding and I have the final say but family is really important to my fiancé and choosing not to get married in the church means his family won't accept our marriage as a legal one and that will most likely mean that we won't be seeing them much and it will get tense between his family and us and I don't want to do that to him over one day. The only thing I can see of to avoi it is to convert, attend church, get my paperwork, and get married and get married in a lackluster ceremony in a church (maybe of I just concentrate on him I won't really care that the church looks like a school cafeteria haha). I hear traditional catholic ceremonies are long and boring though and long and boring is not something I do well.


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[Naufra]

Momo is right, Inkling, slander and blackmail are both crimes. Your friend should go to the police for help at this point.

[Adalira]

Momo....I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I really dislike family trying to controll a wedding like that.
I believe it happens in almost every family though, wether they want to controll the guests that come, the food that is served, the venue it is at or in your case controll the ceremony and religion.
I am truly sorry to hear this.
Do you see your fiancees family a lot right now?
If you don't see them much as it is, nothing really would change.
On the other hand i can see why you would do it to keep the peace though and make everyone happy.
All i can say though is make a decision that will make YOU and your fiance happy the most on that day.
This is your special day and no one else's

On a whole different note....you are witches?
I need to hear more about that one day (i understand your focus is somewhere else completely right now).
My great grandmother was a witch and i would love to hear your history and how you came about to be a witch.

Sending you hugs in this stressful time for you