B!TC# IT OUT!

[Mermaid Whisper]

[Mermaid Alea]

So I know pretty much all the mers on here are artsy people so I am hoping you get where I am coming from:
I am a graphic design major and while I don't have to spend time studying for tests, I am almost always doing graphic design work for college or for outside projects for more experience. Anyways, sometimes this takes up my whole weekend working on graphic design things (and it certainly takes up some of my weekdays). My boyfriend doesn't seem to understand why it takes me so long to do all of my graphic design assignments. He must think I use it as an excuse not to hang out... I JUST finished my homework from 3 different classes after spending all day working on it (with a few small breaks) and I spent all of yesterday too. So here comes the part I am really mad about...Now he has started 'assuming' that I am too busy to go have fun so when our mutual friends invite us to go do something, they contact him and he doesn't bother inviting me! I always find out a week or more later when one of our friends brings up how much fun they all had doing this or that and I am shocked to find out that I was not included AT ALL! Then they are surprised to know that my boyfriend didn't even fill me in on what happened. I understand sometimes my boyfriend might want to go do stuff with friends without me. I am all for giving him his space when he needs it, but not including me all the time because he 'guessed' that I couldn't go and didn't even bother to ask! It is so easy to call me, text me, etc! I have always felt like I never quite fit in anywhere. My boyfriend knows this. So for him to exclude me really hurts and it has been on my mind lately as it happened again recently.

I have already asked him if he doesn't like seeing me having fun with other people and that isn't it. I have asked him if he doesn't want me there and he says he always wants me around so that isn't it. He tells me he thinks about me all the time but if that is true how could he forget about me when something fun comes up? When I am invited to something fun the first person that comes to my mind to invite is him.

[PearlieMae]

I hate to be the one to say it, but it sounds like he's starting to distance himself...and/or this is a passive/aggressive tactic to get you to stop 'ignoring him' (assuming this is his thinking). Why aren't your friends calling you beforehand as well? Are they assuming the same thing?

Let him know this isn't acceptable behavior. But you might also examine if you aren't taking on too much. You'll get faster as you go, but be careful of burning out and missing your life. Work isn't worth it.

I speak from over 30 years experience as a graphic designer/art director/creative director.

[Rayne Mermaid]

Also no one ever chooses to stay in an abusive relationship unless they have a reason too. Google the hastag #whyistayed. Please educate yourself on emotional abuse situations before you get angry at a victim for what they can't help; a feeling of helplessness and attachment to their abusers (especially parents)

sent from my shellphone using tapatalk

Its nice to see you on here Momo I was hoping your input would stop the ignorance and "know it all'ism" but its not helping Thank for trying!

[Mermaid Alea]

I hate to be the one to say it, but it sounds like he's starting to distance himself...and/or this is a passive/aggressive tactic to get you to stop 'ignoring him' (assuming this is his thinking). Why aren't your friends calling you beforehand as well? Are they assuming the same thing?

Let him know this isn't acceptable behavior. But you might also examine if you aren't taking on too much. You'll get faster as you go, but be careful of burning out and missing your life. Work isn't worth it.

I speak from over 30 years experience as a graphic designer/art director/creative director.

Thanks Pearlie, that is what I am worried about. I need to be careful that I don't spend too much time working and not having fun. That is one of my goals this semester is I want to get better at that so that I don't spend the rest of my life being a workaholic like my Mom. Based on what you said it is probably him trying to get me to stop 'ignoring him'. When we first started dating I was freaked out about how clingy he is because I am not that way at all so it took some getting used to. I am probably the only one in our group not on Facebook so they all message each other through Facebook to go do things and they do assume that my boyfriend will then tell me what is going on...Which he doesn't.

I will have to work on working less haha and also giving my boyfriend more attention. I forget how fragile he is...

[PearlieMae]

Good luck! I had a fragile boyfriend for a while...it was like dating a baby bird.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Apparently I am "rude and inconsiderate" because I tell everyone that it's just me and my husband that is going to be in the delivery room.

My step mother DEMANDED to be in the room.
I said "no. Just me and him."
"I'll come in anyway. You can't keep me out."
"Yes I can, if you aren't willing to respect our wishes, I will tell the doctor and nurse's to keep you out."

She then screamed about how I am so rude and I'm not considering her feelings.

My aunt said the same thing when I told her that it was only going to be me and my husband. "I have experience with babies! You HAVE TO let me in!"

"No. We don't."



Everyone on my side of the family has asked at least twice each. Then when I told them no, blew up and either said very inappropriate things to us, or straight up said that they would come in reguardless, and that we can't keep them out.

First of all, the hell we can't.


Second, these are ALL step family, or family by marriage. The only two real blood family members I have now are my sister (lets not go there) and my biological mother.

My husbands parents have YET to ask, or demand to be in there. They did say that they were coming a week after he's born to help out and visit. They asked first, and said it's whatever im okay with.

The closer I get to my due date, the crazier and meaner everyone gets.

For instance, one of my step aunts brought me some kind of food, like a casserole or something, I don't know for sure because she handed it to me, asked if She could be in the delivery room now, I said "just me and my husband is all." she then ripped the dish out of my hands, said "Fine, f$#! You!" And drove off.


I literally don't know if I'm accidentally being rude? My husband said I'm not, but I'm not so sure.

[PearlieMae]

What a bunch of idiots!

You're not being rude, they're being stupid and inconsiderate. If they don't talk to you after this, BONUS!

[Hydra1337]

They're the ones being rude and inconsiderate, not you. I went through the same bullshit with my biological mother and her side of the family when I had my daughter last year. You're strong so I know you can tough it out. Plus hospital security will have your back when the time comes.

[SeaGlass Siren]

If I had to sit in a room with my legs widespread with my vagina in front of other people I would be fucking rude and tell them go gtfo too. No you may not look at my vagina. Go away.

shimmer I wish you the best of luck. Give them hell. (I had to come back and comment on this. Back to MN byebye.)

[Shimmer Mermaid]

What a bunch of idiots!

You're not being rude, they're being stupid and inconsiderate. If they don't talk to you after this, BONUS!

If they didn't talk to me after this, I feel like id be a much more sane person.

They're the ones being rude and inconsiderate, not you. I went through the same bullshit with my biological mother and her side of the family when I had my daughter last year. You're strong so I know you can tough it out. Plus hospital security will have your back when the time comes.

Glad it's not just my family that has done this!

If I had to sit in a room with my legs widespread with my vagina in front of other people I would be fucking rude and tell them go gtfo too. No you may not look at my vagina. Go away.

shimmer I wish you the best of luck. Give them hell. (I had to come back and comment on this. Back to MN byebye.)

Exactly! Why is everyone so obsessed with being in a room where my vagina-and the ball of flesh the size of a melon coming out of it-is the center of attention?!?

[Mermaid Arabella]

What a bunch of idiots!

You're not being rude, they're being stupid and inconsiderate. If they don't talk to you after this, BONUS!

Lol, THIS! And I've had the following 3 delivery room rules since I was in high school:
1. Nobody is allowed in the room except the father and people with medical training. (My mother, an RN, likes to point out that this means she gets to be in the room, to which I point her to rule 2)
2. Anyone that chooses to go below my waist is not allowed to say a f***ing thing. Not. One. Word. I don't wanna know, I don't wanna hear it. Shut up or get out.
3. No recording devices in the delivery room. None. Again, you can follow the rules or get out. Take all the pictures you want once we're all cleaned up and in a regular room.

Although at this point, it looks like I might not need to worry about any of this, as my husband and I are not in any hurry to have kids and may decide to remain child-free by choice. But feel free to use any rules that you like!

[Hydra1337]

Oh yeah, totally not just your family. I think I made a post here a while back about how my mother kicked me, my husband, our newborn, and our cats out primarily because I offended her so badly. According to her delivering a baby is a "mother daughter experience". As in screw the father he shouldn't be allowed in because he's a man. I mean, it's not like I was giving birth to OUR daughter or anything. *rolls eyes*

[JayJ79]

Unless it is your kid, I really don't see the appeal of being in a delivery room anyway. Then again, I generally try to avoid both babies/kids and hospitals as much as possible.

Still I don't see anything at all wrong with you limiting who is in the room with you. Your relatives (and everyone else) needs to get over it.

[PearlieMae]

Why is everyone so obsessed with being in a room where my vagina-and the ball of flesh the size of a melon coming out of it-is the center of attention?!?

I think it's like those Dr. Pimplepopper videos, but on a much larger scale. You can't look, but you can't look away, either.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Lol, THIS! And I've had the following 3 delivery room rules since I was in high school:
1. Nobody is allowed in the room except the father and people with medical training. (My mother, an RN, likes to point out that this means she gets to be in the room, to which I point her to rule 2)
2. Anyone that chooses to go below my waist is not allowed to say a f***ing thing. Not. One. Word. I don't wanna know, I don't wanna hear it. Shut up or get out.
3. No recording devices in the delivery room. None. Again, you can follow the rules or get out. Take all the pictures you want once we're all cleaned up and in a regular room.

Although at this point, it looks like I might not need to worry about any of this, as my husband and I are not in any hurry to have kids and may decide to remain child-free by choice. But feel free to use any rules that you like!

Actually like all 3 of your rules. Granted I may allow my husband to record if he wants but no below the waist shots lol

Oh yeah, totally not just your family. I think I made a post here a while back about how my mother kicked me, my husband, our newborn, and our cats out primarily because I offended her so badly. According to her delivering a baby is a "mother daughter experience". As in screw the father he shouldn't be allowed in because he's a man. I mean, it's not like I was giving birth to OUR daughter or anything. *rolls eyes*

Yikes. My step mother, the same woman who refused to wear her wedding ring after my dad got sick because "I don't feel like a wife. I feel like a live in nurse. And I am not wearing my wedding ring." is saying it's a "mother daughter thing" as well. My husband finally snapped last night and said "well if she chooses to let her biological mother in there, we will let you know." I about peed myself.

Unless it is your kid, I really don't see the appeal of being in a delivery room anyway. Then again, I generally try to avoid both babies/kids and hospitals as much as possible.

Still I don't see anything at all wrong with you limiting who is in the room with you. Your relatives (and everyone else) needs to get over it.

Exactly, I don't know if it's because they think I'm more vulnerable? Lenient? Since my dad passed, but they weren't like this before he passed away. And now it's like I'm a piece of raw meat in a hungry shark tank and they have no shame in being poops.

I think it's like those Dr. Pimplepopper videos, but on a much larger scale. You can't look, but you can't look away, either.

Those videos are the best. Lol but in the pimple videos, extra stress won't cause the pimples to not be popped.

But added stress can prolong my labor, risk my sons life and if any of them cause me stress during labor, I will throw a needle at them.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

So I'm 110% sure that if my husband had to be the one to carry and deliver the baby he would have died by now.

[Hydra1337]

Omg your husband is hysterical. I'm glad he put that **** in her place. When are you due by the way? I don't remember.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

September 24th. I have exactly 3 weeks until my due date, though I HIGHLY doubt I'm going to make it that long.

When I first met my husband in high school he was so soft spoken, and nice 24/7 to everyone no matter the circumstances. Now, 5 years down the road, he has become so protective over me, and so sarcastic (i think from being around my dad so much the past year).
I couldn't ask for a better husband.

[Hydra1337]

Oh wow I'll be having my one month ultrasound for the surrogacy around the same time as your due date. Funny timing.

I'm glad you found such a great husband, Shimmer. It sounds like he treats you like a queen.