Body Image in general and as a mer (share your story)

[Merman_Shawn]

Don't misunderstand me, I *don't* want to look like this:

I'd rather look like these guys:

[happyguava]

I think we all have underlying issues that contribute to our weight and body. Mine is sickness, like a few people here, and yours stems from mental illness, like many other people here. Any kind of depression, anxiety, OCD or any other related personality disorder can make it impossible to have a healthy body.

I think you're all amazing men and women, but I feel so sad that we're all facing such intense personal struggles. I'm glad I started this thread, it's good to look at issues like body image for both women AND men. It's good to talk about illnesses we face INCLUDING mental ones. We are mernetwork, emphasis on the NETWORK. I think we focus a lot on the MER and sometimes not enough on the network. We are a network of support for each other. <3

I'm thinking maybe we can do a related thread on mental illness like depression, ocd, anxiety, personality disorders, learning disabilities etc. I think it's good to see the struggles we all face, it validates us to know we're not alone. And then we can be a support network for each other.

Also, I think we just blew the skinny minny mermaid stereotype out of the water

<3

[AniaR]

Haha no worries Shawn, we got you.

Moongazer I have concerns that I've developed endo and I can't get the doc to test me for it. In 75% of cases of women with IC they develop endo. I have a terrible pain where my sternum is, that starts the last day or so of my cycle and I swear it's spasming the same way cramps do- just a hell of a lot higher. I've been to the hospital with it- no pain killers touch it, I've tried most birth controls out there... the highest level progesterin stopped it for a bit but it came back. I just decided to stop birth control pills because the side effects from the BC have ruined my life in some areas. I have new problems that developed from taking BC that are way too TMI for a public forum. I have a hard time talking about the issues even with friends. But I'm so frustrated with the doctors, I waited a year to see a specialist and she didn't want to test me. I really HOPE it's not endo, but we've ruled out everything! ugh bodies are so frustrating it's also something that contributes to my abdomen swelling.

[AniaR]

pssst, Shawn. My cousin... on the right



LOL Love the guy, but not my thing...

[Mermaid Lorelei]

^That's your cousin? ... That's just a bit too much for me. I like men with muscle, but I don't like the hulkish look...

[Ashe]

geez! Wait, is that really your cousin Raina? Wow. lol! <3 >O''

[Felicia]

I personally think society is a bit crazy with the "you must be skinny to be pretty" thing or the muscles for guys (I much prefer a slightly "cuddlie" guy aka chubby lolz). I get called fat quite frequently even tho I'm 5 8 and 110-115lb which I think is tiny (I wish I could gain a bit but I can't ever seem to) hell I even wear xs to m(however m clothes fit very very loose around my stomach tho I usually wear m because I have a D cup and xs/s is doesn't have much stretch usually) and a size 2 pant in juniors but apperantly I'm "FAT"..... It's like really now people how tiny do you want me to be.

Anyways tho I think plus size models are amazing, their beautiful, curvy and I love that they are willing to put out the message that you don't have to be tiny to be beautiful. We were all made diffrent and we are all beautiful in our own way, labels like fat or ugly should not bother us (besides the people that say those thing are either jelly or get bullied too) So we just need to be confident ad push the labels aside

Also Raina you look amazing as well as the rest of you Mers!!!

[Moongazer]

Raina: I have NO idea how many birth control pills I've tried. I'm sooo sensitive to the dosages of stuff. Either it affects my mood/emotions so extremely, doesn't work or doesn't work enough. I just started a new one 1 months ago, so we'll see how this goes. So far it's all right, still have pain but at least it's lessened. I would honestly stop taking BC but the fear of having the cysts come back on top of the endo just makes me cringe so badly.

Morphine was the only thing the doctors could give me and then they prescribed a painkiller for when it's super bad and the painkiller is banned in Britain. That's gotta say something. So yeah.

And with all this med jumping and pain, working out is so difficult. I used to horseback ride all the time but as the pain got worse, using your core was just... One of the worst things ever. With the mermaid tail I got, it's actually not so bad, mainly before I use my knees more then I should but I'm easing myself into it.

If you ever need someone to talk to about doctors and how specialists are fuck ups, let me know. My GP is amazing but all the 'specialists' I need to go to are asses. I went to a 'colon' specialist because my colon is bloated all the time and she just said, keep changing your diet and it should go away. Yeah my GP was not happy when she said that. And I need ultra sounds for a cysts on my shoulder but I can't get them until I see a dermatologist and all the ones I've ever been too in my life are jerks and don't care. So we'll see how this new one goes.

[Mermaid Fenicia]

They've always been calling me lazy and fat and been telling me not to eat as much sweet thing.
* First off all I'm not lazy but get tiered very easy as it's 1 of the medical problems that I have
* Second, I gain weight from stress events that's why I'm not aloud to work. Now that I moved in with a very good friend (my boyfriend) I finally can relax and work on my hobbies. And I lose weight now, but very slowly.
* Third, I'm totally not a 'sweet-tooth', but need sugar to keep me going. Doctors orders.
* Fourth, I love to dance, but my legs don't want to dance anymore. So no more dancing for me

[spottedcatfish]

I am generally comfortable with my body shape and size. However, for me it's not so much about the weight, ideally I would like to lose some of it, but I am not basing my goals on weight alone. For me, I am trying to get my measurements down. On some days I can be very self conscious about my body and image. But, mermaiding and swimming in general has helped me become more comfortable with my body and with wearing a bathing suit. I plan to keep swimming at least 2x a week or more, and try to make it fun and different each time, so things don't get boring. I guess I'll include active mermaiding events in there too!

[Coradion]

Umm... well on this topic I guess gay world is a bit more vicious. I've gone from 245 to 170 and I'm 6'1" and I still feel fat. Goal is perfect six pack of which I know have the top four. I'm all for being comfortable in your own body, but I'm definitely not. I do performance pole dance and used to swim and play water polo so I'm very used to being near naked in front of large groups of people, doesn't change the feeling that I can/should do better. I don't need to talk myself up at all, I just have to work on it, that's the only way I feel good. Workout every day in pursuit of what I feel is my perfection. Anything less and I won't be happy with myself. Which is okay, I've had people tell me I look great, frankly though I don't care how other people feel about my body. I want to be thinner and have better muscular definition so that's what I will work on.

[Mermaid Narina]

MY STORY IS OPPOSITE MOST PEOPLES. IM TOO THIN. My whole life, people have always teased me for being too thin. Strange isnt it, how you can be called "fat" or "anorexic" (im most definately NOT), and theres not alot of room for an "inbetween".
"Your so fat, your so thin. Wow, your flat chested. C cup? Thats my mums size. You have big feet. Your face shape is weird. Too tall . Too short. Funny teeth. Big arse. Bony arms. Fatty thighs...... The list goes on. These things are said to people every day, theres always SOMETHING thats not good enough.
I have never worn a bikini in my life. In fact, I have always worn a uv shirt and board shorts on top on a tankini and watched "perfect" girls look great at the beach.
But when I got a tail, I was kind of forced to change. A fabric tail really shows your leg shape, and a mermaid cant be wearing a uv shirt- it looks silly. But my tail gave me confidence. And thats the key really. Anyone who has confidence and personality can look great- and feel great. Im not so obsessed with trying to PUTON weight anymore, because I have accepted that im never going to have curves. Im not going to grow shorter. I wont get big boobs or great legs. And thats cool. Because if you look in a mirror for long enough with a positive attitudd, you can point out your g ood features. And thats whats important.

And to all the guys out there: not everyone loves muscles and hard abs. Me, personally? I like a sweet face. your body shape doesnt matter if you are confident...

[SilverSiren]

I feel you on the too thin thing too! When I was at my height for dancing I was thin, but VERY muscular (for a girl at least). I was tone from head to toe and had the perfect dancers body. Still, my mom would tell me I'm too thin and I had friends who would either ask me or admit later that they thought I was on drugs or had a eating disorder. There's a difference between looking like your on drugs or having an eating disorder compared to either naturally thin or just very fit. One looks healthy, the other looks like your just plain sick! What we should all take away from this is that the media sucks, mirrors lie, and people will judge you for ANYTHING they can find, so just stop caring and be exactly who you are and want to be without a single care for anyone else opinion!

Why do we allow all this to get to us so much?! It means NOTHING! It's all just rain drops. We can either sit and wish it wasn't raining and feel all sad about it oooorrr we can accept the fact that it's raining and just be happy anyway. Every time you hear someone say something judgmental about someone else, say something! Tell them they shouldn't judge because it makes them look ugly and insecure and they should be ashamed of themselves. They'll think before they speak next time. And when you do it yourself? Try writing it down on a piece of paper then writing down 5 things you think are good about yourself next to it. Tell yourself these things ALL the time, add more to the list, and soon you'll see the good more than the bad and the bad just becomes a rain drop, harmless and small. We all need to be not only nicer to others but nicer to ourselves. <3

[SilverSiren]

Oh, one more thing. If anyone here actually has a serious problem with eating disorders or drugs, then please, love yourself, get some help. There are better things out there, you just have to see it, and there is no shame in asking for help. If anyone judges you for it, then they obviously need some help too.

[SilverSiren]

Sorry to be a post hog but I found this and thought a few points were really good in relation to body image.

[Mermaid Lei Loni]

I just posted something on my blog about this.....it's a little long, but I had a lot to say! If you're interested in reading about it here's the link: http://memoirsofmermaidleiloni.blogspot.com/

I'd write more, but the blog is fairly long. I'm a firm believer in loving yourself and being happy in your own skin, whatever it looks like. I believe that everyone is beautiful and unique, and that your pant size doesn't determine your beauty.

[NerineArcticMermaid]

So.. Ive only told this to a few very close friends..

In 2001 I was 135lbs. Very healthy very active. I rode a bike most places.. Didnt have a car. I had jsut started dating my now ex fiance. (3months together at the time)

I had gotten really sick with a the flu.. and thought that my weakness and no engery and constant all day nausea was just the remneants of the flu. I hadnt had a regular period for sevearl years and had been told at one time I was unlikly to ever have kids.

So I hadnt thought anthing of the nausea. The only thing that helped was constant eating. I slept downstairs because the walk up to the second floor where my room was... well i never made it more than 5 steps up..

When I hadnt gotten better after 2.5 months I finally decided to take the test.. and yes... it was positive..

I went to see a specialist about my condition. It was 11yrs ago now and i dont remember the name of the actual problem. I had 2 choices... Me or the baby... Had I carried to term I only had a slight chance of surviving. So I decided the risk was to great.

At the end of this whole ordeal I had gone from my healthy 135lbs to 190lbs... and continued to balloon up to 220lbs in 2004.

When I discovered mermaiding(2009).... it was like a light in the darkness to me... I had just been diagnosed with type II diabetes in 2007 and was stuggleing to find a diet and excersize program I could stick to.

Well here we are in 2012 and I am down to 185lbs..

Im still a bit body modest but I am proud to mermaid. It saved my life.

[AniaR]

Aw, it kills me to hear you guys and girls all going through this stuff! Nerine I knew you struggled with diabetes but had no idea all these other things. Thanks for being brave enough to share them! And girls, I've seen the thin hate too. I experienced it when I was a teen which is why it's all the more hilarious that I'm on the other end of it now.

I'm so proud of everyone here for sharing, and for working hard to be HEALTHY. <3 Most of all I am proud we all support each other.

[NerineArcticMermaid]

Its not an easy thing to share given many peoples opinions about the choice i had to make.... wasn't easy... i always wonder about the little girl I could have had...( in my heart I know it would have been a girl)

[Mermaid Lei Loni]

Thank you for sharing your story Nerine. I'm so sorry to hear about that loss. You are such a strong woman! I don't know that I would have been strong enough to walk a mile in your shoes. I do wish you the best as you continue to heal.

I too am diabetic. I have type 1 though, so I'm on insulin shots. The hardest part about having a chronic disease like that is dealing with people that think I need to behave a certain way because of it. Since I'm a type 1 I have a little more flexibility in what I can eat. I pretty much function as a normal person, only I have to administer my insulin by hand. So it would drive me crazy when people would ask me if I should be eating that, or why I'm eating mashed potatoes instead of a salad. I got used to explaining to people about how my disease works and how my body works, and then I got to the point where I just said it was none of their business. But it's been really hard to deal with it. But it explained why I was so sick all the time. At one point, I had lost a whole bunch of weight and I was down to a size 12. I thought my body was healthy, but in reality I was dying. My body was so sick, that I went into diabetic ketoacidosis which is something that a type 1 diabetic can go into if they don't get treated properly. I was misdiagnosed as a type 2 diabetic about 6 months prior to going to the hospital by a doctor that made the assumption that because I was overweight (she was one of those zealous-healthy-weight-watchers kind of doctors) and had high blood sugar that I was a type 2. She didn't even look at what my lab results actually stated. And I know this because I brought them to my current endocrinologist and asked. In pretty much black and white my blood test said I was a type 1. That my disease was autoimmune and that I needed to be on insulin....not pills. Needless to say we ended up bringing a lawsuit up against the doctor for malpractice, since she didn't utilize my test results properly, and didn't order additional tests (when you're diagnosed as a diabetic they are supposed to order extra tests to make sure its not type 1)...even when I had told her for months that the pills weren't working and they were making me super sick. After that moment, I stopped listening to the media, and started listening to my body. My body told me for months that it was dying, and I didn't listen because I thought the doctor that wanted me thin was right...and she wasn't. What's been the most irritating is the assumption that because I'm fat (and I am fat, it's a description, not a put down!) that I deserve my diabetes. People tell me all the time that I'm not taking good enough care of my body, and that I should be doing something different so I don't have to have this disease. The problem? I have no choice. Fat or thin I will always be diabetic because of my genetics. That's been my biggest hurdle and blessing, because it's helped me realize that beauty is not skin deep.