B!TC# IT OUT!

[New York Mermaid]

if you havent seen my personal facebook post this is whats going on, this is why i've been going through so much and a period of absence

Beyond depressed and upset, my mother's stressing me out to a point that i might have to sell my birds and move to long island, away from my sick father (who has no one but me to care for him) and my sister, (the only one who i actually have ties to). I cant stand her constant bitching over and over about suddenly she wants the apartment for herself, and then its her niece and now its her uncle. she gave me the apartment to me and my husband who works only a block away because of convenience and because i was stuck in a 5th floor apartment for 7 years which i lived in for over 20yrs. now she wants the apartment for her uncle who has dementia and heart problems and is in a home with proper care- but she doesnt feel that way,

but she feels he needs to be close to her house, with no nurses aid and no one around to watch or help him 24/7. Im so done with my mother I swear. Im having such a hard time with this.. i spent 4 grand on fixing this place up, the rent is even over paid by a month extra, I did so much to this once disgusting house and i havent even been here for a year yet.

Im so pissed right now I have no idea what to do anymore. I have no money to even move somewhere else at the moment we cant save much anymore because of just trying to settle in this apartment, it needed so much repair. poor milton who will have to spend $300 a month trying to get to work on top of a $1700 rent in a shared apartment with his sister.. I swear if i leave this apartment and loose the only 2 things that keep me happy, I officially will cut my mother off completely..

I was seriously crying so much last night going through all of this, I havent slept and i even had to take 2 anti anxiety pills. I ust cant do it anymore. My dad has no one to help him but me. My sister and i are very close, she was in tears when i told her about it. My mother has changed so much its amazing, I do everything right, everything not to step on her toes, to keep her happy, suddenly she does this to me. I cant do it anymore!

[Koral]

It seems to me that mothers around the world are acting strange as if they want to be cut off from their daughters. What's up with that?

I really wish I had some good advice for you, Lanai. "Getting out" is healthy and a good option, but yes it is very very hard I know. Has menopause* found her yet? Maybe she will get over it and mellow out? My mother recently hit menopause, but she's not getting over her dilemma with me. So I'm getting away. If it's at all possible, do that. Maybe tell her to reimburse the 4 grand and the 1 month overpay of rent, and you'll get out of her hair. At least if she were to pay back all the extras you've put into the apartment YOURSELF, you and your husband would be able to move out and get a fresh start.

*mentioning this because as most know, this can cause more outbursts and volatile behavior.

[New York Mermaid]

yep ive done that and faught tooth and nail about it with her, she is going through menapause, and probably has been for the past 3 years.. sheesh

[Koral]

That's a long course of menopause. o_o

So I have something else to bitch about now, and this time it's just me letting off some steam.
I was supposed to get the single bedroom to myself while the other girls share the master bedroom. I found out today that girl 1 took it unto herself to move into the single bedroom. I found out that this girl 1 is pretty damn ornery, too. But I know girl 2 from sculpture class last quarter, from my experience she is very nice and others are vouching that she is really laid back. Girl 2 is who I am sharing a room with. I was planning on decorating the HELL out of my room, and above all after 1.5 years of hoarding my door-beads, I am finally hanging them. I'm not taking no for an answer (they are these really cute beads of bubbles and fish of neon tropical colors). At least, I'm hoping she doesn't mind the door beads and my choice decor. If I have to I will just hang them on the window or wall. Actually, that sounds better anyway. :/

But still, I'm concerned about this ugly-minded young lady. I'm hoping to either win them both over, or team up with my former classmate/now roommate girl 2 and get on girl 1's ass until she finally can't stand it and change rooms. Is that territorial of me? I like peace in my living space, and if there's not, I want them out LOL.*

*Poster note: Again, just letting off some steam. But I do like peace in the household. Sure, I'd love them to be out, but what can I really do but just be nice, and cope. I can't say the same for seeeveral other classmates I've heard about in the apartments, though.

[Thalassa]

Hi, Koral! I really identified with your whole mom thing; my mom is that way. Luckily/unluckily I did as she said and pushed myself through college with no social life. On one hand, it's great being graduated and having the nice paycheck (although I did have to look for a job for 2 years after graduating) and starting my career. On the other hand, I missed out a lot on the social life and feel I could have gotten so much more out of my college experience. So there's pros and cons to all. I'm glad you're out (seems to be, right?).

As for roommates...I'm lucky because I arranged to pay for both parts of a shared room, making a private room. But I lived with a series of roommates that were assigned to me for quite a while, and I learned that you really can't try to change your roommate. Either you get along or you suck it up until they or you move out. Making life hard for them just makes you be the "bad" roommate...and that gets around. Soon enough the only people who will room with you are either the newbies who have no choice or the people nobody else wants.

That is a rough situation. I sympathize with you, I just advise against "teaming up" and trying to make life hard for somebody. Maybe I'm too nice...XP

[Koral]

I'm perfectly capable of multitasking college, job, activities, and boyfriend. It can get stressful, but at the same time my mind operates very quickly and I kind of need a lot going on in my life so I don't go insane. To each their own, of course. And I'm glad you did what you feel is right - everyone should. I did what I felt is right.

You were lucky to be able to afford both sides of the room. It would cost me an extra $1200 - $1900 do that each 3 month quarter. Sadly, not all of us are that fortunate. As for the ornery gal, she may well enjoy making life miserable for others, I do admit maybe it's a little unfair that no one can give her a taste of her own medicine. But, of course I'm going to suck it up and be super nice. I talk big online but I am a bit of a guppy in reality (I know a mermaid that can attest to that). I was raised to "be nice to those that are rude," as kindness goes further (or in my case, shut up and get stepped all over). But, in the back of my mind I may be screaming and yelling, and online I can say things I can't say IRL, just to get things off my chest so I don't actually do them in person. Then, I'm over it.

[Felicia]

SO here's my B!TC#...

I just moved to be closer to my family and to live with a very good friend I've had since I was little, she's always copied me which was fine to an extant it was a bit flattering that someone wanted to be like me, however I just found out she's taken it too far... She legally changed her name so it's the same as mine, got engaged to someone that she only dated 3 months kuz he has the same name as my man, she dyed her hair and got the same piercings and the same tattoo I have(only one that she knows about)...creepy right... Well when I brought up that it's a bit odd she said "your over reacting, I'm just experessing myself" I told her it was a bit too weird for me and my fiancée so we broke the rental agreement and moved in with my mother for the time being, hopefully we can find a place soon because she drives me insane and always want to know when I will be giving her grandbabys..... Ummmm never hopefully.....

Im not sure if I did over react but I don't really want another "me" running around it was ok when she just acted like me but changing her name and appearance seems like its gone too far

Anyhoo that's my b!tc# of creepiness and such

[Thalassa]

For some reason I'm reminded of that movie where the roommate wants to take over the others' life...what was that called again? XP

I agree, that's definitely very creepy, IMHO that's too many coincidences for her to be just borrowing a few of your ideas. :-S

[Winged Mermaid]

That is beyond creepy O_O I would GTFO of there too! As they say.. bit#hes be crazy. I feel sorry for her that she feels like she has to deny who she is so severely that she does that to herself. One of the very best feelings in the world is knowing that are finding who you are and being true to yourself. For her that will just be a big empty gaping hole. Still.. best to stay away if she's not listening to reason. Could end up like a horror movie with her trying to steal your face (literally) or something X_x

[Elle]

That's a bit weird. I had that happen to me a while ago, everytime I bought clothes or changed my hair this girl did the exact same thing, even when I cut all my hair off. so I made the decision to turn into her she changed back and started mentioning to everyone that I was copying her. So i got to be me again and she stayed as herself

[Felicia]

That is beyond creepy O_O I would GTFO of there too! As they say.. bit#hes be crazy. I feel sorry for her that she feels like she has to deny who she is so severely that she does that to herself. One of the very best feelings in the world is knowing that are finding who you are and being true to yourself. For her that will just be a big empty gaping hole. Still.. best to stay away if she's not listening to reason. Could end up like a horror movie with her trying to steal your face (literally) or something X_x

Ikr feel like I'm gunna be killed or something ...... And I like my face where it is quite frankly. Worse part is I now live in the same town... So we will se how this progresses but I don't think it will end well for one of us

[Mer_Adella]

Ok I know this is going to sound bad and what not but here it goes.

Imagine yourself living in your boyfriend/girlfriends house and they work all week long and are only home from Friday @ 8pm to Sunday @8pm (48 hrs) and during that time he doesn't make any sexual advancement towards you. Sure they kiss you but no hanky panky. You even wear your most cleavage revealing top.

That's what I am going to. We've been together for almost 3yrs now. I know it's stupid but I feel as if I am not attractive enough for him. He will give me a kiss and gig and tell me he loves me but no sex. I just feel like crying and wondering what I can do to make myself prettier short of a nose job or boob job. I am a country girl : I love to get muddy wear a pony tail sweatshirt holy jeans etc. I just don't know what to do. ( ok yes I know ...tell him! But how do you explain to the man that you love that you want him to take you like a maid in the millionaires house?)

I'm so sad so lost and sooo alone (he left to go back to work)

[Thalassa]

This is going to sound equally bad and judgmental, but to me sex doesn't make the relationship. I believe in abstinence until marriage and in building a strong bond without the sex...and I don't think no sex is necessarily indicative of how attractive he finds you. Where I'm from when a boy doesn't try to initiate physical contact until you say so shows he respects you and is a sign of good character. Have you talked at all about your attitudes towards sex? Maybe he just doesn't think as much that way, is waiting, etc...you wouldn't know unless you talked about it. Is sex all you want from him, or is it more that he's working such long hours that's got you in a knot?

I'd try talking to him but don't couch it in terms such as "I WANT SEX!!!!1!" You could say, "I feel I hardy get to spend any time with you," "I'm afraid you don't find me sexually attractive," "What's your attitude towards the woman initiating intimate encounters..." stuff like that.

Hope this helps! Sorry you're going through a frustrating time.

[Thalassa]

Ikr feel like I'm gunna be killed or something ...... And I like my face where it is quite frankly. Worse part is I now live in the same town... So we will se how this progresses but I don't think it will end well for one of us

Now, I'm not sure because I'm not a legal expert...but if it gets worse after you move out (she starts showing up an inordinate amount of times, etc) I'd go to the authorities. However, if you give mixed messages (ie: go out to lunch together one day and then freak out if she shows up the next day, then do something together a week later...) I don't think they'll pay much attention. I think you have to have asked her to leave you alone...anyone with a legal background have any advice?

[Mer_Adella]

Well we have been together for almost three years. Sex is not an important factor for us but it is our "alone" time and fun time and serious talking time. That sounds horrible but we have our funniest and most serious talks afterwards. We know that we are each others soul mates and sex doesn't matter a whole bunch but him not making advancements towards me feels like I am just a "roommate" is all

[Thalassa]

Well we have been together for almost three years. Sex is not an important factor for us but it is our "alone" time and fun time and serious talking time. That sounds horrible but we have our funniest and most serious talks afterwards. We know that we are each others soul mates and sex doesn't matter a whole bunch but him not making advancements towards me feels like I am just a "roommate" is all

So, it sounds to me as though it's not specifically the sex. You're frustrated with his lack of concentration, making it seem as though you're a secondary in his life (however inadvertently). Let's face it, we all want to know we're loved.

As I said, I'd talk with him and just be honest that you're feeling shut out of his life, that you know he has to work long hours...maybe see if you two together can come up with some ways to make the time you have together mean more. I'd bring up that you're wondering whether he 'still' finds you sexually attractive.

TBH if you just leave it you'll likely keep going the way you are. Eventually you may get fed up with it and leave, or he'll get a clue and be better, or you'll get mad and he'll just wonder why...airing things out is usually the best way to go. IMHO

(...and when did I become a relationship counselor? XP)

[Felicia]

Now, I'm not sure because I'm not a legal expert...but if it gets worse after you move out (she starts showing up an inordinate amount of times, etc) I'd go to the authorities. However, if you give mixed messages (ie: go out to lunch together one day and then freak out if she shows up the next day, then do something together a week later...) I don't think they'll pay much attention. I think you have to have asked her to leave you alone...anyone with a legal background have any advice?

Well im hoping it won't come that but who know what I'll have to do I haven't talked to her since the day I left but she's called and text like 1,000 times or so by now. At this point I just hope she will realize bein me ain't that great and go back to herself (whoever that may be). I'm just glad I have family here so I have somewhere to live for now, because it seems it's hard to find a place here after breaking a rental agreement : / so we are stuck with my mum till atleast November when my friend(who's fine with bein herself rather than me) from Moscow comes here to live because if finding a house takes till then she will let us live with her.

[roamingmer]

Re At Home Alone... ;-)
As a work-a-holic (which I know is bad) when I get home friday evenings im pretty much exhausted and want / need some space to myself just to work through the weeks activities / conversations etc. This can sound selfish to a significant other, but is just the way I am. The weekend becomes my 'crash' time - if there are activities which I also want to do for myself (e.g. fitness) then It cuts even more time from the weekend. Im really happy to share it with significant other, but sex is not always the primary goal. Quality time together can be much more important when dealing with longer term issues.

What is much more important is to talk with the partner - and listen. It might take time for him to release all his feelings (testosterone can be like a mental block for guys to get in touch with their feelings) and listening without predujice is important. If you react emotionally then it is more likely the guy will clam up (wont want to hurt you) and have much more difficulty in working out what 'feelings' actually feel like.

[Elle]

Well we have been together for almost three years. Sex is not an important factor for us but it is our "alone" time and fun time and serious talking time. That sounds horrible but we have our funniest and most serious talks afterwards. We know that we are each others soul mates and sex doesn't matter a whole bunch but him not making advancements towards me feels like I am just a "roommate" is all

This is gonna sound crass, but have you considered jumping him? if your in the same bed, just wait til he's asleep. or in the shower. when he's getting changed. or if all fails walk around naked.

[Mer_Adella]

lol Elle, yes I have sometimes he just grunts and says that he is tired and thats all that I get. Other times he says come on we have people over