B!TC# IT OUT!

[Mermaid Stark]

I've been asking myself, "who are my real friends?" lately, and I just need to let this all out.
I am 150% sure that Elena is my best friend of all times, but I have 3 friends here (in Switzerland) that I'm not so sure of.

Friend 1: I've known her for about two years now, and she's so much fun to be around. I swear, when we have sleepovers, we act like we're drunk! We're that comfortable around each other. We can relate to each other in so many different ways too! When I told her that I was a mermaid last summer (when I started making my first tail with Elena), she said that it was awesome! She actually even wanted a tail herself! (we never got to make it though, because fabrics are really expensive here.)
We can literally talk about anything together and feel comfortable about it. Even when we first met we were really comfortable around each other. After anything happens, she's the first one that I confront after any incidents (after Elena) and she just helps me feel better. I do the same for her as well.

Friend 2: I've known her for a year around September-October. She's from the dance studio and she's also fun to be around, but not as fun as friend 1. We're not as comfortable around each other and I get the feeling that she judges me a lot. When I told her that I was a mermaid in December before I got my Fish Butts tail, she looked at me funny and said, "Seriously? You're really weird.", and she didn't say it in a nice way either. I'm still not so sure how I feel about her yet. A couple weeks ago, we had this thing where I was really tired after class, and she was all happy and everything, and when she went to talk to me, I kind of gave her a half-assed answer. She said something like, "Geez, why are you acting like this?" and walked away. Next thing I know, she's talking to friend 3 and they're both looking at me and whispering! When I sit down with friend 3 before jazz class, I tell her about it just to clear up anything friend 2 said that might not be true. I just told her that I was feeling really tired and a bit hungry and I just didn't exactly feel like being super happy at the time. Then when friend 2 comes and sits down, I confront her and tell her that it's mean to talk about somebody to their other friend right in front of them when you really don't know what's wrong. She said, 'Well you were being a bitch.", I say, "Excuse me?", She says, "That's right.", and walks away.
After that I didn't talk to her for a while. The weirdest thing is that she acted like nothing was wrong in jazz class 5 minutes later! She never apologized or anything! She acted like nothing had ever even happened! Sure, you don't have to apologize. I mean, it's not like you could have hurt my freaking feelings or anything! Just act like nothing ever happened and it'll seem like it didn't!
About two weeks ago we started talking again. I'm still not sure I should have forgiven her, and I'm still not sure if I really have! And if that whole thing was going too far, how do I let her know that I don't want to be friends anymore? The problem is, she is practically best friends with friend 3, so I can't hang around friend 3 without having to hang with friend 2.

Friend 3: So I've know her for as long as friend 2, and she's a pretty good friend, though I feel like we're just friends because we both like the Hunger Games, and she's best friends with friend 2. She's really sweet and understanding, but also a bit immature like friend 2. I'm not sure how she feels about me being a mermaid since I've never really asked her, but I think she'd be ok with it.

So I'm really just not sure who my real friends are. Any opinions? It's making me really frustrated!
I really wish Elena were here with me! I miss her so much and this is just one of those things I need to talk to her about. Hopefully we'll be able to skype and talk about it sometime soon.

Oh, and also, when friends 2 and 3 and I are hanging out together, friends 2 and 3 are all over each other! It's really weird! They act like a couple or something! It also makes me feel excluded and not important.
I feel like I'm not exactly accepted in this dance class. I feel like the odd girl out or something. So if I ditch friends 2 and 3, I'm pretty much on my own.

[SeaGlass Siren]

I truly hate today. Dad won't shut up about the negativities of condo living even after 3 days ago I said I wasn't gonna move into one rcaude he made such a big fuss about it, mom won't stop complaining about noone helping her with chores even though I'm the only one helping her, younger sister is home all day and won't even lift a finger cuz she's damn lazy while I'm the one working full time and I have no time to Rest because I'm doing her share of her chores..., my work Internet is down so I can't finish my work by my deadline and I gotta work overtime wtf...


No rest and I'm angry.

[SeaGlass Siren]

So I'm basically loitering around usin 3G on my phone until the techs get my computer working. And after that I'm gonna be swamped because of this stupid Internet not working

[Mermaid Varshana]

Have you ever just collapsed after an exam and stared in awe at how incredibly difficult it was? I'm doing that over the Behavioral Neuroscience final now. I feel like a survivor

[MerEmma]

I've been asking myself, "who are my real friends?" lately, and I just need to let this all out.
I am 150% sure that Elena is my best friend of all times, but I have 3 friends here (in Switzerland) that I'm not so sure of.

Friend 1: I've known her for about two years now, and she's so much fun to be around. I swear, when we have sleepovers, we act like we're drunk! We're that comfortable around each other. We can relate to each other in so many different ways too! When I told her that I was a mermaid last summer (when I started making my first tail with Elena), she said that it was awesome! She actually even wanted a tail herself! (we never got to make it though, because fabrics are really expensive here.)
We can literally talk about anything together and feel comfortable about it. Even when we first met we were really comfortable around each other. After anything happens, she's the first one that I confront after any incidents (after Elena) and she just helps me feel better. I do the same for her as well.

Friend 2: I've known her for a year around September-October. She's from the dance studio and she's also fun to be around, but not as fun as friend 1. We're not as comfortable around each other and I get the feeling that she judges me a lot. When I told her that I was a mermaid in December before I got my Fish Butts tail, she looked at me funny and said, "Seriously? You're really weird.", and she didn't say it in a nice way either. I'm still not so sure how I feel about her yet. A couple weeks ago, we had this thing where I was really tired after class, and she was all happy and everything, and when she went to talk to me, I kind of gave her a half-assed answer. She said something like, "Geez, why are you acting like this?" and walked away. Next thing I know, she's talking to friend 3 and they're both looking at me and whispering! When I sit down with friend 3 before jazz class, I tell her about it just to clear up anything friend 2 said that might not be true. I just told her that I was feeling really tired and a bit hungry and I just didn't exactly feel like being super happy at the time. Then when friend 2 comes and sits down, I confront her and tell her that it's mean to talk about somebody to their other friend right in front of them when you really don't know what's wrong. She said, 'Well you were being a bitch.", I say, "Excuse me?", She says, "That's right.", and walks away.
After that I didn't talk to her for a while. The weirdest thing is that she acted like nothing was wrong in jazz class 5 minutes later! She never apologized or anything! She acted like nothing had ever even happened! Sure, you don't have to apologize. I mean, it's not like you could have hurt my freaking feelings or anything! Just act like nothing ever happened and it'll seem like it didn't!
About two weeks ago we started talking again. I'm still not sure I should have forgiven her, and I'm still not sure if I really have! And if that whole thing was going too far, how do I let her know that I don't want to be friends anymore? The problem is, she is practically best friends with friend 3, so I can't hang around friend 3 without having to hang with friend 2.

Friend 3: So I've know her for as long as friend 2, and she's a pretty good friend, though I feel like we're just friends because we both like the Hunger Games, and she's best friends with friend 2. She's really sweet and understanding, but also a bit immature like friend 2. I'm not sure how she feels about me being a mermaid since I've never really asked her, but I think she'd be ok with it.

So I'm really just not sure who my real friends are. Any opinions? It's making me really frustrated!
I really wish Elena were here with me! I miss her so much and this is just one of those things I need to talk to her about. Hopefully we'll be able to skype and talk about it sometime soon.

Oh, and also, when friends 2 and 3 and I are hanging out together, friends 2 and 3 are all over each other! It's really weird! They act like a couple or something! It also makes me feel excluded and not important.
I feel like I'm not exactly accepted in this dance class. I feel like the odd girl out or something. So if I ditch friends 2 and 3, I'm pretty much on my own.

I don't have any advice besides this, which is what I use to gauge whether I consider someone a friend or just an acquaintance.
"Do you enjoy the time spent with them? Do you value their opinion, and do they value yours? Do you feel like you would miss them if you didn't see them for too long?" If you don't like the answers, then that'll tell you maybe a bit about it.

[Mermaid Varshana]

Actually, a more important addendum to that last question is, "Do you think they would miss you if you were gone for too long?"

Life's too short to keep buttheads around as friends. Do NOT be that person who only hangs around someone due to lack of any other options. I've seen where that leads. It's not pretty.

[Mermaid Stark]

Thanks you two! Now I remember that whenever friend 1 and I don't see each other for a week, we both text, IM, or chat on Facebook saying that we miss each other and we need to get together soon. With friend 2, I don't think she's ever told me that she misses me. I also think that I just hang out with her due to lack of other options.

Now here's the question; How do I let her know that without hurting her feelings? I'm very sensitive and understanding towards other people and I hate to hurt them. Do I just slowly talk to her less and less?

[Mermaid Stark]

Ok, this has been bothering me a lot for some reason.
On Youtube, I have seen numerous comments on videos saying things like, "This video is so gay!", or, "Your so gay!", and it's REALLY PISSING ME OFF.
First of all, it's "You're" as in "You are", not "Your" (possessive). Secondly, GAY IS NOT AN INSULT. It's a form of lifestyle. You do not know this person. You don't know their love interests. Yes, of course they could be gay, but it's not an insult. The internet has seemed to make it an insult when it's really not! It just really pisses me off for some reason.
Another thing; when people say that "this video is gay", "that shirt is gay", "those shoes are gay", it means NOTHING. And object cannot be gay. A video cannot be gay. Why? Because it has no gender. It has no lifestyle. It has no love interests. Therefore, it cannot be gay. By saying any of these "insults", you are not insulting the person at all. You are just embarrassing yourself.
So please, if you really feel the need to insult somebody for no reason, say something actually insulting. Or, better yet, don't say anything at all!

[SeaGlass Siren]

Society uses the term gay as another word for stupid... Which is stupid and they are stupid

[Mermaid Stark]

Society is really stupid. I feel like it shouldn't exist.

[Mermaid Varshana]

I would just let the friendship with #2 fade naturally. That's how interpersonal relationships work. Unfortunately, people don't take that "I don't want to be your friend anymore" speech well (although I had to have an encounter like that once to end a 7 year friendship that had become abusive).

[Mermaid Varshana]

While we're on the topic of society and social media, I hate this idea that we should treat people like they cease to be human the instant they put on a skimpy outfit and seem proud of it. Look, you might not agree with what she's wearing, and it may even make you butthurt that she has the gall to have the body and the self confidence to wear it, but DUDE, don't think that gives you the permission to treat her like she's lost her personhood card.

[Alveric]

Kakarotte is right, just let it fade from friendship to acquaintance. Only break a friendship if it becomes abusive or in some fashion dangerous.

[Dacora]

While we're on the topic of society and social media, I hate this idea that we should treat people like they cease to be human the instant they put on a skimpy outfit and seem proud of it. Look, you might not agree with what she's wearing, and it may even make you butthurt that she has the gall to have the body and the self confidence to wear it, but DUDE, don't think that gives you the permission to treat her like she's lost her personhood card.

This so much. I do think there is such a thing as showing too much but I can't stand it when people say they are sluts for showing off their body. My aunt does it a lot out of jealousy, espically when its a skinnier woman than her.

So my mother has lost all my trust when it comes to money.
I recently had to close my bank account since I did not have enough money in it to keep it open without it being charged a fee, but I do still get paychecks from working once in awhile when my work needs me. So I still needed a way to cash the checks. What I wanted to do was make a joint account with my mom and dad where I don't have to have a minimum amount in there but our money is seprate. But my mom just signed me up so I could access their account and my money and their money is the same account. I told her it was a bad idea, one of us would make the mistake of thinking we have more money than we do and overdraw the account. Well guess what? I was right!! My mom overdrew the account by almost $300. What ticks me off the most is I told her how much was mine. I got all my receipts and counted how much money I had left and how much was theirs. Wrote it down even, but no. Now my money is gone, dog food is almost gone and I have 20 bucks for gas in my wallet. I still need to buy a heat gun to finish my tail and other things I can't do because my money is gone. So after they pay me back I am still going to use their account to cash the checks but I am getting one of those prepaid, reloadable visa cards and putting the money on that card.

And what pissed me off even more is today I was trying to help them with something and she messed it up. I told her she was doing it wrong and her response was "Oh she is so smart! Maybe we should make her do the bills since she is smarter than us!" You have no clue how hard it was to shut up and not tell her if I was the one doing the bills I wouldn't screw it up and not spend money that is not mine to spend in the first place.
I just want to bang my head on the wall i'm so frustrated.

[Goldie]

This so much. I do think there is such a thing as showing too much but I can't stand it when people say they are sluts for showing off their body. My aunt does it a lot out of jealousy, espically when its a skinnier woman than her.

So my mother has lost all my trust when it comes to money.
I recently had to close my bank account since I did not have enough money in it to keep it open without it being charged a fee, but I do still get paychecks from working once in awhile when my work needs me. So I still needed a way to cash the checks. What I wanted to do was make a joint account with my mom and dad where I don't have to have a minimum amount in there but our money is seprate. But my mom just signed me up so I could access their account and my money and their money is the same account. I told her it was a bad idea, one of us would make the mistake of thinking we have more money than we do and overdraw the account. Well guess what? I was right!! My mom overdrew the account by almost $300. What ticks me off the most is I told her how much was mine. I got all my receipts and counted how much money I had left and how much was theirs. Wrote it down even, but no. Now my money is gone, dog food is almost gone and I have 20 bucks for gas in my wallet. I still need to buy a heat gun to finish my tail and other things I can't do because my money is gone. So after they pay me back I am still going to use their account to cash the checks but I am getting one of those prepaid, reloadable visa cards and putting the money on that card.

And what pissed me off even more is today I was trying to help them with something and she messed it up. I told her she was doing it wrong and her response was "Oh she is so smart! Maybe we should make her do the bills since she is smarter than us!" You have no clue how hard it was to shut up and not tell her if I was the one doing the bills I wouldn't screw it up and not spend money that is not mine to spend in the first place.
I just want to bang my head on the wall i'm so frustrated.

I feel where you are coming SooOOoo much. It is really hard when dealing with you're mother is like trying to reason with a five year old with a since of entitlement ,and like an idea that since she "made" you she should own you and everything that you are and do. SORRY FOR YOUR TROUBLES!

[SeaGlass Siren]

You don't have those cash places where u are? :0 a friend of mine doesn't have an account either but he goes to these places to cash his check and he keeps the money on him at all times

[SeaGlass Siren]

Also, I think your mom knows she's spending your money.. So how about this; go to the bank teller and tell them what's happening and see if they can do anything about it...? I don't know of it'll be much help..

[SeaGlass Siren]

Speaking of mothers...

K so mom is saying I broke her Facebook when she was the one doing all the clicking and all that happened was just Facebook messing with her pictures! it's fuckin early in he morning not even 8 oclock yt and she's already blaming me for something I didn't do so I am quite upset and hurt... Then asks if I want to see a picture of a ghost. I don't like ghost images so I say no.


All of a sudden she goes saying how i should cancel the mothers day reservation for tomorrow and im like... Well why? Then she goes on this rampage about how disrespectful I am ! All I said was no because I didn't want to see a ghost picture, and she's all like " it's do early in the morning and you're already starting up problems. Go away! And cancel that reservation, I don't need your love!"


What the fuck man...

[Dacora]

@goldie
THANK YOU! That is exactly it. I love my mom to death but jeez I just don't know why she goes bonkers like that sometimes. Then makes everyone out to be the bad guy and it drives me nuts. Dont get me wrong, I am thankful for her birthing me and putting a roof over my head but I cant stand it when she or any parent really, gets the feeling their child owes them everything beacuse they choose to raise the kid. There where other options the parent could have taken too. But they took on the kid, and apart of that is to give the kid a place to stay,give clothes and food. Why? Caz you choose to keep it.
Thats like adopting a dog and being mad when you have to care for it. If you didnt want to care for it in the first place Why adopt it?
But I never had a kid before so what do I know?

Also, I think your mom knows she's spending your money.. So how about this; go to the bank teller and tell them what's happening and see if they can do anything about it...? I don't know of it'll be much help..

They do have they places to cash it but they normally charge you for it. I normally travel through the city to see my boyfriend and having a big sum of money on you is just asking for trouble.

I did once and she set me up with my old bank account and made it where I had no charges. But she had to go to a diffrent bank location. We think she was waving charges on my account since her and my mom are buds. But since she moved she can't anymore.

I figured she knew she was using my money, and the thing is if she asked me I would have given her money and she knows that, I just wish she would have let me buy what I needed first. Aslong as I have the money on the visa no one can use it unless I give them the card and the pen number. So I will probally use that until I find a steady job to have my own bank account.

This is not the first time stuff has happened over the years and its other things too. She has told me straight up that if she could take back the day I was conceived she would. I think she loves me but also resents me since I was not planned and ruined her party life when it just started. It's a huge strain on our relationship and its ruined the whole "loving mother and daughter" thing. Not to mention she wanted a boy then when she didnt get that she wanted me to be a pretty girly girl that wears dresses and make up. I also shat over that plan. Along with everything about me being totally diffrent than her. I turned out to be the polar opposite of the kid she wanted.

After 18 years of all of it its gotten to the point where I don't care if I'm the bad guy anymore. It does not bother me when she yells caz if its not one thing its another.

Ill hopefully be out on my own soon and I hope it will help out our relationship. I know we get along better when I take off to my boyfriends moms house and stay there with them from Saturday to Monday then come back. So maybe just being gone will fix it. Less room to bump heads I guess.

What a great topic for mothers day. Its kinda funny, I wanted to take her out to eat but I cant now. Caz im broke. XD

P.S My phone is a jerk and is autocorecting words into things that dont make sense. So im sorry if this is a huge wall of typos.

[Dacora]

@goldie
THANK YOU! That is exactly it. I love my mom to death but jeez I just don't know why she goes bonkers like that sometimes. Then makes everyone out to be the bad guy and it drives me nuts. Dont get me wrong, I am thankful for her birthing me and putting a roof over my head but I cant stand it when she or any parent really, gets the feeling their child owes them everything beacuse they choose to raise the kid. There where other options the parent could have taken too. But they took on the kid, and apart of that is to give the kid a place to stay,give clothes and food. Why? Caz you choose to keep it.
Thats like adopting a dog and being mad when you have to care for it. If you didnt want to care for it in the first place Why adopt it?
But I never had a kid before so what do I know?

Also, I think your mom knows she's spending your money.. So how about this; go to the bank teller and tell them what's happening and see if they can do anything about it...? I don't know of it'll be much help..

They do have they places to cash it but they normally charge you for it. I normally travel through the city to see my boyfriend and having a big sum of money on you is just asking for trouble.

I did once and she set me up with my old bank account and made it where I had no charges. But she had to go to a diffrent bank location. We think she was waving charges on my account since her and my mom are buds. But since she moved she can't anymore.

I figured she knew she was using my money, and the thing is if she asked me I would have given her money and she knows that, I just wish she would have let me buy what I needed first. Aslong as I have the money on the visa no one can use it unless I give them the card and the pen number. So I will probally use that until I find a steady job to have my own bank account.

This is not the first time stuff has happened over the years and its other things too. She has told me straight up that if she could take back the day I was conceived she would. I think she loves me but also resents me since I was not planned and ruined her party life when it just started. It's a huge strain on our relationship and its ruined the whole "loving mother and daughter" thing. Not to mention she wanted a boy then when she didnt get that she wanted me to be a pretty girly girl that wears dresses and make up. I also shat over that plan. Along with everything about me being totally diffrent than her. I turned out to be the polar opposite of the kid she wanted.

After 18 years of all of it its gotten to the point where I don't care if I'm the bad guy anymore. It does not bother me when she yells caz if its not one thing its another.

Ill hopefully be out on my own soon and I hope it will help out our relationship. I know we get along better when I take off to my boyfriends moms house and stay there with them from Saturday to Monday then come back. So maybe just being gone will fix it. Less room to bump heads I guess.

What a great topic for mothers day. Its kinda funny, I wanted to take her out to eat but I cant now. Caz im broke. XD

P.S My phone is a jerk and is autocorecting words into things that dont make sense. So im sorry if this is a huge wall of typos.

@ mermaidandrea
Ah yes the "no I dont wanna go out anymore" bit. I would still take her out, but I wouldn't blame you if you didnt.