B!TC# IT OUT!

[Mermaid Tula]

Thanks for the info Kat, I did look in to the humane society. the closest no kill shelter is about 4 hours away. Luckily, I had a few friends who were really helpful and took in my girls. 1 is here in town, the other is less than half an hour away.

[Mermaid Varshana]

Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I'm too autistic to understand this. But why is a person's impulse upon being hurt, to hurt someone else like they were? I've heard two people say this, and I can't wrap my mind around it. Like...if you were abused, wouldn't you never want anyone to feel that way because it sucked so much for you? Because you'd want to make sure that that type of abuse never happened to anyone else? When i was young, i was abused terribly, but I guess I don't get it still :/

[AniaR]

Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I'm too autistic to understand this. But why is a person's impulse upon being hurt, to hurt someone else like they were? I've heard two people say this, and I can't wrap my mind around it. Like...if you were abused, wouldn't you never want anyone to feel that way because it sucked so much for you? Because you'd want to make sure that that type of abuse never happened to anyone else? When i was young, i was abused terribly, but I guess I don't get it still :/

Sometimes they do it knowingly, sometimes they do it without realizing it. When they do it knowingly they may justify it with bizarre reasons in their head, or they don't feel the person they're hurting is taking their own hurt seriously, so they need to show them what it feels like. When they do it without knowing, it's likely because no one has ever put boundaries down with them, and insisted on them being followed. (sometimes people will put boundaries down, but get scared by the person's reactions. An unstable person will always freak out at boundaries) And there's a very high chance they've been surrounded by people who enable their poor behaviour directly or indirectly.

In both cases, hard consistent boundaries are what work, and when they don't, you get the hell out of the relationship even if they're family. If you determine the person likely has a personality disorder, there are loads of books for coping with them in your life. My mother has borderline personality disorder and was abusive my whole life. As an adult I read books about bpd and tried the techniques in them. For some people, it's worth it to have some or all contact with the person, but it became clear after some reading, therapy, and work, that my mother was one of the more extreme BPDs and very dangerous, so I stopped speaking and seeing her 4 years ago. It changed my life in the best possible way.

[Mermaid Varshana]

I have a borderline person kind of in my life, but I keep her way on the outskirts. I purged a narcissist about a year ago. I think these particular two are more the types that never put boundaries down with other people, so they've conflated having no backbone with being nice and being an asshole with being assertive.

[Mizuko]

I've had it. I've had enough.
My older sister has bullied me throughout most of my life. I cannot remember her ever saying anything nice about me- its always negative. I've been out of home now for 7 years- not even in the same city as her anymore- but she still finds things to contact me to complain about. Its gotten to the point where I think she is genuinely SEARCHING for something I've done which she doesn't like. Dont even get me started on what she thinks of my mermaiding!
All I can remember from her is being called fat, ugly, crazy, stupid, adopted, annoying... throughout most of my life. It hurt more because it wasn't just some random peer or kid at school: it was my big sister. I loved her.
Now, here we are, I am 24 years old and she is 26 and about to get married. Within the first few days of her engagement she told me that 'this was her time' and that between then and her wedding I 'wasn't a loud' to have anything special happen. Yep. Her exact words. I let if slide because, well, I wasn't planing on doing anything special.
But two days ago, herself and my mother were in town trying to find her some shoes for her wedding. I suck it up to go see them- I get along really well with my parents, so seeing mum was the only reason I went. I told myself that it would be ok, its just a few hours, I can handle a few hours with my sister.
Boy was I wrong.
I cant understand how she can sit there and tell me that I'm doing everything wrong, that I should think of her and my parents more often (what the heck? I get along better with my parents than she does!) as if she knows exactly how I should live my life.
I was so angry. I asked her to stop, to change the subject, to try and calm myself down so that I could be civil. But she wouldn't stop. So I got up and left the resturant (yep, she quite happily does this in public- smiles the whole time like she's doing nothing wrong) shaking with anger and betrayal.
I guess, I've opened myself up to being hurt by her too often. I tell myself every time that its going to be different. But it never is. She will never change.
So I give up. I'm not going to try with her anymore. It will break my families heart, but what else can I do? Continue to be belittled and bullied for the rest of my life? Nobody stands up for me.

[Anahita]

Oh, Mizuko, I'm sorry to hear that. My partner's older sister is that type of person, too, and she does the same thing to him that it sounds like your sister does to you. It's never easy to have to just give up on a family relationship, especially a sister, but that's pretty messed up that she still acts the same mean way towards you that she did when she was a child. Like, it's wrong when you're a child anyhow, but it's even more so when she's a full grown adult getting married! Jeez, I've heard of bridezillas, but to tell your own sister she "wasn't a loud' to have anything special happen."... ​

[MermaidHyli]

Ive dealt with the same thing my entire life from my older brother. He's my only sibiling so I'm the baby. We're 9 years apart and he never misses a chance to "throw me under the bus" he was physically a bully when we were younger but moved out of the house when I was 12 it was nice till he would come for visits. Now he finds any and every way to insult me condemn me and sabotage my marriage. He can do it right in front of my mom and when I finally for the first time stood up for myself she said stop talking and my husband said nothing. It sucks being bullied and abused by a sibiling its better to just cut the ties and see them as less as possible. I'm really sorry this is also happening to you. I dont have a sister but I can only imagine its similar. I hope you are able to settle your dispute within yourself. Be the bigger person and just accept that they are that way and than distance yourself. Sometimes its just better that way.

[Mermaid-Rose]

I've had it. I've had enough.
My older sister has bullied me throughout most of my life. I cannot remember her ever saying anything nice about me- its always negative. I've been out of home now for 7 years- not even in the same city as her anymore- but she still finds things to contact me to complain about. Its gotten to the point where I think she is genuinely SEARCHING for something I've done which she doesn't like. Dont even get me started on what she thinks of my mermaiding!
All I can remember from her is being called fat, ugly, crazy, stupid, adopted, annoying... throughout most of my life. It hurt more because it wasn't just some random peer or kid at school: it was my big sister. I loved her.
Now, here we are, I am 24 years old and she is 26 and about to get married. Within the first few days of her engagement she told me that 'this was her time' and that between then and her wedding I 'wasn't a loud' to have anything special happen. Yep. Her exact words. I let if slide because, well, I wasn't planing on doing anything special.
But two days ago, herself and my mother were in town trying to find her some shoes for her wedding. I suck it up to go see them- I get along really well with my parents, so seeing mum was the only reason I went. I told myself that it would be ok, its just a few hours, I can handle a few hours with my sister.
Boy was I wrong.
I cant understand how she can sit there and tell me that I'm doing everything wrong, that I should think of her and my parents more often (what the heck? I get along better with my parents than she does!) as if she knows exactly how I should live my life.
I was so angry. I asked her to stop, to change the subject, to try and calm myself down so that I could be civil. But she wouldn't stop. So I got up and left the resturant (yep, she quite happily does this in public- smiles the whole time like she's doing nothing wrong) shaking with anger and betrayal.
I guess, I've opened myself up to being hurt by her too often. I tell myself every time that its going to be different. But it never is. She will never change.
So I give up. I'm not going to try with her anymore. It will break my families heart, but what else can I do? Continue to be belittled and bullied for the rest of my life? Nobody stands up for me.

Can I send this to your sister?:

[PearlieMae]

Can I send this to your sister?:

:::snicker:::

[Alveric]

Not aloud to have anything special happen?

Just to screw with her head, I'd be tempted to get pregnant if I were you. (I know bad reason to get pregnant, but I'd still be tempted. )

[Mizuko]

Thanks everyone <3
I spoke to my parents about it all. I told them how I felt and why I was going to cut ties with her. And they were... surprisingly understanding. More so than I would've thought (I was expecting them to be like "but she's your sister!!"). I feel a lot lighter- I dont have to bother with her anymore. I dont even want to go to the wedding now, but because its overseas and my tickets already paid for, I kinda have to... At least I'll be sharing a room with my parents, and its in Thailand so I'll suck up any abuse from her just to go swimming on the reefs!!! lol!!
I wish it was different, but this is the only option I can see where I wont be hurt anymore.

[Anahita]

Aw, Mizuko **hugs** Alternatively, you can just skip the wedding ceremony, go swimming in your tail, and then show up at the reception in said tail and eat all the wedding cake If you're quiet, technically you're not "aloud" so technically you're not breaking her psychotic guidelines.

(Do Western weddings even work that way? I'm never 100% sure because the movies confuse me... But what's a wedding without food afterwards? That's why everyone goes - or maybe I'm too Persian and can't distinguish get-togethers with being fed. Also, maybe disregard my advice on showing up in the tail... that's just me being a meanie again... although honestly, I do think that'd be awesome payback for someone who has been so wicked for so long... )

[Mizuko]

haha, I am totally taking my tail. I might not show up at the wedding in it, but I'm sure as hell going to go swimming in it! I dont care what she thinks/says! I've paid for the trip, I might as well do something I love while I'm there

[Anahita]

Exactly!

[Merman Arion]

I've had it. I've had enough.
My older sister has bullied me throughout most of my life. I cannot remember her ever saying anything nice about me- its always negative. I've been out of home now for 7 years- not even in the same city as her anymore- but she still finds things to contact me to complain about. Its gotten to the point where I think she is genuinely SEARCHING for something I've done which she doesn't like. Dont even get me started on what she thinks of my mermaiding!
All I can remember from her is being called fat, ugly, crazy, stupid, adopted, annoying... throughout most of my life. It hurt more because it wasn't just some random peer or kid at school: it was my big sister. I loved her.
Now, here we are, I am 24 years old and she is 26 and about to get married. Within the first few days of her engagement she told me that 'this was her time' and that between then and her wedding I 'wasn't a loud' to have anything special happen. Yep. Her exact words. I let if slide because, well, I wasn't planing on doing anything special.
But two days ago, herself and my mother were in town trying to find her some shoes for her wedding. I suck it up to go see them- I get along really well with my parents, so seeing mum was the only reason I went. I told myself that it would be ok, its just a few hours, I can handle a few hours with my sister.
Boy was I wrong.
I cant understand how she can sit there and tell me that I'm doing everything wrong, that I should think of her and my parents more often (what the heck? I get along better with my parents than she does!) as if she knows exactly how I should live my life.
I was so angry. I asked her to stop, to change the subject, to try and calm myself down so that I could be civil. But she wouldn't stop. So I got up and left the resturant (yep, she quite happily does this in public- smiles the whole time like she's doing nothing wrong) shaking with anger and betrayal.
I guess, I've opened myself up to being hurt by her too often. I tell myself every time that its going to be different. But it never is. She will never change.
So I give up. I'm not going to try with her anymore. It will break my families heart, but what else can I do? Continue to be belittled and bullied for the rest of my life? Nobody stands up for me.

[Merman Arion]

Thanks everyone <3
I spoke to my parents about it all. I told them how I felt and why I was going to cut ties with her. And they were... surprisingly understanding. More so than I would've thought (I was expecting them to be like "but she's your sister!!"). I feel a lot lighter- I dont have to bother with her anymore. I dont even want to go to the wedding now, but because its overseas and my tickets already paid for, I kinda have to... At least I'll be sharing a room with my parents, and its in Thailand so I'll suck up any abuse from her just to go swimming on the reefs!!! lol!!
I wish it was different, but this is the only option I can see where I wont be hurt anymore.

haha, I am totally taking my tail. I might not show up at the wedding in it, but I'm sure as hell going to go swimming in it! I dont care what she thinks/says! I've paid for the trip, I might as well do something I love while I'm there

That's the spirit!
Mizuko, you are a wonderful girl, never doubt about your value. NEVER. We all love you

[Merman Dan]

although honestly, I do think that'd be awesome payback for someone who has been so wicked for so long...

Oh, I would think raising one's hand when the "If anyone objects to this marriage, let them speak now or forever hold their peace..." part rolls around might also be amusing.

[Merman Arion]

Oh, I would think raising one's hand when the "If anyone objects to this marriage, let them speak now or forever hold their peace..." part rolls around might also be amusing.

"Someone" is gonna be pretty pissed afterwards

[Elle]

haha, I am totally taking my tail. I might not show up at the wedding in it, but I'm sure as hell going to go swimming in it! I dont care what she thinks/says! I've paid for the trip, I might as well do something I love while I'm there

Good for you!!! I'd go to the wedding, sit in the back and as soon as it's over leave for the beach and go for a swim. At least with all the crap going on you'll still have a good memory of the day. And on a positive note, you mermaiding hobby may just put a dampener on her day! I think she'd deserve it!

[Mermaid Octavia]

Goodness, on behalf of decent older siblings, I apologize, Mizuko. :/ Siblings can be a pain sometimes but they're family. You should treat them as you would like to be treated.

I have problems with my younger sister, who likes to bully me. She used to be physically abusive but I felt I couldn't fight back because she's smaller than me, younger than me, any excuse you could find. After she started hitting me in the head with shoes while I was sleeping, I laid into her and now she's not physically abusive anymore. She's got some issues but thankfully, our relationship is better now than it used to me.

I used to blame myself for her bad behavior but I got over that. >_> Her bullshark is her bullshark!