B!TC# IT OUT!

[Elle]

I'm so happy for you. Sorry some family didn't come but it's their loss.

Congratulations! I know it's a bummer, but those family members are going to regret not coming in a few months, and it's a mistake they'll have to live with. Hopefully they realize after that, that temporary drama isn't worth permanently missing something like that. :/

Congratz! To bad some people have to think like that

Thanks everyone. We aren't angry with them, we're just disappointed that this is the way it all panned out. Them coming to our wedding had been the point of discussion leading up to the event. And they were aware that she hadn't been invited because of her behaviours. its just sad that the waited for the day of to turn around and say they weren't coming. I know my husband feels particularly disappointed in his younger brothers because of what happened. and I'm concerned about healing times for new wounds

[AniaR]

it's hard with (what sounds like a very emotionally) abusive parents. My mother wont be invited to my wedding. Then again she hasn't been welcomed in my life for 4 years. But because of not having her in my life basically her entire side of my family dropped me. Over the 4 years a few have come out of the wood work, but when you're the CHILD of the person like that you're conditioned and guilted to enable them. Because you only have one mom. Even society encourages it.

[Elle]

it's hard with (what sounds like a very emotionally) abusive parents. My mother wont be invited to my wedding. Then again she hasn't been welcomed in my life for 4 years. But because of not having her in my life basically her entire side of my family dropped me. Over the 4 years a few have come out of the wood work, but when you're the CHILD of the person like that you're conditioned and guilted to enable them. Because you only have one mom. Even society encourages it.

Indeed. We reckon the youngest would of come regardless but the second youngest is (for lack of a better word) a mummy's boy. Regardless of what she has done to him in the past, he will defend her tooth and nail. And he can be very controlling of the youngest. It's just a shame that it had to come to it. Particularly because she didn't want to come in the first place, and she still sought a way to try and ruin it for us. It sucks but hopefully they will come around and everything will be good

[AniaR]

hmm that is actually VERY typical from what I have read learning about my own mom. I don't wanna make any assumptions but I may have some books and links (If I haven't already sent them to you, sorry I can't remember) that may empower you and your husband. I mean there is only so much YOU can do but if she is going to be a part of your life in anyway I found them very helpful. And also very insightful to family dynamic.

[Elle]

yeah you did send me a couple. and I've spent a lot of time reading. It definitely helps

[MermaidSabrina]

I hate Waiting for a company to finish your top and send you your tail xD I'm so impatient

[Ilyena]

Just a little lurker here about the family thing, my parents divorced when I was young and I haven't seen my dad in 9 years, recently I went to my cousins birthday on my dads side, they all still welcome me and he doesn't get invited to any function. But when I got there my grandparents, after saying hello and the usual stuff, had a massive hissy fit that I, (the child at the time and till this day) was meant to keep in contact with him and make the effort (yet they don't realise the hell he put me through). They left 5 mins after I got there. Supposed family, sometimes they need to learn to stop behaving like children in my opinion.....

[deepblue]

Someone I know is missing.

It's mind blowing that someone can be on the phone with a friend, headed to them, never arrive.... and she's just gone.

Missing persons report has been filed. All my circle friends is so very worried because Carly isn't someone who would just take off. It's completely out of character. Also, she had left someone with the impression she was in San Diego on a day when she was not, and that's not like her. All this has all of us pretty worried. I am not close to her- but I've gone to club with her, used to have her on my LiveJournal (when I had one), and I admire her- she started her own bodywork and yoga studio.

But right now, she's just gone. She's just disappeared. In this day and age, someone can still just vanish.

I'm posting this flyer here. Anyone seeing this who's in the San Francisco/Bay area, please keep your eyes open. Carly has a very young daughter and so many loved ones waiting for her to come home. This is the latest flyer.


EDIT: She's been found, safe, apparently. I don't know details, but that's all that really matters.

[Echidna]

It's mind blowing that someone can be on the phone with a friend, headed to them, never arrive.... and she's just gone.

In some cases when this happens, the person in question has had an accident on the way.
If she was driving through an isolated region (?), it could be she veered from the road and is somewhere stuck.

There was this report of a man a few days ago, who vanished in the same manner,
it turned out his car fell off the road into a ravine and he couldn't free himself.

Be sure to check this possibility when looking for her!

Good luck, I hope she turns up unharmed again.

[Mermaid Octavia]

I hope she turns up quickly, Deepblue.

[deepblue]

In some cases when this happens, the person in question has had an accident on the way.
If she was driving through an isolated region (?), it could be she veered from the road and is somewhere stuck.

It's rather the opposite problem- she disappeared in a highly populated area. San Francisco, Bay area, it's one of the most populated areas in Northern California.

Her car had broken down on the freeway, we know that, because she spoke with a friend and was going to meet that friend by taking BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) and supposed to call her friend when she arrived. That was the last time anyone spoke with her, as she never called to say she'd arrived.

[Mermaid_Dominique]

Jesus that's terrible I hope you find her very soon! Good luck to you!

[deepblue]

I don't even know if all this goes in this thread, but I needed to vent. And it seems like a venting thread in general.

The SF Weekly wrote an article. I'm really glad to see so many people are trying to find her. http://blogs.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/...diego_woma.php

[Mermaid Lilium]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend DeepBlue =( I hope she turns up and is ok!

OK so I need to majorly rant (and show that I am infact still alive seeing as I've not been on MN since... mid september?)

so I had to spend all summer catching up on my work from last year (2nd year of my BAhons Degree in Photography) because of shit that happened last year that culminated in me being crippled with social anxiety ontop of my depression, meaning that I missed the entirety of the rest of the academic year from Feb.
But I managed to turn things around and get everything in. My deadline for it all (after several extensions due to the amount of work I had mitigating circumstances for) was August 23rd. Which was the friday during the week my Mom-in-Law (Sue) was over visiting from PA. (husband is American, I'm english).

The thursday I was glued to my sketchbooks trying to get all the work done and only took a break to eat - Sue had bought chinese for us. A bit after dinner, Sue kicked off (justifiably) at me, my husband and my older brother for not doing enough to help my mum around the house. Then she turned on Paul.

Bear in mind paul is an acoholic, emotionally abusive asshole that mum already wanted to escape from, but was trying to financially extricate herself from and pay off her debts to put herself in a better situation.

Paul and Sue ended up in a huge shouting match that thursday night which ended up with sue saying she would call and change her tickets to go home early (which my husband later talked her out of) and paul finishing off the rest of a bottle of whiskey and passing out in bed (typical behaviour).

I stayed up all night desperately trying to finish my work, and only stopped to have a slight nap after I quietly took my work downstairs out of the way of my husband who was trying to sleep. At 7.30am-ish Paul came down and stood at the end of the sofa looking at me/what I was doing and I was just like 'been up all night, deadline at 4.30, need to focus' and he walked back out the room and then came back in, grabbing the remote and I went to say 'if you're putting the tv on can you stick to something like the news or at least....(keep the voume down)' and he just snapped at me, threw the remote down and was like 'after last night, I'm not taking it, I'm not taking anything' and stormed out the room - and eventually came back in, turned on the tv pretty loudly, which woke sue up so she came in and sat down and paul started sniping at her being like 'so what time's your flight?' and we told him it was sunday like planned. He came and went from the room several times and one of these times he went upstairs where mum was in bed and said 'sue has to go. And if anyone else has something to say about me, they can say it to my face, and I'll rip their f*cking head off and sh*t down their necks!' the last half was so explosively loud that it made my cat (Mew) jump right up in the air and run out, and woke my husband and brother up who had been out cold.... Paul ended up dissapearing out and we called the cops on him finally (he came back while mum was on the phone to them) and long story short(er): the cops escorted him from the house to 'calm down' but as he owns 50% of the house they couldn't stop him from returning.

Since then we have had to call the cops on him again 2? more times - one of which was because he threatened to burn the house down (which is a threat he has made in the past) and the last of which they removed him overnight (he works like 4am-12 though cause he's a baker) but again, couldn't/didn't stop him from returning from the house - they should have actually put him on bail with bail restrictions, for breach of the peace. *sigh*

basically since then we have been in this stagnant position where repeatedly mum has been saying 'you have 14 days to get out before we file for a court order' (restriction order type thing) with paul not budging and CONSTANTLY pressuring mum into giving him 'another chance', having issues with paul's shitty solicitor (lawyer) not responding to mum's and so endlessly delaying the process. Even when he finally turned around (like a month or more ago) and said 'the house is yours, I just need £10k, to be allowed to stay in the house til everything is sorted (apart from mum's room) and no more calling the cops' (last part is completely illeagal btw) He is STILL here, mum still hasn't done the court-order (even though it's sat ready to file, I think we're once again waiting for his solicitor to respond to the 'we're filing in 7 days' letter), and he is STILL pressuring mum into giving him another chance/to try to fix things. It's a fucking nightmare! And for example in the last week mum has had a work meal to go to, and a counselling session to go to (she told him that was a meeting - for church I think) and both times he's made snarky comments such as when she came down in her smart black skater dress ready to leave for that meal, he said 'I hope he's worth it' asdfghjkl;'\ *ragequits* he made another comment on monday and my husband had to talk me down from storming downstairs and giving the douchebag a piece of my mind and/or fist. (I'm not actually a violent person, I've never been in a fight, and I'm actually terrified of conflict/shouting)

and throughout working myself to the bone trying to get the work done over summer, and this situation where mum and my family have enough to deal with already, I've had a medical issue that's been getting worse that I've been dealing/putting up with so I could go back to the doctors and get it sorted once this situation was sorted. But that's just gotten MUCH worse in the last week so now I've had to book in at the doctors tomorrow and will likely have to have some kind of surgery at some point soon. This is with me already struggling to keep up with my uni work - I have two huge projects that i'm combining into one long project this year, and my dissertation - both of which have mini-deadlines throughout.

And just to add to the fuck-fest that is my life recently, a few days before halloween I had to put my cat down - she came home in a state on the friday, we rushed her to the vets on the monday because she wasn't improving and after a night of trying to syringe-feed her, I had to put her down because the blood-test said her kidneys were failing and her immune system was shutting down. She was a rescue cat, I chose her 13 years ago (she was 15/16), and I was the one who made the choice to put her to sleep. I'm still bursting into tears now while I'm writing this for heavensake. Even in amongst all that paul was still right on form on the monday - I gave in to his offer of a lift to the vets on the monday due to how bad mew was, thinking he would drop me and go home - nope! he stuck around, especially as mum was meeting me there, and was in the room with us when the vet was seeing her and was trying to offer to pay for mew to stay at the vets overnight and such (I didn't want her to be left in a cold cage unsupervised for half the night) and when mum was at the counter trying to pay he walked over and shoved his face down right near hers and was like 'you got the money for it?' - again, a moment of me wanting to beat the shit out of him.

I'd beaten back my depression over the summer but loosing mew and this medical stuff that is making me feel like hell at the moment, have started letting bad thoughts creep back in =(

I just wish life would give me a fucking chance sometimes.

Sorry for the novel =/

[Mermaid Lilium]

oh and basically, we were trying to negotiate with paul on that 10k to buy him out and then mum spoke to a mortguage advisor who actually knew what he was on about and found out she wouldn't be able to get a new mortgauge for this house, so we're putting this house up for sale and hopefully, with her raise in jan, we'll be buying a new house - but the monthly payments will be £900ish due to her age =(

This woman already built her life up from having escaped my emotionally abusive and manipulative psychopath of a father (who just happens to be Paul's older brother FYI), we had our own house back in my hometown and she sold that house and moved half way across the country 7 years ago to be with Paul. And now because of this dickhead she's essentially having to start all over again even though she's nearing 60 =/

[SeaSister]

Oh. My. God.

I'm so sorry about this nightmare you're going through, Kat (is it okay if I call you that?)! NO ONE should have to put up with that much bs. This Paul guy... ugh, I just feel like he needs a serious whack over the head. Honestly, I don't think you should have to pay him to leave. It's your mom's house, right? (well, now that she's selling it I guess not, but still) From what you've said, she doesn't seem to have any obligation to help him out, but then again I don't know the full story. This whole thing is just... ugh, I can't imagine what it's been like for you.

BUT please know that we here at Mernetwork are behind you! Please don't give in to negative thoughts; depression is such a dark place to be in. Remember that shit happens; it's not your fault, you shouldn't feel responsible for it in any way. As Forrest Gump would say, life is a box of chocolates and you never know what you're gonna get. Looks like you got stuck with a bad batch, but don't give up! You'll be sure to find that dreamy, nutty, caramelly chocolate-coated candy at the bottom of the box one day.

I'll be sending prayers and happy thoughts your way.

[Mermaid Lilium]

Oh. My. God.

I'm so sorry about this nightmare you're going through, Kat (is it okay if I call you that?)! NO ONE should have to put up with that much bs. This Paul guy... ugh, I just feel like he needs a serious whack over the head. Honestly, I don't think you should have to pay him to leave. It's your mom's house, right? (well, now that she's selling it I guess not, but still) From what you've said, she doesn't seem to have any obligation to help him out, but then again I don't know the full story. This whole thing is just... ugh, I can't imagine what it's been like for you.

BUT please know that we here at Mernetwork are behind you! Please don't give in to negative thoughts; depression is such a dark place to be in. Remember that shit happens; it's not your fault, you shouldn't feel responsible for it in any way. As Forrest Gump would say, life is a box of chocolates and you never know what you're gonna get. Looks like you got stuck with a bad batch, but don't give up! You'll be sure to find that dreamy, nutty, caramelly chocolate-coated candy at the bottom of the box one day.

I'll be sending prayers and happy thoughts your way.

Always fine to call me Kat! =)

and yeah I didn't want us to give him any money and there would be no legal standing for that 10k (he turned around after mum snubbed him over some flowers and said 'it's going to be 20k now' and then when the first offer of 5k went through he sent a solicitors letter back saying he needed 15k). That lump sum would be on top of buying him out - essentially money to get him to fuck off (he said it was for his deposit and first month's payment/rent etc) BUT now we're selling the house he won't get a penny from us just his half of the house and he'll be lucky to get £5k equity from the house. Mum just needs to get this damn court order sent off - she has to convince a judge that paul needs to be removed from the house in a written statement, and I may also have to testify in court about paul for it.

I keep saying this to people... but I swear that I deserve a medal for being a redhead in this situation (with the steretypical firey nature) and managing to keep shtum and/or not kill him. Lol

and I get that this stuff happens in life, but my life just seems to be a never-ending supply of those 'bad batches' stacked up on on top of the other. It just gets to me sometimes =/ And dealing with paul gets to me sometimes like I just end up feeling like my mind is cracking open or like I'm loosing my mind. I'm used to just keeping swimming as good ol' Dory says, but I feel like I'm running out of steam right now. Could just use a hug, yaknow?

The other sucky thing is that it means I can't start sculpting my first tail commission until we're in the new house =/

And I've only managed to sneak in two swims with my monofin, at two gyms -
The first place, the pool is tiny, shallow (but managable for getting some training done) and oddly shaped (not to mention low lighting) but they will let you pay for a day's swimming (£6/7) and during most of the week the pool is empty 90% of the time.
The second place is a swanky resort-type hotel gym and they only have monthly membership options and the cheapest one is £32 and that's limited to 9am - 3pm monday - friday. =/ But at least they have a full size outdoor pool. It's not super deep though as I can still stand up in the deepest part (water at shoulder height)
and right now I just don't have the money to pay for an annual membership, and with the medical stuff, I don't think swimming will be an option for a while =( I do have one more hotel gym to contact and see if they'll let me test out the pool, but I'll have to wait til the medical stuff is fixed to do that =( ah well.

[deepblue]

Just to update: Carly has been found, and is safe. I don't know any details, but I wanted to say thank you, mers, for your support.

[Mermaid Octavia]

Oh thank goodness!! I am so happy for you guys! I'm glad she's okay!

[Seatan]

Worked three twelve hour days, went home and graded for another four hours, am up to my ears in essays for report card grades this Friday, had to deal with pissed off seventeen year olds who didn't like being called out for cheating, had ninety fourteen year olds treat me like an annoying homeless person, and got a surprise inspection from administration with a billion senior memory books spread out all over my floor.

*done for the day*