Body Image in general and as a mer (share your story)

[SilverSiren]

Its not an easy thing to share given many peoples opinions about the choice i had to make.... wasn't easy... i always wonder about the little girl I could have had...( in my heart I know it would have been a girl)

Your very brave. And others should keep their opinions to themselves until they have had to make such a difficult choice! I feel you made the right one because if I grew up not knowing my mother at all and that she gave her life for me... I think I would be pretty friggin depressed! That's just to rough on a kid. Yeah, you might have made it, but it sounds to me that the chances were slim and that if you did there might have been some long lasting consequences for both you and baby I'm also a very firm believer that a woman who takes such a choice seriously, has every right to make that choice, no matter what they choose/chose to do.



Oh, and Shawn? In the most polite and nicest way I can say.... shuuuuuttt iiiiiiiittt. lol. Your a DUDE and you make some models look Plain Jane! Well, everyone is entitled to their own "hang ups", and so are you... but your still pretty.

[Mermaid Narina]

...What we should all take away from this is that the media sucks, mirrors lie, and people will judge you for ANYTHING they can find, so just stop caring and be exactly who you are and want to be without a single care for anyone else opinion!...... <3

Exactly! <3

[NerineArcticMermaid]

Thanks you guys! I feel like something had lifted finally being able to share that...

I get the dame problems about my diabetes as well... people always questioning my diet...... the fat jokes hurt even more since no one really understands why I got heavy in the first place....

[New York Mermaid]

In general how mermaids are percieved vs "real life" mermaids (us)

We all know not all mermaids are skinny and "perfect", but in fact, we are the ones who make the fantasy into reality, despite our issues, we are beautiful in our own way.

[AniaR]

to be honest it drives me nuts when people- especially people who aren't involved in any form of mer-culture -tell US the MERMAIDS how we're supposed to be! I say to people all the time, "well how many mermaids do you know?". When I did my ask me anything on reddit- a community sort of known for taking digs at people, a person wrote "you're fatter than I hoped you'd be". The comment got so many downvotes the mods actually REMOVED the comment. I kinda replied jokingly that a mermaid tail leaves little the imagination.

I guess what I'm gathering from here is we all have stories to back up every part of who we are, how we look and feel, and what we do. We could be facing weight issues, health issues, mental issues, home issues, financial issues, combinations of those things... but mermaiding brings us all together unto our own unique world. I know Kae-Leah often talks about the mer-world in her story being a utopia. While we are far from a utopia, we do have some utopia qualities in that we work very hard to support each other, be kind, and non-judgemental. It's not easy by any means, and people run into drama with eachother- me being one of the worst culprits having been around a few years and getting involved with many things- but at the end of the day I do sincerely feel that we work hard as a community to be accepting

Thanks to everyone who shared their stories, and if you haven't yet and you feel comfortable doing so feel free! I know initially this thread was intended for body image but I think it sorta encompasses a lot. I certainly feel closer to all of you and proud to call you my online pod

[Mermaid Fenicia]

Thanks you guys! I feel like something had lifted finally being able to share that...

I get the dame problems about my diabetes as well... people always questioning my diet...... the fat jokes hurt even more since no one really understands why I got heavy in the first place....

I know your feelings, as it's the same with me. a few people at 4chan wrote: 'Fénicia has very nice outfits, but should not wear them herself as she is to fat to wear them'
So they do like my outfits, but not me

[Mermaid Fenicia]

:'(

[Ayla of Duluth]

I know your feelings, as it's the same with me. a few people at 4chan wrote: 'Fénicia has very nice outfits, but should not wear them herself as she is to fat to wear them'
So they do like my outfits, but not me

my advice would be to avoid 4chan...you won't get anywhere with them. I suggest sticking to reddit.

[Mermaid Fenicia]

@Ayla: I never go there but some of my friends do and they tell me they (not my friends, but the other people) are still talking about me on there

[SilverSiren]

I know your feelings, as it's the same with me. a few people at 4chan wrote: 'Fénicia has very nice outfits, but should not wear them herself as she is to fat to wear them'
So they do like my outfits, but not me

My advice is to just ignore them cause they mean nothing to you on a personal level. People who say those sort of things, thinking they can because they have a computer screen to hide behind, have far more problems than you do Fenicia! Your worth as a person is not weighed by your physical weight and therefore the ones who can say those things about you come out wanting and have to try to put someone else in the spotlight so they can attempt to distract from there glaring insecurities! I can't tell you how beautiful you are and I can't tell you how many times I thought a girl was gorgeous only to think she was hideous as soon as she went to open her mouth. Your weight has NOTHING to do with your beauty and some of the biggest women out there are some of the most beautiful! I mean really... has anyone seen Adel? (the signer) or how about Queen Latifia? If those girls lost weight, I don't think they would be as physically attractive, it suits them, they carry it so well, they're GORGEOUS! But what makes them so beautiful is who they are and the pride they carry with themselves. Keep your chin up sweety, have pride, have confidence, and keep being your sweet self, cause your more than just some numbers on a scale!

[AniaR]

It's hard to know when to ignore and when to stand up for yourself Fenicia. I can appreciate that "ignoring" ends up meaning you can't go to your favourite websites anymore etc. But I have found a lot of piece in simply making an effort to avoid things. For instance, people know I have an issue with mertailor, it's pretty common knowledge. So I try really hard not to look at his page unless their is a legit reason for me to. It's kinda dumb but the "out of sight out of mind" rule does work. I feel a lot better, and a lot less stress when I simply don't go to the website. But the temptation to just know what's going on, or in your case perhaps what people are saying about you can be pretty difficult to ignore.

Even celebrities cave once in a while. I was watching Ellen and she was saying how she tries hard to ignore celebrity gossip- but that she saw something pop up about her and her wife. It took something simple like them going out to dinner in matching outfits, and turned it into this whole big deal with all these stupid assumptions. So Ellen made fun of it on her show and had a laugh about it. You have to just roll your eyes at times about the assumptions people make. I have a few friends who are bigger and into costuming, cosplay, and clothing design. They've told me more than once they find it hard for people to accept them and take them seriously despite hours and hours of hard work on their designs. Saying that people often look at their size first and don't even realize the hard work they put into their costumes one girl even showed me an entire "you're doing it wrong" website about bigger girls in cosplay

Not sure if anyone watches South Park but they actually touched on body image as well as "lowering the bar" in regards to what is acceptable both in body image and behaviour of people. While South Park is known for being offensive I find their parodies actually have a good message. In this case, it was that we're almost too accepting of obesity, or that people profit off it literally by making money (their reference was to Honey Boo boo TV show) and making fun and thinking it's funny. So really, we need to be setting a standard of HEALTHY body sizes and lifestyles, and really stop having it be so acceptable to benefit from someone elses struggle. We live in a culture right now that everyone on the internet can become an "expert" on anything thanks to the ease of info, people can say whatever they want thank to anonymity, and a huge amount of entertainment both on TV and the internet comes from making fun of other people or looking down on them. This is an issue world wide in many areas, not just mermaiding.

Not sure if you saw Fenica, but I made a status that was inspired by this thread not too long ago. https://www.facebook.com/permalink.p...83327321702019 in other words: the people on 4chan who throw hate your way? They're going to do it no matter what! You could lose a bunch of weight and they'd find something else. So you can't live your life in any effort to make them like you, or prevent others from acting the same way. You need to do what makes you happy and being in a mermaid tail does! And you know what? When you go out and do your thing, it validates OTHERS who want to do it too! They see you and think, "she's doing it. I can too!" Just know, that just because someone says something mean about you, that doesn't make it true all of a sudden. I realized I was struggling with that too when it comes to certain people who say bad things about me. Just because they say it, doesn't make it true. YOU get to decide who you are Not them. <3

I'm really sorry you are still struggling with that 4chan experience. I hope you feel strong enough to not go on the site. They will be jerks whether or not you read what they say, so why not safe yourself the trouble and just avoid them. <3

[Mermaid Fenicia]

I'm really sorry you are still struggling with that 4chan experience. I hope you feel strong enough to not go on the site. They will be jerks whether or not you read what they say, so why not safe yourself the trouble and just avoid them. <3

I don't do to that site my self, but sometimes my friends tell me what they put on it.
I know those people who are saying bad things about me, are most of the time just jealous or don't know the truth about me (like those who tell me that I'm lazy as I need a wheelchair to go around fairs). I swim like a real mermaid and dive quite deep (about 5 meters), things they can't.
Most of the times I just ignore those people, but my boyfriend can't do that. He's afraid that someone will hurt me (or him) and not only with nasty words but with hitting and other nasty stuff.

[SilverSiren]

Well, said AniaR! Reminds me very much of this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt- "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Just gotta live your life, not for the future, not in the past, but right here, right now, in the present. Can't be like “folks who have one foot in the future and the other in the past and spend their time pissin all over today because of it.” - Stephen King... love that guy, so blunt, honest and to the point, even if he is a bit crass about it. lol

[AniaR]

best. quotes. ever, silversiren. <3

Fenica, you may have to do what I did and simply tell your friends you don't want to hear about that stuff anymore. Your friends probably feel like they're doing a good thing by letting you know, but you can just tell them you're trying to move past it so you don't want them to bring it up.

I think many of us have partners (boyfriend/girlfriend, spouses etc) that would very much like to smash people for treating us poorly. But if you are worried about someone ACTUALLY trying to harm you, it's a good idea to talk to the police. People don't think much can be done about online issues but what they don't realize is that most websites will do whatever the police ask when issued a warrant. All it takes for a warrant is threats of harm.

Keep your chin up! <3

[Mermaid Fenicia]

Thanks for the support Raina . I've already told my friends that I'm not interested in those nasty comments, so they don't talk about them anymore
I told my boyfriend if someone really hurts me at an event or convention, I let the staff and security people know who did what. I already had to do that with an ex-friend (girl) who attack me (grabbed me at my throat) at a convention as she was jealous at me because of a LARP/stage-accident. I was very lucky 1 of the staff-members was there to see it happen, as most of the other people though it was an act. That girl now has a ban on being a steward at all their conventions and a warning for a full conventionban if she attacks again.

[SilverSiren]

Aww, thanks! <3 I just LOVE to talk to people and try really hard to keep them positive about things, much like you do AniaR. It's no fun feeling crappy about yourself, your life, your situation, whatever. This whole community has really proven to not only be a great and fun place to hang out but a positive and supporting place too. Your a inspiration to a lot of people and I really like that you start posts that get everyone a chance to open up, be honest, help support others or to just plain have a good fun conversation. This is the second post that you have opened that has let me express myself in touchy parts of my life, it's always nice to know your never alone.

[Kanti]

I actually agree with Natasha. I was actually teased a lot for being too thin. When I was younger people didn't
used to notice that much and they'd just call me short or something, but ever since highschool people have been
a lot more malicious with it. People would often tell me they were jealous that I was so skinny and they wish they
could lose weight, but then they'd turn around and attack me for it randomly for it. I was often called annorexic
which is really aggravating because I actually try to eat a lot whenever I can.
I was also almost ALWAYS targeted by girls, I can only think of one instance where a guy even mentioned anything
about me. I think it may just be that they viewed me as someone who represented society's idea of a "perfect" female
form so they may have subconsciously decided that they had to attack me for it if they didn't agree.
Not to mention skinny people don't get the "respect" that overweight people do. You're not really supposed to call someone
fat or it's considered rude, you don't really go up to a fat person and say "Man I really don't like how fat people look" yet
for some reason it's perfectly okay to go up to a skinny person and do those same things. "OMG YOU'RE SO SKINNY DO
YOU EVEN EAT?" or more commonly, when people come up to me and say things like "Bleh I hate the whole "skinny look",
it's so overrated and gross, I like girls who actually have skin and stuff". I guess it does hit a nerve with me, not because I
feel generally offended at the person's opinion, I'm more insulted that an overweight person's feelings are placed on a higher
pedestal than my own. That a person who wouldn't dare say anything like that to a fat person would just turn around and do it
right in front of me. Not to mention if I say anything they immediately jump the gun and say I must be shallow or something if
I'm insulted by being called skinny since it's favored by society.
I think it's really unfair that people even care about weight. Being overweight is just as dangerous as being underweight, people
should be more concerned about their health than their images. I know people who weigh twice as much as I do but their
cholesterol, heart rate, and metabolism are WAY better than mine. I guess it's just easy to judge people by how they look on
the outside. The fact that anyone would tease someone else about their weight is either because they themselves need to feel
better about themselves, or just that they want to get a rise out of someone.

[AniaR]

In regards to being skinny, I can't stand when I am browsing modelling photos and see ignorant commentators write "eat a sandwhich". Once a friend of mine who had cancer had an image featured on DA. People were ripping into her for being skinny and I couldn't help it, I told every single one of them off. People could be skinny for unhealthy reasons OR they could just be skinny AND THAT IS OKAY.

[Mermaid Azira]

I am really skinny and short. Its just how I am. I am healthy. But people have been mean. They call me anorexic because I can't eat any food anybody offers me because of food allergies. A couple weeks ago I was running in a sports bra and I ran across some boys from school. They said some really mean things. They said I stuff. To prove this one even tried to rip my bra off. And They were on bikes so I could not out run them.

[New York Mermaid]

people are downright mean, end of story, No one is ever happy with an image because they feel insecure themselves that they need to make fun of others to feel better about themselves, thats how bullying starts. I was always the quiet and shy one in school, i was ALWAYS picked on, i never said a word i never stood up for myself, I let it continue way into highschool i was always called "awkward, nerd, stupid, olive oil, walking stick etc", somewhere along the line probably between working at the aquarium and stress I "grew a spine" and told these kids off.. and i mean let them have it too. Im not a curser- if i ever curse- you've neared my breaking point.

But one day during a group activity, i never forget that kid he was mean as heck to me, always putting me down for whatever i did or what i wore and it made me feel worse about myself and how i looked to people. But I got mad and told him loudly "You dont know who i am or what i do with my personal life, you percive everything from what you only see in school. Until you know who i really am, until you've walked in my shoes. You cant talk about me. Your nonsense is just that. Nonsense. If you feel the need to talk about someone, how about look at your own insecurities and talk about yourself first, before going off on someone you dont even know." He stopped bugging me ever since.

I grew up quite a bit in high school, but i stood up for myself and kept on going. Sometimes people need to be put in their place. in a respectful manner, if they attempt physical harassment, go to the police. Its sad they dont realize not everyone is perfect, that not everyone is healthy and has to look a specific way to be called "beautiful". Its total BS. I wish there was a way to knock some sense into people. We need a Mermaid Public Service Announcement..