(( The Drama Bubble Thread ))

[SeaGlass Siren]

I know it was loreleis, but was it her current Finfolk tail she has? Or did she have another design?

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Ah. Unsure which. All I know is it was hers :P

[Mermaid Mystery]

It was her fluke design from looooooong ago

[Mermaid Lorelei]

Life has put me so behind on things, I'm caught up on everything, but still confused at what tail design was stolen?

I saw that Eden made a post on FB about bullies, and then had the picture of the two fish saying they copied their tails.
Saw Rainas post, saw the connection and now I'm lost on what tail design.

Don't mean to be a bother 

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You're not a bother. :3 The design in question was a fluke that I drew up and was in the process of creating multiple years ago. The Mertailor copied my design to the letter and began using it on his tails for profit.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Oohh, oh. Oh. I'm caught up now.

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[Shimmer Mermaid]

I'm sorry that this has happened to you Lorelei. 😞 So sad that people feel the need to copy people's work. *mermaid hugs*

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[Mermaid Lorelei]

I'm sorry that this has happened to you Lorelei.  So sad that people feel the need to copy people's work. *mermaid hugs*

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Thank you. <3

[Sammi_Ray]

:headdesk: I miss a lot of the things on here. So sad to see childish behaviour of stealing, bitching and crying bully.. hope they have a fun time in their own little group. :-/

[LouLouBelle]

Think about how much more this community would love and support Matty if he had said something like "oh shit, my bad, I didnt think of that. Really sorry lorelei! I won't use it." people would lose their minds in the BEST way to see him act like that. It would of been the best PR move ever.

... but that wouldn't have been half as entertaining as this!! [emoji23]

Joking aside - when I first read through the earlier posts, I did wonder if I was the only person to think that. Everyone makes mistakes and does stupid things, and admitting you're wrong and apologising is the only thing that will work. Trying to defend a bad mistake is a bad idea... Yet that's what most people seem to do. Sadly.



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[SeaGlass Siren]

i read it more like he was diverting the blame on his former employer.. because (from what i gather in the other thread) although he DID make the tail, he didn't know of the design being stolen until afterwards.

(But please correct me if i'm wrong. this whole thing is a cesspool)

edit: i went back to the thread to confirm if what i was reading was the case. Was pretty much resolved and everyone came to the conclusion that:

1) Mertailor was shady AF (see screenshot in merrowfin's thread).
2) Lorelei's design isn't being used by merrowfins at all and she was asking for clarification.

Right now it's just "AGH PEOPLE ON MN. SO BULLY. MUCH RUDE."

[Shimmer Mermaid]

I feel like I've seen that purple tail he just posted before. Like, it's been bugging me because I swear I've seen that exact tail before.

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[SeaGlass Siren]

It's probably because he took two pictures of the tail :P the recent pic, and the one on march 9th.

Unless you mean in general because i feel like i'm experiencing dejavu.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

I saw both pictures. I mean in general, because I swear I've seen it one a mer before already. Maybe I'm crazy.

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[SeaGlass Siren]

Maybe Pearlie? ;P it does have winglike side fins.
i know, thats not what pearlie's tail looks like. but it's purple. :P

[Shimmer Mermaid]

It's gonna drive me insane until I figure it out.

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[Shimmer Mermaid]

Maybe I saw the design somewhere? I wonder who's tail it is

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[Shimmer Mermaid]

Aha! Its an upgraded tail? Belongs in California at the Dive bar.

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[SeaGlass Siren]

is that what it was?

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Yeah. I think so

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[PearlieMae]

Naw, not like my tail, other than both being purple.

[Mermaid Dottie]

Is it really sad that I'm not surprised at all?
Also, hi, everyone! I'm back and I love you!

[SeaGlass Siren]

WE MISSED YOU DOTTIE!!!!

[Merman Dan]

In a similar vein how about my Red Drum tail, which I discussed freely before Finfolk delivered it at MerFest, was then used at a design for MerFest itself?

https://c1.staticflickr.com/9/8786/16563460343_7e8cd589d0_o.jpg


https://36.media.tumblr.com/1e5fe599315adf2de4c0872071cc3136/tumblr_mwl5x6q3z91r0wgkuo1_500.jpg

Mind you, I'm flattered. Now I know what I look like with boobs. ;)

[SeaGlass Siren]

BUT DAN YOU ALREADY HAVE BOOBS :P

[Merman Dan]

BUT DAN YOU ALREADY HAVE BOOBS :P

Well, I do work in the beer industry... you know what they say about never trusting a skinny chef. ;)

[SeaGlass Siren]

http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0zwtpNjFv1qg899vo1_500.gif

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Dan that tail is to die for! Loved it the second I saw it! Then I saw who was getting it and I almost cried! Perfect match.


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[Mermaid Dottie]

Thanks, SeaGlass! I missed you guys, too. This community is important to me.

[Mer Maid Lexi]

This is the drama thread and it is pointless to write because I have had nothing wrong down to me, but I am upset. I don't know what at, but I am mad and I have no reason for it. I think not having a reason is making me even madder. Have you ever felt this way? I understand no one can change what I feel and considering nothing has been done or said to me, I have no reason to feel this way. But I do. Can anyone relate to me on this point? Does this sound familiar?

yes big time.. but i usually find reasons for my displacement and try to think of ways to cheer up. Be it doing a new mer project or hanging out here on the forums can be a good escape to start. Maybe you're not getting enough gigs and are stuck in human form more often than you would like.. I know the feeling ;)

[SelkieLuna]

I get a lot of random emotions, but I have borderline personality disorder, so I'm used to it.
My suggestion is to do something with the anger! Write poetry, clean, dance, anything to express the emotion instead of keeping it inside of you!

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[Merman Dylan]

Okay, I have something I think might be a little ridiculous, but I can't stop thin king about it. After having so many mood swings in a year, I've started to suspect Facebook to be a major part of why I can't shake it off. Mood Swings make me really impulsive, and I can't stop myself from going a little too far with my posts when I get like that. In a weird twisted way, I feel like my over sharing and posting got me stuck in this ugly cycle of acting like something I know I'm not. I feel terrible about all the drama I caused and all the barnacle brain situations I put myself in. Before April of last year, I never went on social media very often. It was a rare thing for me to do. Somewhere along the way, I got caught up in trying to promote myself as a merman, and I got totally sucked into Facebook. I feel like Facebook made me into an ugly monster of envy and never ending anger. Just out of curiosity, does anyone else feel like Facebook has this unusual way of bringing out an ugly side of people?

I've decided to divert most of my focus away from social media because I DO NOT like the way I was when I was using it more regularly. I don't know how dramatic this is. However, my dilemma is that I don't want to ignore my friends that I've made on Facebook, but I don't want to turn into some ugly monster because I have a lack of self control when I have a mood swing. I don't want to burn bridges, and I don't want my words to hurt others. I'm already a failure at that because I've already been there and done that. I just really don't want to repeat my mistake, but there are some friends I have that it's impossible for me to meet in person regularly or often or maybe even at all because of how far away we live from each other. I was hoping that I could get some help sorting out my thoughts on this. How can I stay in touch with friends and minimize the risk of me hurting others while in a mood swing. I have a long way to go with learning how to get a handle on things, but the mistakes I've made have really sped up my learning curve. To be honest, I'm not even sure I'm sharing this in the right place because as much as there is drama attached to this dilemma. I just don't know if it's something that explosive of an issue. It's just something that is bugging me right now.

[Merman Dylan]

Oh, and this is one more thing I want to share here because of what's in the drama thread stays in the drama thread. I know it's a year late, and I wish I explained this to a few people sooner. However, I want to explain something about what I was going through when I had issues with the Pod of the South. For a long time, I had an addicting behavior that was kinda taking control of my life. One of the things that sparked the conflict with me in that group came from me being too eager to meetup. The reason meeting up had become so important to me was because I read somewhere that getting yourself away from the source of your issues can help you break the habit. I so desperately want to break this habit, so I got a little too demanding over meeting up with people. Over this last year since I started becoming a merman, I've been irritable, depressed, and a lot of other stuff while struggling with withdrawal that pushed me back into what I was trying to break the habit of. I've learned a lot about how I can be better, but it came at the hefty price of burning bridges and chasing away potential friends. What I have a problem with isn't anything that is life threatening, but it's just one of those things that take control of your life like gambling, spending money, shopping, or eating too much. I just was doing too much of it, and I personally feel like social media and the internet has been majorly responsible for giving me so much access to being able to hurt others at my low points and keeping things going strong with the habit I'm trying to break. Too much technology. Too much time online. I'm not going to say or confirm what I'm struggling with because that's personal. I just felt like I owed everyone some kind of explanation to my constant shift in mood. I'm hoping that spending less time on Facebook will help, but I'm still really hoping that I can meet up with people because I just need to get myself outside and away from everything. I hope everyone understands. Admitting to this is literally one of the hardest things for me to do. BiPolar is known to come with a high addict risk to things, but I never thought I would fall into something so disruptive to my life. It really caught me off guard. I hope that I can break this habit and put it all behind me. It almost took me a whole year from when things exploded between me and the Pod of the South for me to say any of this. I hope everyone honors the policy for things not leaving this bubble because I'm only sharing this here because of that rule.

[SeaGlass Siren]

You could always go on a detox :) it's what I did when I got sick of seeing everything.

[Mermaid Alea]

x2 what SeaGlass said.

1. Carry around a piece of paper and write down ideas of things to do (that don't involve the internet) on it when something comes to your mind. Put that paper next to your bed as well because we all know there are those nights when you are trying to sleep and you have a bazillion ideas in your head so write those down.

2. Maybe look into gardening. Being in central Florida you can grow some pretty cool tropical plants - you could grow your own banana plants and have fresh bananas to eat which will make you feel proud that you grew your own food. You can create your own tropical getaway to relax in. I find that just standing or sitting in my garden watching the birds fly around makes me feel calm and peaceful even on really cruddy days.

3. Look into doing some sort of craft. I always feel better about myself when I accomplish something and doing some sort of art usually makes you feel that sense of accomplishment. You could write a story, draw, paint, sculpt, carve, make/write a song, make your own dubstep, make a video, dance, etc.

4. When you feel frustrated or angry, put on your headphones and listen to some of Enya's music or something similar. This could be a good thing to do when you are online to keep you in a calm mindset. Close your eyes and let the calm music take you to a mountain with waving grass or a smooth rock next to a jungle waterfall, etc.

Just some ideas. ;)

[SeaGlass Siren]

Building on some o Alea's ideas, you could do some mer yoga ;D

[Mermaid_Ginger]

Merman Dylan, I absolutely believe social media brings out the beast. I have lost so much faith in my "friends" after they let too much of their id out of the cage on social media - mostly the face place. I can understand someone losing control and lashing out on social media, the only problem is that once you do that, it's harder to erase it than if you had just said it out loud. Don't worry yourself too much over that. You aren't the first and won't be the last. A brief and sincere apology is plenty. I am no where near to you so I can't help you arrange a meet up, but I do think it would be really good for you to get out and be where the people are 😉. If you want to stay away from social media but stay in touch with your online friends, try just email and chat. I speak with several people just exclusively through email and chat. It just works for us. Any addiction can be hard to break. I wish I had sage advice, but all I can say is hang in there!

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[MermaidCelesteFL]

Alec, you may not already know this yet, but I also suffer from Bipolar II. And as of about September of last year, I'm unmedicated for it, and refuse to go see a therapist. You and I are not that much different in the way we think, except that I have some more experience (from being alive longer). I can try to give you as much advice as I can, but keep in mind: what works for me may not work for you.

You said that mood swings are a problem. Yes, they are. For both of us. And in your case, you either over-share your feelings with social networking sites, or send out a dramatic message announcing that you are shutting down completely. This clearly doesn't work, and I'll tell you why. Facebook wasn't meant for that. You'll notice that every time you log on to FB, you see your "friends" celebrating, partying, hanging out with friends, doing all of these things you want to do and can't. The reason why it's like this, is because that is ALL they are sharing. They usually don't share when they feel down or sad or are doing nothing, because it doesn't make for a good story. When you don't get likes or comments on your statuses, it's because they don't interest the reader. And that's the fallacy of social media. It's not so much of a communication device as it is for showing off what is cool in your life.

Here's what I do when I hit a manic depressive phase:
Usually, when I hit an episode, I get tons of intrusive thoughts about brutally killing loved ones, animals, and close friends. I can't sleep for days on end. I don't shower for a week. I cry hysterically for no reason for well over an hour. I feel like I just won the lottery, and then seconds later, I feel responsible for my parents' constant fighting. At my worst, I hear nasty voices telling me to cut myself (which is, btw- why I wear bracers). It's completely nuts. So what can I do? Anybody I've told about it just tells me to talk to a therapist, or check myself into a hospital (both of which I have done). Nothing worked, so I did the only thing I knew how to do: shut myself away until it stops. I turn off my phone, and don't let anyone know what I'm feeling. I do whatever I can to placate my emotions, I take that time to work on crafts and anything that isn't remotely related to the internet. Anything to keep my hands busy, and my mind at ease. I personally picked up crocheting and friendship bracelets, and have made some lovely cat toys and Hogwarts scarves whenever I'm out of it. I notified my close friends and my boyfriend that if I should ever be completely unreachable for days on end, it's because of my Bipolar, and it's perfectly normal.

I know you are having massive issues with your family. There are MANY of us out there that understand that feeling, even though you feel alone in that aspect. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by my mother for the 18 years I lived with my family. Moving out was the best thing to ever happen to me. I'm not expecting you to pack up your stuff and move now, but once you are done with school, focus on making a decent savings account and getting the hell out of there. Heck, make a savings account now, and have it automatically take $25 from each of your paychecks. Don't touch the money unless its an ABSOLUTE emergency.

And about social media: watch what you post. I know it doesn't mean much now, but it will later. Post things that your future employer would be okay with seeing, or make the other posts for your eyes only. Read the posts multiple times to yourself before you post them if you have to. Delete them or privatize them if they sound too personal or emotional. Start a livejournal (I know I'm old), and write your innermost thoughts there, and set it to private. One day, when you have a close friend tell you that they want to understand you better, you can send them a link to your journal.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Do you mind if I screenshot for reference for myself when I have trouble with this?

[Merman Dylan]

Thanks for all the advice. I think my biggest problem has to do with virtual stuff taking control of my life in a very disruptive way. I feel like spending less time focusing my attention on things internet related is one of the best things I can do. I've also read and heard that another great thing for me to do is to have interactions with people in real life more often instead of online or doing more things in real life instead of online. I never wanted to say Facebook is outright evil or always brings out the worst in people even though I think that's how my words must've come out. I just feel like social media and the internet in general has taken my life way out of control in the worst way and that brought out an ugly side of me that just wasn't me. I was home schooled most of middle school after having a terrible rumor concerning my appearance and messing with my nose that caused a nightmare of BiPolar for a whole school year. That year will always be significant to me. Since than, I never made attempts at interacting with real people until my Senior Year in High School. I spent most of my time isolated on the internet playing online games, watching anime, researching various topics that came to mind. I actually think that my huge focus on the internet and everything I could access on their disrupted my life in the worst ways. I never took the time to build real world social interactions. Everything became so virtual. It's like I got addicted to doing everything on the internet instead of interacting with people. It really screwed up my brain. I think the yearly meetup I'm trying to plan would not only be good for me but good for a lot of people. For me, the meetup is going to be that one time of the year that I know I will be going to the springs. It's that one thing I can focus on to give me hope. I figured that if I would be going to the springs regardless. I might as well put out there and leave it open to everyone and have some fun with it by giving it a theme. I may even be able to interact with real people. I'm trying to focus on being a bit more social able at work and everywhere else in public, but it's hard. Senior Year was a great year because I actually went out there and tried to socialize and do stuff meaningful. I want to do more of that. I've been putting serious thought into volunteer work and other stuff. I just have so much I could do and not enough time to do it all. It's hard choosing what to do. The roughest part of all of this is how messed up I've gotten with such a warped social life. I've been spending most of my time doing stuff alone or communicating through a screen. I feel cut off from what's real. I feel like a shadow of myself. I just want to feel real and not fake. Not the most over the top dramatic thing, but it's honestly how I feel.

[Mermaid Alea]

So there is a tutorial on DeviantART showing how to make a tail using ALEX plus here: http://missfit1023.deviantart.com/art/my-tail-tutorial-209421264
It was posted back in 2011, which from what I can tell is around when mers were experimenting with using Alex plus as a cheap material. Hopefully all of you know the dangers of Alex plus, which you can see here in this very thorough topic: http://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?553-Archive-quot-Using-ALEX-for-Tails-quot

Why am I mad about this? The poster of the tutorial still has it up, with no disclaimer, and people are STILL commenting on it wanting to follow this tutorial to make a mermaid tail! This is so dangerous! I have posted some info in the comments (my username is MinxFox) and I just hope people read my warnings. The original poster has also taken the time to reply to posts helping people with material questions, but has made no comment on my posts about the health effects. :(

[Mermaid Momo]

So there is a tutorial on DeviantART showing how to make a tail using ALEX plus here: http://missfit1023.deviantart.com/art/my-tail-tutorial-209421264
It was posted back in 2011, which from what I can tell is around when mers were experimenting with using Alex plus as a cheap material. Hopefully all of you know the dangers of Alex plus, which you can see here in this very thorough topic: http://mernetwork.com/index/showthread.php?553-Archive-quot-Using-ALEX-for-Tails-quot

Why am I mad about this? The poster of the tutorial still has it up, with no disclaimer, and people are STILL commenting on it wanting to follow this tutorial to make a mermaid tail! This is so dangerous! I have posted some info in the comments (my username is MinxFox) and I just hope people read my warnings. The original poster has also taken the time to reply to posts helping people with material questions, but has made no comment on my posts about the health effects. :(
I think she left the community before the health risks came to light so she may not have heard of it. She left during the tail making process if I remember correctly

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[AniaR]

she basically just took Ravens tutorial, which raven took down because of the concerns. and yeah she left the community.

[Mermaid Alea]

Okay that makes sense. I just don't want anyone to have health problems from following that tutorial.

[Mermaid Momo]

I guess it's still a good process if you use it with silicone or something.

[Amapele]

I don't know if this belongs here, or on the B*tch it out thread, but here goes........

I am BEYOND pissed and heartbroken.......

That my inbox isn't full of sexy Mermen pics to oogle over...... I demand that this happen immediately, before my faith in humanity deminishes....... I'm 100% kidding, so no need for anyone to get their flukes in a knot. If you want to send them though, I'm totally ok with that too. Just sayin.....

[MermaidCelesteFL]

Don't tempt Frenchie. He will do it.

[Amapele]

Lol! I'd be ok with that

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[AniaR]

well... did you read the posts about why that thread was closed?

[Amapele]

Aniar, are you talking to me?

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[Starfrit]

well... did you read the posts about why that thread was closed?

It's all fun and games until furry buttplugs.

[Amapele]

Ok, so this is a serious post from me. I don't know if it goes here or the b*tch it out thread, so Admin move if you need too. Here goes.....

I realize that I am new to all of this. I get that. But that doesn't mean I haven't given 150% of myself to it. I've overcome every obstacle thrown my way when it comes to doing this. I lurked for YEARS before taking this leap of a lifetime. I have read, researched, and asked questions.

It seems some Mers have shit to say about everything I have done. They snub their noses at me, make tacky remarks, and are being two faced, all because "they have been doing this for years", and I just started.

If I have accomplished more in my few months, than you have in years, the issue isn't me, its YOU. Can I make a perfect bubble ring? No, but I'm still learning and practicing. Have I put myself out there, promoting, sending emails, starting conversations with strangers? Yes. Every day, all day. If you haven't booked a gig in months, or ever, that has NOTHING to do with me! I'm good with people.

I've always been good at public speaking, with kids, AND wonderful with Special Needs kids. (I have one myself, and SEVERAL in my family. Its something I grew up around, and my patience is amazing in those situations. Yes, I'm bragging.) I have my own limitations and issues, but I don't let it stop me. I've been in school plays since Kindergarten, and I'm almost 32 now. I've made TV appearances. I'm comfortable with it all.

I've battled with self esteem issues most of my life. I'm FINALLY comfortable with myself. Mermaiding has done that for me. I feel more beautiful than ever, and just because you don't agree, you can choke on a whale carcass.

I won't stop doing what I'm doing. You want shit to bitch about? Bitch about this. I had a gig last weekend. I have one next weekend. I have quite a few over the SEVERAL months. Quit being so negative, and apply yourself more. If you used all that negative to promote yourself, you'd probably be doing ok. Your energy says a lot about who you are when people first meet you. Keep that in mind.

And lastly, if you think for one minute that I'm gonna just swim by while you talk your trash, you have another thing coming. I won't tolerate being bullied by ANYONE. If you think this post is referring to you, (though I have mentioned NO NAMES), then you have a guilty conscience, and I suggest you self evaluate. Just because I'm new doesn't mean I'm not capable, it just means I refuse to waste time. Have a fintastic day!


Amapele's Shellphone

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Where are you getting shit? I've generally not found this forum to be particularly cruel.

And also, good for you! I'm glad your business is doing so well, and I'm glad you have the capability to work with special needs kids. So many people just aren't capable and it's fantastic that you can!

[Amapele]

Facebook. I don't know if the people responsible are on here or not, but I needed to vent

Amapele's Shellphone

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Ive had the same thing happening to me by mers who have been around longer.

I'm not considered "new" any more, but some of those who have been around longer still feel like its necessary to put at the end of everything "I know, because I've been doing this longer than you."

Yes, you've been in the community longer than me, but I've accomplished just as much as you have-if not more given what I've had to over come in the process.

I had someone just the other day make the comment "I know more about mermaiding because I have a silicone tail. You don't."
Like, really?
Someone bought your tail for you (nothing wrong with that) and I'm saving for one, and I'm trying to make a tail that is easier to carry around and not so heavy first.

The type of tail you have doesn't mean you're any less or any more of a mermaid.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

And Facebook as well for me.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Yup. Go complain to the facebook mers. There is a huge polarization in the mermaid community, facebook versus MerNetwork and as far as I can tell we've been at each other's throats practically since the beginning.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

It's partially because of the divide over Mertailor, and it's pretty sad. I just avoid the facebook stuff for the most part except for my MerNetwork pod.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

The bad part is, I wasn't interacting in the groups, I just had a group of them essentially pm me on my personal account, and then they started that. I blocked and removed them and removed myself from the groups.

[Amapele]

I can't stand Mertailor. Back when Matt was still with Eric, I admired their work. Once I started seeing Eric being a kelp-waffle, I unfollowed and unliked his page.

Amapele's Shellphone

[Amapele]

I'm not gonna hide from anyone. I'm gonna keep posting on Facebook. I don't have to beg for likes, or pay for them, and my friends and family support me!

Amapele's Shellphone

[Shimmer Mermaid]

The only reason I blocked is because when I said exactly what I just said, I was sent numerous vulgar messages, when I didn't respond, theyd send more. It went on for a week, and my husband just said "block them. Mernetwork isn't ridiculous, keep out of the Facebook groups, and stay with the site that is a community, and not just a fighting ring."

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Yup. Yup. More yup.

[Merman Dan]

http://mernetwork.com/index/attachment.php?attachmentid=37074&stc=1

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Yaaaas!

[Amapele]

Oh no, I understand. I respond with Lol, when I respond at all. ;)

Amapele's Shellphone

[KateyMermaid]

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[KateyMermaid]

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[Mermaid Momo]

Your attachment isn't showing

[KateyMermaid]

Deleted

[Amapele]

OK, so I'm a little frustrated. I got invited to another Mer's kid's party, but I never confirmed that I could go, and had forgotten about it. Today, I get contacted by a client, (My first paid gig as a Professional Mermaid!), wanting me to do a party on Saturday, and I accepted. Well, I get a message from the MerMom, asking if I was going to her daughter's party. (They are both at the same time, at different locations. One is an hour north of me, the other an hour south.) I called her, apologized, and explained I had forgotten, and booked a gig that day, and asked if they we're going to be swimming the next day, and she responded with, "Don't know, doubt it." So said I could come, and bring the girl a gift on Sunday. Then she says, "Don't bother, have fun at your "gig" if you really have one," and she hung up. I literally said, "What. The. F*ck!" While staring at my phone. I understand that she has a habit of speaking before she thinks, and doesn't think the way we do, but that was COMPLETELY uncalled for. Ugh. Some people.

Amapele's Shellphone

[LouLouBelle]

OK, so I'm a little frustrated. I got invited to another Mer's kid's party, but I never confirmed that I could go, and had forgotten about it. Today, I get contacted by a client, (My first paid gig as a Professional Mermaid!), wanting me to do a party on Saturday, and I accepted. Well, I get a message from the MerMom, asking if I was going to her daughter's party. (They are both at the same time, at different locations. One is an hour north of me, the other an hour south.) I called her, apologized, and explained I had forgotten, and booked a gig that day, and asked if they we're going to be swimming the next day, and she responded with, "Don't know, doubt it." So said I could come, and bring the girl a gift on Sunday. Then she says, "Don't bother, have fun at your "gig" if you really have one," and she hung up. I literally said, "What. The. F*ck!" While staring at my phone. I understand that she has a habit of speaking before she thinks, and doesn't think the way we do, but that was COMPLETELY uncalled for. Ugh. Some people.

Amapele's Shellphone

Sounds like she's upset you won't be at the party. Still, if you hadn't confirmed it in the first place and you're not being paid, she can't expect you to give up a professional gig.

I know it's not easy, but try not to let it weigh on your mind. Just concentrate on your first professional gig (congratulations!) and make sure you have a blast.


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[Ilyena]

Don't let it get to you. I had a parent go "yes, yes, yes" and confirmed when. But when it got down to the fee part and was told where, at least and hr and a half drive, she thought our base price was the total price and got pissed off. I said we started at such price and went from there.

But CONGRATULATIONS on the gig!

[MermaidCelesteFL]

I don't mean to start anything, but did anyone see merman sven's most recent video of him and the swim school? Whoever the guy with the long blonde hair was had REALLY bad technique. Just saying.

I really hope he wasn't teaching.

[Merman Arion]

I don't mean to start anything, but did anyone see merman sven's most recent video of him and the swim school? Whoever the guy with the long blonde hair was had REALLY bad technique. Just saying.

I really hope he wasn't teaching.

I think you're confusing the merman with the purple handmade tail with merman Sven who actually owns a basic silicone green tail from Mertailor.

TWO different people !! :no-no:

[MermaidCelesteFL]

I think you're confusing the merman with the purple handmade tail with merman Sven who actually owns a basic silicone green tail from Mertailor.

TWO different people !! :no-no:

Yeah, I edited my post. Sorry for the confusion.

[LouLouBelle]

You never know, he might just be learning himself. We all had to start somewhere!


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[MermaidCelesteFL]

You never know, he might just be learning himself. We all had to start somewhere!


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You have a point! Now I sound like an arse...

[Merman Arion]

Guuuurl, you're fine. Now you know. It doesn't make you bad per se.

And frankly, I also thought he was terrible. But hey, not everyone can swim as good as us on their first trial ;) :p

[LouLouBelle]

Lol! Yeah, we're definitely not all blessed with natural ability. You should have seen me on my first tail swim... Not gonna lie, I made that guy look good... [emoji23]


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[Shimmer Mermaid]

When my little sister first tried to swim with a monofin, she went underwater and was literally just pelvic thrusting the pool floor-she didn't get anywhere.

[Mermaid Wesley]

Lol oh gosh I put my sister (18) in my monofin and she yelled "don't like it!" And in two feet of water couldn't move without using her hands to walk along the bottom. I was cracking up. But she could run a mile and I would die so like... We all have our strengths lol.


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[Shimmer Mermaid]

😂 Luckily my sister let me teach her how to get somewhere with it, but it's a constant joke-we call her the "water humper"

[Mermaid Mystery]

I don't mean to start anything, but did anyone see merman sven's most recent video of him and the swim school? Whoever the guy with the long blonde hair was had REALLY bad technique. Just saying.

I really hope he wasn't teaching.

isn't Sven the one who was hashtagging some of his posts as "gay otter"? lol

[PhaylennMurúch]

isn't Sven the one who was hashtagging some of his posts as "gay otter"? lol

he's also been called out for tossing his watermark on other people's art and posting it on FB

[Mermaid Mystery]

I think I remember that. I had no idea he got a new tail

[LouLouBelle]

When I first tried a fin I felt like I was being suctioned to the water surface - no chance of getting anywhere near the pool floor! I also felt like the fin was just staying still and I was sort of bobbing up and down at the end of it.

Wesley - having a sister, I have no problems imagining that! I would have completely cracked up! [emoji23] My little sister (28) thinks I'm crazy for swimming in a mermaid tail. For that reason alone I would love to get her in a fin!


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[AniaR]

GRAB THE POPCORN. You need to be a member of the group to read!: https://www.facebook.com/groups/buysellortradeatail/permalink/643639775787047/

(assuming the post doesn't get removed)

I feel bad for whichever tailmaker took her on after all those red flags

[KateyMermaid]

FYI Just clicked the link. Says the post has been removed. Screenshots?

[AniaR]

oh yup haha ok I don't have EVERYONE'S screen shots a lot of people said some really awesome stuff, I only have screen shots of what I said lol. Hang tight it's a lot

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At this point she had to have the "last word" and turned off commenting so I didn't get to post my final comment

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[Amapele]

I read that and was like, WTF?!

Amapele's Shellphone

[KateyMermaid]

Have i mentioned how much I love your responses? Because I do. You go!

That was an entertaining read. I remember this chic and her anti-silicone ranting. She sounds resentful and elitist. We're all different. Silicone. Fabric. Neoprene. The tail doesn't make the mermaid.

[Imogen Finnly]

Oh wow, this was a very large mess there..

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[AniaR]

Oh look, lying again.

https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13432333_1757288211216221_4209959791662653314_n.jp g?oh=5bd1f89a7de65b6cc70b056f36a2dd20&oe=5802515C

Here's my only teaching assistant. IN her fabric tail. LOL

https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/t31.0-8/13475085_1757288541216188_5202339894735436157_o.jp g

Kathleen always wears fabric but because our classes are overbooked, we had to use fabric tails that were intended for adults, on kids as well! We're so popular, we didnt have enough to go around. Once again, lying about my company, and lying about herself. So sad. This girl gotta get off her high horse about silicone tails.

[AniaR]

I think it's insulting to ask ANY mer to wear any tail other than their own (unless you are providing one for them) it's as bad as sending girls home from school cuz their shoulders distract boys lol

[KateyMermaid]

Ummm the kids are in fabric because they're KIDS. It's SAFER.
I would never put a kid, let alone a kid in lessons in a silicone tail. Duh.


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[AniaR]

Notice how no one once said anything about fabric tails being bad but she keeps going on? lol Here's my team at different events, in fabric tails!

https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13501932_1757290944549281_430050593951167775_n.jpg ?oh=16320d43a81915d75c650837ad82cc2f&oe=580B2D0F

https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/t31.0-8/13495677_1757290397882669_4848778125591596674_o.jp g

https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13494786_1757291481215894_6340374298890826613_n.jp g?oh=3d03ec56b621b0cfd970bb5ceb77c2f6&oe=57C1C1DE

https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13537719_1757291811215861_7376846480647044894_n.jp g?oh=d8a68acc8147ad73eeaff6d8805c4717&oe=57F50AFB


Remember when my first tail was fabric? lol The only reason I dont use this one anymore is a community member stole it! I didn't even have a monofin

https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13501908_1757292111215831_3343882842960490076_n.jp g?oh=4e4b18cd617963e314e86853d90900a7&oe=57FC0E9B


But please Gina, tell me more about my own business lol. Like, why does ANYONE have to justify what tail they use, to you??

[KateyMermaid]

Honestly, she sounds bitter that mers with silicone tails are more believable. Or maybe someone made a comment to her about her fabric tail? A client? Sounds like she is resentful for not having a silicone tail. Or something. I'm not sure. Maybe she's upset that they are so expensive. I don't know. Seems like a plausible reason as to why she would go off like that

Fabric tails can be great for some events! As can silicone.
Personally, as much as I love my silicone tail, I want a neoprene one to take to some jobs. Love neoprene tails. I don't think anyone in the community "looks down" on fabric tails...


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[Mermaid Alea]

Well, if she has an issue with a fabric tail looking un-realistic next to a silicone tail, maybe it is time to spend more time on a fabric tail to make it look more realistic? One thing I have learned from Mernetwork about fabric tails is that there are many ways to make fabric tails look very realistic. Paint, sequins, extra fins, etc. I have seen fabric or neoprene tails that at first glance looked like they were silicone. Some even fool everyone until the owner explains that it isn't silicone!

Nice first tail Raina! I like the fluke shape.

[Dancing Fish]

Um...isn't Fin Fun doing a pretty fantastic job of making mermaiding accessible and affordable? I just don't see her point...you want cheap and mass produced, it's out there already! (Which I think is great, I've got 3 of their tails.). you want unique and made to order and made out of pricy, temperamental materials, you need to pay lots more. That's life. *shrug*

[PearlieMae]

She certainly is exhausting.

[AniaR]

Pearlie I wish I had screenshots of everything you said you pulled no punches lol

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Wow. Just wow. That chick needs to drop the chip on her shoulder and pay attention to the market research people are happy to hand to her.

[SeaGlass Siren]

Wow......

[AniaR]

Yup. notice how she jumped to the silicone vs fabric so easily when her post was supposed to be about the standards of tail making *rolls eyes*

[Dancing Fish]

The stupid thing is, if there WAS a way to make cheap silicone tails (in a profitable way), they'd be flooding the market by now. It's not like tailmakers don't know there's a market for them...

[PearlieMae]

Pearlie I wish I had screenshots of everything you said you pulled no punches lol

Me too! I wish she didn't punk out like that until after I captured them. What a coward!

I just have this:

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[MermaidDalni]

@AniaR you are fire girl haha love it

[Merman Storm]

Wrong sub-forum, reposting.

[Theta]

Me too! I wish she didn't punk out like that until after I captured them. What a coward!

I just have this:

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Pearlie, that is fantastic.

This whole thing has been a rollercoaster from start to finish and I'm glad you guys capped it lol.

Now please excuse me while I go sit in my marble soaking pool while eating the finest Russian caviar in my silicone tail.

[Mermaid Ayma]

As a person who can not afford a silicone tail (granted, i am quite young and i do not have a job) I am just hyped up to be able to put on a monofin and swim. It is truly a gift that we in the mer community all appreciate. I have never swam with another mermaid before, so i really don't know what it would be like to swim next to a mer in a silicone tail. But i can tell you that i am just hopeful that one day i will be blessed and able enough to buy myself a silicone tail. But this, idk, hierarchy that she has made up does not exist, at least not to the extent she thinks. I believe that the root of what she is trying to say is the she wants everyone to feel accepted, and i respect that. I just think that she is going about it the wrong way. <3

[Sabrina the Selkie]

The problem, though, is that her own insecurity about not owning a silicone tail has led her to exclude silicone tails amd actively rail against the practice.

She says she's got one in process, so she might ease up once she has one and the envy cools, but she'll invent some other hierarchy to complain about, I'm sure.

Gina/Una/Whomever-the-flying-fin isn't preaching acceptance. She's preaching exclusion and elitism.

[SeaGlass Siren]

I'm pretty sure this is the bitch who gave meilyn trouble about her preferring silicone tails in the first place

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Bleeegh.

[MermaidCelesteFL]

Ending thought: Tail envy is a thing, even amongst people who own both silicone and fabric tails.

I'm not trying to take sides on this issue, but it sounds like this Gina girl was trying to state how she feels about certain beginner tailmakers (without calling anyone out), while commenting on what they *should* be doing, business-wise. She didn't go about it very well, and the community didn't receive it very well.

Wow, I went through a whole bag of kettlecorn reading this. Anybody got more?

[Mermaid Ayma]

The problem, though, is that her own insecurity about not owning a silicone tail has led her to exclude silicone tails amd actively rail against the practice.

She says she's got one in process, so she might ease up once she has one and the envy cools, but she'll invent some other hierarchy to complain about, I'm sure.

Gina/Una/Whomever-the-flying-fin isn't preaching acceptance. She's preaching exclusion and elitism.



Yes! I was gonna say just that, but i had to leave XD I was gonna say, she is wanting for everyone to be accepted, but she is going about it the wrong way, and that is making it so that she is not accepted, and is not accepting others. So it's really just this big loophole.... So, she is basically digging her own grave in the sense that she will just continue to alienate herself. I think the best we can do really is to leave her to her own little world, because if we try to argue, we'll (in her mind) be proving her point :\ So grrrrr lol

[Lotus the Mermaid]

If she hadn't such a history of being hateful toward silicone tails, and by extension the mers who use them, this might have gone a bit differently.
I agreed with her communication comment, but everything else just looked like wishful thinking. It's good for the community to have these discussions. Unfortunately, this one originated from the saltiest part of the sea. :1

[Mermaid Ayma]

Yup.. do note that i've only really been part of this community for less than 24 hours XD So i don't have much experience.

[AniaR]

I've never honestly ever seen a siliconed tail say anything bad about someone in a fabric tail

[Sabrina the Selkie]

You'll get experience, Ayma. (Welcome! I'm sure you'll enjoy your time here)

And Raina's right. I've never been spoken down to because of my fabric tail status, and I know that many silicone-ed mers will opt to wear fabric or neoprene tails for certain things. Everything's got it's upside. I love my fabric tails. Not to say I won't ever go to silicone, but I imagine both types to be part of my future mermaiding.

[MermaidCelesteFL]

I've seen certain party companies refuse to hire mermaids if they don't have their own silicone tails.

I know how it feels to only have a fabric tail and envy people with silicone tails so much that it *feels* like they are flaunting their money and precious silicone tails, whereas they are only just doing their job. That's what envy does. But it seems this girl is fixated on this feeling as reality. I also believe she is going by the "If I can't be special, nobody should be" mantra. You know, there was a MLP episode about that.


As for kids knowing the difference between silicone and fabric tails- When I was performing for the Hoggetowne Ren Faire, there were three mermaids there- Mermaid Finley (with a Merbellas tail and top), myself (with my silicone Mermaid Creations tail), and another mermaid with a green finfun tail. Yes, some kids noticed that our three tails felt different, but if you explained to them that the girl with the fabric tail was a "baby mermaid" who hasn't grown her scales yet, they completely understood. Some even preferred the fabric tail. It really doesn't spoil the illusion for kids who truly believe.

[AniaR]

"If I can't be special, nobody should be" mantra.

Absolutley. She finds anyway she can to bring up the subject.

I didnt even know who this woman was and 6 months ago she made her anti silicone rant and referenced me along with several mers from the forum. She said a bunch of lies about my company (that we only ever used silicone and at that point we'd only JUST got silicone. previously I was the only one who used it and everyone else was in fabric tails or hybrids) and I've since found out a bunch of lies about other people (such as saying photographers at her event only featured the silicone mermaid- not true, that the silicone mermaid hit a kid with their fin- not true)

When you have to go to that much trouble you are just trying to justify your own insecurity.

Anyone who reads my new book will see some really interesting results on the surveys I ran around these topics ;)

I think Gina's intial post attacking tail makers wasn't intended at "newbies". That was an after thought. A comment she made well into the replies back and forth. I really think ALL of this is just smoke and mirrors to hide her resentment.

This is the only field where people get this way. Photographers don't shit on each other for upgrading their gear!

Think of it like tails:

Point and shoot camera = fabric

DSLR = hybrid

Pro Camera= silicone

Each has it's own benefits but you just cant have the versatility all wrapped up into one. Your point and shoot can be dropped, does everythin autmatically, adaptable to many situations and it's not the end of the world when it dies. Like your fabric. your 3000$ pro camera you bought for weddings takes great photos and is a lot of work and a finacial risk, like a silicone tail.

Where are all the rants against cameras? lol Why don't we consider the photogs who invest in their business as being privleged? Like it causes issues in the photography world? Why isn't it this giant divide like it is with tails?

I truley feel like so much BS in the mercommunity wouldnt fly anywhere else.

[MermaidCelesteFL]

I truly feel like so much BS in the mercommunity wouldnt fly anywhere else.

You should meet the pro cosplaying community. I have had some mermaids laugh a little when I told them that I abandoned the cosplay community to join the mermaid community, all due to drama. It's THAT bad.

For them though, it comes down to handmade vs bought cosplays and body envy. The neckbeards (amongst others) make the people just entering the cosplay community feel very uncomfortable with themselves due to them not being the right height, weight, color, shape, size, ethnicity, etc. And then there's the drama within cosplay groups, drama at cons, drama over who gets to portray what character, drama over makeup/wigs/accessories, and relationship drama. It's bad.

[AniaR]

yeah I hear yah. I guess I just don't see cosplay as a huge "industry" so I wasn't thinking of it that way. But now that I think about it... it *is* quite the money making industry isn't it??

[LouLouBelle]

Just read through all this - definitely entertaining!

Pearlie - "I'd rather have root canal than have you as a client" ... Have I ever told you I love you?! [emoji23]

Definitely looks like someone with personal issues. I did have to laugh at the part where she said she wouldn't wear her silicone tail in her community space because nobody else has a silicone tail... More likely she can't wear it in in her community space because she bad mouthed silicone tails so much in the first place, so if they ever see her in a silicone tail she'll be exposed as a hypocrite.

I've been to one fairly big meet up and there was a mix of fabric and silicone. Nobody seemed to think any more or less of anyone else because of it.


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[Mermaid Arabella]

You should meet the pro cosplaying community. I have had some mermaids laugh a little when I told them that I abandoned the cosplay community to join the mermaid community, all due to drama. It's THAT bad.

For them though, it comes down to handmade vs bought cosplays and body envy. The neckbeards (amongst others) make the people just entering the cosplay community feel very uncomfortable with themselves due to them not being the right height, weight, color, shape, size, ethnicity, etc. And then there's the drama within cosplay groups, drama at cons, drama over who gets to portray what character, drama over makeup/wigs/accessories, and relationship drama. It's bad.

OMG, YES! The cosplay community...is just....AUUGH!! I'm a plus-size cosplayer with little sewing experience and even less time, so I am on the receiving end of a lot of this shade. But they can all eat it because I do what I want! :pirate:

And that attitude is what lead me to be comfortable with jumping into mermaiding, so I guess all the drama was good for something! :lol:

[MermaidCelesteFL]

OMG, YES! The cosplay community...is just....AUUGH!! I'm a plus-size cosplayer with little sewing experience and even less time, so I am on the receiving end of a lot of this shade. But they can all eat it because I do what I want! :pirate:

And that attitude is what lead me to be comfortable with jumping into mermaiding, so I guess all the drama was good for something! :lol:

If it was just about the body shaming, it probably wouldn't have been so bad for me. I mainly left because my main cosplay group is so big (90+ cosplayers), that when the queen (or king) bee doesn't like you, the WHOLE community turns against you and makes your life a living hell. It turned into a super toxic situation pretty quickly.

[Moongazer]

You should meet the pro cosplaying community. I have had some mermaids laugh a little when I told them that I abandoned the cosplay community to join the mermaid community, all due to drama. It's THAT bad.

For them though, it comes down to handmade vs bought cosplays and body envy. The neckbeards (amongst others) make the people just entering the cosplay community feel very uncomfortable with themselves due to them not being the right height, weight, color, shape, size, ethnicity, etc. And then there's the drama within cosplay groups, drama at cons, drama over who gets to portray what character, drama over makeup/wigs/accessories, and relationship drama. It's bad.

Yeah it's bad. I'm in it too and because theres so much pressure to look like x character IRL that ive just become so defeated wearing my costumes. Cosplay has gotten really dark and elitist more so then ever before because people are trying to 'make it' like the big cosplay names, Kamui, Jessica Nigri and Yaya Han to name a few. They make bank. But they work their asses off for it. At one point I strived for it too, but I don't actually have the 'bone' figure for it.

[Lotus the Mermaid]

I think it's more hostile in the cosplay and mer communities because it's our bodies and our childhood dreams on display. Trying to mix dreams and sales is a righteous endeavor but it makes every competition more personal.

[Lotus the Mermaid]

That's just my observation anyway. And not an excuse by any means for said hostility.

[AniaR]

yes I agree and think that's a strong point. When I surveyed 300 mers and mermen, most concluded this was a thing since childhood or was influenced in some shape or form from childhood.

[PearlieMae]

I've never honestly ever seen a siliconed tail say anything bad about someone in a fabric tail

THIS!

[PearlieMae]

Pearlie, that is fantastic.

This whole thing has been a rollercoaster from start to finish and I'm glad you guys capped it lol.

Now please excuse me while I go sit in my marble soaking pool while eating the finest Russian caviar in my silicone tail.

Let's relax together... come on over!

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[Theobromine]

Well, it seems like the Battle of the Silicone has mostly died down by now, and everyone who's commented has made fantastic points and just about covered everything. I'm not part of that group so I couldn't comment on the post before it was taken down, but I was able to read everything as it unfolded (and passive-aggressively Like all the comments, ha).

I just kinda wanted to add in my own little thing to expand on the point that many people made about silicone tails being time-consuming to make and artists not being factories and deserving fair pay (all very true). Specifically about the part where Una mentioned $700 tails. Fish please! Full silicone tails do not actually cost thousands of dollars because the materials cost thousands of dollars. The material costs are only a small fraction of that price. The majority of the price is due to the TIME that it takes, and the fact that tailmakers HAVE to pay themselves a fair wage in order to even be able to make it work as a business. Let's break it down. Dragonskin silicone costs $183.72 per gallon order, and the average full silicone tail uses about 1.5 gallon orders' worth of silicone (though of course this varies between makers and depends on the size of the tail and number of extra fins etc etc). So, let's do a safe estimate of 1.5-2 gallons per tail, which equates to $275.58 to $367.44 worth of silicone. You also have to add in the cost of the monofin (a Finis Foil costs about $30 so this doesn't have to be expensive) and mold materials (but those can be done very cheaply depending on the materials, and the material cost spread out over many many tails) as well as a bit more for pigments (highly concentrated, you don't need much). So it can vary wildly depending on specific materials and methods, but I tend to estimate $400-$500 materials cost tops for a FULL silicone tail (and even if you went with caulking or latex, you'd still be spending at least a couple hundred bucks on materials). But as anyone who has ever made or attempted to make a tail before, you can't just get it done in a week or two. It generally takes months, and if that's your job you need to get paid for your time (and your artistry!!). So if I wanted to make tails for $700, I would have to pay myself 8 bucks an hour (FAR below the minimum wage in my state), finish the tail in two weeks (87 hours, just over two standard workweeks, OR work massive overtime) AND NOT even charge for the cost of materials. Or if I wanted to pay myself minimum wage ($15 where I live) I could either NOT charge for materials and finish the tail in 46 hours, OR charge for materials (let's say $300-$400) and have 20-26 hours in which to make the entire tail.

Um...no. That would literally not be worth my time. If you want to make a tail that fast, it will be extremely slapdash and very very very basic: shitty seams, basically no sculpting (combed silicone), sloppy paint. That's a factory-made tail, a Walmart-quality tail. If you want a Walmart tail, you can to to Tail Walmart. Personally, I started working with silicone and making tails because I love the amount of detail I can put into them. That is the thing I really really enjoy about it. For me, I wouldn't even see any point in making Walmart tails. It wouldn't be fun. It wouldn't be artistically or intellectually stimulating. I wouldn't even think about making a tail for someone who didn't appreciate all the effort I put into the details. My first silicone tail literally took me an entire year because I put so much time into the details, and even the newer ones I'm currently working on have taken me several months so far. And I DO think that I deserve adequate compensation for my time! I value my time and my skills and just the sheer amount of effort that I've put into teaching myself how to do this and developing my own unique methods. And I do think a lot of people understand that. I'm pretty sure every other tailmaker or prospective tailmaker who read Una's rant would agree with me.

Reading that post made me seriously reconsider even selling tails at all once I'm done with my current batch for friends. I doubt I'm the only one who felt that way.

[Dancing Fish]

Theobromine I feel the same way. I'd like to dig into the sequin tail niche but damn, I don't know now if I want to deal with the entitled customers... If I do it'll be Pearlie's proposed model of doing my designs and selling them rather than going the custom route, i think.

[Moongazer]

Since I'm just on the cusp of getting started in the tail making side (neoprene and silicone caulking) and seeing posts like this just... scare me? Like... If people feel that entitled then how are we supposed to make tails without losing money or even breaking even. How do you screen for customers like this one unless you have someone ready to be your pr person in a shit storm. but that's another can of worms... Urg. I want to make tails for everyone so badly and letting 1 sour apple ruin the pie sucks but it really is a scary thing to face.

[Theobromine]

Yeah....I think the worst part about that whole thing, aside from the potential to drastically misinform newer people and cause a snowball effect with the attitude, is that a lot of potential tailmakers are going to get scared away from the market by it. Very unhelpful, probably has the direct opposite of what Una intended.

[Mermaid Momo]

You should meet the pro cosplaying community. I have had some mermaids laugh a little when I told them that I abandoned the cosplay community to join the mermaid community, all due to drama. It's THAT bad.

For them though, it comes down to handmade vs bought cosplays and body envy. The neckbeards (amongst others) make the people just entering the cosplay community feel very uncomfortable with themselves due to them not being the right height, weight, color, shape, size, ethnicity, etc. And then there's the drama within cosplay groups, drama at cons, drama over who gets to portray what character, drama over makeup/wigs/accessories, and relationship drama. It's bad.
The lolita community is a fun one too. We have a whole website dedicated to bashing

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[Sunset Nereid]

The lolita community is a fun one too. We have a whole website dedicated to bashing

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I was just thinking that. Try running meetups. That's always a barrel of nerves - especially when pictures can end up on those pages. Because let's face it, there's two major ones. At least with mermaiding I don't feel stressed about everything matching the right color of pink or black or green or clashing themes.



AND Cosplay has a nitpick factory the size of Kingdom Come. I got out of it for this very reason. One, everyone who decided that drama was awesome to start really had high HIGH insecurity. Two, when there is drama: there's a lovely thing of everything you do goes beyond costumes and into airing out someone's dirty laundry on a personal level for the entire world to see. Three, it's so stressful for just a three day event where you may or may not get good photos especially with toxic people in your group.


I do this hobby in my backyard. I haven't even thought about taking it anywhere since it's only been about two weeks of owning a tail. I just bought a second fabric tail to try and figure out how to use! Yay! As a beginning hobbiest, I'm not gravitating towards the silicone tails without fully knowing what I'm getting into. I'm unsure where her hierarchy is coming from since even the Weeki Wachee Mermaids use fabric tails in all their performances, and they are renown.

[AniaR]

Honestly, I will tell you a lot of us senior mermaids (having been around 8-15 years +) I find the attitude of people like Una is something that has worn us down and probably makes us snap easier on the forum, or to new people, or just crankier in general. I know a lot of you new, and middle aged (bahaha I just mean in terms of how long you've been mermaiding) see this stuff now and it's getting to be a thing because of the community... but some of us have had to deal with this attitude in many ways since day 1. It was honestly why I ended up making my first book because I couldn't handle the insane entitled emails, messages, and comments I was getting where people literally felt entitled to my time and demanded it and called me a bad person who was elitest when I didn't teach them everything I know. So I kinda have a chip in my shoulder for shit like this.

I honestly feel the ACTUAL mermaid community is so inclusive. The problem comes from the outside world. Judging men, judging tail types etc. But we have to stop fighting EACH OTHER over what the outside is doing, and start trying to advocate for as much as we can and empower, enable, and educate others.

Also the mer world is divided. Some people only do this for recreation, and some invest a lot of $$$ to make it a business and I think Una needs to start realizing that

[AniaR]

Perfect example,

Una needs to put her chip in her shoulder aside, and if she wants to start empowering fabric tailed mermaids, then she needs to start listening to the other side. She needs to realize you can disagree with people and heck even dislike them or hate them, but reach common goals.

There are people on this thread and int his forum I disagree with all the time, even get into heated fights with. But when they say something right I can 100% put my shit aside and say YUP. PREACH IT. Because at the end of the day, I want this shit to get better, more than I want to 1 up another mermaid. But it seems like that's what Una is all about right now. She's tripping herself up. Gotta get out of her own way if sheactually wants to make a difference

[Sabrina the Selkie]

And speaking of PREACH IT...

[PhaylennMurúch]

The lolita community is a fun one too. We have a whole website dedicated to bashing

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I have to say that I was crazy startled when I discovered the drama of the Lolita comm. Brand vs Replica vs Indie vs Bodyline vs homemade, it's mind blowing. I watched two girls tear each other apart over the correct way to wear a headdress while standing IN the BTSSB shop (as I was buying my cute AF sage and lace headdress)

[Mermaid Arabella]

I have to say that I was crazy startled when I discovered the drama of the Lolita comm. Brand vs Replica vs Indie vs Bodyline vs homemade, it's mind blowing. I watched two girls tear each other apart over the correct way to wear a headdress while standing IN the BTSSB shop (as I was buying my cute AF sage and lace headdress)

OMG, one of my cosplay friends is just getting me into Lolita and I'm already scared. We're going the homemade route: making coords out of thrift store bedsheets! ;)

[SeaGlass Siren]

I was part of that community once.

WAS.

ONCE.

Got out as fast as I could.

[Mizuko]

Yeah the lolita comm is nuts. If you find a good group of local girls it can be a really lovely, friendly community- its the online world that is totally disgusting. I left it because of the latter!

[Sunset Nereid]

I'm in the lolita community. I actually have an extensive wardrobe, but some girls can make you want to quit. I think it's like that in anything - there's always the one guy in the workplace. And in any hobby/fashion/whathaveyou - there is always that one person that takes it a little too far.

BUT don't stop doing what you love for the sheer fact of that one person. I'll admire everyone's silicone tails, but I'm actually very intimidated to ever own one due to the upkeep and price at this current moment. I'm happy there's a healthy mix of people who own all types of tails on here. That way it's more welcoming.

[Theta]

Let's relax together... come on over!

37588

37589

Thank you, Pearlie! I'll have my driver bring me over at seven. Should I bring anything? I've got a case and a half of Veuve Cliquot in my climate-controlled wine cellar.

[SeaGlass Siren]

Ok so continuing from the bitch it out thread...

This mer who we all know and loved (keyword loved)..... ugh.. she has been doing some unsavory things such as wanting to do yellow face to which she immediately posted a want ad for asian mers but then adds requirements on top of requirements (you couldnt do it in one post? you had to fix it multiple times after people started referring you actual asian mers who were qualified?) ... portraying an african water goddess to which she immediately posted a video of black people bleaching their skin and saying "this is so sad everyone should accept how beautiful they are" (well bitch maybe THEY wanted to be an african goddess to =_=)... and this was about maybe less than a week ago?
i mean she's been appropriating native culture for a while which bothered me but it was never my place to say. until YELLOW FACE HAPPENED. A few asian mers and i called her out on it.

today and yesterday.... she posts an ad wanting to hire a model but lists a ton of requirements that are like super questionable like "model look." wow so vague. what does that even mean? and then this morning i see her with a mandala bedsheet and saying "she feels like an indian princess".

sorry what? how do you FEEL like an indian princess? =_= youre wearing dreads and youre white. bitch stop.

and whats fucking horrible is that a certain someone is running her pages as well so i dont even know if this someone is doing this on purpose to post racial shit or if its like something that never occured to them that it was offensive??

[SeaGlass Siren]

for real i had no reason to dislike her before, she stands up for a lot of amazing causes but after this onslaught of racial shit coming from her i'm just.. ugh. no.

[AniaR]

I am surprised it took people this long to see it because it's ALWAYS been that way. I do know they were raised in multiple areas around the world including India, and raised with a lot of differebt multicultural practices. I think that might be why they don't realize how hurtful cultural appropriation can be. I used to wear bindis because they wore them and then I learned how that can be hurtful to others.

I know some mutual friends have reached out to try and educate them. I think they come from a place of love but ignorance. We get such conflicting messages about cultural appropriation, and a lot of the issues seem to be generational.

I hope they learn more and understand how those actions are hurtful.

[KateyMermaid]

What Raina said.
I think it's also tough to want to emulate a culture you find beautiful without being offensive.

I know personally I love the way certain cultures dress. However as a VERY WHITE person with Northern European heritage (Irish/German/Italian) I know that as much as I like aspects of African culture, or Native American dress, or traditional Indian clothing, that's not something I should bring into my mermaid persona or carbon copy in my everyday life. It's beautiful. And I will continue to admire it. But I won't adopt it as my own

(Meaning I won't emulate it in photo shoots or performance or characters etc. I did try putting on a Japanese kimono in Epcot in high school for fun. But not because I was going to emulate the culture or pretend I was part of it)


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[SeaGlass Siren]

I really hope she learns. Its one thing to immerse yourself in a culture and the people educate you about that culture, and even allow you to wear or try on their traditional garments, BUT it's another to take it, try to claim it, and "one up it" yknow?
For real if i hear or see one more racial thing today i'm changing all my profile pics to squidward tentacles.


too late i saw a reiko haru thing. on facebook. attended a vietnamese event in a kimono and wig. there aint nothing vietnamese about that.

[SeaGlass Siren]

like im sorry but asia is much more than just japan and cosplay. OK?

[KateyMermaid]

I really hope she learns. Its one thing to immerse yourself in a culture and the people educate you about that culture, and even allow you to wear or try on their traditional garments, BUT it's another to take it, try to claim it, and "one up it" yknow?
THIS. You phrased it better. That's what I meant to say.



too late i saw a reiko haru thing. on facebook. attended a vietnamese event in a kimono and wig. there aint nothing vietnamese about that.

I'm waiting to see squid ward tentacles now


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[SeaGlass Siren]

Its ok. i see it all the time at vietfest every year. i get super happy when someone outside of my race wants to learn more about my culture and wears our garments. totally cool with it.
Pissed at the people who bastardise asian clothing and make it into a costume. STAHP.

[KateyMermaid]

But but...ANIME


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[SeaGlass Siren]

save it for a cosplay event or a convention. i love it as much as the next person. but there is a time and place for ERRTHANG.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

As far as the dreads on a white person, I feel like there is a bit of confusion there, it's not a strictly African American thing.
All hair naturally dreads up when not brushed, and it is/was a belief that energy escaped through the ends of the hair, but when braided or dreaded, it holds your energy in place and keeps you more in touch with yourself and with nature.

My grandmother who was native American had dreads until she got sick.

But, the post referring to needing an Asian model and all of that caught my eye, but I thought maybe it was just bad wording. I'm very in touch with my heritage, I'm 50% Lakota, but because my biological mothers Irish and Scottish blood is so strong, I look more like that until I let my hair down, and it accentuates my Lakota features. But because of this, people blow the heck up on me when I wear our clothing or anything of that nature because I don't outright look like I have that ancestry

[KateyMermaid]

save it for a cosplay event or a convention. i love it as much as the next person. but there is a time and place for ERRTHANG.

But cosplay is Asian right? So cosplaying at an Asian festival (regardless of region or country) TOTALLY COUNTS

(I'm being sarcastic to everyone who doesn't realize. 100% agree with SeaGlass)


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[Shimmer Mermaid]

I think cosplay is Asian.

[KateyMermaid]

As far as the dreads on a white person, I feel like there is a bit of confusion there, it's not a strictly African American thing.
All hair naturally dreads up when not brushed, and it is/was a belief that energy escaped through the ends of the hair, but when braided or dreaded, it holds your energy in place and keeps you more in touch with yourself and with nature.


I heard the once referred to as "fairy knots".
I don't know where I heard this, and I could be completely wrong, but I thought I heard some where that in Celtic culture parents used to not brush their children's hair, and the resulting tangles were thought to be made my fairies that played while the children slept. The hair would start to form dreads, and it was good luck or good for your energy....or something to leave them alone

Again, no idea where I heard that or if it's even remotely true.


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[Shimmer Mermaid]

Its ok. i see it all the time at vietfest every year. i get super happy when someone outside of my race wants to learn more about my culture and wears our garments. totally cool with it.
Pissed at the people who bastardise asian clothing and make it into a costume. STAHP.
It's like when women wear a chiefs head dress. Like, noooo, if you appreciate the culture, then take the time to learn that the head dresses were worn by men only.
But dont run around on Halloween wearing a head dress, or a kimono.
"Hi little girl what are you supposed to be?"
"An indian!*insert obnoxious mouth noise thing*"

Or

"Hi little boy what are you supposed to be?"
"Asian."

No.

[SeaGlass Siren]

really cosplay is just dress up lol. ITS OVER GLORIFIED DRESSUP.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Yes! Yes yes! ❤ I couldn't remember the term we used to use!

Keeps good energy in, so bad spirits, and bad energy can't get in.

[MermaidCelesteFL]

There are a couple acquaintances of mine that are white boys who decided to adopt generic Japanese names on their fb profiles and walk around with katanas strapped to their waists.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

I heard the once referred to as "fairy knots".
I don't know where I heard this, and I could be completely wrong, but I thought I heard some where that in Celtic culture parents used to not brush their children's hair, and the resulting tangles were thought to be made my fairies that played while the children slept. The hair would start to form dreads, and it was good luck or good for your energy....or something to leave them alone

Again, no idea where I heard that or if it's even remotely true.


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Vikings would wear them too, it was said that it helped keep the bad energies sent by enemies out, and keep strength and courage in.

[SeaGlass Siren]

There are a couple acquaintances of mine that are white boys who decided to adopt generic Japanese names on their fb profiles and walk around with katanas strapped to their waists.


ah... i was guilty of that. called myself yuukichan. LOL. neeeever wanna do that again >_>

[SeaGlass Siren]

Vikings would wear them too, it was said that it helped keep the bad energies sent by enemies out, and keep strength and courage in.

WAS TRYING TO POST A DECENT PICTURE.
aaaaaand sigh forget it use google. cant resize or post.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Those are cornrows, not dreads.
But to be fair they are seriously painful to have done, and anyone who can sit through the process of having them done correctly deserves a metal, I used to baby sit two little African American girls and my hair goes past my butt and they begged me for weeks to let them do it to my hair. I cried when they did it. but I think that its a cultural/race thing.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Their mother thought it was funny, but she said it was "a black thing" and I might get treated rudely if I wore them very long.

[SeaGlass Siren]

the point of my braid/dread comment was to show that she's not an indian. NATIVE OR SOUTH ASIAN.

[AniaR]

I used to think it wa sOK for white people to wear dreads because thousands of years ago they did. I'm talking white people not native americans etc. I read some really great links that made some very compelling arguments. plus, she's not wearing the kinds of hair they would wear. It's def black hair dreads. Most of the original white people dreads had huge symbolism behind them including religious, and war driven. It was not a "fashion statement"

http://thetab.com/2016/04/05/isnt-ok-white-people-dreadlocks-83996

"Unless you want to wear dreads because your great25 grandfather was a Celt with fairie locks and you want to be just like him, you’re likely wearing it because it looks cool or you think you’re a woke humanist. Either way it lacks appreciation for the oppression of black people in the UK, the US, and across the globe.Even then, fairie locks aren’t even really dreadlocks. It’s just tangled hair. It’s called fairie locks cos they say a fairy tangled your hair in your sleep – it’s not conscious and not all Celts even deemed it attractive so it doesn’t stand as an argument about cultural sources of dreadlocks."




This one just looks at both perspectives:
http://www.theliberatedmind.com/2013/04/white-people-dreadlocks-and-cultural.html

Recent news story about woman being opressed for her dread locks:
http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/31/living/white-dreadlocks-cultural-appropriation-feat/

http://www.makezine.enoughenough.org/mohawksdreads.htm

[AniaR]

and for cornrows:

http://time.com/4011171/cornrows-and-cultural-appropriation-the-truth-about-racial-identity-theft/

http://jezebel.com/white-people-are-rebranding-cornrows-as-boxer-braids-1765012240

[SeaGlass Siren]

"Unless you want to wear dreads because your great25 grandfather was a Celt with fairie locks and you want to be just like him, you’re likely wearing it because it looks cool or you think you’re a woke humanist. Either way it lacks appreciation for the oppression of black people in the UK, the US, and across the globe.Even then, fairie locks aren’t even really dreadlocks. It’s just tangled hair. It’s called fairie locks cos they say a fairy tangled your hair in your sleep – it’s not conscious and not all Celts even deemed it attractive so it doesn’t stand as an argument about cultural sources of dreadlocks."



"you’re likely wearing it because it looks cool or you think you’re a woke humanist."



or you think you’re a woke humanist."



a woke humanist.


37685 ^THAT

[Shimmer Mermaid]

I used to have locks, loved them. Not because of how they looked, but because I felt connected, and my grandmother told me that at some point I would understand. I've always been closer to the Earth than others, but when I finally let my hair do what it has always tried to do, I felt peaceful in my own mind, which isn't something I can say normally.

I had a few people, who didn't know my ancestry, make it a point to tell me that I was a racist and that I was an awful person for allowing my hair to do it.

I kept my hair clean, it didn't stink like some locks, I washed it regularly.

But I took them out because people felt like I was awful for having them. I was in high school

After I took them out, those same people were in a class that I did a paper on my ancestry in and I had to read it out loud. They came to me and straight up said that They didn't know about my heritage because I don't look the part, and if they had, they would've never said anything.

I think it is just one of those things. I dont consider myself a hippie, or a rebel, or any of that, it's just how I was raised.

[SeaGlass Siren]

for the record it was directed at the specific mer i'm shading. i'd love to see viking hair on you shimmer!

[Mermaid Momo]

Hello there friendly black person coming to tell you that dreads are in fact only achievable by black or kinky hair. Fairy knots are not dreads and dreads are not matted up or tangled hair. Dreads are haor that has been twisted onto itself and kinky hair being naturally tightly coiled will begin to coil around each other making dreads NOT tangles. White and thin hair tangles black hair dreads.

Also dreads shouldn't smell black people can actually wash our dreads. The idea that they smell is because white people can't wash theor dreads because their hair isn't made to hold them and they will fall. We can wash ours as much as we please and nothing much will happen.

Also she isn't wearing corn rows she has box braids in.(which are just as bad)

For more info on why it is cultural appropriation to wear black hair styles read the cultural appropriation thread raina started

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[Shimmer Mermaid]

Momo, what's the difference between box braids and corn rows? Ive always heard those called corn rows.

[KateyMermaid]

Hello there friendly black person coming to tell you that dreads are in fact only achievable by black or kinky hair. Fairy knots are not dreads and dreads are not matted up or tangled hair. Dreads are haor that has been twisted onto itself and kinky hair being naturally tightly coiled will begin to coil around each other making dreads NOT tangles. White and thin hair tangles black hair dreads.



Didn't actually know that! That does make sense though. Good to know [emoji4]


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[Mermaid Momo]

Momo, what's the difference between box braids and corn rows? Ive always heard those called corn rows.
Corn rows lay flat on your head. I have corn rows now http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160628/49dd26d827bec17cefad65f348d0f60d.jpg
Box braids start with a section parted into a small box and braided so it falls down

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[Mermaid Momo]

That picture is a bit hard to see haha but the front is braided in corn rows

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[Shimmer Mermaid]

Thank you! And you are so pretty! Did you make that head piece?

[SeaGlass Siren]

we learned something!!!

[Mermaid Marius]

YES MOMO. YES RAINA. BLESS YOU BOTH. Also, I have box braids in currently. http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160628/177ac65c6869f006cfbd23a11046693e.jpg
They look a little gross because I need to redo them but you can see that each braid is freestanding whereas Momo's cornrows are braided along her scalp.

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[Shimmer Mermaid]

Ah, okay! I think I understand the difference now. How long does it take you to redo them?

[Mermaid Arabella]

I used to have locks, loved them. Not because of how they looked, but because I felt connected, and my grandmother told me that at some point I would understand. I've always been closer to the Earth than others, but when I finally let my hair do what it has always tried to do, I felt peaceful in my own mind, which isn't something I can say normally.

I had a few people, who didn't know my ancestry, make it a point to tell me that I was a racist and that I was an awful person for allowing my hair to do it.

I kept my hair clean, it didn't stink like some locks, I washed it regularly.

But I took them out because people felt like I was awful for having them. I was in high school

After I took them out, those same people were in a class that I did a paper on my ancestry in and I had to read it out loud. They came to me and straight up said that They didn't know about my heritage because I don't look the part, and if they had, they would've never said anything.

I think it is just one of those things. I dont consider myself a hippie, or a rebel, or any of that, it's just how I was raised.


We just had a similar issue come up in the cosplay community. My friend, Laura, did a BEAUTIFUL Jasmine and everyone (read: internet people who know nothing about her) jumped down her throat for "whitewashing" Jasmine. Laura is actually a dual citizen of the US and Lebanon, where her father is from, but she didn't look enough like the Middle Eastern stereotype for some people. She said she felt very hurt, that it felt like they were trying to erase her Lebanese identity. (She actually made a beautiful post on her cosplay page, if anyone wants to look it up.) Similarly, another friend is half-Japanese and was raised in Japan most of his childhood but gets flack b/c he doesn't look Japanese "enough" (he looks 100% like his mom, who is white) and is constantly accused of cultural appropriation.

So....maybe always take a step back before throwing out the culture appropriation attack, and ask what you actually know about the person. (Note: this is not directed toward SeaGlass Siren or her original post - that girl sounds like the definition of cultural appropriation - but just throwing it out in general.)

[AniaR]

cultural appropriation is just tricky in general. I know Minnow the mermaid has people thinking she's doing yellowface, not knowing she is 50% Japanese.

In the mer in questions case, you can wiki her family :p they famous lol

[Theta]

Hello there friendly black person coming to tell you that dreads are in fact only achievable by black or kinky hair. Fairy knots are not dreads and dreads are not matted up or tangled hair. Dreads are haor that has been twisted onto itself and kinky hair being naturally tightly coiled will begin to coil around each other making dreads NOT tangles. White and thin hair tangles black hair dreads.

Also dreads shouldn't smell black people can actually wash our dreads. The idea that they smell is because white people can't wash theor dreads because their hair isn't made to hold them and they will fall. We can wash ours as much as we please and nothing much will happen.

Also she isn't wearing corn rows she has box braids in.(which are just as bad)

For more info on why it is cultural appropriation to wear black hair styles read the cultural appropriation thread raina started

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Am super white person, can confirm that generally white hair will not hold dreads without, near as I can tell, a lot of teasing, ratting, and wax.

Source: 100% northern/western European descent, I brush my hair maybe once every few days and... nothing. It just sits there, flat and straight and fairly uninteresting.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Does she have a Facebook page or something I can see the cosplay on? I love Jasmine and love a good cosplay!

[Theta]

Corn rows lay flat on your head. I have corn rows now http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160628/49dd26d827bec17cefad65f348d0f60d.jpg
Box braids start with a section parted into a small box and braided so it falls down

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You are SO PRETTY

[Theta]

YES MOMO. YES RAINA. BLESS YOU BOTH. Also, I have box braids in currently. http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160628/177ac65c6869f006cfbd23a11046693e.jpg
They look a little gross because I need to redo them but you can see that each braid is freestanding whereas Momo's cornrows are braided along her scalp.

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I love all the colors you have braided into them!!!! Beautiful!

[Shimmer Mermaid]

I know! And her skin is so clear! I wish my skin would be super clear like that!

[Theta]

I wish my eyebrows could be like that!!! *dreamy sigh*

[SeaGlass Siren]

I love how everyone went from talking about cultural appropriation to "oh my god momo senpai!!��" xD

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Pretty sure she has a popcorn maker in the background as well, more reasons to love her. Lol

[Mermaid Marius]

Ah, okay! I think I understand the difference now. How long does it take you to redo them?
I braid my hair myself so a new install takes between 8-10 hours for me.
It's a lot of Netflix, lol

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[Shimmer Mermaid]

Dang. The amount of patience that must take is insane

[Lotus the Mermaid]

So....maybe always take a step back before throwing out the culture appropriation attack, and ask what you actually know about the person.

^ This. Personally, I feel that cultural appropriation is a real thing, but it's treated like a cardinal sin when most of the time, it's borne out of ignorance. And so many people use it as an excuse to bully others they don't know. I love living in the melting pot that we live in, and I love learning about different cultures. I think it's so helpful when people allow or invite people of other cultures to experience theirs. My Japanese homestay family considers me part of their real family and gave me a yukata for Gi-On, which I love. I wouldn't wear it here because it would likely be considered racist by those who don't know me as a person. My husband's family is Puerto Rican and they all tell me I'm an "honorary Puerto Rican" and encourage me to try more of their culture and as a result, I've learned more about their daily struggles as Hispanics living in white dominated society.

In short, cultural appropriation happens but not as often as people accuse others of doing it. And it shouldn't be used as an excuse not to educate others about one's culture by inviting them to experience it because knowledge is the only way to effectively combat ignorance which breeds hate.
Us white people especially need educating in this field because, sadly, we ARE privileged and we need to know what's happening to our fellow human beings on a daily basis because of discrimination and racism.

Love you all. <3

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Slow clap for Lotus.

[Mermaid Arabella]

Does she have a Facebook page or something I can see the cosplay on? I love Jasmine and love a good cosplay!
She and her partner have a couple cosplay page, JessoLaurus Rex (https://www.facebook.com/JessoLaurusRex/)

[Shimmer Mermaid]

You mean THE JessoLaurus Rex couple??? The same couple responsible for the badass Dany and Khal Drogo cosplay?!?!?

[Mermaid Arabella]

You mean THE JessoLaurus Rex couple??? The same couple responsible for the badass Dany and Khal Drogo cosplay?!?!?

Yup, that's them! They're so super sweet too, I just love them to pieces. I actually wish I could hang out with them more, I've only gotten to a handful of times at some local cosplay meetups.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

I just looked at their page! Holy fish! How the heck did she get hate for that perfect Jasmine? She pulls the part well! I'm losing my mind over here. I'm sorry

[Mermaid Arabella]

RIGHT?!

[Theta]

^ This. Personally, I feel that cultural appropriation is a real thing, but it's treated like a cardinal sin when most of the time, it's borne out of ignorance. And so many people use it as an excuse to bully others they don't know. I love living in the melting pot that we live in, and I love learning about different cultures. I think it's so helpful when people allow or invite people of other cultures to experience theirs. My Japanese homestay family considers me part of their real family and gave me a yukata for Gi-On, which I love. I wouldn't wear it here because it would likely be considered racist by those who don't know me as a person. My husband's family is Puerto Rican and they all tell me I'm an "honorary Puerto Rican" and encourage me to try more of their culture and as a result, I've learned more about their daily struggles as Hispanics living in white dominated society.

In short, cultural appropriation happens but not as often as people accuse others of doing it. And it shouldn't be used as an excuse not to educate others about one's culture by inviting them to experience it because knowledge is the only way to effectively combat ignorance which breeds hate.
Us white people especially need educating in this field because, sadly, we ARE privileged and we need to know what's happening to our fellow human beings on a daily basis because of discrimination and racism.

Love you all. <3

Kimono- and by kimono I mean traditional Japanese garments, or wafuku- are in a slightly different classification than most cultural appropriation of garments. Please note, I am not talking about Party City Halloween costume 'kimonos' or 'geisha/geesha girl' outfits (BOY DO I HAVE A RANT.) Because they've been set up on a pedestal and reserved for ultra special occasions, and because with the rise of political correctness foreigners stopped buying them, the kimono industry is dying. Japan does not want to see this happen and so have begun trying to break into the western fashion world with kimono, both traditional and non-, and kimono style textiles. They will happily sell kimono to non-Japanese, teach how to wear them, and love to spread their culture though kimono. There are a lot of us non-Japanese who collect and wear all sorts of wafuku items. The general consensus is to be respectful about wearing them, but there's a lot of rule breaking too, both in and out of Japan (kimono hime has come up with some really wild kimono coordinations.) Just don't break the rules if it's not a rule breaking occasion (don't wearing mourning kimono to a traditional Japanese wedding, for instance.) I wouldn't put your yukata away forever if you're not in Japan to wear it!

Here's one of the really neat things that happened in the kimono world: Hiromi Asai's fashion show at NY Fashion Week this spring. It was really amazing to see all the kimono going up and down that runway, in a western-style show (this is the first time traditional kimono have been featured at NYFW; it's a huge deal.) She's really crusading for the kimono to become a living garment again, and she and the masters she works with know that to do that, they have to get customers beyond Japan, and make it more of a universal garment.

http://nyfw.com/hiromi-asai

This is also a really well written article on the subject.

http://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2015/08/04/commentary/japan-commentary/kimono-cultural-appropriation/#.V3Kp6vkrK71

[Sabrina the Selkie]

My host sister gave me hers (she's all about modern fashion, and giving me her kimono was about the only way her family would let her get rid of it, lol) and I usually only wear it when I'm running promotional stuff with my high school's Japanese program.

But YES. Agree with pretty much everything said here.

I'm one of those utter mutts that can't really be part of any culture. No matter what I do, its cultural appropriation because when you divide Mexican, Native American, Scottish, Irish, English, French, German, North African, East Asian and more with more than a few question marks, everything is so divided that I'm basically none of them.

[PearlieMae]

I know the feeling, Sabrina. I'm Hawaiian, Filipino, Chinese, Portuguese, English and Irish, along with those same question marks that go into making up any of those groups.

I wore a sari to an Indian friend's wedding, and when I got there, I thought "OMG! What if this was a terrible idea?" But my friend and his bride were so happy that I wore it - the only non South Asian to wear one - that they pulled me onto the dance floor to dance with the family almost all night!

I think there's a fuzzy line between appropriation and insult/offense. I'm still trying to figure it all out in my own head.

[MermaidCelesteFL]

So wait, is the Celtic tribal tattoo on my tail considered cultural appropriation? I don't really know what my background is.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

If that was the case, then wed have to say every guy that got a tattoo between 2006-2012 that got a tribal/Celtic tattoo is insulting.

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Plus, pretty much everyone who has irish, scottish, pretty much anyone who came from a land of the forest, is considered to have ancestors who were Celtic one way or another.
Hard line to draw there.

[AniaR]

I think t's really just about listening to these cultures when they tell us something is very hurtful, over and over again, not so much nitpicking our defences ;)

[Theta]

I think t's really just about listening to these cultures when they tell us something is very hurtful, over and over again, not so much nitpicking our defences ;)

^ This. If someone tells you that something you're doing is hurtful on a cultural level, listen, understand why, and stop. But if it's okay with them/their culture and you're doing it to show appreciation and not mock, go for it- like kimono, or wearing a sari at a wedding (Pearlie, I would love to see a picture of that some time! I've got a sari that a very close Indian friend of my grandmother's gave to her- it's one of my treasures :) )

[SeaGlass Siren]

^^ THAT

[dfeifer]

Heh,.. Now you just had me looking up videos of kimono rules and sari..

[Mermaid Momo]

Thank you! And you are so pretty! Did you make that head piece?
Aw thank you and yes i did :). Also here's a late photo of the braids from the top
http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160630/ea78ef64a55b062a47ba9db06fdafc24.jpg

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[MermaidCelesteFL]

Gonna drop in and say a couple things about the fin fun monofin. It kinda sucks. Like, no footstraps and some drag (from the monofin itself!) I really have an issue with this.

Don't get me wrong, I love my blue tang tail, but swimming in it is much more of a hassle than my handmade tail with the Wave monofin. And that's infuriating for someone who has as much swimming experience as I do.

How do they expect kids to swim in these if they barely have any support? The neoprene sheath is literally the only thing keeping my feet connected to the monofin.

Also, the branding on the monofin can be seen straight through the fabric on my tail. I guess my hopes were too high. :(

[Mermaid Jaffa]

Gonna drop in and say a couple things about the fin fun monofin. It kinda sucks. Like, no footstraps and some drag (from the monofin itself!) I really have an issue with this.

Don't get me wrong, I love my blue tang tail, but swimming in it is much more of a hassle than my handmade tail with the Wave monofin. And that's infuriating for someone who has as much swimming experience as I do.

How do they expect kids to swim in these if they barely have any support? The neoprene sheath is literally the only thing keeping my feet connected to the monofin.

Also, the branding on the monofin can be seen straight through the fabric on my tail. I guess my hopes were too high. :(

Glue on some water shoes or flippers. I did on my old Fin Fun, the clear one and it worked a treat.

[MermaidCelesteFL]

Glue on some water shoes or flippers. I did on my old Fin Fun, the clear one and it worked a treat.

I might end up having to do that, thanks!

[Mermaid Mystery]

Glue on some water shoes or flippers. I did on my old Fin Fun, the clear one and it worked a treat.

definitely doing this

[Mermaid Lorelei]

I might end up having to do that, thanks!

I had the same trouble and will be doing this, too.

[AniaR]

I find finfun can be modified to fit some of the monofins on the market already :)

[Mermaid Arabella]

People interested in an economic monofin like FinFun but needing more support should try SunTail's monofin. It's similar but has a few straps across it that you can use to snug it down over your feet a little better. It's still not as secure as a standard monofin (your feet can still move around a bit inside the neoprene pocket and the neoprene can still slide a bit on the fin) but it's another good option. Side note: if you have exceptionally short feet (like me, I can wear a kids' size 4), this might not be a great option for you. Mine developed a crack after only a couple months, and I believe it's b/c my feet were too short (just barely) to reach the strap across the middle, which put more pressure on a thinner part of the fin. I've got a review floating around here somewhere.

[Echidna]

I know the feeling, Sabrina. I'm Hawaiian, Filipino, Chinese, Portuguese, English and Irish, along with those same question marks that go into making up any of those groups.

I think there's a fuzzy line between appropriation and insult/offense. I'm still trying to figure it all out in my own head.

As a big mix of cultures myself, my take on it is usually:
if you really know, love and respect the culture, moreso if you speak their language, know their legends and customs, and feel a part of it, it's not appropriation, even if you don't look like you belong there genetically speaking.

Usually, I'm also pretty relaxed seeing people use symbols, clothing, etc from other cultures UNLESS it's something of spiritual significance (which the person in question doesn't know, because they're pretty much ignorant and just use what they think looks good or w/e).

Just now, I found a video from an European dancer, who was doing a so-called "modern version" of the traditional chinese dai peacock dance.
In the real dance, every move has a significance and the peacock itself is a highly revered creature.

So that chick took some signature moves (not very well executed by the way) and put random other stuff in for the rest, probably because she doesn't have the flexibility and artistry that this specific dance requires and that I have never seen anyone but asians do well.

It really bothered me, not so much because she is white and couldn't do the dance properly, but because she thought she could use something of spiritual significance in an "oriental festival" (it was some bellydance schtick), most likely without knowing one thing about China, the Dai people, and their culture.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

That hurts, having to see that sort of butchery.

[Merman Dylan]

Honestly, I will tell you a lot of us senior mermaids (having been around 8-15 years +) I find the attitude of people like Una is something that has worn us down and probably makes us snap easier on the forum, or to new people, or just crankier in general. I know a lot of you new, and middle aged (bahaha I just mean in terms of how long you've been mermaiding) see this stuff now and it's getting to be a thing because of the community... but some of us have had to deal with this attitude in many ways since day 1. It was honestly why I ended up making my first book because I couldn't handle the insane entitled emails, messages, and comments I was getting where people literally felt entitled to my time and demanded it and called me a bad person who was elitest when I didn't teach them everything I know. So I kinda have a chip in my shoulder for shit like this.

I honestly feel the ACTUAL mermaid community is so inclusive. The problem comes from the outside world. Judging men, judging tail types etc. But we have to stop fighting EACH OTHER over what the outside is doing, and start trying to advocate for as much as we can and empower, enable, and educate others.

Also the mer world is divided. Some people only do this for recreation, and some invest a lot of $$$ to make it a business and I think Una needs to start realizing that
I don't want to stir old stuff up, but this post reminds me of th ed trouble and drama I seem to keep finding myself in. I do want to apologize for being such a big mess. I have a lot to learn it seems.

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[PhaylennMurúch]

*groan* the proper response to "This is cultural appropriation and is not ok" is not "Everything is appropriated, everywhere"

[SelkieLuna]

Hello there friendly black person coming to tell you that dreads are in fact only achievable by black or kinky hair. Fairy knots are not dreads and dreads are not matted up or tangled hair. Dreads are haor that has been twisted onto itself and kinky hair being naturally tightly coiled will begin to coil around each other making dreads NOT tangles. White and thin hair tangles black hair dreads.

Also dreads shouldn't smell black people can actually wash our dreads. The idea that they smell is because white people can't wash theor dreads because their hair isn't made to hold them and they will fall. We can wash ours as much as we please and nothing much will happen.

Also she isn't wearing corn rows she has box braids in.(which are just as bad)

For more info on why it is cultural appropriation to wear black hair styles read the cultural appropriation thread raina started

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I was gonna say this but you beat me to it :)

Sent from Luna's Mobile!

[Elodea the Mermaid]

*groan* the proper response to "This is cultural appropriation and is not ok" is not "Everything is appropriated, everywhere"

I saw that!

FB is a crazy place. The exact same thing happened to me. Someone I thought was very sweet and reasonable posted a video about why we should all be okay with cultural appropriation because it is meant as a compliment and can be a way to teach other people about different cultures. When I very respectfully disagreed, giving examples from my own heritage like the complete bastardization of Día de Muertos, I was told (and I quote), "What makes your culture so special?" -facepalm-

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

My friend from high school had dreads and she is Chuckchansi. I've seen many men with LONG dreads that aren't white or black. I don't believe I have ever seen a white person attempt dreads, though I have seen one white girl with those corn rows... It was not to her benefit. I have seen white people with really kinky hair, though.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Many "white" people with extremely kinky and/or curly hair actually have mixed ancestry.

It's like Shimmer's example about how people gave her crap for her dreds until they found out she's half Lakota.

(Me too, though I'm on the curlier end of the kinky to curly spectrum and more an even mix of pretty much everything than fifty percent one thing, for example)


On the white people attempting dreds thing, I knew one white girl who had them, checked her privalege, and cut them off.

I know another white girl who point blank refuses to remove them even after the consistent pleading of her best friend (who is black, and also a dear friend of mine). They no longer talk. And so this white girl wrote a long and over dramatic poem about how her dreds make her face hatred.

*facepalm*

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

I saw that!

FB is a crazy place. The exact same thing happened to me. Someone I thought was very sweet and reasonable posted a video about why we should all be okay with cultural appropriation because it is meant as a compliment and can be a way to teach other people about different cultures. When I very respectfully disagreed, giving examples from my own heritage like the complete bastardization of Día de Muertos, I was told (and I quote), "What makes your culture so special?" -facepalm-

My husband is very offended by one of taco bells burritos. I think it's called a pizza burrito, I'm not quite sure. When he said that I looked at him and just said aren't you offended by Taco Bell in general? He said well yeah but that burrito is really offensive. Lol

[Shimmer Mermaid]

My brother in law has said something similar.
I believe it was something along the lines of
"White people go to taco bell to have mexican food, but it's not real mexican food. Its not the same just because they have tacos!"
I responded "if you hate taco bell so much, why do you go there so often?"

He response was "Because dammit- they put FRITOS IN THE BURRITOS!"

He 100%mexican.

[SeaGlass Siren]

*groan* the proper response to "This is cultural appropriation and is not ok" is not "Everything is appropriated, everywhere"


Who said that and who do I need to smack

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

I'm pretty sure every culture has had some form of dread locks, in the past. I'm not understanding why some people find it offensive for one, "race," to wear them. I thought people were free to wear what they want, unless it's obviously a racist article of clothing or style. I don't see how a hairstyle can be racist though... Just saying that I don't quite understand why it's considered offensive.
http://ragingrootsstudio.com/the-history-of-dreadlocks/

[AniaR]

I'm pretty sure every culture has had some form of dread locks, in the past. I'm not understanding why some people find it offensive for one, "race," to wear them. I thought people were free to wear what they want, unless it's obviously a racist article of clothing or style. I don't see how a hairstyle can be racist though... Just saying that I don't quite understand why it's considered offensive.
http://ragingrootsstudio.com/the-history-of-dreadlocks/

It was already really well explained a few pages back with links

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

.... Accidentally skipped a couple pages.. Oops lol

[Mermaid Mystery]

Who said that and who do I need to smack

seconded

[SeaGlass Siren]

Asian people didn't have dreads. And we don't wear them.

[drucilla]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u1-IIDB4X5I

[drucilla]

http://img.bnqt.com/CMS/bnqt/network/shredstix.com/media/jimbo/snowboard/0018-42c20dd2-4b7f1dde-b490-c20515ad.png

http://m.imgur.com/a/5ZwKQ

https://www.tumblr.com/search/asians%20with%20dreads

Lol

[SeaGlass Siren]

Drucilla, the post said all cultures have had some form of dreads. I clarified by saying Dreads were not worn by Asian people in the past.
I firnly don't believe we should be wearing them now :/

[SeaGlass Siren]

Show me pictures of Asian people in the past and then we'll talk.

[drucilla]

My bad I thought you meant now. I think a couple of them look nice. I'm not a fan of dread locks in general tho

[drucilla]

This is Tibet which is a part of China now.
What about the Ngagpa?
http://lamahuiguo.blogspot.com/2009/02/6-becoming-yogi-or-yogini-ngagpa-lama.html?m=1
I'm not sure when this sect was established but they wore dreadlocks.
I think I read a book about the traders on the jelep la pass, and it described their hair in a way that sounded like dreadlocks.

[SeaGlass Siren]

Honey what are you talking about? My hair is naturally straight... Unless you were responding to someone else

[SeaGlass Siren]

so confused right now

[drucilla]

The post I responded to seems to have been deleted

[SeaGlass Siren]

Ah that makes sense

[drucilla]

Yea they deleted their post, probably didn't want people to hate on them for sharing their opinion. (Not that, that would've happened.)

[SeaGlass Siren]

Anyway.

i can't speak for Tibet people. I only know of China, Vietnam, Japan, korea, Cambidia, Laos, and Thailand. Tibet people don't want anything to do with mainland China. Same with Taiwanese people.

[SeaGlass Siren]

Intricate hairstyles and braids and up dos exist, and hair was mostly worn straight down unless you were married. No dreads.