(( The Drama Bubble Thread ))

[merwandering]

She was responding to me- and she is right-
it is going out of my way to avoid letting my hair do what it naturally would. But- with 4 kids, 2 black and 2 white- it isn't about me, when thinking about what people will say. It is that we, and my kids, unfortunately face so many comments already that it isn't at all worth it. Here is a copy of what I had written, but- it isn't complete, by far...but I don't have nearly the time to articulate in a post all that my perspective encompasses and takes into account, and so I thought it was better just to delete. But, yes, basically, I very much see and experience both sides, this makes it sound like I am advocating on the side of "it isn't appropriation"- that isn't completely accurate- appropriation, racism, culture, power- it is so complicated.
And- did I mention I have 4 kids? Just not enough time to jump in the layers that this conversation is.
but- to be fair- my own, honest, informed and thought over and cried over and listened to and thought about and empathy and intellect and knowledge and...
yeah. Something on my radar because I have been discussing already in another context, but I don't know you guys:)

Disclaimer- I didn't go back and read what was already said. I....don't want to comment on this because I just noticed it is called the drama bubble and- noooo thank you- but at the same time, it caught my eye. Cultural appropriation is widely discussed in our household, because I am white, and 2 of my 4 kids are black. I have curly hair well past my waist, and it is a CONSTANT DAILY STRUGGLE that I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR sometimes to keep my hair OUT of dreads, which would be its natural state if I didn't spend like 20 minutes with a handful of conditioner trying to detangle it. If I still worked at the job I had for 8 years, which was running a wilderness camp, I definitely might have dreads. Dreads are- what human hair naturally does if it isn't brushed regularly, so I would be shocked if there has been an ancient culture in which some people did not have dreads, whether or not it was embraced as a cultural norm. I go back and forth on this one, because one reason I don't just resign to giving up and allowing my hair to do its natural thing, even though I want long hair and, from a pragmatic standpoint, it would be much more convenient, is because omg it would be a CONSTANT conversation, when I am carrying a black baby around? the criticism would be insane, the inferences, the..just... drama, lol.
While I do think there are valid things to consider, it gets into the territory of, not fashion, or body modification, but quite the opposite- how we just happen to naturally be. Only the very tip of the ice burg of my 2 cents, and I hate to chime in without the knowledge of what was already said, but- on the flip side, that keeps my statement authentic...this has been discussed at great length between my friends and I, a couple who are black (one of whom majored in racial issues at UT), one who is white, two who are of mixed race, and my 15 year old daughter, who is black, so just- another point of view, from someone who: recognizes my place of privilege, has about the deepest personal investment possible (if you think that isn't true because I'm white... you probably aren't a momma), etc....
also want to mention- I fully recognize that dreads are a bit different than unintentional what-appear-to-be-dreads but... for the sake of a conversation that makes sense... I'm using dreads to describe what also look like dreads

[drucilla]

Lol that's a lot of people. Like the squidward picture btw.
I want to visit Tibet but there are so many regulations now, because China took over I doubt I'd be allowed to go. So the only thing I can do is research the culture and try to make food as authentic as possible, which is kinda hard since some ingredients aren't readily available here. Most restaurants in America that claim to serve Tibetan food actually only serve Indian food with some Tibetan names. :(

[SeaGlass Siren]

I think the main point is don't wear someone's culture or race like its a costume or fashion statement. (Like Hannah's attempt at yellow face). If your hair naturally does whatever it does, my stance on that is just let it be.

[merwandering]

Agreed- I see so much really creepy appropriation. But the reason I jumped in is because I think it is worthwhile to share perspectives- lets be honest, if you saw me walking down the street with my hair that way, you'd probably, even if you were polite and hid it, roll your eyes as far back as they'd go, and assume I'm an idiot (at best) when actually I'm just busy and tired! lol

[drucilla]

Like Katy perry then? Okay that I understand, it isn't a costume.
My husband is half Mexican but he looks white so growing up with a really Mexican name was hard on him because everyone thought he was white, and would bully him. They used to gang up on him and try to beat him up, that is why he is so strong because he grew up having to fight multiple people every day. He wants me to name our next son after him, but I don't want to because I don't want my son to deal with the same hardships.

[SeaGlass Siren]

I can't speak for others. Where I live is pretty diverse and mixed. I probably would've questioned it. I have a friend who is black and 1/8th Chinese. But you wouldn't know it unless she said. Three of my other friends are native/Chinese mixed and their hair is naturally frizzy.

[drucilla]

It seems like people don't take the time to understand so they just have an automatic anger response.

[merwandering]

My hair is dangerously close to that at any given moment if it has been more than a couple hours since I brushed it out, if I don't braid it or streighten it or pull it back or whatever. The way my hair curls, it just twists onto itself in sections. It takes only a couple days to be wound into sectioned tight pieces. the daily dance to keep my hair out of (twisted, well defined, a little messy but looking like I did them intentionally, not a head full of matted hair) dreads-ish tendrils:
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BUT I will also say that my initial impulse if I objectively saw someone of the same description might be to roll my eyes, lol

[AniaR]

you cant appropriate yourself *giggle*

[Sabrina the Selkie]

I FEEL you, Merwandering. FEEL.

[merwandering]

lolll true. But just sayin. If I walked down the street with dreads? With my little mix of a family?
have mercy.
I already have to point out on a regular basis that, no, I'm not trying to be like Angelina Jolie (I adopted before she ever did... she may be trying to be like me though.)

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Do people really ask you that?

Blehhhhh.

[merwandering]

Ugh don't even get me started on the totally obnoxious questions people ask IN FRONT OF MY KIDS. It was worse when I had more kids (I was a foster parent) but better when I was really young, because in my early twenties, if I had a bunch of different looking babies hanging off me, people just assumed I got around, lol...I got judgemental looks but at least they were quiet

[Sabrina the Selkie]

That is so good of you to do.

[Merman Dan]

We used to have a 10-passenger van with a wheelchair lift in the back. When we would go out to eat and unload 3 blonde kids, one of whom is in a wheelchair, 3 kids born in China, one of whom uses forearm crutches, and 1 kid born in Taiwan, people would ask if we were from "a home".

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Wooooow.

People.

[AniaR]

So I have been getting some interesting replies to my blog on safety from people. here's one from someone who just looked at the preview image and decided I needed a lecture on safety. They then proceeded to tell me all the things I should do for safety- all things listed in the dang blog. Along with the context of the photo, a kid sitting and posing for a photo on the side of the pool, in an introduction class meant for low level swimmers. -_-

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(props to les for her well thoughout reply)

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I have been getting so many comments from people that are super ignorant because they didn't bother to actually read the blog post. Then I ask them to read before commenting, and get told I am being harassing by doing so. lol. This is the kinda shit wrong with the community. Give people a free resource they can use to fight tail bans in their home town, and get lectured that you should be doing all the things you ALREADY do.

[AniaR]

ps sorry for typos!

[SeaGlass Siren]

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[merwandering]

It's just so stupid because it's like saying "OMG three year olds are not ready to be independent on bikes because they don't understand traffic and they could just ride out in front of cars and get killed!!!! So no tricycles!!" Um, you mean- watch your kid? Teach them? Or I love "you would never tie up your kid and throw them in the water!"....you'd also never stick your kid on the edge of a cliff...unless you were teaching them rock climbing. Safety awareness? Sure. But seriously??? It just makes absolutely no sense.

[merwandering]

Awe, just saw your post- Sabrina, we are seriously the ones who are lucky- we have a pile of awesome kids:)
and Dan- I soooo hear you:/ we have two kids with special needs, and again- the things people say...

[AniaR]

I like how in her mind, life jackets must put pressure on your back magically, and life jackets arent safe. LIFE JACKETS.

[Imogen Finnly]

I like how in her mind, life jackets must put pressure on your back magically, and life jackets arent safe. LIFE JACKETS.
LOL

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk

[merwandering]

I honestly didn't read any of it but I feel like it all starts with "monofins aren't safe" and then here are fifty mostly random, definitely uninformed, really reaching reasons.
The life jacket issue is ridiculous- I'm guessing you don't have a 5 year old in a life jacket doing dolphin kick laps for an hour. But I saw some kids earlier playing tag, NOT using proper running form, which we all know can cause back strain. No more tag until they learn.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Pffffff. Why do these people do this????


Raina, I send you hugs. Lots of them.

[SeaGlass Siren]

Internet gold was struck. Just gonna share this with everyone (on the topic of cultural appropriation.)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?sns=fb&v=Ye9peX3lOfQ

[merwandering]

and THAT is EXACTLY why I initially deleted my post. Because especially right this second, in light of recent events, I believe that if you are not actively part of the solution, you are part of the problem. And semi defending what may or may not be appropriation is not part of the solution.
I was going to post somewhere else, but I will start here. I was up for hours last night worried about my 5 year old little boy. Such familiar territory, given all of the medical challenges we have faced with him. But at the same time, so. very. different. Last night, I was worried because, someday, he will be a black man. And with his cognitive differences, and being on the autism spectrum, he will likely have different responses than most people. It might take him time to process a command. He might panic and run. He might not immediately do what he's asked to. And that would risk his life. I am terrified for him in a way that is difficult to fall asleep to.I hear so much, every time, arguing whether or not an officer acted out of hate, and many arguments that they did not, and back and forth, because the hate is being used as synonymous with racism. Here's the thing, though. Racism doesn't always look like hate, and I think the most prevalent and by far most dangerous forms of racism right now are the constant pervasive undercurrent of fear and misunderstanding. Most of us collectively stand against obvious hate. But most racism flies just under the radar, where it is able to constantly infiltrate every fiber of our society. And we are not even recognizing it.It is so scary, because in moments of tremendous fear, we are less likely to think, our body goes into autopilot, we act on primal survival instincts, fight or flight. And this fear, and disregard, that is behind the brutal deaths of so many human beings is being cultivated constantly, right under our nose.
When I was a camp director, where I worked primarily with children of color, I saw this so often. We used two pools that were in walking distance, in more affluent parts of town. There were so many of us, 80 kids at a time, it didn't take long to hear pool patrons begin to comment about the campers. If a white kid were running, so, very, often, swimmers remarked things like that they must be "so excited to get in the water!" or "it's so hot! He can't wait to jump in!" but then hear the same person remark about a black camper, doing the exact same thing, that they "are making the pool unsafe" and "too rowdy" and really "the pool shouldn't let big groups some in like this". uh huh. Or once there were two kids who peeked through a crack in the fence at nude sunbathers in a sectioned off area of the bathroom. A man came out complaining to me pointing to the "rule breaker" (white kid) and "future sex offender" (black kid)
Then enter- parenting two kids of different races close in age. Do you know how many times has security followed my black daughter, when my white son was doing the exact same thing? I don't because it is way too many to have counted. Or the woman who smiled and commented that my white son was "curious" when he was touching things on a shelf but frowned at my daughter and said sternly that she "hoped she learned to behave" (not realizing she was also mine). and it happened and still happens all. the. time.
Yes, my daughter has had other little girls say they wouldn't play with her because she's black, we have been creepily followed and threatened by men with neonazi tattoos, but- there are always going to be a couple really hateful people out there, and honestly they don't scare me as much as an entire culture of casually, very subtly, portraying people of color as not as trustworthy, not as smart, not as beautiful, etc. Because then, when it comes down to it, in a moment of fear, your misperception risks winning over the sanctity of a human life.
The scariest thing is that, a lot of these officers, or people, I don't think they are as full of hate as everyone believes. But that makes it harder to identify, harder to solve, harder to fight against. We are fighting against the wrong thing. We are not realizing that cultural misunderstanding, fear, devaluing of other people in slight ways- that these are a horrifying and deadly epidemic. And it is left and right, claiming not only black lives, but our very humanity.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

^^ That ^^

Like seriously eloquently put.

One of my dear friends has the white moms of her suburb PULL THEIR CHILDREN TO THE OTHER SIDES OF THEIR BODIES when she walks past.

My friend is tiny. The sort of tiny you can only be when seriously premature. She has acid reflex and asthma.

Of course, these mothers are reacting to fear that has been subtly planted in their minds and probably don't think of themselves as racist.

My best friend in the whole world is Latina, and she gets so oversexualized.

She waits tables at an icecream parlor and gets left twenty dollar tips with the patron's phone number written on the napkin text to it.

One patron called her ice cream shop and said "I came last week, and I was wondering. Could you tell me the name of, or put me on with, if she's here, the beautiful waitress with the green eyes?"

(Which is hilarious, because her eyes are straight up gold-yellow. It says hzl on her state id mainly because ylw isn't an option. She didn't put that. The lady behind the counter at the dmv looked at her eyes, gave a little gasp and said "Let's just put down hazel, shall we?")

I digress. The point is, partially because she's obviously Mexican, partly because she has this gorgeous, athletic, lithe, tiger-like body, she's been steadily hit on by adult strangers since she was twelve.

This sexual objectification made her so self conscious that she was bulimic for years.

She's mainly over it now, and much better about talking out her problems, but race played a huge role.

And more than that. When I was in 3rd grade, we were taking a test in basic English and Math and it asked us at the begining

Race

White
Mixed
Black

Presicely in that order. And it had us check whichever box.

My third grade teacher went about SHOWING US WHICH TO PRESS. White. Black. White. Black. Black. White. White. White. Black. And so on. She never once pointed to Mixed. The girl next to me changed her answer from Mixed to Black at the teacher's prompting. And as much of a mutt as I am, I put down Mixed.

She came up to my computer, pointed to White. I'm still proud that I refused to change my answer and glared at her till she stuttered through an apology and went on to the next person.

White. Black. White. White. White. Black. Black.

*headdesk*

[AniaR]

and THAT is EXACTLY why I initially deleted my post. Because especially right this second, in light of recent events, I believe that if you are not actively part of the solution, you are part of the problem. And semi defending what may or may not be appropriation is not part of the solution.

preach sister!!!

[SeaGlass Siren]

https://youtu.be/Z_N0JuBuJPI

[Shimmer Mermaid]

Yes. Yes Yes Yes.

[Mermaid Whisper]

You guys are all making some seriously awesome points. I love reading all your stuff. I just don't have any input, since I've never gotten into the realm of appropriation and such. But it's really cool to learn new things, especially from my merfriends of different races and religions! :mermaid kiss:

Total divergence. I think I'm going to scream.

There is a new member who is pretty much doing what I have been doing on this site for 4 years, except now, she is expecting money and donations and love and affection for just existing. I am autistic and have severe depression and she's gotta go one up on that. Bought a $50 tail and is now asking for a $3000 one without ANY work involved, merely because she has this disorder (that I also have). Just whack me with your monofin, please and thank you.

[AniaR]

Most people are just ignoring, so dont stress ;)

[Mermaid Whisper]

You're lovely, Raina :)

[merwandering]

Sabrina- I so feel you. such good points and glad you didn't let a teacher with a THREE OPTION CHECKLIST define your identity lol.
Video- I will AGAIN say I am embarrassed that I just don't know enough about this situation, but at the same time this isn't drama it is so important. So- when I started to read when it first happened, about the makeup artist, and Hannah said "but *I* most embody the role", I clicked off so I wouldn't feel like throwing my computer out the window. I don't know her, I'm sure she is a great person, I do not want to come in here adversarial toward someone I don't know, or condemning acts that I don't know the details of. at the same time, omg.....
THE FIRST THING white people HAVE to start doing is recognize their place of privilege. Not only, no, do you not most embody the role because if you aren't that race you really *can't*, but that's just a really entitled and privileged (and let's be honest, not the most humble) thing to say about your mermaid work in general. She is in the PRIVILEGED place to have been given sooooo much OPPORTUNITY to DEMONSTRATE how she embodies that role, but many people have the same if not more qualities but haven't had immense luxury privilege to have the platform to show it.
There are a lot of people who embody those same qualities. And I'm not just talking about people who might not have had the opportunity for travel, or the media preferred skin color, or the glittery tail. There are probably people who live in ocean front communities and RELY on the ocean and are so passionate about it, but maybe spend their days boiling water to just safely drink, and haven't had the chance to swim around with a monofin to talk about it.
Sorry, but- being immersed in other cultures, while it seems to have been beautifully inspiring, and I am glad that she has a connection to them, does not seem to have given enough perspective or respect for them.

[PearlieMae]

:clap: :clap: :clap:

[SeaGlass Siren]

AMEN!!!!

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Yaaaas.

[Mermaid Whisper]

I'm so lost in all this, but that was a beautiful speech. :clap: Whatever you're fighting for, it seems like you're fighting the good fight. I still love all my merfriends <3

I remember wearing a bastardized kimono for Halloween when I was a child because I had been interested in Japanese culture (this was in second or third grade). It was cute, and I liked it, but, looking back, I realize that it's not okay for me to play dress up with someone else's culture and traditions. I make sure that if I want to wear a cultural outfit, I fully understand all the customs that go with it. As such, I haven't worn much outside t-shirts and jeans :D

[SeaGlass Siren]

Literally someone is trolling in my comment section after I posted the video calling Hannah out.

this person just made the account so there's no videos or anything but it looks like they only made it to make rude comments.

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this is why most people of colour refuse to speak out because we get shit like this.

[merwandering]

Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
i am SO SORRY that happened and
a few obvious points?
-standing up against specific examples is EXACTLY what needs to happen to change the trajectory
-Hannah, while yes, one person, has a huge platform, and this is regarding a media project, not some idiot mouthing off in a bar (though that would still be video worthy because this issue needs to be addressed EVERYWHERE and all of the little things are what make it normalized)
-Asian/person of color: how in every sense of the word is it not the same? Historical systematic Institutionalized racism? Check. Simply 'not white'? Check.... And on and on
wtf

[merwandering]

Also, in 2016 clearly yellow face is a petty personal gripe
stop whining

[SeaGlass Siren]

Guys don't you know? Apparently Asians/ oriental people aren't POC. WHAT AM I. #existentialcrisis

[Theta]

I'm so lost in all this, but that was a beautiful speech. :clap: Whatever you're fighting for, it seems like you're fighting the good fight. I still love all my merfriends <3

I remember wearing a bastardized kimono for Halloween when I was a child because I had been interested in Japanese culture (this was in second or third grade). It was cute, and I liked it, but, looking back, I realize that it's not okay for me to play dress up with someone else's culture and traditions. I make sure that if I want to wear a cultural outfit, I fully understand all the customs that go with it. As such, I haven't worn much outside t-shirts and jeans :D

Hi, waspy kimono enthusiast here! Japanese kimono - maybe uniquely among other Asian garments, I'm not sure as kimono are pretty much all that I know - are now being encouraged by the Japanese to be worn by non-Japanese, as the textile industry in Japan is slowly dying. I am absolutely not saying to go to Spencer's and pick up a Geesha Girl outfit (BURN THEM. BURN THEM ALLLLLLLL) but if you'd like to get into it, I can point you in the direction of resources of information to get started.*

*I am talking, here, about your average kimono. I'm not sure I would ever really wear a shrine maiden outfit around unless it was for a specific character cosplay. For me that gets into territory that's a bit hinky. There are many different styles and ways to wear them, and with the exception of one style (hime) they all have very well established rules for wearing. I posted some links back in the thread about appropriation and the state of the industry, if you want to check them out too.

[Theta]

Guys don't you know? Apparently Asians/ oriental people aren't POC. WHAT AM I. #existentialcrisis

How even tho. That doesn't make sense?

[SeaGlass Siren]

EXACTLY!!!

[AniaR]

pretty sure I know who that troller is. created the account just to start trolling, same writing tone as someone I know who is KNOWN for making their alt accounts...

[merwandering]

You are privileged because poor Hannah has to hire a MUA to do some yellow face wizardry and meanwhile you just get to walk around looking like that sans MUA, as part of the non poc power majority, but the part that isn't white
because that's a thing
and you're snatching up not only the specifically Asian mermaid roles but almost all of the general roles
by default
because that's what is happening
and you are whining about your privilege
and I don't like it
again, stop whining
or whining disguised as sharing infirmation
or whining disguised as promoting awareness or disguised as standing up for people whose voice is constantly trampled on
Whining is annoying. Please be quiet.

[SeaGlass Siren]

I love you mer wandering. ;-;

[merwandering]

No I love you and would hate for you to be in existential crisis<3
lol
seriously though thanks for being badass.

[SeaGlass Siren]

Thanks for standing with us :3

[Sea_Angel_Rusalka]

But cosplay is Asian right? So cosplaying at an Asian festival (regardless of region or country) TOTALLY COUNTS

Sent from my iPhone
I'm late to this, but Cosplay is actually American. It started in the 1930s at SciFi Conventions. It didn't make the hop to Japan till the 80's.

[AniaR]

the term cosplay was coined by Japanese in the 80s though which is kinda neat!

The term "cosplay" is a Japanese portmanteau (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portmanteau) of the English terms costume (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Costume) and role-play (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Role-play).[2] (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosplay#cite_note-What_Would_Godzilla_Say.3F-2) The term was coined by Nobuyuki Takahashi of Studio Hard[3] (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosplay#cite_note-yeinjee-3) while attending the 1984 World Science Fiction Convention (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/42nd_World_Science_Fiction_Convention) (Worldcon (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Worldcon)) in Los Angeles.[4] (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosplay#cite_note-yah140724-4) He was impressed by the hall and the costumed fans and reported on both in Japanese magazine My Anime.[3] (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosplay#cite_note-yeinjee-3) The coinage reflects a common Japanese method of abbreviation (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_abbreviated_and_contracted_words) in which the first two moras (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mora_(linguistics)) of a pair of words are used to form an independent compound: 'costume' becomes kosu (コス) and 'play' becomes pure (プレ).

NEAT more info here: http://www.lawrencebrenner.com/w3/published-works/cosplay-several-hows-of-the-hobby-how-it-started-how-it-got-its-appeal-how-to-find-it-how-to-get-involved-and-how-it-may-be-in-the-future/

That was a neat fact Sea Angel!

[Sea_Angel_Rusalka]

the term cosplay was coined by Japanese in the 80s though which is kinda neat!


That was a neat fact Sea Angel!

I did a lot of research into it's history when the Cosplay Club was asked to do a cultural festival and I was adamant that we would never do Japan while I was in charge (Even though I adored my years I spent in a mostly Japanese school) because claiming it was Japanese was very incorrect!

[Mermaid Whisper]

Theta, thanks for the information! The one I wore in second grade was definitely a Halloween costume, and was probably not a good idea :P I would love to have an authentic one someday, but that is for a time when I have more than $5! :)

*sap warning* it's a drama bubble, but we need to bring in the love!

Merwandering has blessed us all. She's such a great addition to MN! Find all the posts and write them down in a book, and we've got some of the best stuff the world has seen. She's beautiful, too :) *hugs merwandering*

Also, SeaGlass Siren, you're one of the merfolk I've admired for a good bit here, and I thought I should let you know. Thank you for being straight up and so real with us, and for sharing your knowledge with us, too! I hope you smile at least once today. I miss seeing your gorgeous face!

All my (mer)friendly love!

[SeaGlass Siren]

YOU... ADMIRE & MISS ME?

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[AniaR]

hahaha seaglass Im dying

SENPAI NOTICED ME?! lol <3

[SeaGlass Siren]

GIIIRL!

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[PearlieMae]

The part that really got me was when she said something akin to 'they want to cast me because of my groundbreaking amazing awesome pioneering underwater video footage that I invented'.

Wait...they want to use your previous underwater footage as a blonde mermaid for a project where you are faux Asian and faux Black?

What in the ass?

[SeaGlass Siren]

Also she's assuming that I think she's the one starting in it? Um... I never said that.

[Mermaid Whisper]

GIIIRL!

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You guys are FINTASTIC. Gave me a good laugh today [emoji4] yes, yes I do! You've been here almost as long as me, and I call certain merfriends my "groundbreakers", those who have been here since 2011 or 2012 (like you, Raina, and I) or have a huge amount of posts (like Pearlie) or have just done some really cool stuff.

You're just a great finfriend, and I love your humor [emoji5]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SeaGlass Siren]

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[Shimmer Mermaid]

Honestly...I don't know where to post this right now, here or the bitch it out thread.... But based on racism and cultural appropriation..... I feel right mow, here is the best place for it.

There is a young man, gentleman, in the military. He's black.

He went to a fest/get together around here with another black man. Another fine man, neither would hurt a fly. Dont drink. Dont do drugs. Dont hardly curse.

They got there, and were playing pong (not drinking, but just playing for fun) and a white man I went to school with as well, drunk off his ass, got his buddies, also white, to start calling the boys the N word and pushing them around.

Nobody fucking stopped them. They were the only black people there.
They beat both of them. Calling them awful names and telling them that They had no right being at "a white event". I've been to the event, it's not. Its open to the public. But these asses made it about race.

The guys got the hell out of there finally, didn't report it, haven't done anything about it.

They stayed the night last night because we live close to the event.

The douche that started all of that (who I had on Facebook but never thought he would do something like this) posted on Facebook about how a couple of (racial slur) showed up to a "white event" and how they took care of it.

I commented back tagging a local police officer friend, and the prick commented back about how I'm a (slur) lover, me, and several other locals commented back things similar to "how about human being lover?"

Then I and several others posted long ass rants about them being racist and all that.

They found two of the guys responsible, but I don't feel any better about it.

The guys said Its not a big deal, but OBVIOUSLY it's a huge deal.

I'm stressed and Pissed and everything. And generally disappointed in some of the people I went To school with.

I'm sorry for losing my cool and cursing. But seriously.

[SeaGlass Siren]

Good on you for taking care of them and calling the douche out.

[Sabrina the Selkie]

Damn. That's awful.

[Theta]

That is so goddamn fucked up. I'm glad you called them out on it.

[Theta]

The part that really got me was when she said something akin to 'they want to cast me because of my groundbreaking amazing awesome pioneering underwater video footage that I invented'.

Wait...they want to use your previous underwater footage as a blonde mermaid for a project where you are faux Asian and faux Black?

What in the ass?

Dude, and like yeah, your videos are awesome, but for god's sake it's fairly standard underwater footage. You're not the first person to ever take a camera underwater. Or dance and do mermaid shit underwater *coughWeekicough*

Also, Pearlie, "what in the ass" is a lovely phrase.

[Theta]

YOU... ADMIRE & MISS ME?

37991

ADORABLE

[PearlieMae]

Hehehe...Theta, I'm quoting my new favorite movie of all time (right now), Deadpool. I can't watch it enough!

[MoiraMermaid]

Amapele, i love you little fishstick!!! you tell 'em! so proud of you.

[Merman Dylan]

Okay, so I wanted to take the drama getting stirred up in a thread I created and move it here because that's not what my thread was about.

So, I kinda blame my Bipolar and Serotonin Syndrome from an imbalance in my meds for getting negative, but I have to say that this feeling comes from something that isn't quite Bipolar an orgin, but my Bipolar brain makes it hard for me to process it and express it.

I created a thread called "How to be a Mermaid or Merman?" to share our path to being our merselves and provide tips for swimming and other things along our path to being the mers we are. Raina suggested her books as a resource, and I flipped out a bit. Since then, there has been a bit of Drama, and I hope that it can resolve itself here.

In regards to Raina's position in the mercommunity, there may be a quirk to my personality that makes it hard for me to recognize her in any way more than another mer. You see, I'm the kinda person that won't think higher of you if you list out your achievements and accomplishments. Raina wrote 3 books, she teaches a mermaid school, and she did a study about swimming with a tail, and I'm still not that impressed. I'm not even impressed by her business or the fact that she did vlogs. In general, you can say your a teacher and still teach badly, I have personal swimming experience that makes me doubt her study, and aside from being told to check out her books, I've never once felt like I've been given a good enough reason to spend my money on her books even when I was interested in gigs. I know she's been in the community for a long time, but I don't recognize her as an authority on the topic nor do I feel like things she lists as credentials to back herself up with are impressive. I mean, I can't say it one way or another whether there is or isn't any merit to her experience, but I can say that for me I need more details to back the achievements and accomplishments she made. Especially when I expected the posts in the thread to go into more detail. To be fair, I have no doubt that Raina has lots of valuable experience, but I'm not sure I've seen the evidence to back it up. I do not mean this to be mean, hateful, or with an intent to fight or attack someone. I just honestly feel like maybe she doesn't have all the answers she appears to have. Maybe, when it comes down to it, all mers might be on a more equal level.

I know that everything I've accomplished isn't in the open. I know that I haven't been in the mercommunity for a long time. However, I've been a merman for all my life. It's just something I felt inside. It's something I know is true. I have had lots of my own experiences, and as a 22 year old working part time and in college full time, I feel like I'm doing pretty darn good. I know I have a lot to learn, but in all honesty, everyone no matter how accomplished has more to learn. I guess my feeling comes from the fact that there appears to be standards set by merfolk with a greater presence in the community, and that includes more mers than just Raina. I feel like that just maybe those standards, those perceptions, and those ideas set forth by those who have been around the longest might not be entirely true or correct. I mean, I've seen actions by others that seem negative.

First of all, I do not believe there is a top mer. I believe the mercommunity absolutely has certain issues. I mean, Hannah with cultural appropriation, Nerine doing the very thing that I've had to live with from other groups of people, Raina taking offense in my thread (While partially valid because I kinda got a little meaner than I would have like to have been), fighting among mers over things that happen. I feel like I'm going to explode. I think the start of the drama in the thread I created sorta just drove me to this thread. Look, if we keep excluding people whether they are annoying because they struggle to grasp the idea that people can't meet up as easily, higher different performers after other performers offer their service, take on roles that represent things important to other races, or whatever else we can find to exclude a group from or pick at. It just makes things depressing. If the top mers are the image of the community, and these things keep happening over and over and over again. I honestly feel like there is something wrong. I feel like maybe the way more known mers do things is wrong. They list their portfolio of achievements to defend themselves and proclaim their experience, and we have biases, manipulation of public image, cultural appropriation, exclusion of people we don't have enough patience for, and so much other stuff. It's ugly. Man, I know my Bipolar can be bad. I know it can make it hard for me to express my thoughts and feelings. I know it can make me difficult to deal with. I know that no matter how hard I try to be better than the monster I sometimes I feel I am that I fall short. But this drama and these conflicts, they could so easily go a different way.

I just...I just want to have a thread where we can share experiences. I want people to share their experiences in more detail than check out my 3 books I wrote. I want to be a part of a group that cares about the ocean in the same way I do. I want to be a part of a group where people aren't recording videos as publicity stunts like having starfish all over them (Which probably wasn't good for the starfish). I want us to welcome the statements that conflict with certain things to keep us humble. I want a place to feel welcomed despite how difficult I can be. I want to be close to the sea. I want a positive atmosphere.

I can't not be a challenge sometimes. It comes with being Bipolar and ADHD. However, we as a community can be better than these conflicts. And just maybe, we shouldn't doubt the experiences of the less prominent members of the community. Maybe we should listen to them instead of question them. I can't listen to the experience and wisdom of the more prominent mers until they honestly listen to my experiences and and seriously take them under consideration. I don't care how new I am to any group. This is a must. Everyone's experiences and views are worth the time and some of them might be better than others. Empathy. We need to listen and understand each other more than ever. Instead of making an argument to debate. Let's take the time to understand the feeling behind the message. The feelings of those that feel like they aren't being heard or accept the criticism for when we make a mistake. It's a statement of humility when we recognize when we did something wrong. It's a statement of an ego when we don't allow the criticism or accept it.

I don't know. I just had this build up inside, and I needed to let it out.

[shimmygoddess]

Okay, so I wanted to take the drama getting stirred up in a thread I created and move it here because that's not what my thread was about.

So, I kinda blame my Bipolar and Serotonin Syndrome from an imbalance in my meds for getting negative, but I have to say that this feeling comes from something that isn't quite Bipolar an orgin, but my Bipolar brain makes it hard for me to process it and express it.

I created a thread called "How to be a Mermaid or Merman?" to share our path to being our merselves and provide tips for swimming and other things along our path to being the mers we are. Raina suggested her books as a resource, and I flipped out a bit. Since then, there has been a bit of Drama, and I hope that it can resolve itself here.

In regards to Raina's position in the mercommunity, there may be a quirk to my personality that makes it hard for me to recognize her in any way more than another mer. You see, I'm the kinda person that won't think higher of you if you list out your achievements and accomplishments. Raina wrote 3 books, she teaches a mermaid school, and she did a study about swimming with a tail, and I'm still not that impressed. I'm not even impressed by her business or the fact that she did vlogs. In general, you can say your a teacher and still teach badly, I have personal swimming experience that makes me doubt her study, and aside from being told to check out her books, I've never once felt like I've been given a good enough reason to spend my money on her books even when I was interested in gigs. I know she's been in the community for a long time, but I don't recognize her as an authority on the topic nor do I feel like things she lists as credentials to back herself up with are impressive. I mean, I can't say it one way or another whether there is or isn't any merit to her experience, but I can say that for me I need more details to back the achievements and accomplishments she made. Especially when I expected the posts in the thread to go into more detail. To be fair, I have no doubt that Raina has lots of valuable experience, but I'm not sure I've seen the evidence to back it up. I do not mean this to be mean, hateful, or with an intent to fight or attack someone. I just honestly feel like maybe she doesn't have all the answers she appears to have. Maybe, when it comes down to it, all mers might be on a more equal level.

I know that everything I've accomplished isn't in the open. I know that I haven't been in the mercommunity for a long time. However, I've been a merman for all my life. It's just something I felt inside. It's something I know is true. I have had lots of my own experiences, and as a 22 year old working part time and in college full time, I feel like I'm doing pretty darn good. I know I have a lot to learn, but in all honesty, everyone no matter how accomplished has more to learn. I guess my feeling comes from the fact that there appears to be standards set by merfolk with a greater presence in the community, and that includes more mers than just Raina. I feel like that just maybe those standards, those perceptions, and those ideas set forth by those who have been around the longest might not be entirely true or correct. I mean, I've seen actions by others that seem negative.

First of all, I do not believe there is a top mer. I believe the mercommunity absolutely has certain issues. I mean, Hannah with cultural appropriation, Nerine doing the very thing that I've had to live with from other groups of people, Raina taking offense in my thread (While partially valid because I kinda got a little meaner than I would have like to have been), fighting among mers over things that happen. I feel like I'm going to explode. I think the start of the drama in the thread I created sorta just drove me to this thread. Look, if we keep excluding people whether they are annoying because they struggle to grasp the idea that people can't meet up as easily, higher different performers after other performers offer their service, take on roles that represent things important to other races, or whatever else we can find to exclude a group from or pick at. It just makes things depressing. If the top mers are the image of the community, and these things keep happening over and over and over again. I honestly feel like there is something wrong. I feel like maybe the way more known mers do things is wrong. They list their portfolio of achievements to defend themselves and proclaim their experience, and we have biases, manipulation of public image, cultural appropriation, exclusion of people we don't have enough patience for, and so much other stuff. It's ugly. Man, I know my Bipolar can be bad. I know it can make it hard for me to express my thoughts and feelings. I know it can make me difficult to deal with. I know that no matter how hard I try to be better than the monster I sometimes I feel I am that I fall short. But this drama and these conflicts, they could so easily go a different way.

I just...I just want to have a thread where we can share experiences. I want people to share their experiences in more detail than check out my 3 books I wrote. I want to be a part of a group that cares about the ocean in the same way I do. I want to be a part of a group where people aren't recording videos as publicity stunts like having starfish all over them (Which probably wasn't good for the starfish). I want us to welcome the statements that conflict with certain things to keep us humble. I want a place to feel welcomed despite how difficult I can be. I want to be close to the sea. I want a positive atmosphere.

I can't not be a challenge sometimes. It comes with being Bipolar and ADHD. However, we as a community can be better than these conflicts. And just maybe, we shouldn't doubt the experiences of the less prominent members of the community. Maybe we should listen to them instead of question them. I can't listen to the experience and wisdom of the more prominent mers until they honestly listen to my experiences and and seriously take them under consideration. I don't care how new I am to any group. This is a must. Everyone's experiences and views are worth the time and some of them might be better than others. Empathy. We need to listen and understand each other more than ever. Instead of making an argument to debate. Let's take the time to understand the feeling behind the message. The feelings of those that feel like they aren't being heard or accept the criticism for when we make a mistake. It's a statement of humility when we recognize when we did something wrong. It's a statement of an ego when we don't allow the criticism or accept it.

I don't know. I just had this build up inside, and I needed to let it out.

First I want to say how I like that you own up to whatever you said and that you realize it might not have been the right way to handle it. You are ahead of many already. LOL. Just know upfront there is alot of drama in the community in general. Not everyone likes each other, some lie, some manipulate, some just poke fun. Figure out what you want from the community and and dont get sucked in. There will be sides and some will try to get anyone on their side. Just know you are only hearing one side. Try to just do your own thing and find your path to share with others.

[AniaR]

Dylan I really have no issue with you. My very first post was just agreeing with you, while contributing my experience. I am sorry you felt it offensive in any way. I know you are sensitive and have a hard time with that sometimes, and I thank you for apologizing. I thought you were cute as a button when I met you in person. You don't need to think higher of me, I just know you havent read my books so you don't know what's actually IN them is all the stuff you're talking about. it was meant to be validating to you, that yeah, I agree with you- I have even written in my books the same stuff. I don't say my book stuff to put myself above anyone else, I say it because it's just got all this stuff in it and sometimes it's easier for me to refer to it, then write a giant novella of a post ;) If you want to know my merit and achievements, all the proof is there on my website. The published study we did with the aquatron on mermaid tails and how they move, my two degrees and teaching license, my mermaid school- all this stuff has also been heavily covered in the media. I don't list my credentials because people find that arrogant, but I have been around a long time and trailblazed a LOT of the stuff that people do regularly now. I mean I've been around 9 years and on this forum since it started, and I totally devoted myself to writing tutorials back before there were so few mers and people were trying to figure it all out. People take it for granted sometimes but what's normal now was a total secret back then and it was tabboo for me to share so much information.

I think the key thing you need to know about me is that I have devoted my entire career to helping other people become mers. Not necessarily always in a professional sense. Iv'e even given away 3 tails at this point to people so they could become mers. I just want everyone to be able to experience it for whatever reason they chose. I think when it comes to that, you and I are on the same page.

[Mermaid Momo]

My only comment: You sorta owned up to it, but at some point you have to stop blaming these outlashes you have on having a mental illness. There are plenty of mers who have mental illnesses who are able to own up to something wrong they did and not blame it on the sole fact that they have this illness, you jumped to conclusions and went on a rant own up to it and don't put the blame on something else, because mental illness doesn't always excuse behavior

[Mermaid Mystery]

My only comment: You sorta owned up to it, but at some point you have to stop blaming these outlashes you have on having a mental illness. There are plenty of mers who have mental illnesses who are able to own up to something wrong they did and not blame it on the sole fact that they have this illness, you jumped to conclusions and went on a rant own up to it and don't put the blame on something else, because mental illness doesn't always excuse behavior

THIS SO MUCH


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Sephina]

I'm so lost in all this, but that was a beautiful speech. :clap: Whatever you're fighting for, it seems like you're fighting the good fight. I still love all my merfriends <3

I remember wearing a bastardized kimono for Halloween when I was a child because I had been interested in Japanese culture (this was in second or third grade). It was cute, and I liked it, but, looking back, I realize that it's not okay for me to play dress up with someone else's culture and traditions. I make sure that if I want to wear a cultural outfit, I fully understand all the customs that go with it. As such, I haven't worn much outside t-shirts and jeans :D Kimono literally means 'a thing to wear', it's totally not a sacred thing, like say a native head dress, if you want to wear it go for it! Learn the proper way to fold it, and general wear/obi tying and the rest is up to you! A lot of Japanese and non-japanese are having tons of fun with styling it differently and doing more modern takes on it. Heck right now one of the most celebrated women in the kimono community in Japan is actually a white woman. So don't let the color of your skin define whether or not you get into the hobby. You can totally wear kimono!

[SeaGlass Siren]

Sephina I think she means the crappy dollar store costume shop kimonos and not the actual proper kimonos.

[SeaGlass Siren]

The point is to show respect and learn the history of something that belonged to them. It's not a matter of who has the skin to wear it.

[Merman Dylan]

I'm not trying to hide behind my mental illness. I don't know how to express it, but I'll try. I think seeing all the fighting acts as a trigger for me. I don't use my mental disorder as an excuse to get out of paying for what I do. I really don't think there is a way out of paying for my comments in some way. The reason for the trigger, however, is something different. And I want to emphasize that this isn't intended as an excuse, but it could be a possible reason why watching people fight affects me so much...it could be bits and pieces of other things too.

Just trying to think about it makes my head feel fuzzy, but I would say that the arguing between my parents started my tendency to explode when I see other people fighting. I get so stirred up with emotions, and I guess I do kinda blame my mental disorder. I blame it because when my emotions get so stirred up my memory is always so fragmented, and
I spend so much time trying to piece together all my broken memories. I guess I don't know how to not get upset when I see conflict. Everything just gets so twisted up inside. I keep apologizing, but I never stop feeling so much hurt. I'd see a therapist, but at the heart of everything, I don't think it's wrong that I care so much about a fight between two people. I just need to find a way to not snap at others the instant it becomes too much too bare. That's what it really is. It's not a mood swing. It's not the bipolar. I just literally flip out when I can't take the fighting anymore. I mean, the mercommunity, politics, and all this other stuff. It's killing me that people can be so heartless or fight and argue. Is it too much to ask for a bit of peace. The only way out is to completely isolate myself, but I don't want to isolate myself. I just want people to get along for once. Is that too much to ask for?

[Merman Dylan]

Also, despite how well I manage some things, I need serious improvement on other things. I try to take responsibility for my actions, but I've been through so many ups and downs these last two years. A manic mood swing and possibly serotonin syndrome from an imbalance in my meds because I asked to increase the dosage because of the mood swing. I'm not trying to make excuses, but it's been a bit overwhelming to keep making mistakes like I am. I know I can't blame the disorder, but I want to. I just want it to stop being so chaotic.

[Princess Aegean]

I feel ya bud. It sucks when things happen inside your head that you're not even really aware of For me it's anxiety that makes any confrontation terrifying... comes from my parents too. I'd rather go hide in the dark than listen to any yelling whatsoever. And that frustration inside can manifest in weird weird ways.

[Merman Dylan]

Lately, I've been thinking about past drama I've been a part of and other issues. I finally feel like I found some of the words to explain to others what it feels like in a bipolar mood swing. This is something that could go in multiple threads, but I want to share it here. At the end of my first summer in this community when I had issues with the Pod of the South, I began to think about what I could have missed that allowed me to get so bad. I started to realize a quark to my personality that may be a major contributing factor to the mood swings.

My mood swing that found its way into the mercommunity started with a lot of my coworkers who were really upset with things at work. This is important because of what I realized that repeated itself with the pod of the south. When people are expressing anger, frustration, sadness, and other negative emotions, it hurts. It feels like their projected emotions burn through my mind. It's got to be one of the most painful things I've ever felt, and it it's all happening within my mind. My mom at the time was frustrated, my coworkers were frustrated, and when I wanted to meet up too badly, I was banned and blocked from the group. That rejection I felt as a result brought everything burning through my mind to a peak, and I snapped. I regret that. I should have known better. I realize now that the thing that fuels the mood swing IS the things that surround me. I can't escape my own mind, and in a way, I think I was looking at meeting up as an escape from the pain. I never feel that stuff burning through my mind as a merman. The reason the exclusion from the group was so destructive was because it left me isolated to the things I desperately wanted to escape. Just like negativity hurts, the kindness of others douses the flames. It's not when people try to apply logic to my irrational state. It's surrounding myself with people who choose to act with kindness and compassion that allows me to escape the pain in my own mind. There is no excuse for how I was, but I hope that by sharing my feelings in a more clear way that it helps others understand what I was going through at the time.

My experiences have shown me that I can't trust that everyone will be understanding or act in the best possible way. What Nerine the Arctic Mermaid did to keep the peace in the group caused me more harm than I think she will ever understand enough to apologize for. I'm truly sorry for my actions once again.

I'm making this post again, and bringing up this topic because once again. Nerine has done things that is resulting in more splintering in the Pod of the South with the creation of a new pod. I feel like her intention are good, but the way she handles situations appears to be upsetting a lot of people. I feel like her methods need to be revised. I'm suggesting that her mentality for admining the group might be wrong. The pods are supposed to be fun and inclusive places. Her actions as I have seen them take away from that. At this rate, the pod of the south will become so splintered with so many groups and alternatives made to escape the conditions of that group that there will be more issues than solutions.

My issues and past problems are in the past for the sharks to munch on, but I highly suggest that someone help Nerine understand what she's doing and how she's causing so much grief.

[AniaR]

plenty of us have tried to help nerine understand lol. You're very nice about it, but sometimes certain people shouldn't have power. ;)

As far as I understand it, Iona and Nate are the ones who initially set up all the pod FB groups and assigned admins. If people have concerns with their admins, that's who they should talk to. I find it funny just cuz she's the Arctic mermaid, but it's the Pod of the South haha.

[Misty Lau]

Honestly, I have the same difficulties that you do, Merman Dylan, but I'm fairly sure I don't have Bipolar disorder. It seems like you may have a bit more difficulty than me with the blowing up at people problem, since I generally am able to keep it to a minimum online and around the public. When I'm at home with people who know me, however, it gets ugly, and I feel really bad for my family for dealing with me. I also have ADHD, and that might have something to do with it? I understand it's more difficult for you, probably because of Bipolar disorder, but my outbursts are related more to Sensory Processing Disorder, which I've got too. People with this disorder literally cannot help but explode. I'm thinking it's the similar for you, but different causes?

Anyway, since people like you and I can't help but lash out when triggered, maybe we should find healthier ways to do so. Like learn boxing or karate or something like that. We need to find healthier ways to release the tension. I'm working on finding something, but it's hard. Also, finding music that you can breathe in and out with to calm down is very helpful. I like Oh Wonder for this sort of thing, and they're coming out with another album soon. Also, uplifting songs like Scars to Your Beautiful are refreshing, but sometimes music that you cry with is a way to release tension. Turn the frustration from anger to sadness, and it's less hurtful for everyone. Crying around someone is better than snapping at them, even if you're more cruelly judged. Would you be interested in hearing if I find anything easy to do but effective?

Also, it's hard for me not to blame my disorders as well. I just want everyone to know that it isn't my fault, and that I try not to lash out, but whenever I say it's really the reason, people don't understand the combustion that's happening in my brain and they say that I'm making excuses. On the one hand, they're completely wrong, but on another hand, it's a good thing to know how other people feel. We have to get used to hiding our disorders behind us, not hiding behind our disorders. We have to work harder for "appropriate" social behavior. And we can, we really can get to a point where we blend swimmingly with the other people around us.

[Slim]

plenty of us have tried to help nerine understand lol. You're very nice about it, but sometimes certain people shouldn't have power. ;)

As far as I understand it, Iona and Nate are the ones who initially set up all the pod FB groups and assigned admins. If people have concerns with their admins, that's who they should talk to. I find it funny just cuz she's the Arctic mermaid, but it's the Pod of the South haha.

AniaR people tried too. Nerine knows Iona isn't present because of personal reasons. People started standing up letting her know her method is coming off rude. Nerine responded to me instead warning me for instigating and she going to talk to Iona about me. I'm not worried. People are standing up and it's not my fault. I got screenshots of the messages for those that are interested. I still want to know why I got banned before joining the group if she want to talk about rules. I also don't believe her job won't allow her to be a mermaid on the side. News flash, she not the only teaching mermaid in her county. My friend niece lives there so that's how I know who the other mer is.


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[Merman Dylan]

Honestly, I have the same difficulties that you do, Merman Dylan, but I'm fairly sure I don't have Bipolar disorder. It seems like you may have a bit more difficulty than me with the blowing up at people problem, since I generally am able to keep it to a minimum online and around the public. When I'm at home with people who know me, however, it gets ugly, and I feel really bad for my family for dealing with me. I also have ADHD, and that might have something to do with it? I understand it's more difficult for you, probably because of Bipolar disorder, but my outbursts are related more to Sensory Processing Disorder, which I've got too. People with this disorder literally cannot help but explode. I'm thinking it's the similar for you, but different causes?

Anyway, since people like you and I can't help but lash out when triggered, maybe we should find healthier ways to do so. Like learn boxing or karate or something like that. We need to find healthier ways to release the tension. I'm working on finding something, but it's hard. Also, finding music that you can breathe in and out with to calm down is very helpful. I like Oh Wonder for this sort of thing, and they're coming out with another album soon. Also, uplifting songs like Scars to Your Beautiful are refreshing, but sometimes music that you cry with is a way to release tension. Turn the frustration from anger to sadness, and it's less hurtful for everyone. Crying around someone is better than snapping at them, even if you're more cruelly judged. Would you be interested in hearing if I find anything easy to do but effective?

Also, it's hard for me not to blame my disorders as well. I just want everyone to know that it isn't my fault, and that I try not to lash out, but whenever I say it's really the reason, people don't understand the combustion that's happening in my brain and they say that I'm making excuses. On the one hand, they're completely wrong, but on another hand, it's a good thing to know how other people feel. We have to get used to hiding our disorders behind us, not hiding behind our disorders. We have to work harder for "appropriate" social behavior. And we can, we really can get to a point where we blend swimmingly with the other people around us.

Misty Lau, I never ever intend to even imply much less hide behind my disorder. My mom taught me to take responsibility for my actions, and that's how I've learned to grow. Also, I've only recently become active on social media. Oddly, I think a pedophile or, at the very least, a creep targeted my account when I was both under age and not a merman publicly while I wasn't paying attention. So, to an extent, I really don't like to use social media. I took screenshots, but I've long since moved past it. I lost a lot of info when my computer got the blue screen of death. I don't know how I can even begin to recover the data.

Anyways, my mood swings are definitely related to what I feel in the presence of outside negativity. I've decided to use that to help me avoid a bad situation. If It's uncomfortable to be near someone projecting their negativity then I can use that to avoid a problem. Also, in some cases, if I know someone is upset, I try to help them feel better. I also have the sensory stuff going on. My brain can often feel overloaded. I'm always looking to learn from my experiences to get better. Maybe that's why mood swings that are super severe have become uncommon.

[Misty Lau]

Yeah... I didn't mean you were, I just said be careful because even when you aren't and you're just stating that having your disorder makes it super hard to function how others are comfortable with, the other people aren't going to understand and they will say you're blaming your disorder. I know that one of my friends has done that to me. A lot. I can't tell her the truth anymore, about physical or mental disorders, even though she has ADD! I thought at least she'd relate, but she's the one that treats me the worst about it.

Doesn't the sensory stuff suck? No one understands that you can't just get over it, and no one understands that acting "immature" is not being immature at all, it's an uncontrollable retreat from something or lashing out because of something. I'm assuming you're having those problems too. And people calling you PICKY for it. IDK if you've got problems with foods, but I certainly do. Luckily, even before we knew, my parents were pretty accommodating to my disorders. My grandparents were the WORST though, and still give me a super hard time about it. They made me feel crappy about it on my BIRTHDAY, when I didn't even want them there to begin with because I KNEW something like that would happen. They're just (more my grandpa is) a poisonous person to be around, and unintentionally too.

I definitely have mood swings, but usually the only people affected are my friends, "friends" that I can't talk to about things, and family, and people I'm talking to over the internet rarely are ever affected. I definitely have the same problem as you about saying something you think is completely harmless and normal, then people taking severe offense. Or saying something you don't think is too bad right then because of the mood you're in, then looking bad and realizing it might have been slightly harsh.

Of course, I'm actually, excuse language, but a b!tch anyway so it doesn't really... I have no excuse, lol, I just am. I'm fiercely protective of the people I care about though. I end up super savage when I'm protecting people. Or think I'm protecting people. Most of the time it's pointless and unnecessary lol.

[Merman Dylan]

Misty Lau,

The way I manage myself involves how I look at what's causing the over stimulation, and I try to do something for myself. Emotions from other people do affect us. Science has recently identified a neuron in the brain that serves the purpose of replicating in someone what someone observes. So, for my emotional state being afflicted by being around people who project a negative mood, even temporarily, it is scientifically proven that there is a mechanism in the human brain for creating in someone the same feeling they observe. There are still things that many people don't understand about mental health. Like, the fact that a room can feel negative just because someone in that room is upset is still hard for me to even understand. I'm not looking at their face. I'm not always able to hear them. It's like everything they feel extends outward. Maybe I see something from the corner of my eye that catches my attention. Maybe I hear something that takes my focus. I try to ignore it, but it always finds a way in. Then there are the times where I'm familiar with a behavior, and I know it's because I'm not legitimately doing enough. However, I can't get past the emotions associated with that and the mental overstimulation to do anything. I can't even say it at times. I'm just trapped inside. I don't want to do nothing, but sometimes no matter how much I scream inside my head I just can't do anything.

For me, emotions are linked together like chains in the same way memories help us remember other memories. I begin to associate an emotional state with someone and that becomes my behavior around them. I've learned to try not to make emotional associations that stick onto a person, and I try to walk away from a situation I can't handle if I can. If I know someone is upset, and I want to help them. I walk away, and I mentally prepare myself for it. Knowing that the emotions in words, a picture, a video, and the ones that surround a person hit my empathy response so hard that I begin to feel what they feel as if it were my own emotions and knowing that those emotions can overtake me and become warped, I try to prepare myself to prevent that from happening. Sometimes, I get in a bad mood because I simply spread myself too thin trying to help too many people.

On social media, one thing I am not a fan of is the PMing. I'm very busy, and I don't frequently have time to respond like when I'm working or driving or writing my book. Sometimes long conversations PMin with one message after another gets overwhelming. I've had 3 people talking to me at once one time, and I nearly shut down. I understand that there isn't a way to know if someone you want to talk to is having a conversation with someone or not, so I generally don't put much thought into it as it doesn't happen too frequently.

With your grandfather, try to push to the side feelings that have developed in the past and give him a chance in the present. Try to talk to people. Be honest and vocal about what's going on. No one will ever understand if you don't say anything. As far as knowing something will happen is concerned, that goes back to past emotions that might not be as relevant in the present. You need to give people a chance to be better. There is no shame in admitting you were wrong and correcting your behavior. With Nirene the Artic Mermaid, that's what I think she might struggle with. She refuses to admit she is wrong, and she probably has more grief because of that. If she could just admit that there is something wrong in her approach and tried to do something different, I feel like a lot of this drama with the Pod of the South wouldn't exist to begin with. So, in your situation, you have to give people permission to admit they could be wrong by not chewing their ear off when they are wrong.

I really wish for the best. I am only saying everything I am out of concern for things moving in a very bad direction with the pod issue. For you Misty Lau, I hope you can learn to master your sensitivity to things. It can be a tremendous gift to be able to take in so much of the world. That is how I look at the overstimulation of the senses and emotions. I experience other people's experiences. I feel empathically what others feel. I see, hear, smell, and feel so much more of the world. It takes time to take control, but experience the world in that way can often hurt as well as often give you the best moments of your life. I will say that I notice more irregularities around me because of this. I've taken notice of a lack of certain weather patterns, a change in the air I breathe, the smell of food, the way people around me feel, and so much of the world runs through my mind. Look at what you can do to change the negative into something positive. Forgive and give permission for change. I believe in you. I believe people can change.

[Merman Dylan]

Misty Lau,

As you look for what helps you, don't forget to take care of yourself. If people care about you, they should be willing to give you space when you ask for it. You should never feel like you have to endure something that hurts. That's one thing people just don't get about mental disorders. There should never be negative actions like exclusion and punishment for having a hard time. You should never feel isolated and alone, and you should always be able to feel like you can walk away on your own even if that's not always what you will do.

[Misty Lau]

Oh... oh my grandpa is just going downhill. Part of it is he refuses to realize and/or admit that his brain isn't really working the way it used to, and part of it is he just has NO filter on what he says lol. But it's okay, I don't see him much anyway. I was just using him as an example of people who just don't and can't get it. Sometimes people will not understand but sympathize, sometimes they do understand and empathize, and sometimes they just don't understand and think you're just being difficult, then making it harder for you. He does not know I feel this way, and I've never rebuked him. Others have, and he's had many chances to change his words and actions, but he just doesn't.

I do appreciate your view of the Sensory issues. I'm hoping to take some therapy type stuff so I can better cope, but it's so bad that I can't even go to Church right now. Which is something I want to do, not just that my parents want me to do. I'll never be able to enjoy a concert, or anything like that. But I do like seeing the world in such a detailed way, and thinking in such detail. I'm thinking maybe it makes my dreams (as in when sleeping) ten times more realistic too, and that's always a plus when your mind makes up dreams with IDK, Robert Downey Jr.'s Tony Stark/Iron Man, saving him and saving the world too, or stars from the Maze Runner movies and such. That's always fun, and it doesn't seem like other people have such vivid dreams.

It's a bit frustrating though, having a combo of severe ADHD, and Sensory processing disorder, as well as at least 3 other things. The ADHD and Sensory Processing together isn't NOT helpful when out in the world though, as bright colors will distract and aggravate me, the sun feels like it's searing through my skull, and simply taking showers hurts. I wear mostly black because of the SPD and ADHD, and people always say things about it. Never that I'm goth, though, since all I wear are Tshirts, thank goodness. That would be annoying lol. XD

I don't hesitate to walk away. I'm never out doing things... I'm finally going to a semi formal party/dance thingy, but I'm not sure what I'll do there since I don't like dancing lol.

[NerineArcticMermaid]

AniaR people tried too. Nerine knows Iona isn't present because of personal reasons. People started standing up letting her know her method is coming off rude. Nerine responded to me instead warning me for instigating and she going to talk to Iona about me. I'm not worried. People are standing up and it's not my fault. I got screenshots of the messages for those that are interested. I still want to know why I got banned before joining the group if she want to talk about rules. I also don't believe her job won't allow her to be a mermaid on the side. News flash, she not the only teaching mermaid in her county. My friend niece lives there so that's how I know who the other mer is.


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don't presume to talk about MY job. You know nothing about what I'm going through at the school I teach at. I've also got screen shots of you. Gloating about putting me in a hard place. Not to mention the bad outing of me to others.

Go right ahead. I'm 40yrs old this high school drama is bullshit.

You are an abusive person. You harass people til you get what you want. Like trying to get my block removed so you'll buy stuff from my etsy. Blackmail and harassent will not work.

I'm so tired of the petty fighting between people here. You've taken something I used to love and turned it into utter dread. I have put my tail on since January. Prob never will again.

You've soured the few spots of joy I get in my life. You have no idea the crap I am dealing with. You kn I why? Because I choose not to advertise just how bad things are.

Never presume you know anything about me.

Honestly. I don't care anymore if you like me or not.

I never asked for your HELP either. So don't get all high and mighty and think your better than me or anyone else.

anyone can self publish..

[Slim]

I shouldn't really be wasting my time on this but why not. You are right, I don't know enough about your job. I do know that your are not the only mer in that school district. You blocked people from joining groups before they can join and then you tell people rules need to be follow. Did I accidently did try to order from your Etsy shop for a fellow mer before I realize it was you? Yes. However that conversation already started so before I realize that. I also mention in the same chat I will continue with the order if the pod block is get remove because people help each other. The people in the pod group asking how something was against the rule was them. Me asking why my post getting deleted should had never been an issue. The constant rule changing got so confusing that people and they straight up created a new pod group called Pod of the Southeast. Athena is the created or that group. We all got daily troubles in our lives and we all want to enjoy mermaiding. Honestly I shouldn't had affected on turning what you love into utter dread. One day I do want to know the true you as everyone have good inside. No one starts anything hating things. Only two people here aren't fond of me. One who banned someone before they be part of a community and the other who still hasn't deliver something that was ordered.

You can like me or hate me. If you choose to hate me, don't let it consume you. I will never ever think I'm better than any else. Though I want to be best the best; everyone will be better then me and I do want to see everyone succeed.


don't presume to talk about MY job. You know nothing about what I'm going through at the school I teach at. I've also got screen shots of you. Gloating about putting me in a hard place. Not to mention the bad outing of me to others.

Go right ahead. I'm 40yrs old this high school drama is bullshit.

You are an abusive person. You harass people til you get what you want. Like trying to get my block removed so you'll buy stuff from my etsy. Blackmail and harassent will not work.

I'm so tired of the petty fighting between people here. You've taken something I used to love and turned it into utter dread. I have put my tail on since January. Prob never will again.

You've soured the few spots of joy I get in my life. You have no idea the crap I am dealing with. You kn I why? Because I choose not to advertise just how bad things are.

Never presume you know anything about me.

Honestly. I don't care anymore if you like me or not.

I never asked for your HELP either. So don't get all high and mighty and think your better than me or anyone else.

anyone can self publish..

[Slim]

I want to report the shell arrived today.

[AniaR]

oh good lord this again?

don't take the bait slim just keep on swimmin

:bulldozer:

[Mermaid Lilija]

I just need this of my chest & think it is the right place to do...


I went swimming this week to the pool I always go, the people are almost the same everyday so I know them & the owners very well.
So I went down to the changing rooms and left my tail besides the showers like I always do and people are aware of that & that it is mine.

Inside one of the changing rooms I heard a women & guy talking about the tail "How fun would this be for our girl?, We should get this also" so I first thought they wanted to get something like this also so I hurried to give them information if they wanted to.

Then I heard "let's take it no one is looking" and I spurted out of the room and asked what they were doing and they already had my tail on their shoulders! They wanted to run off with it, I chased them and grabbed my tail it fell on the concrete ground (poor tail but this was my only option). I began to shout and they started giving me names and they went to the owner of the pool saying the tail was "theirs". Ofcourse the owner knew me... so he called the police they thought it was to get me arrested.

They got arrested, got a fine & tried to apolize to me. I didn't accept it. I saw them again one of the next days at the pool and looked like me as if I was the bad guy & they harass me every damn time I leave! I tried to call the police again but got a response that they couldn't do anything about it! I don't even understand why they are allowed back in... but the owners can't do anything about it (this pool is from a hospital & is used to get some extra money it is a long story from why they get allowed back in, laws here in Belgium are Fluked Up!).

I am so mad & I just want to have fun!

[lotusauriel]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I don't really have an answer for why the police won't do anything, or why they are still allowed there. That shouldn't be happening. Is there another pool you can go to?

[Mermaid Lilija]

There is actually but I don't know what it is about the other pool. I saw other mers swim in it with fabric & silicone Tails but when I ask they always come up with excuses so I can't go in with my tail.

There is also some sort of big swimming pond, but it is to expensive to visit everyday + this isn't a solution in winter it when they just don't put life guards out. :(

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[lotusauriel]

They can't refuse you if they let others in with the same stuff. It sounds like something else is going on.

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[Mermaid Lilija]

I know I've asked them many times why I can't go in but other can. One time a lifeguard who worked there just told me ( he was being the nice guy). That they others that come there were on the news & newspaper once & they thought letting these people swim there was a good commercial thing die them. As I was not one of them, I was not "good enough" for them.

This sounds so unreal & ridiculous but this actually happend, my boyfriend who went with me that day was stunned on this response

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[lotusauriel]

So much for being accepting and positive with everyone. This pisses me off. I keep seeing the same crap. Just be you and do the best you can. I'm sorry people are so rude and hateful. I don't associate with anyone that shows themselves to be a hypocrite like that.

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[lotusauriel]

Also. Even if YOU specifically, were not on the news, etc..., you are still a mer, and people don't know the difference. A mer is a mer is a mer.

[Mermaid Lilija]

Oh Well.. I can't do anything about it expect to file a complaint because of discrimination.... But I don't do that because I won't want to get there other mers get involved, they don't know about this going on I think + it was a while ago and just forgot about it and let it rest.

I was just so happy at the pool I go now because I also entertain children & eldery people who are reavilidating from cancer, accidents,... And to have such arrogant thieves around me now makes me so pissed that I don't even enjoy coming there anymore.

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[Slim]

That extremely stinks that even happen in the first place. I'm sorry that happen and it still blows my mind that people can do garbage like that without no guilt at all. I'm glad they did get arrested. People don't need to take what brings other people happiness. I'm very glad you got your tail back and yes laws are messed up. Them being back there does leave a stigma but ignore them. You are there for yourself and to entertain which inspires people. Give the older generation a nice break from their daily life and become the highlight of their day. Just you saying "I was just so happy at the pool I go now because I also entertain children & eldery people who are reavilidating from cancer, accidents,..." gives me more of inspiration and a pleasant reminder that even with all the bad, this is very much with it. I would still go there though unless it happens again as you bring happiness to the people there. I'm always around on this and facebook if you feel the need to talk.


Oh Well.. I can't do anything about it expect to file a complaint because of discrimination.... But I don't do that because I won't want to get there other mers get involved, they don't know about this going on I think + it was a while ago and just forgot about it and let it rest.

I was just so happy at the pool I go now because I also entertain children & eldery people who are reavilidating from cancer, accidents,... And to have such arrogant thieves around me now makes me so pissed that I don't even enjoy coming there anymore.

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[Mermaid Lilija]

That extremely stinks that even happen in the first place. I'm sorry that happen and it still blows my mind that people can do garbage like that without no guilt at all. I'm glad they did get arrested. People don't need to take what brings other people happiness. I'm very glad you got your tail back and yes laws are messed up. Them being back there does leave a stigma but ignore them. You are there for yourself and to entertain which inspires people. Give the older generation a nice break from their daily life and become the highlight of their day. Just you saying "I was just so happy at the pool I go now because I also entertain children & eldery people who are reavilidating from cancer, accidents,..." gives me more of inspiration and a pleasant reminder that even with all the bad, this is very much with it. I would still go there though unless it happens again as you bring happiness to the people there. I'm always around on this and facebook if you feel the need to talk.

Thank you! That is really kind of you :) I got a plan just to irritate them on a kid friendly manner don't know how exactly but I will figure it out... Just irritating them while making the kids laugh but with no attitude or bad behaviour that is not suitable for kids.

A bit like childish teasing. Sounds fun to do...

[Winged Mermaid]

Then I heard "let's take it no one is looking"

What kind of ABSOLUTE GARBAGE people would do that!?!? Urgh that makes me infuriated for you!! I'm so glad they didn't get away with it, but I'm so sorry you went through that :( Did those people get charged? Theft of such a high priced item (worth over $400-$500) in the US would be "Grand Theft" which is a Felony. A felony usually means jail time, typically for about a year. I don't know how the laws work in Belgium though. Either way, you should definitely talk to the pool manager again. Work into the conversation about how they weren't just stealing a mere swimming garment, they were stealing a $3,000 piece of equipment, and that's a serious crime and problem.

Edit: Just reread, missed the part about the laws that they can still be allowed back in because I was so emotional. Urgh, that is the absolute worst. If I were you, I would start using my phone to record any vocal harassment they give you. If they do it more than twice, on the third time hold up your phone and let them know that you have been recording this them and this is the third time you have recorded them harassing you. And that if they do not immediately stop, then you will go to the police for harassment. As well as the higher ups of the pool/hospital/whoever owns it to have them banned. You may or may not actually be able to do this, but hopefully at least the threat and knowing they are being documented will make them shut their traps. Urgh, why are people so awful? :(

[Mermaid Lilija]

What kind of ABSOLUTE GARBAGE people would do that!?!? Urgh that makes me infuriated for you!! I'm so glad they didn't get away with it, but I'm so sorry you went through that :( Did those people get charged? Theft of such a high priced item (worth over $400-$500) in the US would be "Grand Theft" which is a Felony. A felony usually means jail time, typically for about a year. I don't know how the laws work in Belgium though. Either way, you should definitely talk to the pool manager again. Work into the conversation about how they weren't just stealing a mere swimming garment, they were stealing a $3,000 piece of equipment, and that's a serious crime and problem.

They can't really do anything unless the boss of the hospital itself agrees and I don't know why but this person doesn't seem to care about it he just said they learned their lesson... Seems like I have bad luck all the time I guess... The "owner" of the pool itself doesn't want them either...

They did get charged but for like €90 wich is +/ 103 USD ... The system here in Belgium is really corrupted, I can tell you that. Normally the law is a bit the same as in the US. But as I told... very corrupted some get charged with small numbers others with large numbers... Jail time exactly the same.

The only thing I really am sad about right now is that my tail is damaged from the drop it made on the concrete :/ But I rather have this damage then losing this amount of money + it isn't really very noticeable Phew...

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

I'm bringing thi s issue here out out of respect for someone looking for help in another thread. Accuse my language, but people on here act like total morons. I swear, people who can't see the part they played in a problem are insane. Furthermore, if having family that worked in IBM and NASA plus a college education makes me less than an Expert. Raina's scientific study does not make her an expert.

Raina may be popular. She might be famous. She may run a successful business. However, she lacks empathy which makes her a failure. If this isn't resolved NOW! There is no way it won't keep happening again and again.

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[Saelyyia]

1) I would like to point out that calling names is against forum rules.
2) Inter-communnity issues belong in the **Drama Bubble** thread, not the Bitch It Out! thread.
3) I don't appreciate calling the whole community such names, I am not sure if that is your intention. But it is most certainly comes off and I find that very offensive.

[AniaR]

Dylan, I showed you all the empathy I could and explained my empathy to your situation multiple times. I don't know why you're in such a fighting mood today but your post is inappropriate and it's unfair of you to blame me for your interactions. I was respectful, stayed factual, and repeatedly explained I understood your struggles.

I am not a failure, you're having a bad day.

[Merman Arion]

if having family that worked in IBM and NASA plus a college education makes me less than an Expert. Raina's scientific study does not make her an expert.

https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/34b1d09fabfaca4cb80619fe43fed83271c7d0db0691f6fa41 1581b143794be9.gif

[AniaR]

do you notice how many posts in this thread this month are from you? I say this with sincerity and no mean-ness. but when you see how often you're posting in here and the issues arising because of it, I think it's time to take a break until you have an easier time self regulating. No one is out to get you, bully you, or pick a fight. Everyone has repeatedly tried to be empathetic to your situation but empathy can only go so far, you have to be accountable too.

[Mermaid Kane]

I'm bringing thi s issue here out out of respect for someone looking for help in another thread. Accuse my language, but people on here act like total morons. I swear, people who can't see the part they played in a problem are insane. Furthermore, if having family that worked in IBM and NASA plus a college education makes me less than an Expert. Raina's scientific study does not make her an expert.

Raina may be popular. She might be famous. She may run a successful business. However, she lacks empathy which makes her a failure. If this isn't resolved NOW! There is no way it won't keep happening again and again.


Raina is not an expert, no. But that doesn't really matter anymore.

This is (hopefully) my last time replying to this drama, but I want to say one more thing.

You calling us morons is completely immature and unacceptable. Also, I for one am not completely apathetic. I share the same issues as you do (bipolar, anger issues, and ADHD) but I am showing more skill then you--an ADULT--with biting my tongue and not aggravating people.

And lastly. This is now the SECOND time during a drama that you used someone's popularity as a meat shield. Raina is not an angel or god we should worship, and we DON'T, but she is a very helpful and active member in our community and has spent far more time making MN a positive place then you. Raina is not apathetic either. Why in Morrigan's name would you call her a failure?

If you don't want this to happen over and over; maybe stop aggravating people and calling names like a 5 year old.

[Mermaid Whisper]

Hey, let’s not add fuel to the fire. Try to keep it mellow, merfriends.


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[AniaR]

I've never claimed to be an expert, just pointed out you came across as mansplaining when I provided you with actual sources and I have more education and experience in this specific area than you do. I would never call myself an expert, I love to learn and see life as a lifelong learning journey :)

I am sorry you're having a bad day. I posted my reply to the OP which you confused. I posted facts with sources. I asked you to stop arguing with me and to read my sources and you refused to. I expressed understanding that your disorders make it hard for you to communicate.

Though you've deleted your posts, the mods can see all the edits made and the original content, and they'll be the judge of it.

What a silly thing for me to bully someone over. Weighting a tail? LOL that makes no sense.

Since I am working directly with actual experts to try and provide the community with resources for safety, this is an important topic to me. I want mers to all learn how they can swim and be weighted in safe ways. There is nothing offensive about that.

You didn't understand my posts and I asked you to read the links. Nothing I've said has been rude, dismissive, bullying, or moronic. I don't know why you feel the need to attack people this way?

[Slim]

I'm sorry Dylan but post about other members actually belongs in the Drama thread. Please don't call people insane for not seeing their part of the problem because that includes you from straying off the original topic in that thread and I know that's not what you meant. I mention that the topic got off topic and not everyone tied to get back on topic which disrespect the original poster after I said move along. Some issues regardless if you know you are right, you have to concede anyways. Wars can be won but you must also need to know which battles aren't worth fighting. One thing is NO ONE here is a failure. Your and Raina mind was already made up and neither side was wrong in the way of thinking. The only thing that wrong is for one to say the other said lack understand and empathy on a stale mate issue. Just remember one thing though, remember the line you said "people on here act like a total morons" are the same audience that that you are expecting to buy your book. Let Raina be stuck in her way. There some stuff she does that I don't agree with but she famous because she made a plan and she doesn't wait around for things to happen. She makes thing happen which makes her a success. The whole college education actually doesn't count for anything without experience believe it or not. My ex gf who is not part of the community have a double master degree but is currently jobless surviving on her ex husband child support (which would be insulting to me for anyone to tell me if she was more of an expert on life due to her sheer lack of motivation). If things happen again, just ignore it. If you feel that strongly about Raina to feel she a failure than by all means use the ignore feature so we don't have to read that again. I will report any member without thinking if they call a person a failure regardless of my views on them as everyone is equally important.


I'm bringing thi s issue here out out of respect for someone looking for help in another thread. Accuse my language, but people on here act like total morons. I swear, people who can't see the part they played in a problem are insane. Furthermore, if having family that worked in IBM and NASA plus a college education makes me less than an Expert. Raina's scientific study does not make her an expert.

Raina may be popular. She might be famous. She may run a successful business. However, she lacks empathy which makes her a failure. If this isn't resolved NOW! There is no way it won't keep happening again and again.

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[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

Raina is not an expert, no. But that doesn't really matter anymore.

This is (hopefully) my last time replying to this drama, but I want to say one more thing.

You calling us morons is completely immature and unacceptable. Also, I for one am not completely apathetic. I share the same issues as you do (bipolar, anger issues, and ADHD) but I am showing more skill then you--an ADULT--with biting my tongue and not aggravating people.

And lastly. This is now the SECOND time during a drama that you used someone's popularity as a meat shield. Raina is not an angel or god we should worship, and we DON'T, but she is a very helpful and active member in our community and has spent far more time making MN a positive place then you. Raina is not apathetic either. Why in Morrigan's name would you call her a failure?

If you don't want this to happen over and over; maybe stop aggravating people and calling names like a 5 year old.
For starters, you repeatedly told me to stop when Merman Arion basically told me to shut up and insulted me which wasn't a "nice" or "helpful" thing to do. I only got nasty AFTER Merman A room and others dismissed something of great personal importance. I wonder if anyone even understands what it's like to have pride in their family that fueled their pursuit of Knowledge. May and Raina were saying the same thing. It took her a dozen replies to realize that after MULTIPLE people fuel the flames of my anger triggered by people trying to pass me off. I'm a hot head. It's true, but how can anyone expect me to stop when they don't even understand or take responsibility for their part.

Maybe I shouldn't have responded. I spent 20 years keeping silent while family and other people tore me down. It's a shame that after 20 years of just listening to people rip on me that I only recently lose my patience.

I not only removed my posts picking a fight, but I also left one final post. I asked everyone to remove their part to play in the fight for peace. It's not difficult. None of you really know me, and I don't feel like anyone here really cares to try and learn.

I can forgive you guys. No one here knows how I feel about things. However, no one bothers to try to find out.

"Morons" may be insensitive, but it is a restrained insult for the anger I feel from being insulted.

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[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

I've never claimed to be an expert, just pointed out you came across as mansplaining when I provided you with actual sources and I have more education and experience in this specific area than you do. I would never call myself an expert, I love to learn and see life as a lifelong learning journey :)

I am sorry you're having a bad day. I posted my reply to the OP which you confused. I posted facts with sources. I asked you to stop arguing with me and to read my sources and you refused to. I expressed understanding that your disorders make it hard for you to communicate.

Though you've deleted your posts, the mods can see all the edits made and the original content, and they'll be the judge of it.

What a silly thing for me to bully someone over. Weighting a tail? LOL that makes no sense.

Since I am working directly with actual experts to try and provide the community with resources for safety, this is an important topic to me. I want mers to all learn how they can swim and be weighted in safe ways. There is nothing offensive about that.

You didn't understand my posts and I asked you to read the links. Nothing I've said has been rude, dismissive, bullying, or moronic. I don't know why you feel the need to attack people this way?
I wasn't mansplaining. I was on the defensive for my post because of the other people who dismissed my credibility. I am at UCF. I can't delete the posts on my phone.

To my understanding, your posts still have things that are offensive to me. Make changes and we can talk.

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[Mermaid Whisper]

*bangs head repeatedly on wall*


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[AniaR]

You don't really know any of us Dylan, but you're making sweeping insults. You acted like you did not realize we were saying the same thing, and I was wrong. You did that from your very first reply as I have already shown with quotes. You have to stop playing the victim when people frequently withstand your attacks and still try to reason with you. How can you accuse anyone of not being empathetic?

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

*bangs head repeatedly on wall*


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Lol there's an app for that
:headwall::headwall::headwall::headwall::lol ^:

[Mermaid Whisper]

I’m on my phone haha, I appreciate the supplement


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[AniaR]

I wasn't mansplaining. I was on the defensive for my post because of the other people who dismissed my credibility. I am at UCF. I can't delete the posts on my phone.

To my understanding, your posts still have things that are offensive to me. Make changes and we can talk.

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I explained to you how your posts come off as mansplaining, and I explained that I didn't think it was intentional on your part but that you and men on the forum in general need to be aware of it.

Nothing I've said has been offensive, I worked very hard to make sure I did not call you names or act disrespectfully. Just because you are upset, doesn't mean I have done anything wrong. I feel confident mods will review my posts and see I have done nothing wrong, but you have repeatably broken forum rules in these posts.

[Merman Arion]

https://media.tenor.com/images/4ed0a5fb74ff0eb15f5d752f2966ceee/tenor.gif

[Mermaid Kane]

https://media.tenor.com/images/4ed0a5fb74ff0eb15f5d752f2966ceee/tenor.gif

Agreed.

[AniaR]

yup! lol

[Slim]

Having been dragged into the drama thread in the previous 4 months, Raina technically didn't lay any insult to you Dylan. Even Mermaid Kane was trying to get things to stop before it gotten out of control (and Dylan, you ignored EVERY single of my post to move along). Regardless about the past 20 years you stayed quiet Dylan, the past is the past. No matter how dark the past is, you can still find good things that results from it which I can say with experience. Live for the future Dylan and let go of your past. If I can do it, I'm sure you can too Dylan.


I explained to you how your posts come off as mansplaining, and I explained that I didn't think it was intentional on your part but that you and men on the forum in general need to be aware of it.

Nothing I've said has been offensive, I worked very hard to make sure I did not call you names or act disrespectfully. Just because you are upset, doesn't mean I have done anything wrong. I feel confident mods will review my posts and see I have done nothing wrong, but you have repeatably broken forum rules in these posts.

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

1) I would like to point out that calling names is against forum rules.
2) Inter-communnity issues belong in the **Drama Bubble** thread, not the Bitch It Out! thread.
3) I don't appreciate calling the whole community such names, I am not sure if that is your intention. But it is most certainly comes off and I find that very offensive.
Honestly, I don't literally mean it, but considering no efforts have been made to meet me half way to make peace. I really could care less if you find it offensive. By not making an effort to remove insults to me while I have removed insults to the community, I honestly feel no shame for how insulted anyone feels. Raina, Arion, and Kane all still have their posts up despite how insulting they are to me. I don't even think they need to delete them, but a few simple edits would be nice. Those are the terms for peace.

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[Mermaid Whisper]

Wow.


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[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/34b1d09fabfaca4cb80619fe43fed83271c7d0db0691f6fa41 1581b143794be9.gif
This is what I'm talking about. Everyone is calling me out, but when someone does something insulting like this AFTER knowing the importance it has to me. No one says anything or thinks I have a right to be angry.

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[Slim]

Honestly, I don't literally mean it, but considering no efforts have been made to meet me half way to make peace. I really could care less if you find it offensive. By not making an effort to remove insults to me while I have removed insults to the community, I honestly feel no shame for how insulted anyone feels. Raina, Arion, and Kane all still have their posts up despite how insulting they are to me. I don't even think they need to delete them, but a few simple edits would be nice. Those are the terms for peace.

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The terms of peace is to let it go. Ignore them like you keep ignoring my post. It’s that simple.


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[Khaleesi Daenerys]

Shouldn't this have all been moved to the drama bubble already?

[AniaR]

Dylan can you please show me where I have insulted you? Though your behaviour is really frustrating me, I made a big effort not to do that so it would help if you showed me.

[AniaR]

Shouldn't this have all been moved to the drama bubble already?

I see Iona (winged mermaid) is online so I suspect it will be soon

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

You don't really know any of us Dylan, but you're making sweeping insults. You acted like you did not realize we were saying the same thing, and I was wrong. You did that from your very first reply as I have already shown with quotes. You have to stop playing the victim when people frequently withstand your attacks and still try to reason with you. How can you accuse anyone of not being empathetic?
How can I reason with someone that won't meet me half way. Your statement about me never reading your articles is a lie putting words in my mouth, but you have done nothing to remove it. Right now, it's still up in bold. With an insult like that, why are you even talking to me?

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[Khaleesi Daenerys]

I feel bad for Iona :(

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

I explained to you how your posts come off as mansplaining, and I explained that I didn't think it was intentional on your part but that you and men on the forum in general need to be aware of it.

Nothing I've said has been offensive, I worked very hard to make sure I did not call you names or act disrespectfully. Just because you are upset, doesn't mean I have done anything wrong. I feel confident mods will review my posts and see I have done nothing wrong, but you have repeatably broken forum rules in these posts.
I've been told I'm stupid by my older brother for 20 years. Names aren't insulting. Putting in bold that I would never read your article is passive aggressive and more insulting than a name.

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[Saelyyia]

I really could care less if you find it offensive. By not making an effort to remove insults to me while I have removed insults to the community, I honestly feel no shame for how insulted anyone feels.

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I cannot fathom in what world this kind of behavior is okay. I have asked the administrative and moderator team to get involved with this situation. I had no part in your quarrel in the other thread, I only stuck my fins into this when I felt that there was innapropriate behavior and names being thrown around in regards to the community in general. I do not appreciate your aggression and dismissing of my post the way you have.

[AniaR]

you admitted you didn't read my links. You said they didn't look scholarly or something like that so you didnt. So that was not an insult or wrong. You said so yourself, admitted it. I am not being passive aggressive when you actually said that Dylan. (the bold was formatting from me copying over the link- hence why the font was different too) you're justifying all this terrible behaviour to us because of bold... plus that bold was just explaining WHAT the links were because you admitted you didnt read them. you literally expressed they werent worth reading.

I'm sorry your brother called you stupid but it seems like you're reaching for an excuse to take your anger out on me today.

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

I cannot fathom in what world this kind of behavior is okay. I have asked the administrative and moderator team to get involved with this situation.
Look, in the end, it's not what you guys think that I care about. I think I may have accidentally pulled this into the wrong thread. That's why I'm trying not to reply. I'm angry, but I think the best thing for me is to talk it out. However, I forgot about the drama bubble thread. If this community is worth my time, this conversation will continue in the appropriate thread. If this community thinks I'm a hateful person and so in the wrong that I should get banned. This will end, but I will remember the offense I felt in the future. I'm hoping to work this out, but I have an expectation before I will talk it out.

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[AniaR]

ps. PRIOR to me accidentally leaving something bolded, the thing you say triggered your reply, you still made these insulting comments to me. This is what I am telling you that you need to work on.


"Raina arguing against the laws of nature is an argument you will always lose." (I didn't argue against the laws of nature)

"I'm not sure you understand what you are talking about" Implying I am wrong when you didn't bother to read the sources I provided that show I do understand, along with example of the PUBLISHED STUDY I participated in- which even is documented in video on youtube.

"It may be hard for you to understand, but gravity has a pull on water" you're literally suggesting I don't understand how gravity works, Dylan. It's beyond disrespectful, and you're not just suggesting I don't understand it, youre suggesting it must be "hard" for me to understand.

[Starfrit]

Why is Dylan only ever interested in people meeting him halfway when he can't show the same courtesy to other people in literally any other instance

That's the one question that keeps coming to me

He shows up, spouts off misinformation, then he's corrected on it, and instead of learning from it, admitting he had some info wrong and then actually furthering what could be a positive discussion, he has to start throwing tantrums about how it's everyone else's fault and he's the victim. Like bloody clockwork.

[AniaR]

some of your comments are coming off threatening like saying there will be no peace or that you'l remember the offense. I sincerely think you need to take a break before you say something that can't be undone Dylan. I do sincerely understand the struggles you have. This is why I keep asking you to come back tomorrow, re read this, and see if you still feel the same way. if you do, then we can keep trying to work it out. But right now I think you're running on pure emotion

I never said anything Dylan said was wrong either, I was just adding to the conversation.

[Khaleesi Daenerys]

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation,
and it looks like I'm the Queen
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in;
Heaven knows I've tried

Don't let them in,
don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel,
don't let them know
Well now they know
Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care
what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway
It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all
It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me,
I'm free!
Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on
My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I'm never going back, the past is in the past
Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway!

[Mermaid Kane]

Why is Dylan only ever interested in people meeting him halfway when he can't show the same courtesy to other people in literally any other instance

That's the one question that keeps coming to me

He shows up, spouts off misinformation, then he's corrected on it, and instead of learning from it, admitting he had some info wrong and then actually furthering what could be a positive discussion, he has to start throwing tantrums about how it's everyone else's fault and he's the victim. Like bloody clockwork.

No bloody idea.

[Mermaid Kane]

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation,
and it looks like I'm the Queen
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in;
Heaven knows I've tried

Don't let them in,
don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel,
don't let them know
Well now they know
Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care
what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway
It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all
It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me,
I'm free!
Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on
My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I'm never going back, the past is in the past
Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway!


LMFAO

[SeaGlass Siren]

Who summoned me with a didneysong?

LET IT GOOooOoooo

[Calizaire]

Admins, I'm for this user being banned.
He has apologetically broken community standards on several occasions and has a predictable pattern of doing so.

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

Why is Dylan only ever interested in people meeting him halfway when he can't show the same courtesy to other people in literally any other instance

That's the one question that keeps coming to me

He shows up, spouts off misinformation, then he's corrected on it, and instead of learning from it, admitting he had some info wrong and then actually furthering what could be a positive discussion, he has to start throwing tantrums about how it's everyone else's fault and he's the victim. Like bloody clockwork.
I deleted my comments as they were irrelevant. The halfway point if it isn't clear is everyone removing their comments that don't even belong in the thread. I said that after people have met me halfway I will talk to people and come to a resolution. If I'm not mistaken, you mocked my family history, last time I checked. You never deleted your comment as I have deleted my comments in a thread they do not belong in. We can't fully resolve this until I know that the parts of that argument that did not contribute to the thread are removed. That's all I'm asking for. Out of respect for the OP. I want the argument removed from the thread and discussed in a more appropriate place.

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[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

you admitted you didn't read my links. You said they didn't look scholarly or something like that so you didnt. So that was not an insult or wrong. You said so yourself, admitted it. I am not being passive aggressive when you actually said that Dylan. (the bold was formatting from me copying over the link- hence why the font was different too) you're justifying all this terrible behaviour to us because of bold... plus that bold was just explaining WHAT the links were because you admitted you didnt read them. you literally expressed they werent worth reading.

I'm sorry your brother called you stupid but it seems like you're reaching for an excuse to take your anger out on me today.
Actually, I said I did not recognize them as scholarly. (They might not be my exact words, but this what I tried to say)

However, I should of also mentioned that I believe in don't judge a book by its cover. They don't look like something I recognize which is why I want to read them. I sent that post while I was between classes at UCF. I believe I mentioned somewhere else that I was in college. I simply could not read them where I was at.

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[AniaR]

That isn't halfway, that's you making demands

I'm done now I think I've made my points and been more than fair, you continue to ignore

[AniaR]

So again, I was not wrong or insulting when I said you didn't read them which you've now admitted to twice.

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

So again, I was not wrong or insulting when I said you didn't read them which you've now admitted to twice.

Only because of circumstances.


Dylan, do yourself a favor. Stop talking and making you look stupid.

Merman Arion pretty much used this reply before anything got ugly. This also put me on the defensive. If I get banned, why shouldn't he?

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

Admins, I'm for this user being banned.
He has apologetically broken community standards on several occasions and has a predictable pattern of doing so.

Honestly, I'm not saying I'm ashamed for being angry, and I'm not sure that I will ever remember this place as a positive experience without a chance to change that. However, the people on the Mernetwork have not been kind to me, and despite the issues going back to the Pod of the South, I have really tried to give you guys a second chance. I don't think it's me that's the problem.

[Merman Arion]

I have really tried to give you guys a second chance. I don't think it's me that's the problem.

"a second chance" ??

https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fc2ba9f745e6050f6183f6adb1e70f935b26191bb6111be6c2 1281dc2fdcb6f0.gif?w=800&h=166

Nice try. Keep moving.

https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d98fff1414e283eda8ba9d41f82475d36026344b289ee3d6e6 be1e2b8a66d333.gif?w=800&h=264

[Mermaid Whisper]

Arion continues to be the master of reactions gifs


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[Starfrit]

I have really tried to give you guys a second chance. I don't think it's me that's the problem.

https://media.giphy.com/media/BIZkwFtu2xDlS/giphy.gif

Are you familiar with the concept of common denominators

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

At this point, you guys are just being spiteful. These gifs are just as insulting as calling names. I really want to try and work things out. I honestly do not understand why it's such a problem for the argument to be removed from an irrelevant thread before trying to talk things out. But these GIFs, what part of your disturbed minds makes you think they'll resolve anything.

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

So again, I was not wrong or insulting when I said you didn't read them which you've now admitted to twice.

Raina, I found it insulting because it was not true. I believe you put in bold "never" which is different from can't. At this point, I won't read them because I don't have time. It's true I have not read them. It's true that I do not recognize them as Scholarly by the URL. However, You are far from right because your statement is wrong.

[Starfrit]

Yes, we're clearly disturbed individuals because we're posting gifs on the internet.

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/ksbp.gif

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

If I could edit, I would also add that the reason I don't have time is because I'm trying to reach an honest resolution while I'm getting trolled.

[Mermaid Whisper]

You’re not getting trolled, you’re beating a dead horse and no one really wants to watch anymore.


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[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

I made mistakes. I apologized for my mistakes. Don't you guys think you've gone too far at this point. I tried to delete my posts because I tried to remove my argument out of an irrelevant thread, but asking the same of you guys is too demanding so you troll me with GIFs instead of taking this more seriously. You also troll me with a Disney Song. You say I'm too demanding for asking you guys to back off. I'm literally bending over her to try and meet you while you refuse. I get my use of my account restricted trying to meet you half away. As far as posting, everything I have done is to try and bend over for you. Why is it too much than to ask you guys to do the same. To use truthful statements and not troll with gifs. The only direct insult I used was "Moron" after Arion told me commenting makes me look stupid. Everyone gets upset over my insult but Arion calling me "Stupid" is glanced over while he's praised for trolling me with GIFs. Other people persist with mocking my Family history AFTER I express it's importance and how I pursued my education around it. My Family history isn't important to me because I'm trying to take credit for what they did. It's important because I want to follow in their Footsteps by learning what they learned. I have learned a lot of what they learned.

[Merman Arion]

If I could edit, I would also add that the reason I don't have time is because I'm trying to reach an honest resolution while I'm getting trolled.

https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/84bbf6acc0fcfab20e94de6cbd1c037a08ba1b4d116f3e26aa ac1b77b146aa86.gif?w=800&h=281

https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b3966ad70501898a69df6f91f37fbbf62f32a844a5f912501e 2e4470af303527.gif

[Starfrit]

Dylan, we've been on this exact bloody carousel with you dozens of times before. You make a ridiculous statement, someone corrects you. You blow them off to continue talking nonsense about a topic you know nothing about and proceed to insult and belittle people who are actually educated in the subject. Then when that doesn't work out for you and they don't back down, you move to the Bitch It Out thread to complain about how nobody understands you and everybody is mean, then you insult us like we're the problem when the issue is constantly your inability to accept being wrong about anything.

Nobody wants to ride this carousel with you anymore. We're tired.

[Merman Arion]

The only direct insult I used was "Moron" after Arion told me commenting makes me look stupid.


Everyone gets upset over my insult but Arion calling me "Stupid" is glanced over while he's praised for trolling me with GIFs.

I didn't call you stupid. Read YOUR OWN QUOTE above. THAT is what I actually said.

The more you're pursuing this, the more you're digging your hole. And believe me, that's one BIG hole.

https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8a19b9c7efae29229b2a37a05cd658e5cedfe6517081a3e1bf 54c7793baec004.gif?w=800&h=211

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

[QUOTE=Mermaid Whisper;288889]You’re not getting trolled, you’re beating a dead horse and no one really wants to watch anymore.

I just want people to treat me with respect. You guys dismissed me from the very beginning by either discrediting me or in Arion's case calling me "Stupid". I'm angry, I've been hurt and brought to tears. For me, this is serious. This is not resolved, and I can't just walk away this time. I can't guarantee that I won't have future problems if people like Raina and Arion get to be so dismissive of me AND insult with names and inaccurate statements. If you want to know what's at the heart of the problem this is it. I'll always have this predisposition to be on the defensive or argumentative side if they can't recognize the importance of taking the time to speak to me. I want them to understand that even if they were careful or did not intend to be insulting, they still came across that way and their argument doesn't change that. If they could just acknowledge that these GIFs and certain statements were not as nice as they think they are. I would have a very easy time walking away. However, I know in my heart that they have no shame for things they said, no regret. Even if I walked away or forgot about it, the feeling would stay with me and remind me the next time there's a conversation. I want to come to a peaceful resolution to end problems before they happen. Feelings as strong as mine do not go away easily. They last longer than memory. What I have felt interacting with Raina and Arion and Starfrit is a very strong negative emotion.

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

Dylan, we've been on this exact bloody carousel with you dozens of times before. You make a ridiculous statement, someone corrects you. You blow them off to continue talking nonsense about a topic you know nothing about and proceed to insult and belittle people who are actually educated in the subject. Then when that doesn't work out for you and they don't back down, you move to the Bitch It Out thread to complain about how nobody understands you and everybody is mean, then you insult us like we're the problem when the issue is constantly your inability to accept being wrong about anything.

Nobody wants to ride this carousel with you anymore. We're tired.

If this is what you think, then this is why this continues. You guys have a serious issue with accepting you are wrong or you fail to see that I'm saying the same thing as someone else. Raina even said it herself. I was saying the same thing as her. I feel like you guys are trying to tell me stupid. I can accept that I'm wrong, but in this circumstance, you all tell me I'm wrong in every thread witch is statistically impossible.

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

[QUOTE=Merman Arion;288893]I didn't call you stupid. Read YOUR OWN QUOTE above. THAT is what I actually said.

The more you're pursuing this, the more you're digging your hole. And believe me, that's one BIG hole.

Well, when you used the word "stupid", you sure came across as calling me "stupid".

[Mermaid Whisper]

“Your idea is stupid” =/= “your entire existence/you, as a person, wholly, are stupid”.

Your actions can be a bad idea or a bad choice without you being a bad person.


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[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

Dylan, do yourself a favor. Stop talking and making you look stupid.

To me, this sounds like you are calling me stupid for commenting... and you wonder why I get angry. My only mistake was mixing up who I directed my anger at. Something I will absolutely pay attention to in the future. If I came across as mansplaining it's because this comment triggered anger that was misdirected at Raina. Anger clouds my judgement. I will absolutely watch out for mistakes like that in the future.

[Merman Dylan Zalrian]

Fortunately, I spent half an hour crying because I actually felt bad for my behavior. Regardless of what anyone says, crying can help you see more clearly.

[AniaR]

My statement that you didnt read them when you admitted you didn't. That's offensive. Saying I bolded one word when I've explained it wasn't and you can easily go back and check it.

You have no reason to be mad at me or call me names. I'm not your internet punching bag because you're having a bad day.

[Mermaid Mystery]

imagine being so oblivious you can't see that you're the problem, so you blame everyone else.


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[PearlieMae]

http://replygif.net/i/1081.gif

You are...exhausting.

[AniaR]

If I called Dylan any of the names he's called anyone here there's be a full on community meltdown crying for my head

[Merman Arion]

To me, this sounds like you are calling me stupid for commenting...

The content of your previous posts were dumb.
Therefore I HAVE WARNED YOU to stop commenting because they (=your comments) MADE YOU look stupid.

What was so difficult to understand??

[Starfrit]

If I called Dylan any of the names he's called anyone here there's be a full on community meltdown crying for my head

Yeah, if you had called someone a "failure" because you somehow came to the conclusion that them disagreeing with you meant they were incapable of expressing empathy, people would be shredding you apart. I don't know where the hell he gets the idea that it's acceptable for him to do it.

::Edit:: Not to mention if you had called him a "failure" he'd be double-triple-quadruple posting all about that and nobody would hear the end of it. :T

[Ransom]

@ Dylan, I'm sure you'll agree with me -- we both care deeply about good, clear writing and making sure others understand what we say.

Background -- it's true I don't have illnesses like bipolar, etc. but people with these issues are very much parts of my life. I've spent lots of time keeping the peace between parties because of this.

Some suggestions -- hopefully you'll take them from a fellow writer and not an admin.

First, get a Beta Reader for your posts. The word 'insulting' gets thrown about again and again, and you've admitted to writing in anger.

Why not ask someone you respect to vet it and highlight issues you might have missed? I have had to do that with authors many times, and they'd be the first to admit they don't always communicate the way they should.

Second, you can't control what other people think, and I suggest not seeing MN as a place for self-validation. It's bigger than you, Raina or me -- it's where ideas and opinions can be frankly discussed and the right ones brought to light. Our activity contains some inherent danger, and it's important we impart the right lessons to everyone.

Third, when you're published the market will be FAR more brutal than anyone here on MN. I know their replies can sound rude and dismissive, but a thick skin is just as crucial here as it is in publishing. Ignore what doesn't add to the discussion, and get beta readers to help you understand how to react to others who are indeed helpful.

Do more of the first and you'll have to do less of the third, but you'll always need both.

That said, you're a strong writer and what you learn about how people interact can only help your work get better and better. All the best, and God bless!

[AniaR]

hey Ransome I just saw your avatar pic- are you a freediver? :D

[Ransom]

hey Ransome I just saw your avatar pic- are you a freediver? :D
Hey Raina! Yup I am -- or I was, before a loved one fell critically ill and all my time went to caregiving. I'm one of the most recent in the Intro thread, there's more there :)

[Slim]

@Dylan, do not message me on Facebook telling me I crossed the line after you told this whole community is the problem. The admin helped you and you still went behind their back messaging people that they cross the line beyond the MerNetwork...not cool.

[AniaR]

Slim I think it's best if we all stop replying to Dylan right now. He's in crisis and his family has been informed and are doing what they can. The best thing we can do to help Dylan is to stop engaging so he can get himself calmed down and in a better place. Do not take his behaviour personally, his judgement is impacted by his illness right now. Hopefully he'll be better soon :)

[Slim]

No problem.


Slim I think it's best if we all stop replying to Dylan right now. He's in crisis and his family has been informed and are doing what they can. The best thing we can do to help Dylan is to stop engaging so he can get himself calmed down and in a better place. Do not take his behaviour personally, his judgement is impacted by his illness right now. Hopefully he'll be better soon :)

[Venessa Louisiana Mermaid]

Honestly, I'm not saying I'm ashamed for being angry, and I'm not sure that I will ever remember this place as a positive experience without a chance to change that. However, the people on the Mernetwork have not been kind to me, and despite the issues going back to the Pod of the South, I have really tried to give you guys a second chance. I don't think it's me that's the problem.

Dylan....go away. Good Lord. This place is obviously not a healthy environment for someone with your issues that cannot self regulate. You lash out and call people names, questions their achievements, and attack endlessly, but cry in the corner like a butthurt baby when you get it handed back to you. Move on.

[Jays77]

I totally understand how you feel. There are times when you just feel bad for no apparent reason. It could be due to internal stress or fatigue. You're not alone in this!